Beautiful Disaster
by tibettefan4eva
Summary: Not your typical love story, but a woman suffering within her own demons, learns how to love herself and someone else, that would change her world & thoughts completely.


Beautiful Disaster-(B &amp; T Beginning,)-(An Emotional Rollercoaster, Of Finding Beauty, You Already Had)

Prologue-She Just Needs Some Faith-Re-instilled-

Tina Kennard, a 29 year old grad student, out of UCLA, film school, was applying for a studio job, at Blueprint studios, and in need of make over, to blow them away, with her portfolio. In between, inside of her mind she was only average. All of her life, her weight was fluctuating, and needed to get a handle on it, if this blonde was ever going to make it in Hollywood. In need of a new her, and not wanting to feel like a helpless, worthless human of a woman, she'd change her whole self, to become less of a disaster, and beautiful woman instead.

If she only knew, it would take someone, to make her see, who she is, and how she looks like, is perfectly fine, already without needing to tweak herself. Easier said than done, not being a size 4 is a lot harder to let go, for this girl, as happily ever after, didn't involve Ms. Right, strolling into her arms, only losing her 170 pound body, and trimming down, to a nice and sexy 120 she only knew, at the doctors office, she'd get more than a friend and confidant, a woman that would show her, and learn herself, love and sex, isn't all it's cracked up to be, without being real in this city especially. All of the magazines in the world, wouldn't be able, to tell a brunette, this woman wasn't perfect. As they both, would find love, in the midst, of helping out one lost and terrified soul, in a soul-less city at times, in a small area of gays, in West Hollywood. This is their story, of finding beauty, beautiful, in imperfections to one woman, but to the other, finding a gem of a woman, she could finally let her hair down with, and be herself in the process.

Bette Porter-36 years old plastic surgeon has seen many cases; but this one in itself was unique. So many heart-breaking stories of irrational and unrealistic measures to be thin. The malnutrition pictures she's seen up close and personal were too horrific at times. In the wake of America's obsession to be unreaslitically too thin in a society like Los Angeles that has you under radar if you're not a size 2; all of the time. It made sense to her and it still broke her heart she was apart of it in a way. Of course; there some cases she just couldn't take on in a moral stance and it would piss some people off. In the end of the day, if she couldn't live with herself in this profession, how could she tell others to do it by completely allowing themselves to change whatever they'd like about themselves? The world simply doesn't work that way; you can erase some parts; but the darkest are buried deep inside. In a twist; with society only focused on supercial looks; today would take a new turn. One woman so sad and depressed by how invisible she appeared to the outside world would take matters into her own hands. In an astonishing appointment that would move one plastic-surgeon. It would move her so deeply, and help this soul and take her under her wing; something so out of her relm; in a lot of ways. In the end; they'd both learn a lesson…it's not what's on the outside that counts. It diminishes over time; and with age; and you if you age gracefully on the inside; it'll show outwardly; and make you shine. This is their story; about finding yourself and someone to help you along in doing so.

Chapter 1

Porter Practice-In Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery-

A sea of people, were already waiting on her, to arrive. She loved this kind of power, potentially changing a life, was a drug, a high she couldn't help one bit. Jodi buzzed her cell phone endlessly, since leaving the house. She was left in the sheets, wondering if they were on again, for wild sex, and wine tasting on each other's breasts. "Bear skin to skin loving, I guess I can live with that tonight. I'll see if Joanna doesn't have plans though tonight. I was hoping to head over to the planet. Meet up with Kit, and have some drinks, with the girls, before I go home, to devour another usual suspect." Bette exclaims, inside of her lustful mind of thoughts. She turned the left corner, to her office, prying the door, open with her keys, and tosses her bag, onto the couch. "Ah, I'll call you Jodi, give me a damn moment. I swear lesbians, aren't supposed to be so damn clingy with me, they know what I'm all about." She utters and laughed by the mirror, off to the side of the wall by the door way. "I guess that's my life though right? I am the one they can't have and want to save?" Bette fixes her make up, and checks her phone, seeing it was a missed call from Nadia.

"Thinking of you lover, why didn't you call me back? I was hoping, if you want, I can swing by, and give you, a little taste, of what's to cum, all over and inside of your mouth…" Bette was about ready, to give the woman a call, to have her over, for a few moments, when the door knocked. "Ms. Porter, we have your nine o' clock ready, ooh and by the way, how would you like to take your coffee this morning?" She asks, fixing her attire, entering the room. "Susan, you know how I love to take it…" "I know," She pushes her against the closed door, and presses two fingers deeply inside of Ms. Porter. "Ah fuck," "I know, you're going to cum for me right?" Susie, red lips hottie asked, grinding onto one sizzling and ready Bette Porter. "Ah fuck, I'm going to come, and you need to clean it up."

Susan, lifted the woman, and tosses her to the leather couch. "I want your panties off," "Here," She tosses them to her secretary, who devoured the pussy, tossing the lingerie, to the side. "Mm, I want these out, pop them out for me." "Ah," Bette opens her shirt, as the two women, went at it frantically, their heels in the air, as they climax. "I see Porter is getting her coffee special?" Dr. Walker asks, while Betty bopped his head.

"Pervert,"

"They have hot sex, and I am a pervert," His eyes smiled, at the notion of two women going at it. "I love lesbians." "I think you're a pig," His patient stated. While one man, felt a slap to the cheek, for being an ass.

Another pair of women was fixing their shirts, and demeanors of flustered faces.

Bette was with a smile plastered upon her face, as the door opened. The two exchanged a pretty heated tongue kiss. Their lips and teeth nibbled the other. Susan moans in delight. "I'll definitely, see you later, lunch right?" "Right," Her flustered lover, just now stated and saw a new face, to the surroundings, never seeing before, or treated, she was certain. "Hello, can I help you?" "This is Ms. Kennard, and she is here, for an appointment, on a consult on a tummy tuck surgery." Betty explains, and handed the chart.

The blonde saw the hand was extended to her, and shyly didn't accept the friendly gesture. "I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand…" "Why? I didn't realize, I was in the fifth grade here, do I have germs?" Tina fixes her glasses and exclaims. "Quite possibly so," Shocking words professed to the doctor's dismay, hearing laughter in the hallway, as the blonde interjects, and added. "It's not you, I just, well if you, and that woman, were doing, what I think you were, you should probably go and wash your hands, before you treat patients, if you catch my drift…" "Ooh," Bette turned beet red.

The colleagues were in a fit of stitches of laughter. "Let's get back to work, Betty you could close the darn door now." "Right," She bopped her head, as Bette sighed. "I'm sorry…" "No! I am sorry, I wasn't trying to suggest, and I wouldn't shake your hand because you're a lesbian. I mean, that would be hypocritical of me, because I am one too. Well anyways, can we talk about why I am here, please Ms. Porter?" Bette couldn't help but be charmed by the nervously, rambler of a woman. Tina fidgets, and plopped downwards onto the couch, where just few seconds ago, she had a wild escapade, with someone else, completely erased from her mind. In replacement, a gentle and kinder presence, of this woman in fact, she couldn't put her finger on it. "I uh, will look at your chart Tina. Can I call you Tee? I see, you're only a few pounds from your goal. I honestly, don't think this is the right surgery, for you. I mean with a little exercise, you can get there…" "I feel so fat, and ugly. If you won't help me, I'll go somewhere else, where I can be changed, into not someone so hideous."

Bette was taken aback, by the behavior, as the woman began to sob her orbs out. A sob, a sound alone, that hurt for her to even hear. "Hey!" "I'm fine, you can go. I see you're only interested in filling your bodily functional needs. Instead of helping me, go and I'll be fine. All my life, I've been told I can't be good enough, or be looked at, the way you looked at that woman. I'll be fine, I'll just find someone else, to help me look like the pictures, I see in a magazine, I mean that is normal right?"

"Tina," Bette was flabbergasted, and was brushed away, with those strong hands. They were filled with rage, fits of rage, she's only seen a few times. This time though, when she would normally, write up a recommendation, she felt personally connected, and wanted to help this girl. "Hey! I think I see a perfectly normal and healthy girl. If you stick to a diet plan." Bette paused. It appeared that explianiation was completely wrong for Tina. So helpless; she didn't know how to help her and she wanted too; she couldn't let her walk out of that door for some apparent reason. "Well… this doesn't happen to me. I'm normally so detached from potentional patients. Though; I feel drawn to you and want to guide you." In her inner thoughts; they slew with so many helpful ways. Yet Tee seemed so lost and overwhelmed with wanting to be Ms. Picture Perfect.

"Did you really just suggest a diet plan?" Tee tries to arise; from her seated position. Bette sat there like deer-in head-lights; not quite sure how to approach this subject delicately. "I've…I know it's hard to keep it up everyday. I've done some routines; and it might help you…" In disbelief Tee paces; and looked upon the Plastic Surgeon pitifully. "Wow. You really can't see it or are too blinded yourself." Tina tries to reach out to the door-knob as Bette stopped her. The contact made Tee uncomfortable; as Bette looks at her; and said. "I assure you; I sanitized my…" Tee gripped the door-knob and looked at her with peircing orbs of dripping Hazel tears. "It's not just about pounds. I mean; it is. Then there is the bigger picture. The wider scope of things; not even you can understand Doctor." This plastic surgeon looked upon as apart of the problem and realizes this was becoming a much more deeper issue. Rather than; a simple tummy-tuck and a few slimmer waist-lines. This was deeper than that and it hits her hard. Tee looks outwardly; at the bigger windows; off at the corner room of the office. "You have no idea what it's like for me. You and anyone else in this practice. All you do; is your handy work and pat yourselves on the back and congratulate yourselves on a job well done. Though; for some this is our lively hood at stake; our self respect and our decency; to look at ourselves in the god damn mirror and not want to break it."

Bette swallows hard as Tee finishes with. "You'll never understand my pain. All you do is glorify yourselves right? You're no God; you're just a surgeon. And if I can't get what I need here. I'll get it else where and not feel…" The overwhelming need; it took over her; as she felt Bette inch closer. "I completely agree with you. I am no God. I am just a person; a human like yourself. Let me help you Tee; let me help you…" The woman simply heard sobbing; as she felt Tee collasped into her embrace. "I hate it you know. The way my skin looks. I am so tired. I am just…so tired. I can't take it anymore." Bette heard the whimpers. It broke her apart to hear these words of anguish out of such a young-woman that appeared so heavenly beautiful to her eyes. Yet; in Tina's mind-set; the young beauty couldn't see it; the mirrors told her little lies; of myth and she couldn't control it either. "No one in my life has ever said I was beautiful. I mean my parents have…but all parents say it to be nice." Bette remained quiet; as the tears streamed downwards. "I just want a break. I want a break from the mirror and it's ugly riddles of me. I hate myself and how I appear to everyone else. So, if you want to help fix me. Please. I'll give you whatever you want but please do so."

"Tee." Bette pauses. Tina broke away; in a pitiful stance to herself; she looked upon the goddess that stood in-front of her and begged and pleaded. "Please," Tina cries loudly, as Bette utters in tears, moved by the scene before. "I'll help you, only on one condition," "What is that condition?" The blonde asks, sniffling away tears. Bette caresses them away and uttered. "We do it my way, and it doesn't involve a surgery, me cutting you under the knife, so if you want my help, we do this the Porter way, without an alternative surgery. What do you think Kennard, can you handle me?"

In this moment, their eyes locked.

Lost in the mystery in her dark orbs; there was something there; not even Bette Porter knew existed; and to Tina's delight. There was a soul underneath all of the lothario antics and schemes; from the moment she walked into this door. I don't know why; but this feels like fate and normally; I don't give into such riddles; of fairytales; And yet; I am sensing it; as it fills up in the moment. No matter how large or small it was, it was a light, she didn't have before entering this doctor's office. "Yeah, I think I can handle it."

"Good, let's go, we got ourselves a chart to make, called Tina's goals, you'll list all you want, to happen, to make yourself happy." Tina obliges to the new strategy; hopeful it could help her; as an intense stare down was given again between the two women. As they both laughed a little to lighten the mood; from such an intense moment together; to strangers prepared to get to know each other. In preperation for Tina's life goals of what would make her happiest. If they only knew; this new bond they'd form today would forever change them both. As lists were drawn up; lists wouldn't reveal what was right underneath their noses to bring elation into their lives indeed. The whole entire time, healing wounds and imperfections, is what makes us unique as one woman, would learn this step by step, in the process of falling in love, for the first time, since forever.

Chapter 2

Porter Practice-Inside Office-(Session Continues,)

Quietness took over as a deep gaze; was given by both women. Tina fidgets; in her seat. In fear of judgments; of how she appeared to a complete and total stranger. The mystery; poise and most of all sex-appeal of one Bette Porter intrigues her and scares her all at once. I hide; I hide it all away; it's so much easier that way; than to deal with the real-world and it's mockings of me. I mean; what if I appear to look like a deformed creature? I can't help it though; the universe screwed up when it created me; I guess. Though; in her presence; her gentle stare doesn't appear to be of one of judging; or to criticism at all. Regrets; collected all over her flooded head; regrets of feeling like this dark shadow; wherever she goes too. In hindsight; she wishes she could just cover her face; as she felt so ridden with ugliness. "I sense you're uncomfortable. So; I am going to turn off the lights." Bette observes and turned them down; from her desk. Technology; bless it at this moment as Tee sighs in relief. Sunlight appears; as Bette tries to close them as Tee arose; and moved to a chair in the corner. "It's better for me here. If you don't mind. I hate the light and the dark helps; it helps." Bette only nodded and looked at her display; it terrifies her; and it makes her determined to help this poor soul. "I've seen these types of cases in documentaries in college. I know it's very painful and dabilitating to live with and I'm not going to pretend I have any idea. The only difference is; all she see's is imperfections; and all I see is a perfectly healthy young woman; ready to start her life and this is keeping her from doing so." Tee stares at the barely there shade as it only reflected those gem of green eyes. It pauses Porter's in her reflective natures; to observe and knew this wasn't the same session. Tee was a delicate flower in a way; and she didn't want to pour too much water; or else her pedals would break and fall away; from the rest and that isn't her intention at all.

"I like to keep my issues drawn close to me and I guess; that's always been my problem." Tee whispers; so vulnerable and yet Bette didn't care how long it took. She'd stay with this patient for as long it took to get her to see the light; in so many ways. "It's always the ones; that don't know what kind of beauty they possess and judge themselves; to unreasonable measures. I never knew I'd see the day; when such a perfect creature would stumble into my office and plead for me to make her beautiful. I can see it in just her eyes alone. Tina Kennard is beautiful and I need to guide to seeing that and beliving that too."

Tina fidgets in her seat yet again as Bette decided not to stare so much. "I surely don't want to make it appear as if I am trying to find something. I mean; I do see something but it's not imperfections. We're all made up of imperfections; in a lot of ways; and yet I can't seem to find a single one in this girl. And I am utterly shocked at myself and at herself. I'll get her to see it too. I'll somehow; and I don't know why; but in this short span of time. I do care. I geuninely care about her state of mind and being at this point and I'll be dammed if she keeps feeling this way." Tee stirs in her seat and observes a few objects; such as the blue, pink or purple marker board; Bette wanted her to choose from, to make down a list of goals. It wasn't just for weight loss; it would be a life goal chart. "So; what's all of this for exactly? I know you want me to make a list.." Bette studies their atmosphere and observes Tina's position. "I uh; can you write in this darkness? I just…want to make sure. I'd like for this to be a little achievement board; so we can both reflect back on upon and be proud of all you've accomplished in the right time." Ambitious as it was and so out there in her kind of practice; of re-molding people into whomever they wanted to be; she was saving someone from change. It brought an immense sense of pride to her. I don't know why; I care for you stranger. Though. I like it a lot and I am not doing this to gain anything; and I am sure you'll ask me. I just want to help; I won't let you leave this office until we unite and make this a list a reality Kennard. Bette sighs; in the truth of the matter though. "I'm not a therapist Tina, but I can help you, with your goals. If you let me will get there together. If you feel unhappy, with your body weight, or appearance. Well then, there are a few ways, to achieve what you want, without me having to slice you up now. I think a healthy diet, and relaxing, going out…" "I don't go out. I look hideous to go out, to clubs and such. I am a freak, and you need to fix me, please?"Tina begs, slapping her hands together, in a pleading mode. Bette felt her tears well up and knelt before the shattered soul. "I don't think you're hideous looking Tina. I've seen, some severe cases, and you're far from it. You're not over weight, honey you believe you're, and with my help. I'll make sure you'll see what I do, when I look at you." "Ooh, are we having a Disney channel moment here?" The blonde utters a little exasperated, on an overly emotional day. It took a lot inside of her, to get on a bus, over here in the first place, to even conceive of going out, made her shudder in a fit of nerves.

Bette nodded and exclaimed in a smile. "I see you have a sarcastic side, to you Kennard. I like feisty woman. I really do." She winks, as the woman, seated fixes her glasses, blushing profusely. "I uh, guess we can do that chart. I like blue, I feel blue sometimes," "Why? I mean, why do you feel blue honey, if you don't mind me asking?" The doctor, places on her glasses as well, to read what she wrote. "I can't believe it." "What?" Her mocha eyes look side to side, in worriment, as Tina smiles with a chuckle, and snort at the end of her laugh. "You wear glasses, I thought only imperfect people like me wore them, gosh I must sound like a grown ass dork to you, huh?" Bette smiles in the endearing moment. Her nose scrunches and leaned against her chair, exclaiming in a full on smile. "I guess, you and I are in an elite club my dear, we are cool and wear our glasses, not because we are dorky, because we need to see." She winks, as the blonde giggles.

Bette relaxes in her chair, and took out the blue marker board. "Tina's goals, for life, love and most of all self worth, self appearance." The black marker Bette was using wrote it down, and showed it to Tee. "I want you, to come over here, and tell me what goal one should be, okay?" The blonde shuffles nervously, walking over, and hunched over. The light reflects in such a heavenly way, to Porter's gaze as her eyes met with those gem of Hazel once again.

Bette made eye contact and swallows hard and arose from her desk area.

"Here, you take my seat, while I go and get us some decaf coffee." "Ooh, don't leave me here alone, what if someone comes in?" Tina asked her nervously, as Bette shook her head. "They know better than to do that. Anyone, that needs to see me Susan, buzzes me first." The mocha eyed beauty stated as a blush, was felt upon the vanilla complexion. "Ooh right, I believe I was introduced to your secretary, in the most awkward of ways." The blonde one exclaims a little jealous, of what transpired between a co-worker and boss. The brunette smiles and senses some changed tension, walking out of the room. "I know we just met and all. Is it wrong, I care to not let you get hurt by me? I know one thing. I'll be a good friend to this woman. I will not let her get hurt by me, and my raging libido." While one woman ponders an attraction, to a woman she's most likely, wouldn't ever be attracted towards, the other confused woman, and sighed against the chair. "Who am I kidding? I am not her usual type. I don't wear lingerie; have sexy thighs, or legs that go for miles. I'm a walking and talking disaster that needs to get out of here."

Tina arose, and gasps out nervous air. "I feel like I'm drowning in my own self here. Why can't I just get the surgery? I am ready, to be wanted and attracted towards. I mean, does it make sense? I want to be needed, and not passed by, on the street. I mean I'm tired of empty compliments, if people don't mean it and walk away. I just want to change myself, ask me again Porter, and I'll say yes, to changing me, even if it means, to make you see me, once like you see those woman. I want to be wanted, and only by you I believe…" She gasps, plopping downwards onto the office chair, stunned at the proclamation. "Did I just say, I want her, like only her? I mean I like women, I do. I just never have fallen in love with one before, unless you count the time in college, though it doesn't count. It was a crush, in my mind and heart. I think anyways, besides she only talked to me, to help out with her thesis for biology." It didn't take a rocket scientist, or love doctor, to see she was in fits of nerves, over first time jitters. Jitter bugs, of love or lust, or all of the above? Tina was a stranger, when it came to matters of the heart. "I don't fall in love, or make it a habit. I mean, who would want me? Certainly not an unobtainable woman, a nonchalant woman like Bette Porter,"

"I hate this drama it feels like drama, if I involve myself any further, and I'm not a drama queen. I'm done, I'm done Bette Porter." Tina yelps, and saw the door open and close. "Ooh good, you're done with your goals, what is one of them?" Bette sat down, a few fresh donuts, and fresh coffee. "No thank you, I am not hungry."

"Tee,"

"No! I already ate a slice of a few pears, and one glass of whole skim milk. It was my hearty breakfast." The brunette furrowed a brow, and walked over to the desk area. The marker board was empty and exclaims. "Don't you have any goals in life?"

Tina shook her head, and said in tears. "I've learned early on, not to depend on goals, to make myself happy. I've planned, planned, and kept on. if you'll excuse me, this was interesting, but I have to get this intern job, at the studio, or else I'll be living at my mom's forever…" "What if, I offer you a job here, and you and I can finish these goals?"

"Huh?" The blonde has a flabbergasted state of mind face. Bette smiles, and exclaims. "You'll be working on this project with me, and you'll be paid very well. If you do this with me, we can discuss this with media, and show them they're other ways, and alternatives, to weight loss, and happiness. So, do you want to go the unconventional way with me or not?" The brunette asks, as the blonde had a smile, and disbelief, written all over her many expressional face gestures, just now. In part of this breakthrough, she took the marker, and says writing it down. (Step One,)"I'd like to do, things that challenge me, and try new experiences, in life. I'm open to almost anything out there, this universe has to offer." Bette smiles, at the words, and exclaimed softly, into the vanilla ear. "Next goal, what do you want?" (Goal #2,) The blonde wrote, writing down, with the soft tip of the marker. "Falling in love, I'd change my body type, for the woman that falls in love with me, to better myself. I do want happily ever after, and if she's out there, I'm willing and ready for you."

Bette took the marker, and whispered. "That's beautiful. I just have one question that puzzles me so, don't be upset with me?" "What?" Tina asks, scrunching her nose, feeling tears overwhelm, her sights, taking off her glasses. Their intense stare intensifies, and whispered. "Why would you want a woman, who wouldn't love you for you in the first place? If anything if they can't see past what I think isn't imperfections at all. I say her loss, and someone else's gain."

The words sent shivers up and down the blondes' spine and uttered. "Who would ever think that about me, look at me."

Bette shook her head and exclaimed. "I'm looking at you, and you want to really know, what I see in front of me?" "What?" Tina has tears, as Bette uttered. "Beauty, real and down right, to the core beauty so I ask of you, not to change…" Tee cries, as the brunette clung to her now. "Its okay, its okay!" The two collided in the embrace. "I got you, it's okay, I'm sorry sweetie, talk to me, please? "No, no one has ever made me feel beautiful." "You're, you're truly, beautiful." Bette uttered into a whisper, adding in elation. "Go out with me tonight? I mean, to my sister's club, with me? I'd like you too."

"Okay!" Tina smiles, as the two stared deeply into one another's eyes. The two, not even realizing, they have forever, solidified a bond that would bring the word love and perfection, to two new meanings, in this unlikely match up, for romance.

Chapter 3

Kennard Residence-(A Night of Many Possibilities,)-(Day Turns Into Night,)

I mean it you know; you're really beautiful Tina. And I hope soon; you'll believe it too. Her voice resounds deeply inside of her cluttered and lost mind-set. Dress after dress; didn't express to her; any type of good feelings; and instead made Ms. Kennard feel more and more hideous as time grew on. I wish people wouldn't lie to me; and I know she's just taking pity upon me and yet…I can't seem to stop myself from hoping this can only turn into good things to arise. Tee flares her nostrils in displeasure; as a belly pouch was evident in her favorite green dress. FUCK! This was my only option in terms; of looking half decent and I look like a damn cow in it. I have flabby arms; and look at my stomach. I feel so atrocious in this get up. I should just call the whole thing off. I can't do this. Panic waves; flooded all around her surroundings; and felt the overwhelming sense the walls were closing in on her again. Social situations in general weren't Tina's strong suits; and then there was the questions; the many that arose quickly to her thoughts; that turned into quizzical. I can't seem to put my finger on what the hell we are doing. I mean; she offers me a job; I am sort of her good-will project I guess. Then she invites to her sister's club; and I accept like it's the most easiest thing for me to do; going out in general makes me flustered; scared; paranoid people will stare at me for all of the wrong reasons; and she was surely staring at me a lot. The intense stares; were never really lost upon one Tina Kennard. Those devilish brown orbs; at times looked at her like a human-being. I'm baffled; honestly. I mean… Tee pauses and looked at her black little dress; and wonders if it will slip on her; and hide her little stomach. Apprehension seeps into those mindful thoughts; about what this all meant in terms; for a professional relationship; turned into more possibly. Those thoughts; seemed foreign though as Tee knew better; Bette wasn't in this to fall in love with her. No; I am foolish to assume anything else could ever happen between us. I mean; sure. I am attracted to her; and who wouldn't be? I'd be blind; if I didn't. I just can't set myself up like that. I will not fall flat onto my face; been there and done that. I'll keep myself under-lock and key. Her face shook; and trembles; as her hands jitter in bits of nerves.

"You're a fool." That familiar voice of hers; returns as her orbs looked at her mirror; it was her image; as she mocks herself conciously; as the tears falter uncontrollably. I am a fucked up; person and today just proves it. Those voices; laughed inside of her mind and cries; as herself concious mocked today's events. "I allowed you; to cry in her arms. What has happened to us? I love you dear; I do. It's just… we aren't a Bette Porter pity wagon alright? I want off and you need to wake the hell up okay? I know you wove her and all; but you need to save us the humiliation and end this charade. I can't bear to see us race out of there in tears; because we can't handle social situations baby; and you know it." Tee sniffles; in pain. It was indeed truthful about herself and the image alone of striking up a conversation with Bette's friends; let alone anyone; terrified her to death it seemed. I am supposed to walk in there and what exactly? I will only see her flock to everyone; every woman; and I will be left all alone and feel like a joke. Tina plops; downwards onto the bed; in her black dress. It clings to her in the right places; and yet she still felt overweight. Those tears; spill all over her vanilla face; as they draped her little bits of mascara.

It hits her like a thousand nails; to her heart as her pounding organ of genuine feelings; aches. I know you can do it Tee; I believe in you and I'll be dammed if you face this all alone. I know you and I can make a great team alright? Her voice resounds; deeply inside of her cluttered thoughts and arose. "What does she want with me?" Tee paces; as her mirror only shows a reflection of her current of frame. Those tears stained her face; and needed to clean up again. Questions; many arose once again; of how to define her new found relationship with the illicit and mysterious Bette Porter. "FUCK! DO I NEED TO KNOCK THE STUPID RIGHT OUT OF YOU OR WHAT? IF YOU'RE ASSUMING THIS IS A DATE; THEN THINK AGAIN SWEETHEART." Her subconcious angerly mocks her second guessing. "I wouldn't laugh at us. I mean…what if she does want to date me someday; you know? I can be loveable. I mean; even she stated today towards me there is a chance I can make it out of this dark cloud I am underneath. And I believe her. I might start to believe her and leave you behind; because you're the crazier one." Tee stated to the mirror as her subconcious mind laughs louder.

"I am the crazy one; honey. I am not the one talking to a mirror." The blond shook her thoughts; away. Her mind races; her disorted image started long ago; as the voices inside of her mind-set were just figments; of her own judgments; and it scared her sometimes; of how real it all felt.

I am not crazy. I just can't see no way; all of these demons seep out at dark it seems; and it's so hard to shake them. I can't sleep sometimes; because I can't shut my brain off. It's so hard and I want it all to end. I want to believe her; I really do; but perhaps it's all too late for me? Tee questions; frustrasted with the little mirror of white lies; that same mirror that loved to keep her down. In retrospect; she'd love for her new favorite Dr. to be correct about her analysis and shake it off completely and yet Tee knew; that wasn't exactly simplistic either.

The mirror reflects her image again and looked at her dress; and felt depleted. Her sighs sounded out more pathetically; in her state of mind and disgustingly waves the white-flag and chose it as her attire for tonight. I am not even sure; what exactly will even happen. I mean; is this a friend-date? I am her newest employee; and she's my boss? Questions; many questions still pondered inside of her scrambled head. I think I jumped the gun on this one; and I did feel light headed around her. I mean; of course this isn't a date. I mean; Bette can have anyone in this club tonight. It would be a desperate attempt on my part to ever assume she and I would ever be in a romantic sense. Ha! If anything; I am her lastest conquest; on a platonic level. Tee shakes her thoughts away; and assumes; it's all business between the two and minus the pleasure. Yeah! It's definitely a rarity; I am her platonic conquest; and the only way we'd end up in bed together; is if she was blind-drunk and desperate for a lay; and I would probably be that pathetic enough; because when else would anyone want me? Her low esteem ruins her good spirits from earlier today; and forgot about their embrace and how her perfume invaded her nostrils.

"No! I can't do this if I think of her like that." Tee exclaims fidgeting with NC-17 images of one Bette Porter; in the throws of passion and so flustered by those racy images. The blush forms on her vanilla pale skin; as her dress appeared a little better from the left angle and smiles to herself in the longest time today; since she left Bette's office to retrieve home. Mama J popped her head inside with a basket full of Tina's laundry; and had a wide-eyed smile. "Well…well! I see you're all dolled up tonight darling. So; what gives sweetheart; what is the special occasion?" Judith asked her daughter as her smile widens from so much elation to see Tee making an effort to go out. I really want her to find someone; maybe that will turn things around. I know our Kitten needs someone; even if it's just a friend. I want to see her happy. It's all a parent can ask for. The blonde felt bloated; disgusting; and most of all short in so many ways; as her inability to walk in heels would show off tonight. Indeed; there was a fit of nerves and Judith senses it immediately.

"This is a complete disaster. I'll appear frumpy; and a mess around her mom." Judith arches an eyebrow; and suspects this was a date; and this is why; her daughter was so much disarray over what to wear. "I see. It's just a dress; my dear. I can help you; out and get you ready if you'd like?" The blonde couldn't hear a complete word as she panics. I am going to look like a train-wreck and she's going to take one look at me and wonder why; she's even bothering with me. Tee tries to revert back to some sense of happiness; and self worth as Judith sat near her daughter and asked questionably. "So; who is the woman and how did you two meet baby?" Tee purses her lips as Mary sauntered by her daughters bedroom with brows furrowed in quzzicalness as well and folded her arms in protective mode. Gasps blurted out of her other mother's lips. "Our Kitten has met someone? And I am just hearing about this right now?" Judith felt a little light jab. Mary pulls up a chair and sat across her daughter. "I want details baby; where did you meet this person and where are you going?" Tee felt like her life had turned into a joke; still living at home with her two moms; and Mary could be overwhelming at times and yet the future executive hopeful loved her just as much as Judith; quite equally in-fact.

"Whoa! Whoa! I need you both to slow down alright? I am not even sure what the hell this is and if Bette even likes me that like Mama J and Mama M. I mean we just met…and it's very complicated." Mary's eyes turned into saucers. "I'll say it's complicated; since that woman is a sleeze." Judith slaps her wife on the arm gently. "No; I will not allow this. You're not to speak to that woman Tina. She's a voulcher. I mean; what the hell does she want with you? I do not like this one bit Judy; and I will not allow our daughter to get hurt by her kind." Judith shook her face as Mary angerly questions her wife's logics. "I will not have our daughter date Bette THE PRIME RIB SPECIAL Porter; known to all of Los Angeles alright? I will just not. I am not okay with this and neither should you be."

Judith gasps and looked at her daughter and back at her wife. "I just think; we should allow our daughter to make her own decisions and besides. I am sure she's changed; people can do that you know?" Judy gives her wife a stern look at Tina arose; and folded her arms in a fit of rage.

"Tina Judith Kennard; if you do leave this house and go out with that woman tonight. I swear you'll regret it. I've heard nothing but terrible things about her. The woman is a user; a heartbreaker; tail chaser; and especially a woman that will never solely commit to just you. I love you and care…" Tee laughs and said as a matter of fact. "I am twenty nines years old Mama M and I will do as I please and another thing…" Mary huffs as Tee continued. "Besides; it's not like I am not aware of her past." Her eyes sighed as she reflected back towards this morning; and her secretary session love-fest. Believe me; I am quite aware I'll never be on top of her desk; in heels and leaving her in a tail-spin after the greatest sex ever. I don't have a chance of it and I'll not hold my breathe on it either. Tee sighs and turned her face to hide those tears that neared to falter. "I know alright? I know she's some kind of lothario; the love you and leave you type okay? I am not setting myself up here. I am quite aware of her truth and you don't need to be worried here. It's strictly platonic."

Mary huffs to herself and exclaims to herself. "My baby; is so innocent that woman is a she-devil in great heels; and wants to use our Kitten. I'll not have it." The blonde turned her face to face her parents again and explains her reasonsings; for tonight's outtings. "I am just her patient you see. I had that visit today; the one I told you both about and well she actually consulted me and convinced me to go in another direction and I am not going through with the surgery after all." Judith couldn't be more elated about the sudden news; and her daughter's sudden change of heart not to go through with alerting herself. "I'm happy and if you found a friend. It's all that matters to me dear. I just knew; I always knew you were already beautiful and pretty darn spectacular baby. I love you; I love you." Her tears welled up; as Tee felt rosy-cheeked. "Mama J, Bette will be helping me, re-sculpt my body, in other ways," She hisses out, with a hint of mischief in her smile. Mary huffs enraged. "I hope you mean standing up, and not in a compromising position with this woman…" "M," Judith spanks her wife, and stated. "I'm sure Tina means diet and a healthy diet, am I correct?" Tina nodded as Mary shook her head. "I just don't trust her, is all; I mean do you two seriously trust her?" Mrs. Kennard hides her tears, as the blonde one, walked up to her and kisses her cheek. "I love you both. I love you Mama M, for always being so overly protective." Mrs. Kennard shuffles her feet, with a flushed face, of shyness breaking out upon her complexion. "Well I'll always care what happens to you dear."

Judith arose and felt kisses upon her cheeks. "Go on sweetie. I am sure your newest friend awaits you." Tee smiles in the first time since they had entered the room and felt a sense of relief wash over her entirely. I know the mirrors are my darker moments; and I need to fight them everyday. Though; tonight I just want them rid of and have some peace tonight; without second guessing myself and leave it all behind. Tee glances at her two rocks in her whole entire life. "I love you both; I wouldn't have survived this long if it weren't for you two. I love Mama J; for always keeping me calm and Mama M; too. I adore your protective Mama Bear attitude and I know it's because you only have my best interests at heart. And I cherish it. I really do; because not many people can still say this about their parents; they forget you sometimes when you grow older and you two haven't. You've always been there for me always; and I just need to tell you…thank you." Tee felt kisses upon her face as her proud Mama's looked on at her in pride.

"Well….we believe in you." Mama M stated as Tee grabbed her purse; and tries not to look at the mirror; as Mama J races upwards and fixes her eyelids; and wiped away; a little stained mascara from those eyes; with a tissue. "There; you can go now baby." Tee crinkles her nose and stated. "I promise not to be too late; though don't wait up okay?" The woman flees; towards the outside porch and saw the vechile pull up.

It slowly parked up the drive way, and exited a stunning perfection, of humanly flesh, and gorgeous physique. Bette Porter has on a blouse, that flowed on her, in all of the right places, red was definitely, a complimenting color, to a sultry unobtainable woman, like this one, who loved to be the player, and not the one played. "Tee, these are for you…" "Be careful, with our daughter, don't break her heart."

Mary scoffed while Judith brought her inside. "Come on you, let's go and make dinner, for two." The married couple disappears as it amuses one woman in particular. Porter eyed the woman before her and giggles wildly. "You have told me, you were raised by two lesbians and that's still very cool; so cool indeed Kennard." The blond gushes a bit at the compliment given to her; still not used to it one bit. Bette extended a hand to her; as an open invitation to hold her perfect mocha hand. Their chariot awaits them both; off towards their night ahead for two strangers in a lot of ways. "Let's go, Tee," "She thinks I'm cool. Well the whole gay mom thing. I wonder if she wants children."

Bette fixates her gaze onto the blonde one's gaze, and said softly. "I won't bite you, unless you want me too of course." She winked all the while Tina chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry. It's just; this is all new to me. I don't go out normally. I hope I am dressed okay?" Those brown eyes, exuding unconditional love for the very first time, smiled back at her with a tender response.

"Tee, you look mighty fine, to me."

They clasped their hands tighter, walking towards the car. Bette halted to the door, and allowed the blonde, to enter. The brunette, thought about Mary's words, and walked over to the other side. Once inside of the driver's side, she whispered softly.

"Oh, and Tee, there is something you need to know," She started the ignition. Tina scrunches her nose, cutely, while fixing her glasses. "Yes Bette? What is it?" A smile crept across, the mocha beauty's face, as she uttered so heavenly, so angelically. "I don't intend on breaking your heart, ever."

The car pulled out of the drive way. All Tina, ever wanted was to be noticed. Now, the succulent Bette Porter, was. It was a like wave, of good luck gushing her way. "So, your moms, how long have they been together?" "Phew, 20 years or so," The blonde one stated as Bette smiled, into a gasping breath of astonishment. "Wow that is a long time, to be with one woman." Tina nodded in agreement, but smiles at how her mothers' have made it work, through so many tribulations' rises and falls. "Mama M, and J, give me hope. They were together, when it wasn't exactly widely accepted. And if it wasn't for the older generation, I doubt we'd be anywhere. We've come a long way, but still so much is left to do, as far as equality, and less censorship of our community's love. I mean, two women kissing isn't so much taboo, anymore. It's just; I'd like to be taken seriously, as straights are. In the sense, our love matters, just as much as theirs. I love all people, no matter whether they're straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or even transgender. We all need to stick together, and have equality; this nation was founded on diversity, so let's not turn the spotlight off, because it's scary to some, that don't understand us. Give us a chance, to be heard, and make you understand, we only want to be treated with respect, and not hate."

Bette beams, in the direction of Tina. "You're amazing, brilliant actually. I've never met anyone, who is willing to stand up for us like you do. We are a family, and need to stick together. All of us and ban against hatred in this country, because there just isn't any room for it at all." The brunette exclaims, and felt a hand clasped, to her right hand. "I agree, I agree," Tina smiles in return, as they both heard techno music, inside of the establishment.

"Wow, your sister owns The Hangout, huh?" Tina bopped her head back and fourth, to the music. Bette giggles, and unbuckles, her seat for valet. "Yeah, the gayest hangout ever, so come on woman. I'll pay for the valet, and we can go inside together."

The blonde one obliges, and felt a hand clasp, tightly to hers. "Oh my god, has Bette lost her mind, who is she going in with?"

Two girls thought, staring at them, as the blonde, felt uncomfortable. Suddenly, she felt those uttering thoughts crept back inside of her mind about her own self image. "God, Porter must be desperate, to want and lay that tonight…" Tee gasps feeling a panic attack.

"Ugh, I wonder what she see's in four eyes," Tina's mind was racing with negative thoughts. Bette saw the blonde in distress, and moves her aside, so others could enter. The outside, was packed with girls, wanting to enter, and staring at the two, if the blonde only knew what they were really thinking. "I wish Bette Porter, would have cared about me, like that. I doubt she remembers my damn name."

"Ugh, who is the lucky bitch with Porter tonight?" Another spectator asks.

"Tina, talk to me, are you okay?" Bette saw the tears, as Tina cries. "Just take me away from here. I'm not ready, please?" The brunette pulls the blonde one close to her, and whispered. "Where do you want to go, where do you feel the most happiest huh?" "The beach," Tina sniffles, as Bette smiles. "I like the calming water too, come on. Let's ditch this place, the girls will understand."

"Bette! Are you sure?" Tina sniffles, as Bette took her into an embrace. "I'm more than sure, come on let's go."

"Sir, we won't be staying. If you see Kit, tell her I had to take care of a friend tonight, okay?" "Sure thing, little Porter," He exclaims, and gave back the keys, to the car.

"Let's go," "Let's go," Tina sighed in relief, resting on Bette's shoulder, as they relaxed inside of the car, on their way to the beach. If she only knew, love and the mocha skinned beauty, was sent there, for her rescue, once and for all.

Chapter 4

PARADISE BEACH-(FRIENDLY BANTER AND SO MUCH MORE PERHAPS?)

I have a confession; and it's going to make you think I'm a complete and utter-loser. Her jittery hands; turned into a ball of a fist as their destination had arrived. Porter's eyes; glanced towards her company; and notices her fidgety natures once again. Ooh! I somehow am doubtful about that one Kennard. The good Dr.'s voice resounded; all the while she tries to mask her facial appearances she didn't like in the bright-lights. Those mocha-eyelids closed; as they neared a red-light and looked at the direction of the girl that huddled into a fit of nerves in the car. "Did I do something Tee?" Bette felt the loss of contact of Tina's head upon her shoulders; for the last thirteen seconds. These many emotions; which Ms. Kennard couldn't really explain and yet she felt it all and it terrifies her; how it all stirred up in a matter of seconds. "I wish." The only words; executed outwards; as Bette curls an eyebrow; and reflected backwards.

There are a couple of ground rules; I'd like to keep in place; if you don't mind? I just need this; not to get confusing; and if we are going to do this. I like to keep things; to myself at times and it's because I don't trust you. Porter; pulls a blanket from her car; as Tee still felt jittery. Her thoughts reflected backwards once again. "I just can't trust myself sometimes; and I second guess myself all of the darn time and I'm learning to control that okay?" Their conversation in the car; reaffirmed those demons weren't as easily to be dealt with. It scares her; how something completely out of one's control can leave you; so helpless and in desperate need to help and preserve whatever you could from those you adore. I remember; when my sister kicked her alcoholism abuse. It wasn't as simplistic as; stop drinking. It wasn't as simple; as eliminate; all of the places; or things that cause you to drink in the first place. Her tears; neared to form as she realizes; alcoholism and a distorted image; come from a place; of burying deep pain inside and if Bette was going to be any kind of help; to the blond one. There was no need to force issues; and Tee would come right out with it at her own pace and time of healing.

Rocks; off by the cliff side were caressed with warm this night; as Tina still felt a little chilly; as little droplets splattered all over her face; as it causes her to shriek. Porter smiles at the innocent child like yelps and covers her with her blanket. "Here! This will subside the chilliness in the misty air; tonight." Her toes; were exposed as her heels were clutched in that strong grasp. They dangle; as Bette's eyes looked at the ground of the sand; as their imprints are evident now. Tee's eyelids; closed and reflected backwards inside of the car.

"Whatever it is; you can tell me anything Kennard. Alright! I'm right here for you. I mean; we are friends right?" Those particular words brought a great-sense of belonging; and comfort to one Hazel eyed princess. Friends; not exactly family; and yet will rescue you; be your confidant; and help you through thick and thin together. Tee's eyelashes batted; as it felt sprinkles of tears; filling up all around her tear-ducts. I guess; I have no idea what that means then…because no one has ever really offered to be my friend; ever. Porter's glance turns to concern as Tee shifts in her seat. "I did do something didn't I? I am sorry; if I held you back there. It's just…you seemed so terrified and I should've known you weren't thrilled with the idea of a club. I feel so stupid for even suggesting it now; and I am so sorry Tee." Bette slams her hands hard onto the dash-board. This frightens Tee; and yet those nostrils flared; they flared out of fear; someone had hurt her.

"I shouldn't have asked you out." The woman finishes with; as Tee felt teary eyed. I knew it. I told you so… Tina's subconscious mind had already; made up its mind until Bette utters in disgust. "I knew better. I should have asked you out to like a more secluded area; you know? Damn it Porter. I swear; you only had to do one thing." Bette tries to breathe; as Tee looked at her in remorse and extended out a hand.

"Hey!"

Their glances were more subtle; tender; while their hearts race. The horns blared outwards as Bette had to step onto the gas; and kept onwards. Her passenger looks outside of the window; and felt the calm air; from outside and utters. "I panicked. And I should be the one to apologize to you." That jittery mocha hands; turned the steering-wheel and gasps outwards. "No; I am the one that needed to think twice; and I knew about your uncomfortable social situations and asked you out anyways. I should have taken you somewhere; you felt more as ease sweetie and for that. I do sincerely apologize. I care for you; and I just don't want you to get hurt…" Tina extended her vanilla hand and clasped it to Bette's free-hand.

"No;" Their eyes; stared intensely at one another; as Tee finishes with softly. "I just don't do well with public places; but I really wanted to go out tonight…" The ocean appears closer and closer; as Bette gulped as it was heard by Tee. Silence; quickly settled in all around them as the present time came back to her. Her heels dragged against the sand and it causes Bette to giggle outwards; as Tee thought it was quite amusing as well.

"Are you seriously; going to ruin your good heels on this sandy beach?" Bette plopped downwards; exhausted from their walk down from the cliff. The familiar mocha toes; were sparkly blue; as Tee giggles and fell overboard and onto Porter's lap. Those breathless gasps resounded out of those tired lungs; as Ms. Porter laughed at her newest friend. "You're so cute." Hazel and Dark eyed chocolate orbs; did a little dance of stares as Bette clears her throat.

"So; what is it about the water; that makes you feel at ease?" Bette asks as Tina looks downwards. It was like; reliving a dark moment and she knew; her newest friend would literally laugh at her. "I am sorry…" Her eyebrows curls up into a mysterious stare; reaching out and pulled the blanket over Tina and nestled next to her. "I thought I already told you woman. I don't need an apology from you every ten seconds okay?" Bette settled closer to Tee and places an arm around her. The space; was non-existent while those inner thoughts raced. FUCK! Okay; clearly there is something terribly wrong with me here. I am totally fine with she and I just being friends. Hell! I am even okay; with nothing coming of this completely. Her left eye sneaked a peak and saw Bette smiling at her; as she shook her face and looks down at the sand as if it were interesting. Though; when she stares at me like I'm the only woman on this planet and makes me feel nurtured. Bette pulls away; and senses Tee in torment.

"I am sorry; Tina. I realize; back there. I shouldn't have jumped the gun. I just like you; is all…" Porter looks down; confused by her own words. If this were anyone else; the circumstances would be entirely different. In her entire life; never has she apologized or acknowledged someone else's feelings for once and it was fucking with her mentally. It's different with her though; this isn't some chick I want to sleep with. Even if I did; she's too good for me. And I am completely unworthy of such an angel honestly; and I have no idea what I'm doing or saying; and I can't seem to stop staring at her; even though she absolutely hates it and I need too; because she's not like many others; and I like that too. Tee looks away; and back at the ocean. "I have never been to the beach. I've seen it on TV; movies preferably; though never been to one." Porter's nose crinkles; as Tina arose and tries to kick the sand and felt frustrated. "It's so hard sometimes; Bette. I want to do things; and then this disease or whatever you want to call it. It keeps me from doing them; and I am so tired of living like a hermit in a lot of ways; and I realize now. Then at the club; it was like that other part of my brain-telling me I wasn't good enough to be amongst real people. I didn't want people to look at you as if you lost your mind and wondered why; am I here with this dog; you know?"

Bette couldn't contain those tears; as they streamed out and arose. Her limp vanilla body; struggles to stay upright; as dinner was skipped again. While her mothers had no idea the extremes Tee; was going through to fix her-self in such a lonesome state of being. "I can see no way out of my private hell you know? I mean; you want to help me and yet…I don't even yet know how to fix myself yet. And it quite frankly scares me; to death you know?" The issues; that seemed to haunt Tina; come to light and surface as the ocean waves wrestles against those larger than life rocks.

"Yeah…well I am here and I don't have all of the answers; and I'm not pretending too. Though; I am not willing to give up on you; just like you can't give up on yourself sweetie." Bette strokes her face. The blond turns her face; as she felt dizzy; and collapses into the embrace of one strong surgeon; and confidant it seemed. "I've got you; and you've got me. You're not in this alone. I am right here." Tee felt jittery; and relaxes into her embrace.

Her eyelids closed as Bette felt panic waves; enter her entire being and cradled Tee to try and awaken her. Those inner-thoughts flooded her cluttered mind-set once again. People stop and stare; not aware I stare too; unaware I have feelings too; is it my awkwardness? Do my glasses; not match my frame? Did I deserve this fate? I am just a girl; a girl who is named Tina Judith Kennard; daughter of Mary and Judith Kennard. I love them both; so dearly. I'd be terribly; lost without them and in the end of the day; no one could tell me otherwise; our family is as real as it gets. No matter if you believe in gay-marriage or not; it's simply isn't about a damn wedding ring; it's simplistic as; we just want the same rights as everyone else. Her thoughts awaken as Bette heard the groggily woman stir in her slumber. "I just want to be looked at; not as some cosmic joke; you know? I want you all to look at me someday; and say wow; who is she? I wonder if I can know her someday." Bette strokes her own tears away; and uttered.

"I'm already glad to know you though. I am." Tina batted her eyelids; and arose upright a bit. The water had soaked her dress a bit; as Bette's blouse was drenched a bit too. The lace of black could be seen; as Tee gulps back as Bette looks down her shirt and realizes she was indeed soaked. "Shit!" The blond one giggles; as it made Bette's eyebrow curl in amusement. "Ooh; that makes you giggle? After the way; you just scared me?" Little bits of sand were taken and sprinkled all over Tina. Bette pants for air as Tee rolled her over and sprinkled bits of sand all over her as well. Their bodies soaked and labored breath; Tee looked spectacular in this light and Porter knew it. It terrifies her; and yet in a good way. Self conscious once again; a hand was grabbed and planted onto her mocha chest. The heart beats faster and proclaims. "It's quite alright. I'm staring at you; because I find you to be utterly beautiful."

Faint smiles; were given as Tee rolled off and looked up at the skies; as Bette stayed in her current position. So many thoughts; entered and re-entered her train of thoughts just ! I need to keep myself in check over here. I am her boss; practically; and she's my patient. If I am going to help her; I need to stop ogling her; and quite frankly… Tee's eyelids were closed and hisses out breaths. Bette arose; and noticed the calming relaxation the night had on her and smiled. "And she needs to cut it out and stop being so darn adorable and beautiful." The brunette wrestles with her inner-thoughts as their little fight in the sand replays inside of her mind-set and it makes her smirk in delightfulness.

"No." Bette whimpered in her thoughts. The lithe blond; soaked and over her body; her golden locks against her face; she wondered why; she couldn't see what she did clearly. "I need to find a way; and help her." Her glance turns and realizes; Tee sneaked a few peaks at her; and smiled at her. Curiosity; was suddenly getting the better of Tina and needed to know exactly a few things about this stranger; she was growing quite fond of in just one day.

Bette scoffs; and realizes she hadn't asked Tina; why she felt dizzy just a few seconds ago; while Tina studies her and biting her lips; asked with baited breath. "Bette, I know this might sound like a personal question and you don't need to answer it. I'm just curious…" Her eyebrows curled and try to find a hint of a star; as they seemed to be found quickly; in those green specks of gem eyes. Those orbs; enthralled in their line of conversation looked at her directly. This was foreign to Ms. Kennard; who have had trouble making eye-contact with anyone. Perhaps; you are getting through to me Bette. Maybe, just maybe the darkness will not win this time and I'll be set free, freely as I can be set free. Porter's gaze curiously; glances at Tee's and silently gave her permission to continue.

"I mean…how many women would you say you've been with in your entire life?" Her expression was one of nervousness; not so much the answer; she was so sure it would be an exponential amount of people. Bette on the other hand; wasn't quite sure how to answer this question and yet; she knew truthfully; was the only way to go from here. Tee's struggled with her truth and has been brave; and it was her turn if she was going to be any help to this woman at all. "Did I offend you? If so; I am so sorry. I didn't mean too." Tee stiffens as Bette extended a hand to her in solace.

"No; not at all; it's just…" Her eyes closed and looked straight into the ocean. "I think people assume; I am some heartless person; that doesn't feel. And perhaps they are right. I mean; I haven't exactly been a model citizen. Maybe; I give lesbian a bad reputation you know? I just…I don't know. I have a hard time letting people in." Bette exclaims as Tee looked at her in silence as her newest Dr. continues. "Sixty; and I'm sure you think less of me now; right?" Porter tries to stand upright as Tee kept her there and looked at her sympathetically. The future executive hopeful; saw a terrified face as it reminded her a lot of her pain and scooted closer to her newest confidant.

"I'm sure women have you labeled; picked; cropped out as a player eh?" Tina asked as Bette laughs. "Ooh! I don't know; dear. I believe so. I am sure; they all assume; I'm a bitch. Perhaps; I am and you should go running from me because I'll end up hurting you too. I am no good; no good." Bette retorts as Tee curls an eyebrow; and asked honestly. "Do you really think you'd hurt me Bette? And I need you to be honest with me here." The brunette darted her eyes side to side; searching herself and those green gem of eyes and honestly; didn't know. "I don't want too."

Tina sat there; closely to her newest companion and heard the wave's crash again once more. "Then…that's good enough for me for now." The blond one teased as Bette laughs; for the first time that night; and jabbed her newest friend. The brunette watches in calmness; as Tee settles in this atmosphere as Porter looks at her sincerely.

Her vanilla face shies away and looked at the sand and drew sand hearts and uttered. "I'm waiting on the perfect match; before I give myself to someone." Porter looks at her with a smile and head-nod. "I'm jealous of you;" Bette whimpers; as Tee scrunches her nose in amusement. "Ooh yeah; you're jealous of a 29 year old virgin? No; I doubt it. I mean; please don't mock me Bette. It's just…" "I wouldn't ever mock you or how you feel about sex. I am such a coward; Tina. I have women; yeah. In all honestly; it was during drunken encounters or wild parties afterwards. It was nothing with passion and I am jealous; because you're going to have that someday. I can sense it." Bette remarked as Tee laughs; as it sounded like a snort. It made Bette smile; as it beams of pride for this young woman.

Tee looked downwards; and back at the brunette and uttered. "And you're saying…" "I am not saying; I regret anything. I guess; if I ever had met the right someone; I'd change my ways." Her friend curls an eyebrow in question. "Ooh; so you suppose you'd change? That's horrible Porter; you either want to or don't want too." Bette sighs and looked downwards and uttered. "Look! I have no idea if I could ever change. I mean; if you met Mrs. Right this instant; you couldn't exactly change could you? It doesn't work that way."

Tina looks downwards; and felt a pang; inside of her heart and couldn't understand why; either. "I guess so; if I had met her. I am not so exactly sure I could; change myself." Bette bit her lip and looked at Tee in an apologetic mode. "I am so sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean it like that…" Tee shook her face dismissively; as Bette pounded onto the sand. "I hate this. I say the wrong words and I upset you and I don't want you. See; this is what I mean; you know?"

The blonde was utterly confused as Bette stated. "I don't want to continue to hurt you. I care for you; so deeply and it pains me any little thing I say will trigger something; you know? I don't want to set off the next battle you have eternally." Bette struggles with the wordings; as Tee senses this wasn't all about her disorder. Perhaps; she's catching feelings for me? No; no way; she's so out of my league and besides. I don't even know; how I can get past all of this; how will she get past my deformities; if I can't do it? Tina looks downwards and back at the ocean straight ahead. "I think you're worthy of someone to care for you too; you know? I just think you clearly haven't met her."

Bette surprised by Tee's reaction looked at her as she senses a tidal wave; of changing brewing. "Ooh; you think I'm capable of change? How do you see that?" The blond looked around them and stated quite frankly. "It's Friday night; and instead of going out to look for some pussy; you're here with me. So; I say you're indeed changing; and I…" Bette couldn't help but laugh; because it was so truthful and yet it scares her; so much this woman was already; getting to her in a collective soul way. "I am not capable of change…" "Early today; I would have agreed with you; and then I realize…I am here in the dark with Bette fucking Porter; outside; for the first time in so long; so yeah. I think we're both capable of change. It just depends on the fact if you're willing too; and you my dear are." Tee exclaims; as Bette looked at her with a shocked expression. Perhaps; all of this talk of finding the right one; wasn't so farfetched. The only question remained; was she sitting right next to her; was the only questions that pondered one woman's mind-set indeed.

Near the shoreline; her friend arose and decided to take a walk as her hand extended for Porter's grasp. Hand in hand; they walked down the beach in silence. Freely enveloping their location and sweet serenity; she saw a different side to one Ms. Kennard; the kid in all of us; that never wanted to grow up.

Enthralled and indeed appearing in a different light. Tina races; scurrying off and kicked sand and rocks by the water and giggled wickedly. "This is so much fun; I am so glad we came here and ditched the club-scene. It's so not me. This is me; this is me Bette." Porter saw her; entirely true to the core and couldn't help it. A vision came across into the brunettes' mind, seeing this woman so free, and alive.

It was pretty sweet erotically intense trance.

"Let's go. I have a therapy idea that will definitely; help you see; what I see when I look at you." Bette exclaims, wearing a sarong, and bikini top. "Ooh," Tina took off her glasses, and saw the brunette get even closer. "It requires you lose your clothes." "Oof," Tina slapped her a few times, and ran gigging. Bette drops her strap to the top, and sarong, feeling a g-string thong. "Why, why Kennard, I don't see you laughing?" The brunette ran, and dropped her thong, hitting the blonde in the face with it. "Get in, the water feels good on your skin."

"My god," Tina shudders, and slowly unveils her nakedness, running into the water. Bette stares, as Tina kicks the water, as a free spirit.

Her tears fell, seeing this sight. She knew there were deeper problems, lying within, and wanted to help the blonde. Although her arousal and heart, were fighting a bigger battle, as her mind wanders again, to erotic thoughts. "This is insane," "Yeah, but you're smiling, and that is all that matters to me, you smiling." Bette giggles, while the blonde leaped into her arms. "I am so happy, so happy."

"Uh," Bette felt their breasts meet. Tina heard the grunt and hissing moan fest. Their bodies, molded together, as her vanilla legs, wrapped around the mocha body that was trimmed, muscular, and ready to be on her, inside of her.

"Bette!" "Oh Tee, let me show you, how beautiful you're," "Ugh," The two of them moaned, onto the sandy shores, collapsing as one, body.

Their lips, met frantically. "I'm scared," "Tee, you don't need to be afraid of me, never."

"I'm just scared of sex in general…" Bette was zapped out of the trance. "Huh? Did you say something?" Tina smiles, and looked out of the ocean. "Where did you go? You were intensely, staring out of the sea?" "I was just lost in thought. What did you say?" In need to shake off her mixed emotions and sudden arousal of Tina and her making love on the beach. It was all fucking with what she said to her and how she really felt. Tina shrugs and said dejectedly. "I said. I'm scared of sex in general. I mean, I want to make love, it's just finding the right person…" Porter's stare intensifies and looked at her quizzically; and at herself mentally.

"No; no; you don't go anywhere near that. She's sweet and is finding love. And I am…I am looking…" While Bette tries to articulate if she felt more for this woman; that stood before her. This golden haired one; surely knew what she wanted out of a relationship; and yet she knew; it was merely fairytales and wasn't so sure it existed at all or did she? I like her; though I know she could have another sixty women flock to her bed tonight; if she wanted. There is no way; she'd ever fall in love with the likes of me. No way.

Tina snapped out of her thoughts; and uttered. "I don't feel comfortable naked. The whole idea; isn't appealing; it sounds awkward and I'm sure I'd suck at it." Bette tries not to swallow her air; as she knew a good limerick; and realizes it wasn't appropriate at this moment or was it? The brunette stammers; as Tee thought about her use of wording and blushes profusely as Bette saw the shyness and quickly retorted. "Or; you know some women like that…" The two did a staring match as Bette and Tina began to burst with laughter.

"I'm sorry." Bette wipes her tears; as Tee looks down at the sand. "No; why are you apologizing?" The blond dragged her feet across the sand as Porter finishes. "No; it's just…it took a lot for you to tell me you're waiting on the right woman and I am honestly; baffled she hasn't strolled along." Their gaze met more intensely. Tee looks at the ocean straight ahead and uttered softly. "It's hard to define; explain really…" "Try me." The inner meaning; wasn't lost on the two; as Tee gasps and retorted with short breaths.

"I have never felt complete in this body of mine. And I know you're going to tell me; I am crazy. It's just; I and my fucked up brain of mine; tell me other things; and it's hard to make it vanish." Porter nodded and just listens. "I feel like I need a lot of work done, a work in progress…" "Tina, I really had no idea…" "How could you know, I was that screwed up? I just stopped reaching for impossible stars; I can't aim high enough for."

"No!"

Bette scoffed and walked closer to her.

"Never give up, on your faith." "Bette," "Yeah," The brunette, paces back and forth. "I think sex, is something that should be with someone special. I know you don't…" "I told you, I just haven't met anyone special until now!" Tina whispered to herself and felt shivers, of the good kind of nature, all over her spine, slithered to her core. "All my life, I've used sex, as a way to cover up pain, the harder I tried not to tell my stories, or get to close, I'd keep myself guarded…" "Bette, sex and making love, is like the closest you can be with someone though. If you're in love or not with them, I think, no I truly believe its better when you're in love." Bette smiles, and extended. "I'm sure, it is. I just haven't experienced it yet, in my lifetime."

"You never know, you might,"

Tina fixes her glasses.

Bette extends a hand and whispered.

"You might just be right about that one Kennard, care to dance with me?" "Here?" "Where else," The brunette interjects, and collided with the blonde one. "I have two left feet." Tina giggles, as the brunette whispered. "Step on my feet, its okay." The mysterious blond, had elation, and fear written in one glance and uttered jokingly. "Now, now Porter, don't go falling in love with me now. I don't think West Hollywood, would forgive me, taking away their only lesbian lothario."

Bette danced on with the blond one and uttered softly. "Too late," She utters inside of her mind lost in a tender dance, along the beach. Tina on the other hand was lost in a sultry gaze, all night long. All the while, one woman was falling in love for the first time. As another was finally realizing why she was put on this earth, and her purpose in this world.

While they find their roots to love, faith and taking a chance, on this once in a lifetime feeling, as it heals old wounds and scars, reveling inside of them.

CHAPTER 5

PARADISE BEACH – (MORNING AFTER; REVELATIONS of THEIR HEARTS DESIRES)

Truth seemed to be executed more freely at night; all the while daylight reappeared and with a new day; came new hope for a pair of once strangers. I just am not used to this feeling… Those whirlwind of thoughts; crept backwards in her slumber. I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable with me either alright? I am just not used to this. I am not; and I don't know if I'll ever be used to it or want it either. The cresent moon shun in such a reflection; upon her nose; as tender hands held her face in place; and allows the light to land upon this glorious creature. "I don't know why; you see yourself as not worth much. And I'm not going to pretend I have any idea how that feels." Those sounds of ocean-waves; burst against the rocks; the wind wrestles with Bette's blouse and exposes her lovely well-toned abdomen. It causes Tee to hiss out faint breaths and was thankful the loud and hallowing wind; protects these lustful noises from becoming audible.

Gently; orbs of mocha smiled at her companion in a subtle way; and grasped her hand. I look at her eyes; those soft specks of green; that stare into my eyes; of dark-brown. What does she see when she looks directly at me? Does she see the real me; or the me I want to project to the rest of the world? Do I even deserve to be here with her right now? Their dance had ended abruptly thirteen minutes ago. It hits her; the loss of contact as Tee loosens her grip. "I'm sorry." The blond one couldn't stand the light no longer. Her head was flooded with an array of feelings; while Bette's heart races with her reality; and brain trying to comprehend the last ten hours. "No; I am." Ms. Porter utters as Tee fixes her glasses. The bridge of her nose; always felt the glasses slip right off; completely unware they were the wrong frame. It amuses her companion and yet found it utterly adorable and she liked it a lot.

I'm a woman that could have her pick at anyone in West Hollywood; and I have made no apologies for my lifestyle. I have zero regrets when it comes to that. Her orbs; looked at Tee play in the sand and draw lazy-circles. Those vanilla toes; wrestle with sand between her pinky toe; as she giggles. It hits her like a revelation; if she were interested in a relationship; could it ever be with the one woman in West Hollywood that didn't seek her out at all? If you had found the right woman; do you think you'd regret your life choices? That sweet-voice resounds; as she shook her thoughts away. The ocean waves crashed against her feet and plopped down with her newest companion; someone she wanted to know; for a million years it seemed.

I just need you to promise me now; seriously? I don't want to break your heart Porter; so don't go falling in-love with me. I'm a big disappointment. Their silence spoke volumes; as Tina's torment haunts her now; and wishes she could rid this woman of such deep pain. "I can't make that promise you know?" Bette replies; as Tee scrunches her nose in confusion. Porter's expression was one of great seriousness; until the other arches an eyebrow.

"What are you babbling on about woman?" Then her vanilla toes; accidentially tickled the brunettes and immediately; giggled outwards to break any tension. "What?" Tee wiggled her toes; as the brunette now furrowed a brow; and proceeded to tackle the giggling blond. Out of the peaceful trance; her neck-line and entire body was covered in sand. Their clothes were hidden; as she felt contact. Tee snuggled in closer to her; as the water washes away; a human mermaid sculpture. Adrianne and Rosaline ages 8 and 10 looked at the pair of women in smiles; and delight. "Momma; we made real life-like mermaids; look Momma's; we did it." Adrianne yelped in gleefulness. Porter rubbed her eyes; together and muttered to herself. "What the hell? Did we end up falling asleep? And what the hell is this sand all over us?"

Indeed not at all a morning person; Porter saw the kids and growled at them as they ran away. Porter plops back downwards and heard a whimper in a child-like tone. "No Mama J; no coffee for meee. I am a big girl now; if I want breakfast. I'll cook it myself. I just won't eat it and pretend too." The revelation broke Bette apart and reverted backwards to their night earlier and how Tee had fallen into her arms and completely fainted. I am so stupid; of course she hasn't been eating. How the hell do we handle this one? I mean; it's hard enough; she can't picture herself how I do; let alone fight that and now; I got to find a way; to get her to eat and not have her hate me. Ms. Porter tries to get some of the sand off and realizes; her other hand wasn't free at all as the ocean waters unvieled their hands; were intertwined all night.

I wanted to thank you; Bette. I wasn't so sure; about how this night would turn out at all. And then you made me feel safe and realize not everyone is so terrible in this world. Those rememberances of the night before; and how those demons seemed to escape in her presence. It warms her entire heart and soul. Ooh! Stop it! I am here; and I just needed you to know; the outside world isn't so horrible and little by little; you'll get there and I'll be right there to cheer you on. Porter's heart races and felt the hand tighten in her grasp. "I don't know about that. I mean; I appreciate your job offer and all. I just don't know if it's for me entirely; and what if I turn out to be a complete screw-up and all of your time and effort turns out to be wasted?" Her eyeslashes felt saturation as she whimpers in the present day.

"Our time together; will not be of a wasted effort or opportunity; I can feel that." Bette mutters and tightens their grasp. One day ago; I didn't even know this girl. I mean; young-woman; an amazing woman that has so much potential that she has yet to even see or evoke yet. The revelations of last night and how she confessed something so foreign. It terrified her and yet she wasn't afraid to fall in completely. I always saw love; as a poker game. You're either all in or you chicken out and leave your chips; where they may fall. I never wanted to go all in; no I always wanted to leave with my chips; in tact and now I am starting to realize… Those eyes; of a gem awakens; and smiled at her; as sun appears. "I think I want my chips; to go all in. I do. I want to go all in and take the risk; and who knows? I might actually beat the house; and win it all."

The brunette evokes; in sudden realization no matter how much she knew; this was a challenge head-on. There was indeed no going backwards now; not when so much was at stake. "I am not just a stranger to her anymore; and neither is she to me; we know so much about one another; than I cared to know about anyone in my entire life. This is a sign; and I need to fight for now; and not give up on myself or this; whatever it maybe." Her eyelids glisten as she recalled her painful story; of revealing to Tina of losing her brother Jay Porter; in a car accident.

He was only sixteen years old; you know? He had the rest of his life to look forward too; and in one fatal twist. He lost his life; because of someone that decided to get behind the wheel drunk. They were fleeing from the police; and turned on his lane and he had no time to react to it. The sobbing; could still be heard as Bette allowed Tee to cradle her in her arms; as sleep had succumbed them. "I never told anyone; anyone; you though make it easier for me to do that." Bette utters; as the darkness seemed to disapate in her life and wanted to do the same for Tina's. The blonde's eyelids flutter open and shut and comes to the realization daylight had arrived and their night of confessions and stories had ended.

I never told anyone this; but there was a time when I imagined myself; being in-love. Though…I figured out very quickly; I ran away with her to get away from my father; after we lost Jay. He never really recovered and was terrible to me; when he found out I was in-fact a lesbian. Her eyelids had dripped of sorrow; silently for the woman that endured so much; and it no wonder she had given up on ever; finding someone to care for just her. Joleen and I were a mistake from the start; a painter; a stubborn artist that was only interested in Joleen's needs; and no else's. Tee scrunches her nose. "Well she sounds awful. I wouldn't be too broken up about a woman like that Porter. This proclomation made the surgeon laugh out loud.

"Joleen? I guess; it's more like Joleen who eh?" Bette teases; as a wink was displayed. "Yeah; Joleen who?" Tee scrunches her nose; as Bette giggles and stared out into the seas. "She doesn't even compare to you." The brunette muses to herself as silence now took over in the present time. Those seagulls take them out of their trance as Tee realizes; Bette was wide awake too; and staring at her with a goofy grin.

Still covered in sand below their legs; their hands lightly touched one another as Tee tries to brush away the sea-weed and sand from her body. "What on earth Bette?" "Oof;" The brunette grunted as Tina immediately arose and began to shake off the white-sand from her little lithe body. Bette giggles, and covers her eyes. "Hey! I think you can shake yourself over there, and not by me, thanks." "I'm sorry, I don't remember much. I remember you offering me a little of wine. I wasn't that drunk, to have dug ourselves into sand."

"You didn't," A runner, ran up to the pair in concern for the two strangers. "Rosaline, and Adrianne, a few locals, made you two, into sea turtles, you okay?" "Yes, I think so, you Tee?" Bette asks, as the blonde, shook her hair. "I'm fine, thank you for the information. I don't feel like a complete idiot now." The runner chuckles, and ran along with her dog, pepper. Bette heard the dog bark, as it got shorter, from distance. "I'm okay, you can stop staring Porter." The brunette arose, and shook the dirt off of her. "I wasn't staring. I was just looking. I see you look even more beautiful in the morning is all I was going to say."

Tina laughs outwards, as it was a beautiful sound to the doctor. "So, you hit on all of the girls, even your freak patients, in need of help?" She asks sarcastically. Bette furrows a brow, and stated. "I don't think you're a freak, so please will you stop putting yourself down. I hate it." The blonde scrunches her nose, in defensive mode, and exclaims. "I'm sorry; I'm making your comfort level, uncomfortable."

The brunette sighs, and said softly. "Tee, will you stop."Her voice sounding concerned, drained, and overly exhausted, of sleeping outside, instead of having any sense, to take them, back to her beach front home, just a few miles from here. "Stop what, what are we doing Bette?" Tina scoffs, at the doctor's behavior. The good doctor looked at the blonde questionably. "I was going to take you home, unless that has changed?"

Tina's eyes widen in horror. "Shit!" "What?" Bette furrows a brow in full worry mode now. The blonde scampers up alongside the hills. "I have to be home. My parents will have a cow, if I am not home, by curfew, I am in so much trouble." The brunette once again furrows a brow, in question, fearing to ask the obvious question, but couldn't help herself. "Um Tina, I know you love and live with your moms. I get they're over protective of you and all. I have to say though; they still have you on a curfew? I think that's weird…" "Why?" The blonde gasps out in full frustration mode. Bette flickers her eyes really baffled by this proclamation and exclaimed frankly. "Tee, because you're twenty nine years of age, that's why. I mean you can go and come as you please…" Tina shook her head and interjected. "Their house, their rules, I live with them, or go."

"And, why haven't you?" The brunette asks, as Tina sighed. "I can't afford rent in this city, and I am focused on getting this job interview. If it goes well, I will be able to move out. Also, it's just… well you wouldn't understand…" "Give me a chance, try me here," Bette intervenes, in the conversation, up to the car, as Tina scurries, to the car. "It's just, I hate being alone. I'm sure; you don't know what that feels like Bette. I love my mom's and I wouldn't have much without them. I need them, just because you grow up, doesn't mean, you don't need your parents. I do. I am not like most people."

Bette nodded and exclaimed in awe struck love. "No Tee, you're definitely not like most people. I mean, you're better than most people…" "I'm sorry, for what I said, about you not understanding, how it feels not knowing what it's like being alone. I mean after what you told me about your folks. I think you do, on some level get me, and where I am coming from. I wouldn't ever judge anyone. I feel like when people stare at me, they do it silently. I just wish they'd take a picture, and stop staring…"

The brunette walks up to her, and opened the door. "Perhaps, what they're staring at is your natural beauty?"

"I doubt it," Tina shuffles against the rocks, and dirt. Bette shook her face, and caresses away, a few strands of hair, from the vanilla face . "You really, have no idea do you?" "What?" Tina stares into the deep chocolate filled eyes.

The two stared, really stared, at one another. "Of how wondrously, beautiful, magnificent you're truly Tina Kennard."

"Bette!" Tina shyly, drags dirt back and forth, with her feet. Bette smiles, and looks down in elation, at last night. "I had a lot of fun last night." "Yeah, I did too." Tina replied, as the two, locked eyes intensely, once again.

"Ha! Even though, you might have gotten into trouble for spending the night with me, into the morning?" "Ooh, I think you mean, you getting me into trouble." Tina retracted the brunettes' words, as she uttered breathlessly.

"It was worth it. If I did get you into trouble, wouldn't you say Kennard?" She winks, at her walking over to the driver's side.

"Yeah, it was definitely worth it." Tina exclaims, getting into the passenger side's seat.

While one woman started to let these uncharted feelings exude outwards; while another woman wasn't so sure where this would all lead towards. If the two women only knew; they both had a lot of healing to do; and would find their solace and comfort in each other. In a story; about letting love heal all wounds; and allowing those demons to fade away; eventually find each other and uniting as one heart instead of two lonely hearts.

Chapter 6

ON THE ROAD AGAIN- (NO ONE HAS SEEN PAIN LIKE ME)-(LET THE LIGHT DISAPPEAR-MORNING CONTINUES)

Golden locks; flourish in-front of her very sights; as she catches small-glimpse; at stop signs. The reddened light; draws silence as the ocean-waves disappeared off towards-the distance. Thirteen minutes; into their drive and it misses the roaring and loudness of the ocean; as it calmly relaxes her. It's crazy; what Mother Nature can do to help us; relax. And I know I'm strange soul. I could bare my soul out to her; out there in darkness; and now as morning light; cascades all over the earth and all around us yet again… Tee wrestles; with inner-thoughts as her orbs looked at the rear-view mirror. "I can see it in your eyes; you're feeling regretful aren't we Tina? I knew it! I knew it! I knew; you needed me." The all too familiar voice-which she tried to bury very far deep-down inside of her aching soul.

Those images reappeared to her; the shadows of her nose; as sunlight falls beneath her vulnerable and tired some body. I wish she'd undo all of these years; all of these years; of relentless abuse by my hands. Hazel squinted and hid away; from morning it seems as it startles her brunette-passenger. It causes concern to etch upon her confused face; and yet knew she needed to change her expressions; because this was Tina's reality; and knew it wouldn't be a simplistic fix either. I'd wish light would disappear right now; and we'd go back to last night. Those tears fluttered downwards; as anxiety took over. The shadows; of her bigger nose; reappeared in her dysmorphic view of her-self. "I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DIDN'T LAUGH RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING FACE KENNARD. YOU'RE SUCH A LOSER AND WE NEED TO GET RID OF THIS WOMAN ALRIGHT? YOU STICK WITH ME ALRIGHT? I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU; AND THESE PEOPLE WILL JUST USE YOU AS THEIR OWN-PRIVATE JOKE. I LOVE YOU; AND ADORE YOU AND WANT TO ONLY HELP YOU." These distorted thoughts were a part of everyday life; it seemed. It haunts her; to no avail as Bette looked onwards in helplessness.

"Tina?" Ms. Surgeon of good intentions looked at the frightful woman. I'm sure you took care of prying Bette anyways; with the whole curfew bullshit. That was hilarious by the way; Kennard. Her tears splatter; as she recalled Porter; appeared to have a weirded out expression at the whole exaggerated scenario. Those limbs; that seemed so weakened shook in the car; and echoes out softly. "If you can hurry; Mama M will be upset if I'm not home; at a certain time." Tee exhales few-short breaths as Bette swallows hard and dared to look towards her right side. Tee hovers in fears; she'll be exposed in the bright lights of daylight and shook profusely. The tears of a surgeon hidden away; and pressed onwards. In guilt; it was all her-fault and knew; she needed to rectify this situation.

"If Mama M and Mama J have a problem with the time you're home. They can yell at rant at me all they want. It's my entire fault and I'm so sorry; sweetie. It'll never happen again." Bette pauses; three seconds had sauntered past as her gas-pedal flows onwards and heard the hallowing wind. Tina wrestles to keep all of her hair all around that gorgeous frame; and yet to her impression; it seemed more like a disheveled disaster. This surgeon sighs; that heart flutters to immeasurable and incomparable measures; all the while it unveils to her gaze. Her vanilla complexion; those rosy naturalistic cheeks; and of course the most capturing part of Ms. Tina Judith Kennard; those magnificent orbs; of green. Those dark at times eyes; that dared to look at you; and you'd lose yourself in them. I hate this; you wrestle with this shit every day; and I want to help you rid it away. The steering-wheel turns; as Hazel sneaked a peek and realizes they were closer to their neighbor in West Hollywood; as her nerves unclench a little in relaxation.

"YOU DO REALIZE YOU'RE JUST HER CHARITY CASE RIGHT?" The voices spurred onwards. Bette looks onwards; up the road ahead and sighs in fears. This isn't going to be simple at all and do I care to continue? Her heart-tipper-tappers at the sights; of this vulnerable and child-like woman in a lot of ways. Many conflicting thoughts; swam through her mind-set. "Does she really have a curfew?" Her thumbs shook and realizes; perhaps it wasn't true-and apart of Tina's barriers she held up; with sharp nails and steel-borders. I don't want her to see me; as this pathetic loser that has a curfew-though; if it keeps her away. If she reverts back on her proposal to work-together. Perhaps; it's for the very best I learn now; and not have my heart and soul completely ripped out and shattered into one million pieces. Ms. Porter felt the sighs; of relief as she realizes they were indeed on the familiar street-where Tee resides. I'm afraid. Ms. Surgeon of excellence and confidence once upon a time ago; long before she met this disheveled young-woman hopeful executive.

"What if you can't save her?" This brunette ponders; all of her cluttered thoughts. Tee stirs in the fetal position and felt a tap upon her shoulder. These tear-filled eyes brought Bette out of her fear; and looked at her companion in regret. "I didn't mean to make you late. I'm sorry; Tina. I'll go in there and explain it all to your folks." The belt-buckle disentangles; from her waist as Ms. Kennard felt nervous jitters. "No! It's quite alright Porter." Those jittery hands shook frantically; as Bette threw caution to the wind and grabbed a hold of one firmly.

The sudden heart-rates of both women fluttered to uncontrollable measures. "What are you doing?" Tee looked outside of the passenger side; with one foot outside of the car. This surgeon knew; well enough to try and leave it alone and yet knew this was all about helping this woman out of this scary fear; of her BDD disorder. "What I should have done at the red-light and now I regret it because I allowed you to sit there hidden away. Even though; you're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen and you shouldn't hide that from anyone."

Tina swallowed hard and heard those harsh words; bring her back to reality. The very voices that buried her-self worth and any positive thought-process. "WOW! DO YOU SUPPOSE SHE HAS A TOP 10 BEST OF BETTE PORTER QUOTES LYING AROUND IN HER BULLSHITTY BRAIN? I SWEAR; YOU'RE AN IDIOT IF YOU BUY ANYTHING THIS WOMAN SAYS; I MEAN DIDN'T SHE TELL YOU SHE'S BASICALLY A PLAYER AND USES ALL WOMEN? SO; DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND DON'T END UP AS ONE OF HER HELPLESS VICTIMS AND HELP YOURSELF INSIDE. I'M SURE MAMA M DOESN'T LIKE HER FOR A REASON; AND YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER." Tee shook the voices away; as Bette squints her eyelids; and allowed the tears to fall. "I know you're a hard soul to save; baby. I'm right here. I'll help you." The unexpected term of endearment shocks; one woman as the other one sat there frozen and looked outwards.

"I'm not your baby; and I'm not a hard soul to save; Bette. I am not yours; for saving. I'll be just fine. I can do this without you too; I don't need anyone." The voice applauded her efforts as Porter swallows. "I know you don't mean that. After what we shared together; last night. I know; it's your disorder talking and not really you."

The words hit her like a thousand knives and let go of the grasp; and stepped out of the door. "My disorder? Fuck off; you heartless bitch. How dare you? I am not someone with a disease. I'm normal. We all have insecurities; I mean not all of us are blessed like yourself; but I'm not written with some syndrome of hopelessness like you suppose." The voices roared in rejoice as Bette gulped and stepped outside of the car.

"I'll speak with Mama M and J and tell them I made you late today. I'm sorry if I offended you; Tina." Bette batted away her eyelashes. It hurt her; she hurt Tee and yet her words; cause a stir-of pain of her own. "What is happening to me? I have never cared about anyone like this. What the hell is happening to me?" Porter flinches and felt her hands jitter-as Tee shook her thoughts of BDD away; and looked at Porter painfully.

"I'm sorry; did I hurt you?" Her tear-ducts flooded. Porter winces and looked at her directly. Those hazel orbs; seemed so beautiful to her and didn't understand this disease that overtook her favorite new-friend. "Yes; you did; but I hurt you first. I didn't mean to belittle you or judge you. It wasn't my intentions; and I'm sorry if I made you feel insecure about the whole curfew situation. It just caught me off guard. I guess; you're pretty special-for your moms to want to protect you the way they do."

Porter pauses as she finishes. "Actually; I know you are. And if you'd like too; the ocean can be just our place. I know you loved it and I'd hate for you to feel like this." Tee turns around and hides away; a hint of excitement. "I guess so; that sounds fine Bette." In this moment of silence Ms. Porter only knew one thing for sure and was determined more so than ever."I'll show her, all of her is perfect, I'll show her, I'll show her." This beauty repeated to her. Tee felt butterflies at the prospect of being once again alone with this woman and heard Mama M at the front door.

"Shit!" Tina chastises her inside of her mind as Mama M stepped out from the front-door with crossed arms. "I see you; finally decided to bring our daughter home?" Tee felt like her entire world was about to implode as Bette tries to lighten the mood; and directly eyed Mama Mary. "Yeah; well we were busy; having a gay ole' time to check up on our imaginary clocks." The forced laughter from Bette didn't help the situation. "I should go; and put on my proper attire anyways. I'll see you later Ms. Porter. Goodbye; and Mama M. You can go inside; I'd sure love some of your home-made apple pancakes."

Tina pretends to be taken to food as Porter swallows and knew; she needed to discuss matters with Tee's parents. "If she's going to hate me; I'd rather it be because I have helped her." "Bye; Tee. I'll see you at the beach tonight?' Bette proposes; as Tina debates it inside of her mind-set. "If she won't laugh at you; because you're scared of daylight." The voices neared to win as she shook them off and expressed with a faint smile. "Fine; I've got to run." The uncomfortable-nature; finally subsides as shadow took over inside of the house and sought refuge inside of her room.

Mary stepped closer to a shattered apart Porter who proceeded to crouch downwards. "Are you disappointed you didn't nail our daughter sleeps with a lot Porter?" Mary angrily express's. Bette batted her eye-lashes and looked down at the pavement and saw the disgusted looks; Tee had about her-self inside of her car and it made her angry with the world. "I think it's time; I really told you the truth about what I think about you with our daughter." Mary Kennard was about to speak up; into an annoyed huff as Bette exhales exasperated breath and expresses in fury and utter-concern.

Judith stepped out and onto the front-porch and glares at her wife. "Now; you listen here. Our daughter is a grown woman now; and if she wants to seek friendship; in Ms. Porter; who are we stop her? Now; she's home and safe; and we should be thankful to Ms. Porter." Porter smiles at Judith; in reason and sensible thinking and glared at Mary in a fit of annoyance. "I am just wondering though; are you aware of how bad Tina's BDD is?"

Mary K pauses; as Mama J; looked at Mary; and back at Porter; as her brown eyes were glued to the bedroom window. Tee appears in sun-glasses and what appeared to be a little mask. "Why is she wearing that face-mask?" Bette winces; as the shutters were closed. Judith looked at her wife; as Mary looks away in tears. "Its how she likes to walk around; or else we'd never see her in or out of that room." The tears near to flow; as Bette swallowed; hard and looked at the parents. "This is insane; she can't go on this way. If she wants to be an executive; at a major motion picture studio; it's so cut-throat. I don't know if she'd make it in that line of work now." This type of encouragement; seemed to hurt the blond that over-powers her thoughts.

Mary swallows and said in tears. "It all started at the age; of thirteen." Bette looks on mortified. "Did someone bully her into being this way? I mean; I know it happens with some type of trauma." Judith shook her hands and felt depleted. "We really have no idea. It just stemmed around that era; she'd have that typical…my hair looks horrible; do my freckles show in this type of make-up. I didn't think much of it until she started to isolate herself and didn't want to go back to her sophomore year of HS and Mary had to teach her. Luckily; she has some educational training background and we were able to do it that way; otherwise we'd have to pay for tutors; and it can be pretty expensive; and it for her it would worth it. If it meant; she didn't have to cry; every night and day; before or after school." Bette swallows and looked up. "I had no idea it was that harsh." Mary looks onwards and swallows her pride.

"You really care? You truly care about our Kitten and this isn't some type of joke or conquest for you?" Mary asked as Bette laughs it off and felt the tears neared her face. "Do you really think I'd stoop that low? I want to help your daughter; and not crush her beyond recognition. I care for her; so deeply."

Judith saw more there than meets the eye; as Mary did too; as Bette stated quite shockingly. "What I made a vow; to you both to get your daughter out of this dark-cloud of darkness; so she doesn't miss out on life's precious gift?" Mary tears up; was this woman a blessing in disguise; it would remain to be seen in her orbs. Judith grabbed a hold of the woman's hands and brought her into an embrace. "If you could do that, I would forever love you." She nudges her wife, who in return has tears. "If you do that, I'll welcome you in with open arms, Bette."

"It might not be traditional, but to just make her see what I do. I'll do it." Bette expresses and looked up at the skies to ask for a sign; this would work somehow and in hopes Jay was looking down on her. He knew; he always knew the right words to say; and it still killed her and hoped she could save Tee; like she couldn't save her baby bro that night. A soft breeze was felt and allowed tears to fall. "I'll be back tonight, to begin helping her." Judith, held her wife, and whispered lovingly. "I think you've already have." Tina sneaks a peek of the talking three-some and shields way; as soon as she caught a glimpse of Tee gazing directly at her.

"I know it seems like an impossible task, but if you can do this, think about the reward, she'll get out of it." Judith announces as Bette smiled, and looked at the window again, seeing Tina smiling back down at her. "I think my only reward for the both of us is just knowing her, and helping her to the other side. That's the real reward, I want."

She hopped into her car, and drove off, as the others smiled at one another. If she only knew, love would be the biggest reward, in her quest, to save someone she was definitely, falling for, more, and more in each passing and waking hour.

Chapter 7*

Porter Practice-Plastic Surgery-(Finding A Way, To Brighter Road Ahead, Unconventional Therapy Step One,)

In front of the computer, she plopped down, with a cup of coffee in hand. Bette was reading up on BDD, and had a few ideas, to ease Tina out of this self obsession with perfection, that doesn't exist. Although one look in the hazel eyes, and she swore, Tee exuded all a woman needed to look beautiful. Even she herself was guilty, for taking an extra moment staring into the mirror at times. She learned through reading up, on the disorder, it's a lot more then a bad hair day, or I look to fat in these jeans, kind of bad day. Every day was a constant battle, and most BDD suffers, stayed at home. In fear, of being taunted, the main muse, of people's eyes, they shield their imperfections. This sparked an idea, to the brunette, staring intensely, taking down notes. She'd make two sweaters, out of turtle necks, cut holes in each of them, so they could breath, wearing sunglasses with Tina, if she felt uncomfortable. Tonight, they were going to the beach, and instead of staying in the darkening sand, they'd walk back up to her beach front home, just a mile away, from the waters. Bette had a place in West Hollywood, but thought of the girls arriving unexpected. They knew better, not to disturb her at the beach house, knowing she only went there, to be alone in her own lost thoughts.

Once, saving the page, into a bookmark, the phone rang, with a follow up call with a therapist, specializing in the disorder. "Hello, this is Bette Porter, I'm glad you're returning my call. It's very dire, and I have a few questions, about what to do, to help my friend, with BDD. If you don't mind Dr. Stevens, I was thinking of trying something outside of the conventional routine therapy. I mean if, I can put it into stages, like we wear sunglasses, if she feels uncomfortable, and or wants to cover her face, she can with the turtle neck sweater, will ease through steps. In hence, shedding a negative thought, with the turtle neck, or shades. I think it would evoke, to herself, and see how beautiful she is. If I join her along for this journey, she won't feel so alone, in this. I just want her to know, there is nothing wrong with her. So, what I'm asking you doctor, is this a good idea or not?" He gathered his thoughts, pauses to soak up the information and stated. "I think that would be excellent, write down, or let her write down, how she feels everyday this exercise, should be all about shedding these negative words, and thoughts. If perhaps the young woman Tina is that correct right?" He asked, as Bette said, through the phone. "Yes sir, that is correct. I just don't want to make her feel like I am making fun of the situation. I know most BDD suffers, aren't keen to going out in public places, because of their disfigurements, inside of their minds. It constantly weights on them, and they can't stop obsessing over it. I noticed today, in the car ride home from the beach. I hung out with her, and she started to panic about her face, in the sunlight, when she looked absolutely divine…" "I would think so, BDD patients, don't like sunlight Ms. Porter, it makes them feel like their flaws, are being showcased in rather large shadows of shadow and light, and with the reflection in your car, it probably didn't help, with bad lighting. I mean, in the early morning, drive back, sand in her hair, no make up, she felt imperfect, in your presence. It dawned on her, ate her up inside." "Oh god, I must have frightened her, made a fool of myself…" Bette softly sniffles, as the man smile, and exclaims. "If I were this patient, I wouldn't feel that way. She probably thinks that of herself, and you can change that. Tonight, take her to the beach again, and if possible, leave the lights off in your beach home correct?" "Right, you've been there, when I hosted the party, three years ago." "Right new years eve," He chuckles, remembering he met his wife, at the celebration. "I never did thank you, for introducing me to Stacy." "You're welcome," Bette smirks, and exclaims in a blush. "I have to ask, Kyle. I need to know, what causes this disorder?" he took off his glasses and said the truth. "It's hard to say honestly, with America's obsession, to really accept everyone, whom they're. the constant needing to be a perfect zero, no scars, no stretch marks, no pimples, no imperfections, of any sort. For girls especially it's hard. Think of an anorexic, this is the same kind of obsession as wanting to be thin, but with the unrealistic dream, of being without flaws, like uneven hair lines, not wide enough eyes, or too small, imperfect nose, teeth aren't white enough, my ears are big, not big enough, or too small. There is so many issues, constant teasing, that manifests, into you hating yourself, and studying yourself, like a lab rat."

He exclaimed as Bette sighed. "What do I do, will she overcome this?" He sighed, and said honestly, again with a smile. "If you show her, her flaws, is what makes her, unique and beautiful. I'm sure, with your quick thinking on your toes, Tina will be fine."

"Thank you, Doctor. I'll let you go. I have an evening to plan." Bette exclaims, as he chuckles. "Bette," "I know, I know, send me the bill for the advice." She chuckles, and was interrupted. "No, no, that wasn't what I was going to say, at all." He pauses as Bette coughs. "What?"

He smiled and said through the phone receiver. "I can tell from the sound of your voice, you're speaking not as a doctor, but as a human. I hope she pulls through this. I can hear, you really love and care for this girl." Bette sighs, with a blush. "Am I that transparent now?" He chuckles, and exclaims. "I think so, well when you're falling hard. I see this woman, is well worth it?"

"You don't even have to ask, it's a yes, and she's worth it." Bette exclaims, and hung up happily. She moves in the chair, and looked at the direction, of the city. "I have an idea. one step at a time Kennard, but I will show you, you're indeed a beautiful woman. You're not a mess, only a beauty, that doesn't know her true potential but together, will help each other." She spun the chair again, and pressed search on her computer, searching for the perfect movie, to watch and rent tonight. "I'll make us some dinner, walk on the beach, come back and have a little of wine, and if she wants, some sunglasses, well I'll be there with you. If you want to watch a 3D movie, I'll do that too."

Bette spun around the chair again, in elation and screamed. "Whoop," Susan knocked onto the door, and plops down the morning paper, files for five patients today, ready for their physical inspections. "I see Donna is ready for her physical and weigh in, before I start up on surgery?" "Well, her appointment isn't until 10:04am. She's in the waiting room; I'll have a nurse prep her in a second. In the meanwhile, you've another patient, in need of a physical." "Ooh, who is it?" Bette asks, not even making eye contact, with the woman, about to try and seduce her. The red head, locks the door, and slowly ripped the buttons right off her shirt, throwing herself onto the brunette. The two stumbled onto the floor. "Oof, what are you doing?" Bette scoffs, as Susan arose, a little confused. "Uh, what we always do, fuck before you open up someone, that is what we always do."

The brunette dusted off her clothes, and exclaims. "No, not anymore, I can't be with you again. I'm kind of seeing someone." Bette says softly, the words made her smile, and wiggle in swagger of confidence, Susan felt hurt. "Ooh and we were just fuck buddies?" She scoffs. Bette coldly, looked at the woman. "I told you, from the beginning sweetie. I wasn't looking for anything deep…" Susan interjects. "Yeah, I thought not just with me, but with everyone else. I'm starting to see, it was only me, you didn't want after all. Only to screw, eat your pussy, and have it your way, huh Porter?" Bette was slapped, as her 10:04 came in, for final consult, before surgery.

"Susan that was way out line, so now go back to your desk, at this instance," Bette demanded, as Susan says angrily. "You haven't heard the last of me, I quit Porter." The brunette blew out exasperated air, and knew, she had to make a phone call to her lawyer, incase of an impending sexual harassment suit brought against her, and the practice, since they did fool around. "Fuck! Well it was mutual. I just hope it doesn't bite me back in the ass. Besides, I have Tee now, to focus on. I can't worry about this woman. I need to help and show Tina, her face and body isn't ugly, the world just is sometimes, and doesn't know any better, like me. I am starting to change, it will all change soon. I promise."

Bette vowed, as she proceeded on with her day, looking forward to seeing a special blonde one again, and showing her, only one woman now, had Bette Porter's full attention.

Chapter 8*

Kennard Residence- (QUESTIONS ARISE: PARENTS CHAT ONE ON ONE &amp; IS THIS ANOTHER DATE OR JUST PLATONIC?)

Fists were flattened as her palms lay against the shower-wall and felt the hot-water do it's magic. Her face reappeared in her cluttered mind-set as eyelids shutter closed. I can see it in your eyes; you know. Those familiar ocean-waves crashed against the million rocks off to the cliff-side. Eyes darted back and forth as panic began to sneak in. It trickles beneath her bosom as that hot water turned her creamy skin red. The color she swore she saw; each and every time she looked at herself painfully through a mirror. Those horrific giggles invaded inside of her lost and flooded head once more. "You really think Dr. Bette Porter; wants you? Perhaps; what she saw was your hideous nose; you stupid girl. You're so deluded to ever believe that woman will ever adore you; treat you like the sea of women she's probably bedded this week alone." The cries began as laughter echoes so angeriously and maliciously as well. "I am not in-love with her. I barely know; her. I don't care if she or anyone ever loves me. I don't care. I don't give a flying-fuck if anyone ever sees me. I hope to God; no one ever does."

Tina screams and heard the shower-faucet roar out water and panted for air. Her voice resounds and made her panic once again in grief. Even if you can't see it. I do; and do you know what I see exactly? Hazel felt so low; so far beneath pathetic her heart raced as her voice resounded with a tear-rolling down her face. You. I just see you; and I like you. Even if you can't wrap your mind around it. I can. I like what I see; and I wish you wouldn't hide from the world Tee. And I'm not speaking just for myself here but; I think they are missing out on something quite amazing. The panic seemed to escape; as her heart rate slowed down and walked out of the shower. Tear-stricken and unaware of why this lustrous Doctor couldn't see her disfigurements; like she could; it causes her to feel another panic wave.

"This is a joke; right? Bette can't possibly see past my flaws. I mean; look at my eyes. They are a hint of green. I wish they were darker; like me. I wish I could cover my disfigured face from the world forever and just live underneath a hole." The front door to her bedroom creaked a little and felt a new sense of panic-waves. Mama J sniffles as she heard the saddened truth; though it seemed to worsen over time indeed. Tear-ducts flooded as ten years ago; their daughter was found on the floor; in blood and had cut herself so badly the ambulance had to be rushed over to their house-hold.

Her cries to save her-from herself still haunted Mama M and J till this very day; and were so relieved someone; finally wanted to save this girl. All of your life you're taught to believe one misconception of yourself and it's your own mind; playing tricks on you. I can't even begin to explain our heartache over this whole ordeal. I just our baby girl; to smile and truly believe the words we tell her. Though; I realize now; just telling she isn't enough and if Bette can show her; perhaps it can take her out of this dark-vortex of hell she's been underneath for so long too. Wrapped up in a towel Mama J cleared her throat and yelped in a cracked voice. If anyone knew; the conflicting feelings her daughter was going through; it would have to be her. They've lived with this for so long and didn't want it to be the normalcy anymore. "No; no one; especially not Tina has to live this way and I am glad something is happening that might actually work." Completely aware of Doctor Porter's reputation in Lesbian-Land and how this could affect their daughters potential recovery. It causes some worries; though a relapse wasn't a part of the deal and if things got too intense for their Kitten. They'd cut the cord to this alliance at once and handles matters into their own hands; and even with Tina's mental illness. It seemed Dr. Porter had brought a new sense of hope into her life again.

"This is the second time she's going out there. Even if she wants to cover her face; she's going out and that in it-self is a big victory for us."

"Honey! Do you think when you're done? We can chat? I'll be waiting for you." Mama J states as Tee's eyes widen and wonders if her mother had been there all along and had heard her delirious rants of self-hatred. "No; she had stepped in." Her memories invaded and still remembered the sharp razor blade; she took to her thighs. "If they hadn't kept on tormenting me; I wouldn't have done it. Though; they said I looked odd; my thighs were too big. I wanted gap-thighs and I couldn't get them and I wanted them so they'd stop laughing at me." Her tears fell and shook it off and remembered who was outside of the bathroom door and realizes she was in a vulnerable position. Kennard looks around and saw her facial mask and decided to place it onwards; before she reappeared to her mother once again. "In a second Mama J, I just need to dress." Tina says, taking off her towel, and placing on her bra, while nearly ripping her denim jeans from the rack and frantically putting them on.

In disarray she walked out and found her shirt and buttoned it up and purses her lips at her over-protective mom. "Mama J; we really need to stop these sudden impromptu visits to my bedroom. Bette will be here by seven o' clock and it's already nine minutes till and I can't keep a woman like that waiting for me now can we?" Tee fixes her shirt and looked several times at her hair-line in the mirror and took a deeper breath. Judith looks away; in remembrance her daughter didn't like it when her daughter saw people staring at her intensely. "I am sorry; dear. I just wanted to check in on you; I mean we care about you so much. You know this right Kitten?" She asked in an adorable fashion as Tee softens her face. Her face mask relaxes her cheek-bones and realizes she'd need to take it off soon and it causes her to exasperate frustrated breaths of air.

Judith decided to leave the little matter alone about the face mask and get straight to the point. "It's already six fifty three Mama J. Bette will arrive soon to see me and only me; so will you spit it out already?" Tee asked in a little more hostile manner as voices laughed at her. "I guess the lesbian food chain is desperate tonight; if she wants to spend tonight with just you again by the darken ocean. Perhaps; she has the right idea. The dark space; she'll get you laid right VIRGIN?" The voices mocked and shook it away; as best as she could without tearing up in-front of her mother like a child. Her perfect complexion didn't exist in the light. In turn, turning off the lights, to cover up these unsightly flaws, it might be compulsive nitpicking, but to Tina, it's all she knew. It was the simple truth, she told herself, to herself, you are not good enough, or pretty enough to be seen in the light at all.

I know my place in this world and it's to take the back-seat. I get it. I'll always get it. I'm the invisible girl; and it scares me actually. It scares me when she sees me; as she states so boldly; is it my freckles? The rosy way my cheeks flush; when I'm easily embarrassed? Do I appear ugly to her at all? Is this all a cruel-set up and I'll end up on the internet as a fool? Perhaps; I was right to keep myself hidden. I can't trust anyone; especially not someone that's nice to me like she is. Tina crinkles her nose as Mama J utters. "Wow; baby girl." The face-mask was taken off as Tee looks off to the side. "Mama J; she'll be here any second now."

"I know she has trouble in faith and in trust. Though; I trust Dr. Porter and if she can help Tina; out of this horrific way of thinking; I'll forever be grateful to her." Tee looked once more at the mirror and shook off the voices and smiled half heartedly and turned around and faced her other mother. Perhaps; I'm just afraid Bette stirs up all of these panicking feelings again; because she does notice me. I just can't for the life of me understand why; she's noticing little old me. Tina combs her hair, hearing the door bell dinging out. "Mama J, I got to go, do I look pretty?" Tina asks, biting her lips.

The mother arose, and took a hold of the face, and kisses her cheeks. "Sweetie, to your mother and I you're always a beautiful work of art. I just want you to know, we both love you so much. So, don't rush into anything, take your time. If you feel comfortable, uncomfortable tonight, you let Porter know. If you want to come home, tell her if she hurts you, or makes a move on you, well your Mama M, can take care of her…" This statement made Tina chuckle, immensely interjecting. "Oh right, because Mama Mary has a mean left hook?" "You know it darling," She kisses her forehead. "Be good sugar plum, now go, and be good. I'm sure Porter, is getting an interrogation from Mama M, right now as we speak." "Oh dear, Mama J," Tina ran, to the front door, and saw the two giggling.

Judith had an amused look upon her face. "Is this hell freezing over baby?" She asks her wife, who smirked at her. Mama M put Bette into a headlock. "As it turns out, we come to an understanding, if she hurts our sugar plum, I'll kick your butt. I though see she wants to genuinely help our daughter. I am grateful. So; are you ready to go the beach with Dr. Porter?" She lets go of the woman, trying to breathe now, regaining some train of thought. Tee walks over, and patted her back. "Are you okay, sweetie, are you fine?" "I think so; I think I coughed up a lung." Bette retorted as the women chuckled. "That isn't funny." Her tongue stuck out as Tee blushes at this little innocent moment. She places on her glasses, helping Bette out of the door. The brunette stares at Tina's caring demeanor and smiled appreciatively. "Thanks Tee, you're so sweet to me." The blonde smiles, for the first time all night, and exclaims. "You see why they call me sugar plum now?" She winks this time successfully, as Bette lost herself in the gaze. "Yeah I do see why, I do."

The blonde blushes, as she exclaims. "Let's go you, before my mother's say aw and make this night anymore awkward for us." Bette chuckled, being helped to the car, finally relaxing and starting to breathe normally again, with the help of the caring blonde. "Thanks Tee," She expresses her gratefulness in her tone of voice. "No problem, Porter." Tina shuffles her feet, entering her side of the car.

The two mothers, held each other tightly. "Aw," "I have to say, that Porter rubs off on you, how long do you think she realizes she's in love with our sugar plum?" "I think she does already, Bette just wants to go at her own pace, to help Tina along." Mama J, answers her wife, as the two watched the car drive out of the driveway. Meanwhile inside of the car, two women were lost in their own thoughts. Tina wiggles in the seat, while trying not to look in the rear view mirror. Bette senses her uncomfortable actions, and surroundings taking a hold of her hand. A gentle squeeze was given, to alert the woman; she knew and understood she was feeling uneasy, at this moment. The blonde one, felt the gentleness in the touches, and squeezes back the hand.

"Thank you," Tina whispers, feeling at ease once again. Bette smiles at her, and looked directly at the road again. "Tee, you don't need to thank me. I could thank you though," Tee furrows a brow, and looked at the woman with a quizzical stare. This amuses the brunette, who let go of the hand, while laughing it up, saying softly. "Okay, what is that look all about?"

"What? I see you're laughing at me now?" Tina crinkles her face, as Bette shook her head. "No. I wouldn't dare do that. I just wanted to thank you, for coming into my life…" "Why? I mean, you don't need me; you could have your pick at anyone, in this area, anyone. I mean, what are we doing Bette Porter?" Tina asks questionably.

Bette was the one to furrow a brow. "Ooh, I thought I was helping you. I mean, if you rather you have someone else…" "I mean, what is happening here?" Tina asks, in almost a relentlessly breathy tone, taking the brunette away. She sighed pulling over the car. "Look Tina, I am not sure. All I do know is I want to go slow, help you first. I like you, a lot. I want to help you through this, so I never have to see you again in my office…" "Ooh," Tina sniffles, as Bette shook her head and exclaimed. "I meant, as just for a doctor. I don't want to see you as a patient, but as something more."

"More," Tina repeated, as Bette panted and sighed out astounded at her demeanor. "Yes, more." "You want more with me? Why on earth would you want more?" The blonde asks flabbergasted. Bette looked at the woman flabbergasted now, and stated. "Why wouldn't I want more with you? I see someone so amazing. I think it's time, you saw, see what I do." The brunette started up the engine again, as they drove off to the beach.

The blonde was still utterly confused. "How do you plan, to show me, how amazing I am?" She mocks the idea, as Bette whispered. "Trust me Tee, I'll show you, just how amazing you're, and carry you, through your darkness, and whisky you away from it. Do you trust me?" The blonde nearly cries, as she uttered. "I don't know why, but I do trust you Porter." If she only knew, tonight feelings would change, as two women were about to fall in love, and pull out of the web of darkness together. As love, would shine out at the end of the tunnel.

CHAPTER 9

PARADISE BEACH – (YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHAT STAYS OR WHAT FADES AWAY)

It disappeared in a matter of seconds; fear and anguish that threatened at daylight; seemed to fade away; upon night as her eyelids awaken and took in the scenery. White ocean waves; crashed against her toes and laughter found her present state and enjoyed herself for the first time in a very long-time. No light; it can mean a lot of things to her; salvation in the dark might be one of the many reasons; she runs towards it and hides away; during the day. Her mocha orbs stared off in the near distance; where she lied and took in the naturalistic gorgeous creature from afar. "I can't choose; you know?" Her somber voice echoes in remembrance as it causes tears to falter. Hazel's demeanor seemed quite eloquently beautiful and yet brutally honest at the same time when it came to her mental illness at times; and yet the more it scared Ms. Porter. It only made her; that more determined to change the outcome indeed in Tina's story. "I won't deceive you Bette; I'm used to loneliness and if you feel down the line you can't stick around. I'll understand because; let's be very frank here; I am no good at socialization and you're far better off with someone more suited for you and your needs." Golden hair shines underneath the moonlight and walked barefoot closer to her vicinity and had a picnic basket filled with wine; fruits; chocolates; and some ideas to get Tina to write about her feelings some more. Those very reflections caused a small-pang to erupt from her soul and reverted back to their earlier conversation in the car; before their arrival.

"I'm confused Tina; so can you tell me what you mean by needs." Mocha eyelids shuttered in a closed manner and looked at her in her reflection back fifteen minutes ago; inside of the car. Hazel looks disheveled and yet didn't bat one eyelash and looked off at the road and said calmly and rationally; in not so many words. "I am just used to not counting on people; and I know about your history. I'm not stupid nor do I pretend to see what isn't there." Eyes began to mist up and walked closer to her confidant and someone she envisioned more with. It's rather interesting she began with that sentence though; and no. I will not analyze the situation to death either. I just find it rather intriguing she'd begin with she'd assume I'd pick up and go; if things get tough. The words stung and yet it was blatantly; possible and yet it couldn't occur to her at all. "I realize the longest meaningful relationship I've ever had is with my career and even that I'm starting to second guess too." Her nostrils flare as she sighed retreated closer this kind and gentle creature; better known as Tina Judith Kennard. Enveloped in Bette's blanket she brought with her; from the car. The picnic basket plops softly; to the sand and took a seat next to the quietness; that was this twenty nine year old.

"I am sorry;" Tee pried open an eyelid and appeared to be more relaxed in her setting. Present time; seemed to fit well with her expression as Dr. Porter looked lost and unsure of what to say; at this moment. Her thoughts raced as emotions were evidently; too real to bail out now; and needed to convey that to Tina. Her intentions were not to run; she'd stick it out because her words earlier meant everything to her; and she needed to hear it a million times; it would be her sole purpose to make that clear to the fragile blond indeed. I am not like others; I fucked up. I am no saint. I probably don't deserve you; and I'm pretty damn sure; there could be someone better suited for you Tina. The ocean overlaps the silence as Bette broke the quietness with a sigh and looked at her friend; not just a patient to her. "No apologies; remember? I'm fine and I am glad you were honest with me back there in the car-ride here Tee. It's all I want for you." Mocha eyes dazzled her Hazel ones and looked at the sand and shook her face and said in elation and some tears.

"I shouldn't assume you'll run away though; it's just. I have nothing to make you stay; and tolerate me. I guess…I am just afraid you'll look at me one day; and figure it out." Hazel looked away; as Bette's orbs misted up and asked in a cracked voice. "What do you think I'll realize Tee?" Tina slowly arose and tried to articulate her words; in a way that wouldn't cause her heart or tears to fall any further and yet it did no good. "I am sorry," Tee kicks sand as Bette arose; and looked at Tina. Her reddened eyes; looked away at the ground as Bette shook her face.

"I am not telling you; I have all of the answers okay? I am not even sure; where this will all leads towards; but I do know one thing here Tina." Bette walked closer to her and brought that chin upwards and looked directly at Ms. Kennard. The number one rule had been broken and whispered in her ear. "I wouldn't dare leave you; and I'll do whatever it takes to make this right because you deserve happiness; even if it's not with me. I can't promise you much Tee; but I can make a promise to you right here and right now. I'll never hurt you; or mislead you into anything. And I know; I haven't been a stand up person as you mentioned to me and I am glad you know my truths and pasts; never be blinded by one person. I care for you; so deeply and I want this." Her hands grabbed a hold of Tina's and brought them closer together.

Tee whimpered and whispered to her closely. "What do you want?" Bette swallows and said it without a second thought. "You; in my life; in any capacity Tee; and I mean that. Do you believe me?" The blonde was moved to tears. It was like someone was finally; making a stance to save her; and all she had to do; was surrender to it. These feelings were a lot to take in and the revelations; made her heart trimmer in anticipation. No light once in those eyes; seemed to glow in her presence and Bette felt hands embrace her in solace.

"Do you think…we can just stay like this for a while?" Tee asked. The smell of vanilla on Bette's brown curly hair drove her wild and allowed the scents to trickle and invade her nostrils. Porter closes her eyes and enjoyed the sweet-abundance that was Ms. Tina Kennard and allowed the contact to continue. I can't believe I was so scared to fall for someone. This one right here; this young woman makes it so easy; and I'll not let you down. You and I; we're going to do amazing things together. I can feel it already.

The contact was lost for a brief second as Porter looked at Tina wipe away; tears and gathered her thoughts. Her smile returned and realized she had left her surprise in the baskets and gathered them up. Her hands scrounge the little masks she had made; and they had fancy feathers as Tee crinkles her nose cutely; at Dr. Porter. "Hey! What is all of this?" Porter places on a mask and smiled at the not so amused Tina Kennard. Her arms folded and looked around; and wondered if this was the joke; she had been waiting for since upon meeting Ms. Porter in her doctor's office.

"What? Do you not like it? I made them with some craft stuff I had gotten. I had hoped..." Tee tries to march back to the car as Bette pulled her in as their breaths were so close to another.

"Hey! Where do you think you're running off too?" Bette furrows an eyebrow as Tee angrily stated. "I am not a joke; I told you in confidence I wear a mask at home. I didn't think you'd mock me for it and do this Bette." Tina tries to flee as Bette pulled her in and dropped her mask. "I am so sorry; Tee. Tina; I made one for you and one for me. I wanted to you show…" Her face was briefly caressed by Tina's languishing tear-droplets and pointed to the hillside- just above the beach. "That is my beach home. I wanted you to join me. I'd like to keep the lights on but if you prefer not. When we walk in; I'll turn them all off and we can walk around in the dark."

Her eyes darted back and forth and felt tears upon her face as Tee caresses them away. "I didn't mean to make you think; I was making fun of you darling. I'd rather die than do something so childish." Tina shook her face and shuffles her feet. "It's just…never mind. I am sorry; for jumping to foolish conclusions Bette." The brunette shook her face. Hazel looks downwards as Bette remembers no direct eye-contact but it was harder than she thought it would be.

"I am sorry; Tina. I keep staring at you; but it's just…you are so precious and gorgeous." Her heart flutters as she heard those words and looked up again in her direction. "No; I don't mind it Bette. I hate it when strangers do it. Though; you're not exactly a stranger either." Her hands dangle to her sides as Bette grabbed a hold of one hand and shook her face. "No, I am definitely not a stranger to you; thank goodness for that." She winked as Tee allowed a slow breath to escape upon her lips. They both looked at each other in silence and retorted in their inner thoughts.

"Heaven help us; I am falling and there is no way to stop it is there?"

Porter extended a hand to Ms. Kennard and exclaimed in elation. "Shall we?" Tee furrows a brow as Bette looked a bit puzzled as Tee bent forward and grabbed the mask on the sand. "Where's yours?" A smile broke upon Ms. Bette Porter's face and grabbed a hold of the picnic basket and grabbed the other mask. "Right here; shall we? Does this mean you want the lights on then?"

Tee looked at the ground and just nodded as Bette squeezes her hand in solace. "It's going to be alright you know; I won't bite you sweetie. I mean…unless you like that." Tina's mouth went agape and slapped Porter's arm. "Bette!" "Ow! Okay; okay; you don't like to be bitten." Bette smirked as Tee shook her face and grabbed a hold of Bette's free hand.

"Lead us; you goober." Porter stuck out her tongue and led them to the beach house. The walk wasn't too long, the picnic basket was held in the left hand. Luckily, no one else was around in this property, this space was owned by Bette. "If you turn around you'll see another view of the pacific." "Wow," Tina exclaims, taking off the mask. The door opens, as the brunette had tears. "What?" Tee asks, wanting to put back on the mask. Bette shook her face. "It's just; well you look absolutely stunning in the light. Well if you wish, you can enter. I can turn off the lights…" Her hand near the light switch and felt it batted away; in a playful way. It took her by surprise a little as Tee shuffles her feet. This adorable act full on display melted one Bette Porter's heart. "I am indeed in trouble." Tee took her out of the dazzling staring match and looked around. "If you don't mind; I'd like the lights on. I mean; what if you bump into something. I wouldn't feel right about it."

Tee looked downwards as Bette smiled and saw her place back on the mask and closes the front door. "As you wish; lovely. You are the special guest; and I'll do whatever you ask of me tonight." Her left eye winked at her and watched a little bit of a flustered expression upon Tina's cheeks through the mask. "How about some wine? Do you like wine sweetie? I have some red or white?" Those Hazel orbs adsorbed her surrounds and found the plush pillows on the couch and sat down. "I'll take a sparkling water," Tina declines alcohol. The brunette smiles and walked over to the jug cooler, by the kitchen. "I hope this is fine, it's spring water." "It will be perfect, thank you." Tee exclaims, and felt at ease.

The brunette plops down at the other end, and witnessed the blonde take off her mask. Tears were evident, as they were wiped away. "Bette, why are you crying?" The brunette moved her hands in protest, at answering. She feared being too overly emotional would scare the woman away. "It's nothing. I just am happy you're here." "And, that is all, seriously?" Tina caresses those soft cheeks. A faint breathe, was felt and heard gasps. Their hands met, as Bette stroked her beautiful vanilla hands. "You're so sweet, so sweet." "I am," Tee asks, as Bette arose. "Dance with me?" "Okay," Tina whispers under a breath, as the two collide, into a tight embrace.

The brunette danced achingly close, as Tina whispered inside of her soul, and heart. "I think I can fall in love with you." A tear droplet rolled down her cheeks, continuing to dance, with the brunette, so closely, caressing the strong back.

"Tee,"

Bette whispered while Tina pulled away slightly.

The two were so close, as their bodies' swayed side, to side in unison. "Yes, Porter, what is it?" The brunette locked eyes, with the blonde and whispered to her softly. "I'm glad you came into my office, and am here with me. I'll help you, I am right here by your side. Through it all thick and thin, I'll be there with you, when you triumphant through this…" Tears fell from the vanilla complexion. "Why do you care so much about me, you hardly know me?" "I just do. I want to be the one, to make you smile. It's hard to explain it to you Tina. If I could explain what I feel for you, I wouldn't be able to feel it at all. It's more real than ever before…" "What?"

"Us in this moment; all I want to focus on is helping you. I know it probably doesn't make any sense. I probably seem like a rambling idiot to you now…" "No!" Tina retorted. Bette giggles, and looks down, a little humbled in this situation. "I'm grateful for that Tee, I am. Seriously, I have to say, I do feel like one. All I do know is I'm going to be there for you. I haven't been the most reliable person on earth, but I think I have been given an impossible dream, I never saw coming…" "Which is," Tina digs deeper, for answers that made sense.

"To say I love you, only to you, and know, you'll see it someday." Bette thought. "To show you, this world, and yourself isn't all so terrible. And you know what?" "What?" Tina sighed. "I am honored to have this distinct privilege to know you Tina."

Tina buries her face, into the brown curls, as they swayed side to side. "Yes, I am definitely falling in love. Oh dear, was that rambling all about her possibly, feeling the same way?" Tee thought, while the two silently, held each other tightly, swaying to their own beat of their hearts, fluttering outwards molding into each other.

If the two only knew, they were already in love, as they tried to rationalize it all when the right time, to go about it was. If these stubborn women only knew, there isn't a right or wrong time, only the time that's ticking away, each and every day; they waste, not saying the words, to their salvation, to help them heal old scars, from a very cynical world. As one woman, goes through the journey of self discovery, and the other falls in love with not such an ugly duckling after all.

Chapter 10

PORTER BEACH HOUSE – RESIDENCE – (MORNING COMES ONCE AGAIN)

Ocean broke apart against the cliff as her eyelids; began to awaken so freely. "Fuck! Did I fall asleep out here; ugh my back will feel that later indeed." It taps against her flesh that was left exposed and uncovered now; as masks were thrown and pieces of their vows; lay scattered all around where they lay now. Little grains of sand fall in and out of her feet and pokes around and saw her companion for the evening. Those familiar expressions of solace and joy crept across Dr. Porter's face; about what occurred here last night. I stumble; and fall in fear no one will care; I look down at the pavement; so no one will see me or memorize me. That southern tone in her accent invades her mind-set as she shook last night's confessions away. Vanilla eyelids flutter open and shut as she stirs in her slumber.

In a crouched position; Dr. Porter looked upon the wrinkled blanket and covered her pale-pearl-skin and watched it glow; underneath the naturalistic sun; that shimmers upon such a perfection of a woman. "You are an interesting creature; an interesting woman and someone I can't stop falling in-love with." In trouble and in need of some caffeine; her tired eyelids squint and looked straight ahead. "I won't leave you until you're awake though. The coffee can wait until you're safely awake and no sudden surprises set you back." Familiarity was important in the early stages; in recovery and since Tee had no idea how to get back to the Beach House alone; she'd wait for her sleeping beauty to arise. Ocean breaks up once again; against the cliff-side as memories invaded her cluttered-mind of inappropriate thoughts. "I knew you were fragile. I knew that. I just didn't realize something so beyond obvious now." Tee's eyelids flutter in her deep-sleep. The collection of soda-cans and an empty bottle of wine Bette had drank long after Tina had fallen asleep in her arms. In a state of confusion over her sudden need to be Ms. Kennard's savior and confidant. It scared her to death of this responsibility and wasn't quite sure; if she'd be up to the challenge as fluttery feelings took over the entire night. "I stared at you. I Bette Porter; looked at you most of the night asleep in my arms; as fire made you glow so heavenly. The wind crashed against your curly-cues and all I knew was; if I could watch you sleep for one hour; I was far-deep; surpassed normalcy myself." Then it causes a faint giggle to spurt out of her lungs; as a shift was felt underneath her grasp.

"No," Tina whimpered and snuggled closer to an already awakened companion. "No; you say?" Bette smiled and crinkled her nose and felt the comfortableness in this moment between two-souls. Tee groans in such a peaceful slumber as Dr. Porter closes her eyes and enjoyed the smell of Hazel eyes and enveloped her tighter. "I am scared. I am so scared I'm going to screw this up somehow." The Hazel eyed one softens up and relaxes in her embrace a bit more. Hands were felt around her backside as Bette calmly hisses out breaths. "I am dying here; you've roped me in. I was fine before you; before your presence and now; now I am so scared you and I are so much more." Bette closes her eyes.

Fire burned so brightly; for Hazel it seemed so relaxing as it sparked an array of emotions out of her as well. Laughter echoes inside of Bette's mind-set as it causes a smile to appear. Immaculate and eloquent; especially since Tee didn't think much of herself and yet for one brunette she was everything and more in-fact. "I wish I had told you the truth." Bette mutters under her breaths and caresses that lithe golden hair. I wish I had told you; I had already fallen in love with you; before I saw you near fire; before I saw the real you last night; and it isn't this scared child-like person either. No; you're so much more than that and I'd wish you'd see that and I'll figure it out and let you know; let you know it all. Fingers trail inside of that golden hair as Tee stirs; as she awakens in such a peaceful way. Junk food and soda cans surrounded her side; as one eye pried it-self open as remembrances flood throughout her mind-set. Quite aware; of her cackles and sudden spurts of snorts while she giggled; it caused her to panic immediately.

Throats clinched in fear; as one hand moves away; slight as Tee stirs and arose; totally unaware of the time and how long they had spent out on the beach. "Hello! Did you sleep alright?" Porter glances and gave an exquisite smile to one totally scared and fearful Tina Kennard. Paranoia swam in and out of her cluttered-head as voices reappeared in the daylight. "I SWEAR TO YOU; YOU ARE SO PATHETIC. LOOK AT HER; LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE REDUCED THIS POOR ALPHA WOMAN INTO. DID SHE SLEEP AT ALL OR DID SHE STAY UP ON BABY PATROL TO MAKE SURE YOU WOULDN'T GO DROWNING YOURSELF OUT HERE IN THE FUCKING OCEAN. I SWEAR; YOU ARE SO PATHETIC AND I WEEP FOR YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE." Tina rubbed her eyelids covered in tears as Bette blinked twice to make sure; she wasn't seeing things.

"NO; I AM NOT PATHETIC. I AM NOT PATHETIC." Tina yelps in anguish as Bette cautions herself but couldn't help it. She scooted closer and scooped up a rejecting Kennard. "No;" Tee held up both hands as Porter gulped. "Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong or is this the voices; you were telling me about last night? I want to help you; but you need to let me in sweetie so I can do whatever I possibly can to rid you of these demons." Tina sniffles in disbelief Bette didn't run away in total panic-mode and call the two people she didn't want to see right now. Her parents were always so apprehensive about her dating and meeting anyone; in fears they'd judge her mental illness; and yet with Bette. It seemed like instead of ignorance; she wanted to help her; help her live a life of normalcy and not be ashamed of who she was and how she felt inside. It was such a relief; not to put on a face and smile all of the time when you didn't feel like you could.

"Let me help you; let me be your confidant like I was last night." Bette whispered as Tee leaped inside of her arms. "I get so tired of the voices. I get so tired of hearing them. I want them to shut up; I want to be rid of them. I want to have a normal life Bette. I just want to be me without all of the other crap that comes along with me being me; you know?" Porter swallows and looked at the sand and saw their hands tightly gripped together. "I know what you mean; sweetie." Tee covers her face and allowed the tears to fall.

"You do; how do you know?" Tee asked in a muffled voice as she covered her face. Bette swallows; and knew she wanted to erase her past and knew she couldn't. It might follow her; and she knew she needed to protect Tina from it somehow; and yet she loves and cares so deeply; she'd throw caution to the wind and see what could occur from this. "I just do. I know you want to run and hide right now; but then I'd be sad; so we can't have that now can't we?" Bette asked selfishly. Tee looks down and shook her face beginning to giggle uncontrollably. Porter crinkled her nose and brought her closer to her space and uttered to her; in such a seductive way to Tina's ears.

It causes a new feeling; to saunter below her jeans. "I'm hungry." Her sexy voice purred outwards; like a kitten on a mission; but in Bette's mind-set it was strictly platonic. Tee felt the redden cheeks as Bette crinkles her nose again and asks in such a caring manner and lightly touched Tina's wrist. "Do you want to join me for breakfast Ms. Kennard?" Dr. Porter arose and extended out a hand for the blond to accept her invitation.

Tee purses her lips; unsure if she'd felt like eating anything to heavy; as Bette realized it might be too soon to rush Tee into a large breakfast and offered something even better. "I have some oatmeal or if you want…I have bacon and eggs." Dr. Porter awaits an answer as Tina was now; the one to scrunch her nose cutely.

"If you don't mind…I'd prefer the bacon over oatmeal any day." Tee suggests as Bette began to giggle and took a hold of the vanilla hand in hers. "Ooh Tee; that sounds just delicious and swell to me." Her eyes never left the blond one as Bette finished with. "It looks like it's just you and me for breakfast then." They continued to walk back to the Beach House; as Tee smiles a little on the outside while on the inside she felt all sorts of excitement.

"Wow! Am I in trouble or what? I am definitely in love with Dr. Porter." Tina states inside of her mind; as the two retreated back to the house for breakfast. If she only knew; she wasn't the only one falling in-love indeed.

CHAPTER 11

PORTER BEACH HOUSE – RESIDENCE – (I'M SORRY; I ADORE YOU BUT I HEAR THEM CALLING)

Deliciousness; it appears quite mouth-watering; and she wishes this dish was included on the menu. I wish my mind and heart wouldn't mind-fuck me so much. I realize she's out of my league; and yet. Tee pauses. Bacon sizzles; on the skillet as an egg was cracked. "I just love scrambbled eggs; do you honey?" Those redden lips; asks so effortlesly. Green orbs; looked onwards in amazement and reflects upon this particular mundane moment between two souls. "Honey? Did you just call me Honey? Now, now Ms. Porter; what will people assume?" Tee teases lightly; and shuffles her feet against the title. Those vanilla cheeks; turned some kind of pinkish; rosy colors; as it amuses one alpha Doctor. The cosmectic Doctor shook that face side and side and crinkled her nose cutely at the mysterious green eyed one. In a lot of ways; the mysteriousness in one Ms. Kennard intrigues her so much more; and was hell-bent on learning each and every one of her secrets; even the darkest ones. I'll be dammed; I am right underneath her spell aren't I? Tee's hands tightly inside of her jean pockets protectively; searches the scopes of outside and was fascinated by what her sights was capturing. I could get used to this; ocean surrounding us. Not a single soul out here; and just us; all alone. It rushes and hits her against that vanilla smooth skin. Wind; calmly lifted up every curtain inside of the beach house and it captivated one Doctor's heart.

"My god; you are beautiful." Those lips; of an angel softly whispers; and licked them; to cover up how dry there were; from staring at such perfection. Golden locks gently rocks side to side; enjoying the sweet serenity in this peaceful moment; as her nostrils wiggle in discomfort. Porter's orbs smiled at the adorable and innocent one but it was short lived; as Tee yelped out loud.

"BETTE! YOUR SKILLET IS ON FIRE! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOUR SKILLET IS ON FIRE." Tina Kennard calls out confidently; as Porter curls an eyebrow; and recongnized the smell of burnt food.

"FUCK ME!"

Eyes glared with a huff of annoyance at her stupidity at this point in time. "I'm an idiot." Porter huffed once more; as Tee just stood still with her mouth agape. "What on earth happened? I thought the food; was sizzling and it was fine and you were hot..I mean the food was hot and ready; ready to eat that is." Tee stammers incoherently with displeasure. The smitten doctor flares her nostrils in amusement and batted her eyelashes for good measure. "Tina Kennard; right now isn't the time to be all cute and adorable. I've got to put out a fire. In the kitchen that is…you know what I mean." This seductive and suggestive moment causes a blush to creep across Tee's face. I bet you can put out one hell of a fire; in other places. Once again; completely taken aback at her own forwardness; with her thoughts. The redden cheeks felt heat rise; as Bette cries out in disgust. "Damn! I really worked hard on cutting up those tomoatoes; green onions; and bacon too; you would have loved that Honey." The smoke still appears; as it appeared like a sweet shilloute to this gorgeous creature. "I bet it was delicious." Her mouth felt drier than usual and licked them. That smooth tongue glosses over those red lips; and felt her body rise and fall in this moment. Porter's eyelids batted once more and stared right at heaven sent across the room.

"I guess I fucked up breakfast. We could go out and get something?" Porter replies; just as she was about to put the skillet into the sink; and turn on the cold water. The emergency fire alarm sounded off; and before she could react to it. The sprinklers; that accompany them drenched her entirely.

"FUCK! FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK! FUCK THAT WATER IS SO FUCKING COLD." Porter cries outwards; as Tee's jaw dropped and looked onwards. Those ample breasts were definitely; shaped perfect. Glistening; tight fitted jeans hung on her ass perfectly; and very snug as well. It didn't take long for one blond to feel trimmers of arousal; infacuation; adoration and utter love. And it terrified her to say the least; while seeking another view of this gorgeous brunette as she shook off of the water and griped angrily.

"FUCK! I FUCKING HATE THIS ALARM. DID YOU KNOW MY DARN SISTER; MADE ME GET ONE? SHE TOLD ME I GET EASILY DISTRACTED AND I NEEDED ONE." Bette fumes as Tina just stood there with her mouth agape; with a hint of a smirk. "I can see why then you'd need one." It wasn't clear to her; why she felt so comfortable to banter and joke around with such a glorious creature; but with Ms. Porter. It just seemed like second nature to her; to ease into things; without thinking so much. Yeah…if I wasn't head over heels; seeing this woman all drenched; and pissed off. I am definitely; hot for her and I have no idea what to do about it other than embrace it and get over it already. Oh brother! I am in trouble over here; and she probably needs a towel too. I'll just not mention that and keep on ogling a little while longer.

The mocha skinned lovely; sashays on over to the presence of the blond and shivers. "I guess; I better go get myself changed and dry; instead of shake off the water like an idiot. I'll be right back Tina." Porter exclaims; as Tee peaked another view; of the stunning ass and sighed in utter awe-struckness.

"Damn! She read my mind…too bad those towels couldn't disappear now." Tee utters; inside of her mindset as a familiar voice crept back once again. "I wouldn't count on you ever giving that woman a towel or anything. The closest you'll ever get to her; is just a friendship; you pathetic fuck!" Her familiarty; with this constant struggle to stay positive always seemed to shift whenever she was alone.

FUCK YOU! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME AND BETTE ANYWAYS? SHE'S SO REASSURING; AND SHE KNOWS ABOUT YOU. I'LL KICK YOU LIKE A BAD HABIT. YOU SEE; YOU MIGHT THINK YOU'LL GET THE BEST OF ME AGAIN. THOUGH; YOU'RE WRONG. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU ARE WRONG. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME AND BETTE. I CAN BE HAPPY. "I can be happy." Tina eloquently stated as a familiar voice reappears into the room.

"I know you can." The gentlest touch startles her; as Bette stood there in just a silk robe. "Bette! Wow; didn't I tell you I hate to be sneaked up on like that?" Those adoring eyelashes batted and apologetically; stroked one vanilla arm lightly. "I am so sorry; Honey. I just wanted to tell you; if you wanted to have breakfast at the café' with me?" Porter seemed hopeful to get Tee out of the safety of solitude and into a cozy environment for the most important meal of the day. Tee sighs unsure of changing settings; after all she explained to Bette already, how she feels about going out in public.

Completely aware of the utter panic that threatened Tina's well-being; taking one hand into her grasp and carefully evokes with warmth and love. "It'll just be you and me alright? I could even order us up something and head back here. I'll take a personal day; just you and me okay?" Porter exclaims as Tee hesitated and then searches those brown eyes and found truth there that lied with her words.

"Okay; but only on one condition."

The brunette beamed from ear to ear as Tee looked outside and exclaimed softly. "I'll go with you; to this café; of yours; only if you and I get a private little table; hidden away." Golden hair flows in the air; as the curtains flowed so freely; with the fresh air that entered the room and studied those green orbs. "I just want you all to myself, today." Tee admitted shockingly; as Bette arches an eyebrow as Tee finished. "I mean…to talk about stuff. I want that. I want to change all of this and if I even have a chance at life; I know I have to meet you half way."

Astonished and completely and utterly filled with pride; all was left was to be filled with one embrace. "Whatever you want; I'll do it for you." Bette replies and took her into those strong arms. "Whatever you want;" She repeated gentler this time as it warms and terrified Tina's senses. On one hand; it could be entirely innocent and yet on the other hand; it could totally mean the complete opposite; and she wasn't quite sure how to process that.

Soon after; her twisted mindset settles with their days plans; the embrace was felt released from its grasp. "I'll be back and ooh Tee?" Tee stood there dumbfounded; on one hand utterly excited and totally scared at the possibly Bette really did feel the same for her completely.

"Yes?" "I selfishly; want me to be the reason you are happy someday." Bette disappeared to her hallway; on the way to her bedroom and took a big sigh. "I love you." Bette whispers to herself and scurried off to get ready. If she only knew; the blond one did too; and it was only a matter of time before fate would allow them both to discover their true feelings; and how they'd act upon those welcomed feelings; or would they?

CHAPTER 12

PORTER VECHILE – MORNING CONTINUES – (REVELATIONS &amp; CURIOUSITY SPARKS)

It cascaded all over; no where to hide or run now. The empty driver's seat felt so surreal. I am really pathetic or what? I have only been alone for a total of ten minutes; and I already am freaking out. Mary Lu's voice could be heard from afar in a reassuring tone as her and Bette spoke. "I figurered it would be alright! I just needed to make sure with you; first you know? I wouldn't want customers or Kit to assume I own the place." Dr. Porter sways side to side as Mary brushes Porter's shoulder in a gentle manner. "No; not at all. It's quite alright. I already texted your Big Sister Kitty; inside and it's all alright! If you just park; alongside one of us; it would be fine; the bigger spaces are for our suppliers; that come in and out all day. Our beer supplier is supposed to come shortly; to see what is in stock and what we need to order up; for tonight." Mrs. Mary Lu Jenkins explains to longtime friend and kid sister to Katheline Porter; or better known as Katy; or Kit to most.

"Ooh; make sure Kit ordered up that imported waters; I was yammering on about the other night. I know; it's expensive but I'm good for it." Dr. Porter swayed side to side; as Mary chuckles. "Of course; I'll remind her just to make sure she remembers; when it comes down to finalizing orders." The glaring light blinds her temporarily as those orbs searched across the side-walk to see an uncomfortable sight. DAMN! I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT HER ALONE FOR SO LONG. I NEED TO GET BACK TO HER AND REASSURE HER IT'S ALL FINE AND I'M ALL HERS; FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. The revelation of her and Tee spending the entire day together; causes a friction of excitement inside of her heart. "I could get used to this." Mary Lu chimes in; awakening a woman lost in complete thought.

Only one woman on her sights and it was refreshing to see at last. "Huh?" Her throat swallowed hard as Mary Lu smirked and walked towards the front entrance. "The lady; must be special to go through all of this trouble for eh?" The hostess exclaims and walked and opened the front entrance door. "Ooh and Porter…" Bette felt like her heart was going a mile a minute as Mary smiled at her and said lastly. "The table you wanted in the back private patio setting; is all set up. You and your lady friend have fun together." Her wink was the last expression she saw; and disappeared into the hustle and bustle of an early day at the Sunshine café'. Ms. Porter sighs in complete disarray as the passenger side door opened slightly.

"BETTE! IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT? IF WE CAN'T DO IT…IT'S FINE. IT WAS A STUPID IDEA AND WE CAN JUST EAT LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE INSIDE ALONGSIDE EVERYONE ELSE." Tee yelps outwards. Tee scrunches her nose; as Bette returned to the car and closed her driver side door. The power-locks automatically locked the doors; as Tina was taken aback by Porter's sudden daze of happiness. "Ooh! It's quite the contaray my dear. The set up; is all done. You can thank Kit later." She winks and proceeded to take the car out of parked gear; and began to drive the car; around the backway. Tears; as familiar as they were to her blond-eyelids; it was of one of complete and utter happiness and joy. Fullfillment to have met and known someone so selfless; so willing to go through her struggle with her; and do whatever her heart wished upon. "I…am….overwhelmed." Tina stammers; for the right words. Though; there were no right or wrong wordings; only ones from the heart. And; in this moment it was all she could muster up and offer to Bette in return. "Hey! I didn't mean to make you upset." The car stopped at the back entrance; as a food deliverly truck was leaving; with an order for tonight. "I forgot how good the food is here when this place; is the Java club; from 7pm-to 3am. I tell you; Kit's caterers are amazing Tee." Tina looks outside and couldn't help but smile so brightly; and look off to the driver's side seat.

"You are amazing; do you realize that Dr. Porter?" Tina released a faint breath she held in deeply. In fear; in great fear if she talked onwards; she'd reveal so much more than her illness. No; that didn't seem to scare as much as these feelings; seemed to swim across the shoreline between her heart and logical thought process. Fuck! I realize my voices play tricks on me; peg on my weaknesses; what I tell myself and feel are completely two-different things entirely. The space in my heart tells me one thing; and the voices are the nightmare that won't let me awaken. I realize; there is probably a zero chance of this ever happening and if it were to happen; the likely hood I'd screw it up; by simply me being me. No light appears in those green specks of orbs; she once saw of happiness earlier.

"Hey! Please; just tell me what is troubling you?" Beautiful and remorseful orbs looked at her in complete and utter defeat and looked straight ahead. "It's not you; it's just me Bette." The vagueness in her sentence frightened one Dr. Porter. "Please; tell me did I do something wrong? Do you want to go home? If you want too; and are just having second thoughts. I can call your moms and…" Tee bites her bottom lip in utter terrified mode. "Are you trying to back out of our day together? Do you need to be at the office today? If so; it's quite alright. I can put myself off to the side and you can go. I'll call my moms and they can pick me up…" Tee tries to pull the lever on the car door to open it as Bette stopped this blond. Gorgeous hair glowed right in front of her as Porter pulls in closer.

"Do you seriously want to call our day of fun; over? I really looked forward to stealing all of your bacon off of your plate. Then you could have a piece of my bagel." Those lips; purred when she spoke Tee swore. I wish she'd let me share more than that with her. The pieces of your lips; skin and so much more. Oh my! I need to stop this. This isn't me; or is it me? Why do you make me feel this way? I need to get a grip on myself. Porter's eyelids moistened in that moment when Tee looked at her. Really looked at her and exclaimed. "I'm just not used to people that are so kind to me. I mean; you're such an exceptional woman and here you are. You could accompany any woman in there and you want to dine me in the shadows of the dark room and I have no idea why." Tee looked down at her feet as Bette brought her vanilla upwards. Mere inches closer; as their lips were so close to touching.

"You really can't see it? Do you realize…." Porter paused as Tee swallows hard now. "You are the light that lit up the room; you light up all of the rooms; with just one Kennard smile." The moment felt so romantic as Tee felt jitters; as the door jiggled open for Bette and replied simply; to her company.

"Do you wish to be my light? I want you too." Bette exited her side and slammed her door shut. Tee sat there; for a while and then felt those hands extended onto hers. "I need light and you are the light I need. Those eyes of yours; will be the light this morning. So; will you come and join me an exhausted overworked Doctor for some conservation and see where the day takes us ahead?" Bette asked in hopes. The hopes; were shown in great amazement and detail as the light returned to Tee's glow; with just one smile.

"Okay; just for you." Tee exlciams; as Bette utters with a glimmer of hope and smile of her own. "Aren't I lucky then? I'm one lucky woman." Porter whistles with a chipper to her step; as she opened the door; like a lady for the woman that consumed her every thought and hearts desire. Outside however; two familiar faces in Porter's life observed an unusual scene and wanted to know what was up.

"I am sure of it Shane. I saw Bette's car turn around and go towards the back." Alice searches around for her answers. It was 9 o' Clock and Kit appeared to be nowhere near in sight. "I tell you! I think there might be some dirt here!" Al smirked to herself; after all. Yoda rubbed her temples in circles and sighed with an annoyed huff. I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT BETTE DOES WITH HER OWN DAMN LIFE. I JUST WANT MY LATTEE. DAMMIT. HOW CAN I KILL ALICE SO SHE'LL SHUT UP? Yoda pouts as Al continues onwards; as if anyone listened to her at all. "I am telling you; girlfriend. Bette has been abscent from Java and the ladies talk. Apparently; she told off one of her conquests; and is threatening her with sexual harrasment charges. Though; I doubt it'll stick. Bette is smart after all and won't lose her practice because her vagina couldn't stay tucked inside of her pants. I do try to warn her like a good friend it'll get her into trouble someday. I just wish the poor woman would listen to me. I mean…it's not like one woman has occupied her time right?" Alice asked Shane; who had returned from inside and sipped on an espresso with a smile.

"Huh?" Yoda purses her lips as Alice rolled her eyes. "Whatever! Bette doesn't fall in love…so that can't be the reason; she hasn't been around lately." AL searches as Mary Lu returns to her outside post and beamed with happiness. "I wouldn't say never Ms. Pieszecki." Yoda nearly choked on her drink as Alice curls an eyebrow. "Spill it! Do you know something Lu?" The nosy friend digs for answers. Mary on the other hand wasn't about to betray the confidence of Bette but it was quite obvious from the little setting in the back. It was clearer than daylight; little Porter had her heart stolen by a blond one. And there was only one name responsible for it.

"I do not conspire and tell." Mary simply stated and walked to greet the next onslaught of cars that made their way; from the entrance onto vale. Shane curls an eyebrow in curiousity and thought to herself. "Well; well; if one of us would fall victim to the love-spell. I am sure glad it's her and not me. It gets you into trouble. Though; oddly enough I am quite happy for her; even though this one over here is foaming by the mouth curious as to whom Mary was referrering too." Alice's eyes turned from curious to downright suspicous.

"How does Mary Lu know and we don't? Aren't we her best friends?" AL questions as Shane brushed it off. "Perhaps; it all on the downlow until she's ready. We really don't know and until we do. Let's just mind our own damn business." Yoda walked back to the front entrance.

"Now; let's just finish our breakfast alright?" Shane retorted as Alice shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "Alright! I guess you are right. Bette will tell us…" Kit appeared from the entrance as the gossip trekked it faster than ever.

"KIT! HOLD UP! I AND SHANE NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR SISTER." Shane rolls her eyes and followed onwards and said an in annoyed manner. "I can't see why; she'd hide anything from us." In her sarcastic tone; it was true. Something's; are better kept a secret; until you are ready. While friend's curiosity stirred; two souls were just easing into life; as stressful as it was going to be. They would welcome today; as it would change everything.

CHAPTER 13

SUNSHINE CAFÉ' – MORNING CONTINUES – (OPENING UP &amp; UNEXPECTED GUESTS)

Quiet Hazel orbs stared off and heard pans; sauce pans fall off towards the distance. Hands jitter; as the napkin was tightly gripped to those vanilla fingertips. Nervousness; still very much apparent in Tee's demeanor doesn't frightened one Alpha titan one bit and tries to up-rise her seated position to arise; and help this damsel in distress; so to speak. Green eyes looked at her dejectedly; unsure of why the most simplistic sounds caused her to panic. I hear voices; I know it's near and it's hundreds; upon hundreds of normal folks; just having a good old wholesome breakfast. Kitty's menu was appetizing to one blond; that enjoyed the southern breakfast she ordered. Sparkles appeared yet again right in-front of her sights. Fingertips reached a few extra steps; and further encouraged by one golden haired naturalistic beauty. Hidden away; so far away from all of the darkness; in n area that described so much about her situation. One window; a small little porch and balcony seating area; a private longue the staffers used on their breaks. It wasn't much to Dr. Bette Porter; but in the eyes of her companion; it meant so much more to her and then some. The lengths this gorgeous creature went through; just so she could eat at peace; without the constant fears; of someone staring at her.

Taken aback; those sparkles of light stared at her and it didn't so much as frighten her; as their beginning was complicated. This woman wasn't new at all to games; and courting the same-sex to get them exactly where she wanted them. Mocha eyelids flutter shut and the tiny gasps were heard. Dr. Porter wiped her mouth and tries to illustrate the very truths that consumed her cluttered-mindset that fucks with her on a daily-basis. I'm sorry! I know; I know; you hate to be stared at. I just… Doctor Elizabeth Porter fumbles with her wordings; inside of her mind. Yet her mouth pursed and uttered. "I can't help it. I look at you; and I know you hate that. I know you do." Her mouth agape; and shattered at the mere thought of this day turning out completely sour. Tears; fell in droplets off of the cheek-bone as it lathered up the collar of her Jill Sander suit. Mascara appeared so visible to her Hazel gorgeousness; completely unsure of what to do. I look at you too; and I am not sure if I'm supposed to look away; but for some reason. I can't bring myself the strength to do just that. Revelations inside of her clear-headed mind-set for once scared her completely. "I adore you." It swam freely; out there. The first revelation either one had openly evoked. Breaths; short now and yet so steadily looked straight ahead at the glittering golden hair and smiled at her truths. The truths she was too terrified to evoke so loudly; and yet wanted to stand on-top of this little private table; and yelp it out-loud. I adore you too! Expressions of embarrassment etched all over one vanilla face; those cheek bones turned all kinds of shades of pink. Crimson redden colors; appeared so heavenly upon this adorable and yet innocent 29 year old. Hands slither off and tenderly; took a finger into her grasp.

I look at you; yes I do tend to stare a little too much. Illustration of words; wasn't her strong-suit and musters up some encouragement as a little grip was given. Her patient looked at her; hopeful as those orbs shimmer in complete and utter glows; that spoke to one Dr. Porter. "I stare. I am guilty. I just am amazed by you." Tee looked away; her mind tries to wrap her brain around the revelations as the kind and yet totally enthralled doctor sat closer to her. Heartbeats pound to electrified levels; caramel and vanilla creamy hands met more firmly. I look at you and I see the evolution you've taken right before my very eyes; and I feel this sense of pride. Porter tears up; as she tried to eloquently evoke from her heart what she felt at this exact moment. As much as it frightened her; it was important Tina knew the impact she's had on her life already. "I no longer see a scared little girl; hiding away and refusing to live." Bette paused. Tina felt a million emotions as it overflowed upon their many expressions. Hands gentle and more tightly than ever before felt their hearts-soaring right into the air with elation at once. "I adore you; too Tina Kennard. I adore your innocence; your resilience; and most of all…" Bette froze; her body wants to react all of these emotions.

Tee gulps and felt their grasp loosen a bit as tears falter. "It's okay! I'm used…" The mocha beauty; scooted her hair closer to hers; and uttered. "I'm terrified of you." Her lips; quivered as Tina could feel her breath so close. It was suddenly realized the two were very close; lips agape and Bette tries to move in. Pans fell off to the distance as Tina arose and gasps in utter panic-mode. Porter felt the tears succumb and arose.

"I'm sorry!" Tee gasps as Bette tried to pace the area as she felt a tug at her arm. "Hey…" The blond looked at her; utterly terrified and yet intrigued by what could have occurred just mere seconds ago. Did Bette lean forward to kiss me? Did I really just shriek like an idiot just now? Flabbergasted at her actions entirely; Bette fixes her suit jacket and looked at Tee apologetically.

"I'll go." Bette examines the blond's body language and said calmly with a smile. "I need to say goodbye to Kitty; and then we can go." Tee fights an eternal battle to pull her closer; and finish whatever was supposed to occur just seconds ago. Though; in the end perhaps it was just fates way; of telling her it wasn't the right moment if ever. "Fine; and Bette;" The brunette stopped dead in her tracks; ashamed to turn around and swallowed hard her pride.

"Yes; Tee?" Bette asks; her heart sank a million times; wondering if she'll ever be ready to embark on such a journey with a woman. Yet; for one Bette Louise Porter; it was pretty evident already; the only woman she wanted to caress; touch and kiss in a one woman relationship; was too scared of her; or perhaps of the simple truth. I am unworthy of her. I'll end up; tainting her love and heart and I cannot allow that. Perhaps; this all happened for a very good reason.

"Hurry back to me." Tina exclaims as she plopped back onto the chair. Her words sent shivers up and down Bette's spine. "I need to speak with Kitty; and then I'm all yours." Bette retorted and walked away. Her eyelids closed and looked off to the entrance inside of the establishment once again and feared. Fears; that she was only Tina's and how she'd respond to such a proclamation; as the meaning of a talk with Big Sister; would turn out to be a very good thing; right now.

Porter's heart swam heavily with a lot of impending thoughts; as her once frozen soul to love was finally awakened. Clearly rattled and not at all paying attention; bumps into an unexpected Blondie.

Her eyebrows curled upwards; as the disheveled blond looks around for saviors. Porter's arms crossed as Alice looks on pitifully; unsure of what to say; other then the first thought that stumbled upon her pee-brain mind of hers. "I'm a waiter." Her hands motioned to the stolen food; that was for table #3 and 4. Her eyelids quickly shutter as Bette inches closer to her nose; and looked off to the distance; of where she and Tina had just been. The interruptions from just seconds ago, could it have been a nosy friend that ruined their close encounter after all? Did she and Tee really have a shot; a real go at a relationship together; as a smile crept upon her face.

"I'd smile too; if I were in the company of a hottie-blond too. Nice; very nice work Bette Porter;" Alice finishes as Bette curls an eyebrow and uttered angrily. "I KNEW IT! I JUST KNEW IT. NO ONE ELSE IN THAT KITCHEN IS AS CLUMSY AS YOU ARE WITH YOUR MENTAL STABILITY ALICE. I SWEAR YOU'VE JUST RUINED EVERYTHING." Porter shouts out-loud. Shane notices the confrontation taking place and tries to flee; and leave AL in the lurch. After all; it wasn't like she had anything to do with AL sneaking back against Kit's wishes and stealing an apron; and a tray of food; from Louis; and calling herself a waiter. Eyes scanned the room and noticed the skinny brunette that tries to flee the situation.

"FREEZE YOU SKINNY LITTLE HEIFER." Yoda purses her lips in complete and utter disarray. Alice laughs out loud at the choice words; as Bette got into her face.

"OH! SO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY HUH? RUINING MY WHOLE FUCKING MORNING WITH YOUR SHIT." The Jill Sander suit was tugged onto as AL whispers not so subtly. "Please! People are beginning to stare at us Porter; keep it down. What is the big fucking deal anyways? It's like you're in love or anything." Porter's pupils began to turn all shades of red. Her eyelids shutter open and closed as Bette swallows hard and looked all around her. Tina was off in quietness; and yet she wishes she was here in this moment. In this moment she'd finally admit to herself; what was happening in her life finally.

"No Alice; you are completely right." Bette laughs. AL's eyes turned into saucers; as Bette's mouth went agape; and followed with a sentence that would forever change her entire world. "I AM NOT IN LOVE OR JUST ANYTHING…LIKE YOU PUT IT GOOD ALICE. I AM SO DEEPLY IN LOVE IT FUCKING HURTS. IT HURTS; OKAY? I AM HURTING; AND I WISH I COULD MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY. I DON'T NEED THIS FROM YOU; OR MY SO CALLED FRIENDS." Bette shrieks as Kit came by racing.

"Tina!" Kit exclaims as Bette felt daggers in her heart. Tee looked at the woman across from her in utter dejectedness. Her green orbs; were no longer sparkling; no they were red; a sea of redden and swollen from hurt. The fears those very fears so evident after all of this time still would haunt her. Bette gasps; her airwaves felt like they were shut off completely; as utter silence took over the entire café.

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! THEY ARE ALL LAUGHING AT YOU. I TOLD YOU! THE GOOD DOCTOR JUST FEELS SORRY FOR YOU; LOOK AT HER. DID YOU REALLY ASSUME SHE'D WANT YOU?" Tee looked at her and shrieked. "Liarrrrrrr!" Bette swallows and felt her tears falling. Doctor Porter tries to run to her as Kit stopped her dead cold in her tracks.

"No! I need to go to her and tell her…" Kit stopped her. "No!" Kit yelps; as Alice saw a different Bette Porter. Shane shook her face and looked at Alice pitifully. "This is your entire fucking fault. You couldn't leave well enough alone; now look at what you've done." Bette cries in utter misery as Kit sighs. "Fuck! Fuck Bette! You love that woman! Why can't you just tell her that? Why do you insist on protecting her from?"

Alice tries to apologize as Shane grabbed a hold of her. "Go!" Shane looked from afar and walked the long journey; to see if the woman was alright. The ladies room is where Tee sought refuge from the world. A world full of judgment and yet if she only knew; the one person on her side did and truly loved her with all of her heart. Bette shivers and looked from afar and saw Shane going near with Tee had run off too.

"Please! Let me talk to her." Bette cries as Shane uttered somberly. "Let me first Bette? I need to explain some stuff to her; and if she'll hear you out. I'll take her to you in Kit's office?" Shane asked for confirmation as Kit nodded simply. "Alright people! The show is over." Mary Lu exclaims and looked at a worrisome Alice. "I hope she's alright." Bette could kill Alice as Mary Lu took Alice towards the front entrance.

"I hope for you sake; this all gets sorted. I mean…the way Bette stares at her and just talks about Tina." Mary Lu smiled saddened by the sudden turn of events. AL sighs and looked from the outside looking in; as the front doors closed to see a shattered Bette collapse into the arms of her Big Sister.

"What would possess you to say you wanted it all to go away?" Kit whispered to her sister. Bette looked onwards; no sight of Tee or Shane. If she only knew; as grim as it appeared; everything happens for a reason; and that reason would come to the surface; just like so much more indeed.

CHAPTER 14

SUNSHINE CAFÉ'- MORNING CONTINUES – FRAGILE HEARTS; AREN'T SO EASILY PUT BACK TOGETHER

Broken apart over such an awful turn of events; in front of a sea of customers no less; it was like the final nail to her coffin in-fact. Pitiful and slumped back to the leather-chair in Kitty's office; those tears scattered all around her cheek bones. Harsh light cascaded into the room; as curtains were open to awaken Bette Porter; from silence. Pace; pace after pace; Kit walk back and forth from the desk to her baby sister's anguishing face. This person she's only known for a short amount of time; has given her little naive sister something to smile about and yet it frightens her; how Bette wishes to throw what little good she has away; in an instant. Dr. Elizabeth Porter tries to arise from her pathetic slumped-seated position as big sister Kitty; put an end to this ridiculousness and reaches out to her broad-shoulders in one swift movement. Quizzically; eyes of soulful and a lot of wisdom there shook her unconvincing face side to side and uttered in a disapproving manner.

"Elizabeth; I adore you. I do; but sometimes you can be such a cruel ass." Kit gripped that strong shoulder in a tight grasp; it painfully awakens Bette's tears. It's painful to hear such a self truth about yourself from family; let alone the one family member that meant everything to her. Big Sister awaits a reply; as Dr. Porter looks onwards; straight ahead in complete and utter misery; not quite sure how it all got so fucked up. This isn't exactly how I pictured it in my mind either. I wanted to take her away; away from the entire world for ONE fucking god-forsaking day; and have a little peace. Mouth of a goddess fell agape and sighs softer; as her tongue lathers her dried lips and evokes in pain and depleted natures. "I certainly didn't mean for her to hear all of that alright? I fucked up Kit. What do you want from me? I am trying so hard here. I have a lot on my plate right now with my practice and I really don't need the third degree from all people; you. I'm your little sister; and you should know me by now. I wouldn't ever intentionally hurt another person." Bette swallows hard. It was half true her last sentence as Kit knew better and curled an eyebrow in question.

"I see. I see. So; you are telling me this is completely different from all of the other women you tried to ditch? I mean; Tina isn't a conquest? I see. I see; so you are in it for the long haul? I see you are completely changed around? So; if that were true; you wouldn't have muttered you wanted it all to go away then right? If; she is in-fact the real deal after all then right? I mean; you are so completely innocent is what you're telling me right Bette?" Katherine Porter shook her face as Porter looked at her sister in a dejected manner and arose.

"Wow!" Porter's mouth fell open; wide eyed in complete and utter-shock as Tina's words echoed harshly; inside of her mindset and felt tears. Fragile hearts; I made promises to her. I yelled from the roof-tops in her presence about this better outcome and I am a liar as she called me. Tee's shattered display; broke her apart and walked away from her. It felt like a thousand daggers soaring at her soul. "I admit it Kitty; my little rant and yell-fest served no greater purpose. I fucked it all up." The emptiness; that appeared on Bette's face was not a new sight to Kit's expression of displeasure.

"And; what are you prepared to do to change what you just fucked up? Baby girl; what the fuck is wrong with you? I love you; girl. I believe you know that and I'd die for you; because you are my family. Though; that woman that ran from you just now; that you just shattered into a million pieces. I honestly believe…" Bette interjects and shook her face. "I'm not what she needs Kit. I'm the last person on earth that sweet-woman needs right now." The tears flowed so achingly hard; as it broke apart one sister and walked over to her disheveled little sister in sorrow. It rained down upon her; like her fate was supposed to be; no sunshine at all; just pain.

I am many things; a cheat and a liar yes; and yet… Porter pauses her thoughts as Kit shook some sense into her little sisters embrace. "Why are you so hell-bent on pushing her away? I know you love her." Bette's eyelids closed. …though; I never once ever lied to her about her true potential or how much I am in love with her. If only; I could just tell her; though perhaps Alice and Shane just did me a favor; and Tina too. I am no savior; and she certainly deserves better than me. Porter grapples onto Kit and sobbed violently. Kit's heart broke apart. She held onto her little sister as she fought back her tears and uttered. "Let love come into your life. I know you're in love with that woman. I know it and feel it. Why are you trying so hard to punish yourself for your sins? I mean…don't you want to at least see where this can lead you both too?" Eyelids covered in saturation looked at Kit saddened. A lot of stuff Kitty; didn't know about; as much as she wanted that hopeful outlook. The demons that possessed the one true love of her life; it threatened her one true shot at happily ever after.

"There is just too much at stake and I love her too much to risk her; losing herself yet again. I am not worth it." Bette swallows her pain. Kit felt the grasp loosen as a knock was heard upon the door. Those tears threatened to fall once again; as Porter's heart flutters. I knew; as much as I just meant every single word I just told Kit to be true. I still wanted it to be her; at the other side of that doorway. Disorientated and unsure of what was at the other side; of the door; she ran to open it anyways. Kit sighs as Bette unlocked the door and moved the door-knob to reveal a blond.

Those reddened eyes; revealed much anger; and well deserved resentment towards one Alice Pieszecki. "I am so sorry; is she alright? I haven't seen Shane or Tina come out of the ladies room and I just…" AL was dragged inside of the office by an angrier Bette Porter and yelped in total disgust. "I hurt the woman I love and it's your entire fault. I swear; why can't you fucking mind your fucking business sometimes Alice?" In pride a smile crept upon Kitty's face as AL swallows hard. "So…if you love her so much; why did you say to us all you wanted to make it all go away?"

Porter's heart dropped and sank into a puddle of her own blood; in the inside of her body and conveys in utter disgust at her own choice of words. "FUCK YOU! I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE HER GO AWAY. OKAY? I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER; AND I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY. IF ANYTHING; I WANT HER TO GET BETTER; SO SHE AND I CAN BECOME SOMETHING OF AN ITEM ALRIGHT? I LOVE HER AND I AM NOT WILLING TO THROW HER AWAY." Her tears slowly draping her cheek-bone as Alice smiled in compassion.

"Good. She seems like a nice girl Bette." Bette huffs out air as Kit walked up behind her and wrapped her arms; around her little sister and exclaims with love and warmth.

"I think it's time you get your girl; and do what you planned on doing alright?" Kit offers; as Bette sighs in utter-panic mode and looked at the other side of the doorway again. It was completely silent and no sign of Shane or Tina. Her heartbeats were louder than ever and evokes with fear written upon her face.

"No; you guys don't understand. I set her recovery backwards; she won't want to do what we planned today; if ever. I fucked it all up. I wouldn't be surprised if Mama J and M are here right now; ready to chop off my head and place it on a silver platter; for which I wouldn't blame Mama M one bit. I fucked up and Mary has ever right to kill me for hurting her fragile daughter." Porter slumps to the floor as Kit and Alice both had a look of utter confusion. AL spoke up first and leaned inwards as Bette was now an emotional-wreck.

"What do you mean her mother's?" AL purses her lips in deep thought. Hmm; now that I come to think about it…she does have this child-like demeanor when I saw them interact together. No! It can't be so; I mean she looks like she's in her late 20's at best and I still wouldn't understand why; that would be a big deal. Porter sighs and wondered if she had the right to reveal such a private matter between her and Tina with the two closest people in her life. "Yes; why would her mother's care about where Tina is right now? I mean; she's at least what…27; 28?" Kit guessed as Bette slumped further; hunched over in complete and utter disarray at this entire situation.

"29; but it's complicated and I'm not sure as her Doctor; I can break such confidentialities." Eyes widen at the sudden bomb-shell as AL was the first to speak up. "Whoa! Wait…hold on a second…that woman that ran away from you; faster than the energizer bunny; is your patient? No; she doesn't look like she'd had any cosmetic surgery done at all." Kit swallows hard and noticed the deep pain that surfaced on Bette's face.

"No! You are right about that one." Bette smiled. The first time she laid eyes on Tee; and it was awkward as hell and yet it didn't seem to faze her at all. "I stopped her." Kit's eyes squinted in utter-confusion and looked perplexed and searched for the truth once and for all.

"Then; if you stopped her Bette…how the hell does that make her your patient?" Kit questionably looked at her sister; who simply sighed and revealed the truth finally. "Well; if you two must know; she's my patient because I'm helping her divert from her old lifestyle; of suffering from BDD." Bette swallows hard and re-clarified the last sentence. "It's body dysmorphic disorder; a disorder that causes you to see images about your body that isn't true; or exaggerated…to the point where it can leave you socially and emotionally cripple; imagine what hell she's been through; and I've put her through more today. In that room I made people; complete strangers believe I didn't want her; made her believe I'm a liar." Bette sobbed violently; as she rocked back and forth.

Alice swallows hard and enveloped the brunette into her grasp. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry." Kit felt her tears collapse and looked at her sister in amazement. "I was so wrong about you; baby sister." Bette sighed and looked at the two in disbelief they weren't standing there in judgment and uttered in a pleading mode.

"I need your help; to help her right now." Bette calls upon family; as painful as it was to admit it. She couldn't carry this on alone; and Tina would need a lot of support if she would fight the voices and demons that threatened her harm once again; after such revelations; lies or not. The voices preyed on the weaker moments and Bette knew better. If she was sure of it now; she knew Tee was fighting them alone. If she only knew; she wasn't alone at this moment and a new friend would make her feel at ease to fight the eternal struggle; to not let her go back to darkness ever again.

SUNSHINE CAFÉ' – LADIES ROOM- I NEED TO BREATHE- ANGUISH OF A BLOND SOUL SHATTERED ONCE AGAIN

I unraveled myself; and allowed the outside to get inside of me; her of all people. How could I have been so stupid? I feel like a cut up; used up; being. I feel nothing. Doors; shut and locked as her knees are pulled up to her chest. The fetal position inside of the stall was to protect her from outsiders. "I allowed you to convince me I wasn't sick and I would get well. I say; fuck you Bette Porter. I hate you! I hate you!" Her tears fall silent. The warm drips falter; to the knees. "I may love you; BUT I FUCKING HATE YOU TOO." Tee screamed.

Shane looked at the locked stall door and tries to gather her thoughts. "Fuck! I need to talk with you; um." Shane was at a loss for words. Her mind was in a whirlwind and searches the bathroom. Her eyes felt ashamed she had to heart Tina's anguish; which were only for Bette's ears. Yet; it was probably not a good idea to call the brunette at this moment and shuddered to see a blond-one expose her-self out of the bathroom stall.

Yoda swallowed hard and allowed the silence to take over. "I told you…I fucking told you; she convinced you she cared and now; she sent her goons; to end it all with you. I say screw them all and just leave; Mama M and J will make it all better for us; I nor you; need anyone. Let's go Tee." The voices retorted as Shane inches closer and mutters. "Hey…listen…" "I do not need you or anyone else to comfort me."

Tina tries to step forward as Shane closes her eyes; and grabbed a hold of the blond. "No!" Tee's tears started to well up as she screamed. "No; let go of me." Tina screamed violently; as Kit rushes into the bathroom stall.

"Fuck! Shane…let go of her…" Kit demanded as Tee screamed and felt the voices violently return. "I told you…they all don't care about you…especially Bette." The blonde cries in shrieks; and collapses to the floor. "No one loves me…no one." Tee repeatedly; as Shane looked onwards. A tear droplet fell from her orbs; as Alice rushed in completely in shock at the harsh reality; and felt so responsible for the set-back.

Yoda tries to inch closer to her; as Alice motioned her to move; from afar and kneeled downwards. "Tina?" The blond one looks at the opposite direction; as AL looked at Kit. "Let me and Shane handle this Kitty okay?" The brunette simply agreed as Tee looked straight ahead with a blank-stare and repeated. "No one loves me…no one." "No; that's not true Tina…" Alice bit her bottom lip.

Shane shook her rationality away; and inches closer to Tina and utters. "Hey; I know a few people that love you." Her smile was warm as Tee looked at their direction. The voices; had disappeared for a moment. The silence was welcomed as Alice thought to herself. "I need to make this right; or else I wouldn't blame Porter; if she killed me." While it appeared so grim; if the two only knew; love would somehow shine a light upon darkness. While one woman was about to be tested in her recovery; as another would finally prove to her blond one she did in-fact love her, truly and forever.

CHAPTER 15

SUNSHINE CAFÉ' – MORNING CONTINUES – I'M GOING UNDER; I'M NOT GIVING UP; JUST GIVING IN

I adore her. I was looking at her today; and in this daydream that I finally allowed myself to have you know? I know; I know; it was stupid and silly to assume she'd ever feel that way about me. Fifty seconds; and still silence took over the ladies room atmosphere. Those vanilla knees bent forward to build a barrier between her and the two strangers. Hazel eyes sparkled to one Shane MCcutheon and leaned in a little further. Bewildered and unaware of what to do exactly; her voices started to play tricks upon her clouded mind-set once again. I NO LONGER UNDERSTAND YOU; YOU ARE SO STUPID. GET US OUT OF HERE; THESE TWO WERE THE ONES LAUGHING AT YOU. BETTE AND HER STUPID LITTLE NOSY FRIENDS; BETRAYED YOU. Tee's eyes began to swim with new tears; and looked down at the floor. The beautiful marble tile attracts her senses and caresses it ever so slightly; and felt intrigued by it. Jitters release out of her hands and allowed them to finally shake. Her orbs exuded so much expressions; expressions of sadness; was the top emotion to win. An onslaught of memories flooded her clouded judgment and rattled to shake them out of plain sight; inside of her soul and brain. "Thank you! I'm really excited Bette; about today and how you cleared basically your whole schedule for little ole' me." Tee's smile was one of fulfillment at last. That familiar smile of warmth and completion unglued and unhinged a sea of emotions for another woman. Hazel orbs that twinkled so memorizing; it was an unlikely blond that would forever change her sole purpose in life. Once alone; and a heartbreak among lesbians; knew there was so much more to life itself finally. It was hard to grasp; this notion one person could be committed to another; and solely only love that one person in-fact. The light reflected onto her golden locks and studies her partner's expressions. A while ago; Tee would have completely freaked out by sunlight. Green eyes shined so heavenly to her sights. Those mocha nostrils struggle to remain in control and wiggled in an emotional onslaught of tears. These salty tears that tasted so sweet inside of her mouth and grapple to find air. Tina looked a little perplexed as Bette smiled at her and stopped because of heavy L.A. morning traffic. Hands hit the steering wheel in a way to relieve the nervous tension she's was struggling with; how much she was so in love and couldn't say a word about it; if ever to Tina. Quietness still relevant as ever; as a floral pattern enveloped all of one blonds' attention at this very moment in time. Flashbacks sauntered back into her mindset and felt the tears flow- so much more freely than ever. "I'm sorry; Tina. I just…" Porter bit her bottom lip; in deep thought. Hands met tenderly; as Tee gripped it a lot harder than intended. Though; as it was welcomed by the brunette she sighs; as contact was lost once again. Those familiar horns resounded and blared rather loudly.

"HEEEEEY! LADY; YOU CAN PRESS THAT THING THAT'S CALLED THE FUCKING GAS NOW; UGH! I HATE THIS FUCKING CITY. I REALLY DO." Karl yelps; a truck driver; that imported beer. Porter groans and tries to retort as Tee laughs. The laughter; was unexpected to one brunette but couldn't help but chuckle.

"What is so funny?" Bette began to drive again as Tee just smiled. "I'm going to have a lot of fun with you today; aren't I?" A single tear rolled down upon her face as she tried to arise. Shane saw her struggle to get up; sliding back down in agony; as she needed more strength than ever and feared she had lost all willpower to go on. McCutheon reaches out her hand and saw the woman have reservations and pout in a childlike manner.

"I am fine." Tee struggles once more. Ms. McCutheon sighed and looked upon Al for help; and reached out too; for a helpful hand as Tina grimaces in shame; and took the offering hands of two strangers. "I should go; thank you." The blonde tries to flee; to retrieve back to her mother's but not without a fight. Forceful and completely unaware of her own strength brought Tina back to her stance and replied in a somber like fashion.

"Look! I realize you're pissed off and you have every right to be. I mean; what happened out there wasn't pretty." Alice stammers as Shane furrowed a brow and smacked Al onto the arm. "I think…what Alice is trying to explain to you is; Bette feels horribly; and I really do think you and her should really just talk this all out." McCutcheon's lips quiver when Tee's orbs welled up once again and looked straight ahead. Mirrors; upon mirrors all in a row; like sitting ducks; all ready to judge her. The words Shane just evoked; she heard them clearly; but all she could focus on now was the mirrors.

Laughter was all she could hear as McCutheon says with a smile. "I'm sure once you both talk this all out. I know; you'll see she does care about you; and then you two can move on with your little date together." Al's lip pursed as Shane looked perplexed and was grabbed to the nearest stall. Annoyed as ever by Alice's actions today; and having had enough; Yoda glared angrily at her as Alice tried to explain the severity of Tina's hardships.

"What the fuck is your problem today Al?" Nervousness and panic sank in as Al notices the tears on Tee's face and remembered Bette's explanation of her illness. "I need you both to keep her calm and it's instrumental she's never near or sees a mirror; do you understand me?" The fearful display shattered one blond's heart and looked to Shane for help. "Shit!" Yoda dumbfounded by Alice's sudden panic attack notices right away; something was evidently wrong with Tina.

All lined up in a row; like a sitting duck awaiting to be hunted down; in the dead winter; looked pitifully; in mercy. I used to believe in a fairytale; long ago. The children and the laughter would stop. I'd find myself in a peaceful place; where no one harms me. I guess; looking back at grade-school; onwards to high school; I was always the odd one out. I knew very little; my eyes were oddly shaped; my forehead a little too big; and don't get me started on my body disfigurements. Her eyelids shut tightly; as they swam down to shore beneath her chin and allowed the tears; to cry outwards.

"I AM NOT ENOUGH! I AM NOT ENOUGH! I WAS NEVER BACK THEN AND I SURELY AM NOT. I LOSE AND YOU ALL WIN; ALRIGHT? I LOST HER AND YOU ALL CAN ROT IN HELL." Tina lashes outwards. Shane felt her eyes were playing a sick and cruel joke upon her. Tee tries to break the mirrors as Al took a deathly grip upon her.

"No! I need to break them; so they have no more power on me." Tee yelps in anguish. Shane swallows hard and looked at Alice that expression an emotion of pure sympathy for the blonds' self truths. Yoda looked at all of the mirrors and back at Tina and tries to recollect the woman's soul in the process.

"What is wrong sweetie? No one here is trying to hurt you. I certainly won't and neither would Al." Shane expresses as Tina cried into a fetal position.

"It doesn't matter if you don't want to hurt me. You always will; the outside world always will." Tina cried into fetal sunken position as Bette allowed the door to close upon the last heartbreaking revelation. "I wouldn't ever dare to. I love you; I love you Tina." Shane looks up and had a perplexed expression as now; didn't seem like the right moment to reveal about Tina's BDD and saw the brunette lean forward and collect the tiresome blond.

"I hear them calling; I hear them calling; Bette." Tina sniffles. Bette winces in tears and took the blond into her grasp. "I know; but you see they can't have you. I won't let them ever." Porter whispered to her. Al allowed the slow tear-droplet to fall as Shane arose and looked at Bette in comfort.

"Do you need anything?" Tina buried her face; in Bette's hair and sighed in relief. Still unsure of what to think; but her sweet voice clarified she loved her. As much as she needed to hear it; it still couldn't silence the voices.

AHAHAHAHAHA! SO; SHE ADORES YOU? I DON'T THINK LOVE IS ALL ABOUT MAKING A PUBLIC SKEPTICAL OF YOUR MISERY IN-FRONT OF TOTAL STRANGERS KENNARD. I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE WEAK AND LOVE IS FOR THE WEAK AND BLIND; SO GO AHEAD AND LET HER TAKE YOU IN HER ARMS AND LIE SOME MORE.

"No; I am going to take her back to my beach house." Bette responded while Tee loosens her grip. "No; you are not." Tina grapples to breath and yelped. "I am not blind. I am smart enough to know; when I am the pity wagon; and I am getting off this ride at once Dr. Porter." Her mocha eyes squinted and felt her heart pierce at the last choice of words. "You can call me Bette; you know Tee." The memories invaded her and grappled her tightly.

"No;" "Yes, you are…" Bette silenced her with a kiss; a light kiss upon the forehead. "No; I am not. I called your mothers; and made them aware of the situation." Vanilla nostrils flared and swallowed hard; had Bette called Mama M; and told her the exact truth or what she wanted them to hear.

"Perhaps I could call them to confirm…" Tina was interrupted. "Fine; you can use Kitty's phone; in her office." Bette confirms as Tee sighs and pouted in a childlike manner. This amuses Porter with a smile as Tee looked away.

"You can stop all of that. I will never fall for your tricks ever again; Dr. Porter." Tee folded her arms as Bette wrapped her tightly around her and whispered. "This isn't a trick. I love you; Tina." Bette motioned for the girls to open the entrance to the bathroom as Shane did just that.

"Call us;" Shane utters as Bette smiled and looked at the pair of women. "Thank you; for taking care of her; now it's my turn to make it right." Tee groans as Dr. Porter tries not to force an amused smile; but knew she had to win Tee's affections and trust once again and was hell bent.

"Let's go; I got something to show you." Bette whispered to the one true love of her life. Tee continues to grip and groan and yet on the inside flutters with glee.

"No; is it possible? The unobtainable Bette Porter; the elusive one has fallen in love; with me and only me?" Tee asked her-self as the pair disappeared out of the back entrance. Porter's arms felt full of possibilities; as one person's happiness solely depended on her; and knew she needed to do right by Tina. I do love you; and now it's time I shut up with words; and just prove it to you; once and for all.

Meanwhile back inside of the hallway; Kitty expresses a smile and looked at the pair of women; exiting the bathroom. "I tell you; baby girls; that woman is in love. I tell you; wow." McCutcheon smiles happily and looked at the pair of women in a flabbergasted state of frame and blurted out.

"What the fuck was all of that?" Alice looked to Kit; who simply explains in simplistic terms. "Tina is just…very special Shane; and we must respect her; like anyone else on this earth." Shane still felt confused by it all but settled for Kit's explanation for now; and hoped it would all turn out fine. If she only knew; tonight things would change forever. The question was; would love be enough to help one woman out of a dark path finally; and see what others have always seen along was the real question surrounding two ladies in love.

CHAPTER 16

Illumination traveled far and beneath her darken path; a path that left Tee so helpless. Once upon a time ago; there was this stranger; a woman I met; a woman that would completely force me to see myself. Hazel shivers; 11 o' clock strikes; as warmth tickles her vanilla pale-skin. Those familiar tears moisten those eyelids; and fluttered them shut so they could dry; before a certain one would retreat back to her. "And you're sure you can handle it? I can offer you two; some food to take back if you like? I remember you as a cook Bette." Kit teases as Alice and Shane retreated back to the front entrance. The mere sounds of engines; frightens her dearly and quivers those lips. Growing up; I was always so jealous; envious of people that could socialize so effortlessly; without ever going into panic-mode. Her throat felt in knots at the sights before her. Kitty and Elizabeth embraced tenderly; and said their goodbyes. "Tell Christina we wish her well; and I'm counting on another shot. The Sunshine Café' is a safe haven always for you and Tina." Katherine offered all the while moved to tears Bette simply nodded.

"I got to go; Kitty. Tell Shane and Alice; I'll call them later." Bette steps backwards and moved onwards. Miles it minute it seemed that heart of a lion sometimes beats and roared. It always took her breath away; as faint light shines; and exposed such an immaculate piece of work; like a work of art. Well; here you are again; you've hurt yet another woman in your life; and yet somehow this is different. The Jill Sander suit was fixed to perfection; sashaying on over to the driver side's seat door; unlocking them with the power lock remote. Once inside and slamming the door shut; it rattled Tina's cage of thoughts. Already unhinged emotionally and mentally; that heart of a fragile woman sighed.

Purring like a kitten the engine roars and buckled up and sneaked a peak at the blonde one. Those creamy eyelids flutter and flickered tighter and shut her-self off from light and the world. Dr. Elizabeth Porter pitifully; proceeded to back out of the back way entrance and sighed in fears. You know; I have slept with numerous of women; left them undone; never even bothered to ask if they wanted breakfast in the morning; because I'd bail on them. Her tears falter as Tee shook her face. "I wasn't going to escape; you know?" Tina grimaces at the harsh sunlight that bears down upon her swollen orbs. The bigger than life aches that caused her deep pain slither in and out of her existence. Doctor Porter curls an eyebrow in question and then pauses for a brief moment; completely aware to choose her words carefully at this exact moment.

"I am sorry; I didn't mean to do that." That throat swallows and heard a gasp. Tina's anger surfaces with fury; and yet chastises her-self because it was hard to confront those angerious feelings. I've lived a modest life; always avoiding human contact; and now that I have rejoined the world so to speak. I'd like to go back into my own little world; where it doesn't hurt and I'm not so bitter or angry at anyone. Tears fall and fell beneath her collar and tried very hard to bury it all.

"I fucked up!" Bette whimpered and saw the red-light and stopped. Her heart ached and searches for the right words. "I'm not used to this you know?" Dr. Porter reflects; the countless of women that she ruined and wondered if they hated her just as much as Tina did at this very moment. Tee scrunches her nose and felt tired and helpless. "It's okay; it's hard to change; after a while. You are; who you are. I should have known better. I was stupid to ever assume…" Tee pondered and felt a little grasp at her fingers; and heard the swallows of Ms. Bette Porter. This once heartthrob too many lesbians; finally doing what she had never done in the past and it meant everything to her to do it right.

"No; you see Tina; I was the stupid one in-fact. I made you feel terrible and I caused us both unnecessary embarrassment and I'm truly sorry about that." Jittery fingers pushed aside the soft contact and moved further away. "It's okay; I get it. Your friends wanted to know what was happening between us; and you told them the truth. I am your patient and you're my doctor. I get it now; and I'll never make another mistake again with assumptions Dr. Porter." Tee's harsh and cold demeanor made Elizabeth feel so small and dejected. I can't say I blame you; you were hurt by me; and humiliated by those strangers. I made you feel like you were worthless and it wasn't my intention to do that. I fucked it all up; and it makes me sick to think I could even be capable of such misery; and yet I know it's all I've done. "I guess when you've never had to face what you've done at all and create chaos wherever you go; and never apologize for it. It makes you feel entitled; and I just need you to know. I'm not your puppet; I may be fragile; but not someone's rug to be stepped upon. I have feelings; and you cannot treat people like they're second best to you." Tina stated in harshness; it cuts Bette in pieces. The car stopped abruptly; at the side of the road and studies those green orbs.

"Do you really think I'm that shallow? I'd really think that little of you? Do you even see what I do anymore? I mean; have I caused' so much self doubt in your mind again; that you revert backwards; to spite me?" Bette asked angered more at herself and choices than anything Tee could muster up; to reply with. It causes a friction inside of the car as Tee stirs uneasy. "I just want out of the light. If you can just forget about the day of crap; and take me home. Mama M and J need to hear about my decision."

Dr. Porter swallows hard and slammed her hands harshly; upon the steering wheel. "No," Tina looked away; as the tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. "I do not wish to spend any more time with you. I'd like to go home; now we can either do this the hard way; or I can just look up a bus; to take me home Dr. Porter." Tina replies; rather cold as her eyes shut off to the world and focuses upon the safe confines of her bedroom; alone and away from heartbreak and one brunette. Porter frazzled and unnerved by Tina's sudden cold demeanor knew better and yelped.

"No; I am completely aware you're upset and you have every right to be. I get it okay? I pissed you off. I said things; things I didn't mean. Though; you didn't hear it all. Tee; you need to look at me when I speak to you." Bette clarifies as Tee scoffs and looked further at the world at large in tears. The same tears that threatened any chance or hope she had of a brighter future; as the voices resurfaced.

FINALLY! YOU'RE GOING TO DITCH THE HEARTBREAKER DYKE; NOW LET'S GO HOME. I'M SURE MAMA MARY; WANTS TO HEAR ALL ABOUT BETTE'S TRUE NATURES. I BET THAT'S WHY SHE'S SO SCARED. DID SHE EVEN CALL YOUR MOMS? I DOUBT IT. I MEAN; WE KNEW MAMA J WAS ALWAYS TEAM-PORTER AND KENNARD; BUT MAMA MARY HAD HER SUSPICIONS AND I'M STARTING TO THINK SHE WAS ONTO SOMETHING HERE; SO LET'S GO HOME AND RAT HER OUT FOR THE LIAR SHE IS TRULY AND FULLY.

Tina's nose wiggled and felt a pair of hands glide up her arm. The chills cause her to feel self conscious and slapped away; Bette's touch of comfort.

"No! I wish to go home; now at once Porter. I need to make sure you really did call my mothers." Tee gripes as Bette looked at her forehead perplexed and pulled out her cell phone. "If that's what you're so concerned about. Then by all account; go ahead and use my phone to call them."

The bare sunlight reflects again on her golden hair and made eye-contact with Bette's moist face. "Go ahead; I double dare you; why would I ever lie about such a serious matter sweetie? I love…" Tina whimpered and pulled onto the locked door lever. "Let me go; I can't hear it again. I can't hear it again; alright? I know you want it all to go away; but I trust you and I love you so much and you cannot even care to see what it's doing to me." Tee cries into a fetal position. Porter allowed the single tear to fall and threw caution to the wind and embraced her.

"Let go of me;" Tina cries as Bette whispered to her in tears; painful tears of realization. "You foolish woman; I love you in spite of your illness; in spite of your fears; in spite of your stubbornness; in spite of one of your moms wanting my head served to her on a silver platter." The words caused Tina's world to refocus; again. "I love you. I love you; Tina. I never wanted that to go away; why would I want that to go? You're the best person to ever come into my world." Bette sniffles and held her close as Tina's heartbeats flutter.

"You do? Why? I am sick and you can do better than me. It doesn't make sense to me." Tina cried. Bette sighs and smiled and brought Tina's face closer to her lips and uttered in elation.

"Love isn't written as rules; darling' and I certainly don't know any rule book that tells me not to fall in love; with sweet and charming blondes." Bette's stare intensifies as Tina looked downwards. Her chin was lifted as Porter finishes. "I know; I know I wasn't supposed to stare; but your face is one I could stare into forever."

Caught up in the moment Tee mutters underneath a husky tone of breath. "Why?" Bette couldn't take anymore and revealed it all. "I used to believe love was silliness; people made up; to make themselves feel better. Miserable people; isn't exactly what you strive for and you never hear about best-selling novels about misery; it's all about love. Music and books; and movies are all about that one word that was foreign; so foreign until…" Bette pauses and moved a piece of golden hair strands; away from Tee's nose and whispered. "…until you see this blonde woman; just sauntered into my world; existence and changed everything for me."

Christina gulps as Bette leaned in closer. "I didn't want another woman after I laid my eyes on your sweet eyes; darling. I never want another; ever again." Tee leaned in closer and whispered.

"What do you want right now?" Her heart quivers as Bette took that golden hair into her grasp and uttered. "You; just you;" It all happened in slow motion it seemed. Their lips attached and in that moment; their entire worlds changed forever; with just one kiss; one moment. Two women; would now need to face their fears head on; as love would be the beacon these two ladies would need to survive this cruel world.

CHAPTER 17

DR. PORTER'S VECHILE – MORNING OF TRUTHS CONTINUE – TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT; ALL OF IT

Golden shimmers in faint light; fifteen seconds of utter-nervousness settled in all around her presence. Eyelids; quickly shut tightly; to shield herself for all of the possibilities to come. Air; light air released from those nostrils as it amuses one Dr. Elizabeth Porter and leaned inwards. Sixteen and half seconds; and it's all it took for that baboon heart to roar louder than ever; as it pounded in milliseconds it seemed. Angelic green emeralds it seemed; like a gem-stone right to her heart; those caramel hands shivered as she inches closer and closer to the one she's always wanted. Tee gasps in anticipation and felt their noses pressed gently against one another's. I always assumed; I'd die alone and perhaps this is just a test along the way for me. I fail and go; running back to my mothers in languishing pain and fury; over my failures with romantic matters of the heart. A dozen of scenarios swam freely in Tina's mind and yet felt the sweetest taste; inside of her mouth. In all of her dreams; she couldn't of ever dreamt of a better first kiss. Gentler pecks were placed upon the top and lower lips; as that mouth awaits an invitation and sought out that tongue. Quietness; I've never been French Kissed; EVER! I'm quite intrigued by Dr. Porter's skills in this area. I quite like it a lot. Tee allows a soft growl to escape and felt rosy cheeked. Breathless; and cheeked flushed from all of the lip-lock action. That gorgeous hair cascaded upon the Jill Sander suit and neared her favorite doctor; in which she in return enjoyed the scent and taste of her favorite patient. Love; if this is love; then it's quite divine and swell. I feel nothing; and yet I feel it all too. Hands wrapped around one strand of light golden hair and moans into the scorcher of a kiss. No voices; no traffic sounds off to the distance. The emptiness of this ugly world has faded away; and it's just her and I and I absolutely love it. Tee's jittery hands nervously break away from comfort and traveled up that Jill Sander suit. The collar was moved a bit and found the flesh of that warm caramel skin.

"I like that." Bette whispered in between kisses. This sudden vocalization of words; words that threatened one woman from continuing further. It frightens her senses and suddenly realization settled in. Kiss after kiss; her body responded surely and yet it increases Ms. Kennard's awareness; of where Dr. Porter might think this all might lead towards. I'm not used to being the object of anyone's affections; let alone a once lothario's. Air-ways suddenly hiss out forced out breaths and slowly undid her tight embrace to one Alpha Dr. Elizabeth Porter. Lips were unraveled and lip-stick stains still apparent on Tee's ashamed demeanor; looking down upon herself at this moment.

"I am sorry." Tina muttered disentangled by the heat exchange between doctor and patient. Ms. Porter curls an eyebrow in utter-confusion as pants were exhaled restlessly. Meanwhile her orbs settled on the unsettled and fidgety blonde one that seemed tormented by their actions just now. This is beyond fucked up! I adore her; I do. It's just…underneath all of my potential she sees; all I see is a pathetic little scared girl still. Those voices and noises from the outside world returned once again with a vengeance. "I am sorry; Tina. I shouldn't have done that. I was way out of line and I am so sorry; if I further alienated you; from me. I am so…" Dr. Porter stopped her words and heard herself again inside of her head and frowned. Fuck! You are not sorry; Bette. You adore her and need to tell her this so she can believe it too. Tears fight against her eyelids as Tina sat there looking outside and felt the anguish once again. I knew it. I am sorry; and so is she. I mean; I can't really be surprised by it either. Ever since 10th grade; I've missed out on so much and I never could figure it out. The prom; dates and an all around social calendar. On the outside looking in was painful to adsorb and yet knew this was her reality. "Yeah; it was a mistake Bette. I shouldn't have kissed you back. It's not your fault. It's all on me." Tina remained glued to the outside and looked at the sea of cars pass by and used it as a metaphor.

In a lot of ways; I am this stalled car; and as much as I want to press firmly; on the gas and go wherever my heart tells me too. I stall myself and have engine failure. That familiar ache returns and felt unhinged at the seams. "I am sorry; but do you think you can take me home now to Mama M and J?" Tina sniffled in anguish. This display terrified one woman and tried to hold onto whatever chance they had if any. "Do you really want to go home after what we just shared?" Dr. Porter looks miserablly at the blonde one that set her sights on the passenger side window.

"I do. I am sorry; I've disappointed you; you'll get used to that Bette." Tee softly lets out a breath. The aches in Bette's heart left her paralyzed and unable to start the car. Tina studies the reflection of Bette and noticed the straight-tear droplet that slithers on down upon her neckline. It causes a slew of feelings; to wander deeper and deeper in her cluttered soul. Do you even love me baby? If so; why do I feel this sudden urge to run away from you? If you don't feel pity; then how could it ever be possible? I have made the unobtainable Bette Porter; fall in love with me? No; no; it's just not possible or is it? Tee grapples with her mind as it fucks with her yet again.

"YOU ARE REALLY PATHETIC TEENAHHH; AS SHE CALLS YOU. I SWEAR; YOU TWO LOSERS DESERVE EACH OTHER. IT'S NO WONDER YOU'VE BARELY HAD A FIRST KISS UP UNTIL NOW." The voices caused her fist to tighten and scream. "Yeah; so what if Bette was my first kiss. I think your first should be with someone you love and adore and I do. I love her and adore her; so you know what voices; kiss my blonde ass." Tee shrieks. Dr. Porter's tearful eyelids flicker and heard the proclamation and tries hard not to smile and yet couldn't contain her glee.

"You tell' em Tee." Bette stifles faint air as Tee looked at her tears and began to sob. "I do. I love you and it fucking terrifies me. I mean; what if I am not even enough for you." The scars of the past weren't quite tucked away; as Tina would have liked it and it causes a slew of feelings to un-rattle her present life. Dr. Porter shook away those dismissive thoughts and pulled the blonde even closer than ever before.

Those sobs shook her entire body to its core and caused more tears to fall from Bette's face. "I adore you. I'm right here. I am right here and you are; you are enough. If there was a way for me to prove it to you;" Porter swallows and knew there were quite a handful of ways and yet realized there were nowhere near ready. Though; the mere thought of her and Tina causes an ache; an ache inside of her heart and it soars. It felt quite amazing; to be this in-love with a woman and in the purest of fashions nonetheless.

A gentle smile appeared as Tee presses her face into Bette's simplistic embrace. "I like this…I feel safe in your arms." Tee softly replies as Bette closed her eyelids and adsorbed the information. I am her first kiss; her very first; wow what an honor and privilege that is; and I swear from this day forward; I will never allow her to regret that choice. The caramel nostrils flare in pride and held her tighter than ever and whispered to her sweet-love. "I love you; darling and if you want to go home to your mothers Mama M and J. Then so be it then; I'll just have to have a bon-fire all alone tonight." Bette purses her lips and awaits an answer from Tina.

An angelic smile appeared across Tina's face and expressed with warmth and so much love. "I'd love that. Though; first can you take me home…? I need…" Bette tries to fight for their day not to be over quite yet as Tee interjected and responds with a sincere smile and elation inside of her heart. "I just need to show you some stuff and they're at home. Perhaps; you'll better grasp what I hear when the voices strike. I really want them to go away; and if you read my poems; then maybe they'll have less power over me in weaker times." Tee explains as Bette just held onto her tightly in tears.

"I am so proud of you…" Bette pauses as Tee just allowed the tears to flow freely. "I would be honored my love to read your poems and together; will kick those voices to the curb; where they belong." The once lothario retorted as their quietness settled in all around them to absorb the moment before two hearts road off to their next conquest. A conquest that would be painful to revisit but crucial if one woman wanted her life back indeed.

CHAPTER 18

THE KENNARD RESIDENCE – I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU IN – A DAY OF CHANGE CONTINUES

I hear no one. I see her; looking back at me and yet; I can't seem to let her comfort me in my time of grief. Fallen and scattered all over the place like a million leaves on their porch. It pushes across those pale-feet and shuffles them away. Her scuffles were all she could hear and fell to the ground in mercy. The roaring wind-chimes rang out a musical that painfully reminds Mary Kennard of simpler times. Golden haired 3 year old Tina Judith Kennard smiles brightly like sunset. That rose blossom dress still evident on her shattered heart and mind-set. "Look Mama M! I can fly. I can fly too." Tee; Tee sailed on her Mama J's back and rode through the windy-weather. Those pink cluster roses fell beneath Judith's freshly polished feet and scurried off with their little angelic daughter. An echo of giggles invaded her brain-waves and looks all around and saw that familiar rose-bush and no one around it. The taller than life pepper tree; she and Tee-Tee had planted together had grown and shined throughout the years it seemed. Yet an evident truth was swimming beneath her shattered and broken apart heart. I chained my heart away from her. I walked away; a little. Silence took over as wind finally calms down a bit. The remembrances of the past still wouldn't stay silent even if she wanted it too. Once again eyes of mocha searched all around and gathered up enough strength to pick her-self up from the ground so to speak. Wobbly and tired legs force movements; walking toward a path; a path were she'd like to remember their little girl. "I AM SO TALL MAMA M! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I AM TALLER THAN THE PEPPER TREE RIGHT MAMA M?" It slowly kills and rushes in and out of her head and sank down below. I don't regret my life with Judy; I just wish sometimes it wasn't so hard to stay afloat. An unbreakable bond and force to be wreckin' with was what she always wanted for their little family and life together. Those chocolate orbs allowed the saturation to flow freely; as her body shook violently from her loud sobs.

"ARE I AND MY WIFE BEING PUNISHED? DID WE DO SOMETHING SO HORRIBLY TO EVEN DESERVE THIS LIFE?" Anguish was written upon her orbs; as hands dug into the soil. Tee-Tee's laughter echoes and causes an ache; a deep ache. "I HELPED! I HELPED YOU. I AM SO SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT." Her cries were of remorse and cried out in pain. "IF SO; IF WE ARE BEING PUNISHED….TAKE ME BUT LEAVE OUR LITTLE GIRL ALONE ALRIGHT? I WANT YOU TO SPARE HER ANYMORE PAIN AND HURT ALRIGHT? I CAN HANDLE IT ALL FOR HER AND YOU CAN JUST STOP PUNISHING US THROUGH HER GOD. PLEASE! I AM NOT A BEGGING WOMAN BUT PLEASE. I AM BEGGING YOU; BECAUSE I LOVE TEE-TEE THAT MUCH." Mary angrily threw soil as Tee-Tee's voice resounds again.

"THIS CAN BE OUR PLACE. THIS CAN BE OURS MAMA M." Mary cried in a fetal position as she felt a pair of arms around her body. Judith sank into her embrace and cries alongside with her. "Our little Tee-Tee isn't being punished my love." Sniffles were heard as wind returns. Those rose-petals flutter all around their path and fell in a beautiful array around the woman she adores and loves still after all of this time together. Judith allows a deep sigh to release and looks from afar; as a car drove onto their gravel driveway. Mary shook a bit and falls into the embrace of her wife's tender; loving and care arms. Gushes sauntered past again and felt at peace as Tee-Tee was safely home. A familiar giggle resounds and allowed a single-tear droplet to fall. The familiarity in that giggle awakens Mary and looked far ahead.

A pair exited the car and laughter was evident upon their faces. Her forehead scrunches in disbelief as Judith looked at her wife; and stated with a lot of love. "I know; I've told you a million times to keep the faith…" Mary swallowed hard and was the witness to an unbelievable sight. A pair of hands joined and allowed a sweet kiss to escape out there for the entire world to see and embrace. Giggles resound once again as Bette lifted up Tee and places her grasp deeply against her tight embrace. "I am so in love you; Tee." They faintly heard as Tee-Tee interlocked their hands and said in a whisper. "Let's go upstairs." Mama M's ears scorched on fire it seemed as Judith's eyes widen in shock. Judith sniffed at their emotional turmoil as Mary arose in a heated rage of anger and began to walk away; fast. "Let's go upstairs…" Familiar giggles resounded in Mama M's mind-set that was still clouded while a million of thoughts swam freely.

Judith squinted her eyelids in pain and slowly arose in worriment over her wife's reaction. Gushes of wind tussle against that pepper tree and yelped in tears; of anguish still over their daughter's illness. "MARY; WAIT A MINUTE HONEY; WE ARE STILL NOT FINISHED AND WE NEED TO FINISH TALKING." Judith's pleas; fell on deaf ears and proceeded to hurry to the direction of the two-some and yelped in anger.

"BETTE! BETTE! YOU STAY AWAY FROM OUR LITTLE GIRL. TEE-TEE; YOU COME HERE RIGHT NOW." Mary yelled angeriously; as heat rose to those vanilla cheeks; no longer pale. Though; as giggles still resounded it soon faded and completely mortified faces were evidence displayed upon two-souls in love. Porter's caramel hands still gripped onto Tee tightly; as Tina protectively stood in-front of the doctor that has stolen her affections and heart. Hearts proceeded to pound as Mama M finally got to her destination as yelp after yelp came from Judith.

"HONEY; ARE YOU EVEN HEARING ME? LET'S GO INSIDE AND TALK THIS ALL OUT." Judith screamed and ran towards the path of the women. Chocolate eyes swam from one mother to another and saw the evident anger on Mary's face. "Perhaps; this wasn't such a great idea." Tee felt anxious all over again as the voices threaten to come back for a second dose.

The second round seemed apparent on Mama M's face as she yelled angrier than ever. "SO; THIS IS THE THANKS WE GET FROM YOU EH PORTER? WE ASKED YOU TO LOOK AFTER TEE-TEE AND INSTEAD YOU TRY AND SEDUCE HER UPSTAIRS? FUCK YOU! NEITHER I NOR MY WIFE NEEDS YOUR SERVICES THAT BADLY; JUST TELL US WHAT WE OWE YOU AND THEN YOU CAN SHOVE IT AND LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK HERE." Marry huffs and puffs out air. Nostrils wiggled in pain once again and looked at the chocolate caramel eyes she's grown to love and stare into. Nostrils flare and looked at Mary dismissively. "I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are. I love this woman so much and it hurts me to even think you'd even think I'm charging a tab to help her." Tee slowly swallowed. Bette's hands felt the loss of contact and looked at her mother's angrily. Kennard looked at Mama M dejectedly while Judith pulled on Mary in tears.

"Let's go inside; you've had a long day. I can make you some lunch girls." Judith tries to play peace-maker as Bette scoffed. A tender hand grapples her loose-fingertips and grapples to not tear up right now. The vulnerable side to her; was only meant for one persons eyes and it was the woman in-front her sights. I do not understand her moms right now. This isn't a hard concept to grasp; at least not for me. Tee-Tee's smile soon returned and looked at Bette. "I know you love me; and you want me to let you in and I am willing to do that. Let's go; upstairs so I can show you my poems." Tee purses her lips as Mama M grabbed a hold of the pairs hands joined in a symbolic union.

Porter furrows a brow and saw the quivering lips. "Do you genuinely love her?" Mama M has heard enough B.S. in her lifetime and yet it seemed sincere whenever Bette spoke about their daughter. Bette looked at the mothers painfully; and knew this was all new for them to grasp. It was all so hard to grasp; and yet it was happening and she had no control over it anymore. All she could do now; was surrender to it and be Tina's and hope Tina would be hers too.

"I do. I'll always realize my past will never go away completely; and I'll have to answer for it. Though; I have changed and I'm a different woman now Mary and Judith. I love Tina and will and am committed to her health and care. We'll beat this together; and if we work as a team. Then we can beat this BDD in the ass; and move on and live our life's; together." The last few words were stated to the one she adores. Their eyes met tenderly; as Tee looked downwards.

Mary swallows and felt a tug at her pant-legs. "Go; we'll make lunch right baby?" Judith asked as Mary just nodded. Her heart still felt heavy and yet the laughter; from just seconds ago gave her hope. Hearts raced faster and further than ever to the shores of love as Tee grappled onto Bette. "Let's go;" Bette smiled and looked at the mothers in an appreciative stance. "I will take good care of her. Thank you; I and Tee are grateful for your support."

Judith simply nodded as Mary studies the pair scurry off in a giggle fit as they ran like teens. Her heart felt a million emotions as Mary sighs and softly retorted inside of her heart and mind. Is it possible; that all she ever needed or wanted was someone else to look straight into her eyes; and tell her all of the things we already knew about her? The wind sways side to side as Judith looked at her wife deep in thought and smiled to her-self. "I love you; Mary Kennard." Those familiar chirps of birds called her heart and grabbed a hold of her wife in a tight embrace.

Eyes stared right back into hers and knew her answers already. "If anyone can help our daughter get back to where she used to be; it's her upstairs." Even though the idea of them together; terrified her to bits and pieces it still was a good kind of scared in a lot of ways. If I ever believed in love and how it can save you from your own demons; then I got to believe this is for the best. If Bette can save our daughter; then as much as I hate the idea of her and my tee-tee together; if it was meant to be; it was meant to be; for the best then. And who am I to really stop true-love from happening then? Mary smiles and looked at her wife in sweet-serenity.

"I feel like chicken pasta right now; and wine my dear." Her wife strongly picked up her wife and took her inside. Giggles resound inside of the once somber household. Once again full of life; as one woman tries to battle demons of the past and finally move on with her life; with the woman of all of her dreams.

CHAPTER 19

KENNARD RESIDENCE – I LET YOU PUSH ME TO THE BREAKING POINT –

Temperatures of raised blood-pressures from earlier; not only seconds ago. Mama Mary; was ready to lay into her and knew there was good reason too in-fact. Caramel skin glistens underneath over-head lighting; as it evidently enough didn't frighten one Tina Kennard so much anymore. A simplistic stare was given in her direction and quickly averted those caramel eyes that always seem to stare a little too much in-fact. Gorgeous hair sways; as she sashayed up those stairs quicker and quicker in anticipation. Jitter hands Porter walked and paced her steps in fears; fears over what she'd learn and yet knew whatever it was she'd learn about Ms. Kennard. It certainly wouldn't change what she felt for Tee and would face it head on together. Mama M's words stung at her a bit and swallowed in rememberance.

Trashes in the name of protection and love for their one and only little girl. Twenty Nine Years Old; and yet she knew if she ever had children in the future; she wouldn't be so sure she could just let go. Hands dangle and swing to and fro as they neared the bedroom and gulped a little louder. Mary's shrieks of anger and terror Elizabeth was closer than ever to Tee's heart crushed her soul and wondered if she could ever be worthy of such a woman.

"AM I SUPPOSED TO BOW DOWN TO YOUR SUPERIOR WISDOM OR SOMETHING NOW? I ENLISTED YOU TO HELP OUR LITTLE GIRL." Illumination covers their pathway as she stopped in mid-breath and gasps in awe struckness over such naturalistic beauty and perfection. Christina Judith Kennard fidgets in a fit of nervousness and looked at Elizabeth in solcace. "I just want you to know Dr. Porter…" A crinkle upon Bette's forehead amuses Tee and rephrases her last statement. "I'm sorry force of habit. I meant to say; Bette of course." Dr. Elizabeth Porter walked on over slowly and removes a piece of lose golden strand of hairs from Tina's cute nose. Eyes swam in her direction and truly observed the truest work of artwork she's ever laid eyes upon. No words could convey how scared she was at all of this and yet. Fears; no matter how it much it terrified her to death she'd make a mess of their lives; she had to try and see where this take them both.

"I am sorry." Doctor Porter sighed. Somber looks were directed and averted those eyelids lower and allowed the tears to flow freely. Mama M was completely right. In many ways; eluded in her tirade of rage and fury. That protective mother had every right in her brain to say what she needed to say about Elizabeth. I deserved every bit of her onslaught of anger and bitterness towards me. I am no one special and you know what? Tina Kennard can do much better than me. Eyes squint in pain and looked at Tee's path in remorse. "I stood for nothing; before you." Tee heard her voice crack and proceeded to move in-inches from that adorable face. A face that could freeze time and let herself get lost in another soul for the first time in her entire life. "I don't believe that at all. You're better than you realize." Tee ponders and remembered her mother's harsh wordings to the woman that has stolen her heart and soul.

"YOU WERE NOTHING BEFORE YOU MET OUR DAUGHTER; AND YOU'RE STILL NOTHING. I LOVE OUR TINA AND I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO BREAK HER APART." It broke her apart because that's all she heard growing up. It took a lot for Tee to not drown herself in sorrow and let it all end once and for all. Her head shook side to side as Bette laughs. "It's true. Honestly; I went from zero to someone that could possibly be someone; to somebody else. If that makes any sense to you." Porter averted her orbs from afar and saw darkness. No light; only pure darkness as Tee looked at the direction Bette's sights were fixated and finally revealed the truth. Vanilla shaken hands grasped one chocolate mocha hand in her grasp and utters. "I think you and I are not that different when it comes to adsorbing people's painful truths about ourselves. I see you're fixating on what Mama M told you earlier out there." Tee completely stood-still and stared into the tearful glance.

They glimmer while green sparkling gems ogle back at her direction. Their was a strong grip of encouragment given and heard that voice; a voice of a champinon in a lot of ways. "It's silly; here we are and I am about to share some of the darkest self truths about me. And here is you; this totally together person that is focusing on something my mother said to you. Bette; you know my mother doesn't really know you right? You're none of the things she said about you. I know who you are and it's not some lothario; like she called you." The blond clarifies as Bette felt weaker in her presence and leaned in closer. "I used to be. I was held down by my weakness to bury it all…" Dr. Porter stifles a gasp and whispered in tears. "I used to believe love was some mythical fairy tale people tell themsleves because; who really wants to spend the rest of their lives alone?" Green orbs jitter in tears and swallowed hard.

Tee grasp tightens and whispered back to her love. "You gave up on ever finding it; like I gave up on the fact that anyone could ever just see me?" Bette quivers her lips and whispered to her great love. "I always saw you; always from the very beginning sweetie and I was stupid and foolish back then. Mama M knows all of the horrible crap and I was that shallow person that never called again and I was a bitch a lot of the times. The point is; if I can suddenly awaken from my terrible ways…" Tee loosens her grasp and looked at Bette dimissively.

Goldie-locks paced back and forth in disarray over the dimissive words; and tried to ponder if Bette actually thought that about her own mental illnesss status. Normalcy; it's soul-crushing when someone believes mental illness is something you can awaken from or just self-medicate. It doesn't work that way and in most cases; pills just cover the scars underneath the rug of anguish and shame. Tee appeared a bit shattered and glared at Bette with eyes of pain. "I'd like to believe that one day I'll wake up from this nightmare Bette and not want to throw myself off of the nearest cliff. I would be elated to walk into a ladies room and stare into a mirror without coming near to my breaking point. The sounds and voices I hear; and heard over the years would just diminish and leave me be. I am hopeful you'll help me to get to a point of peace and yet I am not in the mood for fairy tales Dr. Porter." The stern nature Tee had taken just now broke Bette apart. It causes confusion and reverted back to her own words and then back-tracked immediately.

Tears formed upon Kennard's face and felt a brush of skin upon her cheek-bone. Bette recollected a bit of strands of that golden hair into her grasp. It rightfully so; fit into her caramel hand and uttered in apologetic natures. "I am so sorry; I didn't mean to say that to you. I didn't mean to imply, your illness will just suddenly vanish or that you're a horrible person because of it. I just meant…you're going to change with each and every day we get you to face your demons. I am sorry. I tend to shoot off from the mouth without thinking sometimes and I cause a cluster-fuck of words to spew outwards. I love you; the way you are and yet…yeah apart of me wishes those voices and illness would disappear and leave you be. So; you could finally see youself the way I do."

The darkness from the bedroom afar still evidence Tee's demons weren't too far from home so to speak. The jitters reappeared and Tina took a hold of Bette and whispered in tears. "If you see me; as I am. Then I can too; but I can't do this alone and I need you. In years; in so many years of solitude I finally need someone and I want that other person standing across from me to be you. I love you; too Bette. So; let's just see what happens?" Tina requests as Bette stood still and grabbed ahold of Tina's waist and pulled her on in.

Eyes sparkled at her as green specks of gems glittered in her direction.

The gaze was intense as Tee utters. "I do; you know?" Bette didn't need to reaffirm what that meant and kisses Tee. The kiss was slow and tender as they adsorbed the moment for two hearts ready to fight through this together; as stronger than ever.

All the while one woman was finally allowing light to shine again in her life. Even though darkness was still apparent in her bedroom it appeared the light had shined and it wasn't about to go out just yet indeed.

CHAPTER 20

KENNARD RESIDENCE – MEMORIES THAT HAUNT ME – HOW IT ALL BEGAN

Transparent thoughts; swim freer than ever and I fear I am no longer up; for salvation. I look around this cold and empty place and I feel absolutely NOTHING! I cry and weep in agony and yet no one looks down or up to care and listen. I caution myself around "her" because; she knows my weaknesses all too well. Little tears fall and lay scattered on the piece of paper. The date was fourteen years ago; and all of her letters and poems all ended up the same way. It felt like hours; since their lips parted and needed to reassure this golden blond-beauty; once again she was worthy of love and much more. Tee averted her orbs around the corner closest; looking down at her feet in shame. Many painful secrets lied in that old closest she doesn't visit anymore; it remained locked up to protect those pasts of painful truths. Gem-green stone eyes twinkle in starlet anguish; and appeared to arise and walk the painful road down memory lane once more. Velvet chocolate skin was covered in tears; enveloping the salty mixture upon those reddened pursed lips. Shocked and rendered speechless after word; after word; while each revelation caused a deep dagger to be plunged into that heart of hers.

June 19th; 1997 – THE DAY MY LIFE FELT MEANINGLESS FOREVER – BY CHRISTINA KENNARD

The steel blade felt hot against my skin as I carved myself up; like the voices wanted. I'm still not convinced that was supposed to make me feel better but worse. Tears began to saunter onwards upon Bette's shattered face; as she read the horrifying and descriptive details of Tina's cutting past. It took me seven times to cover up; those scars from Mama J. I swear; one day I might get caught and she might actually CARE TO SEIZE I EXIST. I am starting to hate school and everyone here except her. An eyebrow arched quizzically at Tee stood still; in the midst of opening up painful reminders. Her scars still evident and yet no matter how much time had passed and how little the scars exist upon her flesh. It still scared every inch of the blond-she could possibly return to such darker extremes to ease pain. Porter sniffles and read onwards and caused a small dagger to go straight ahead inside of her heart.

I still cared today; and funnily enough Helena wasn't that impressed by me YET AGAIN! I know; what a FUCKING SURPRISE RIGHT? Of course; she doesn't give two-rat shits about little old me. I mean; I walk around here like some reject so of course she wouldn't care about bookworm Kennard. Tee hunched over in tears as Bette read the last part and felt the walls close in and wanted to do murder this Helena Peabody character. Perhaps; perhaps someday I'll impress her once to ask me out sometime. Though; the way she carries on in spirit cheer and flirts with all of the guys. I guess I am some pathetic little dyke; and maybe I should blame my mothers and yet I can't hate them. The letter fell as she heard Tina's cries. In mercy she wept and immediately latched onto her grasp.

"I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE THIS PART OF ME. I DIDN'T! I SWEAR! I AM SO SORRY; I AM SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU BABY. Tee cries outwards in anguish. Bette covered in saturation of grief grabbed a hold of her. Porter looked at the letter from afar and wondered about the bitch that tortured the blonde she adores. "I'll cut anyone that ever hurts you again." Bette releases a few breaths. Tears scattered on that vanilla frame and looked up at Bette. Porter still clung to her for dear-life it seems and appeared rattled and in another realm. Perhaps; the letter were a little too dark to start off and knew it would only get worse from here on out. In the long run; she needed to know if Dr. Porter could indeed handle all of this. Her moistened face lied pressed up against Bette's suit shirt.

"So; you read the letters and aren't bolting out of here scared and mortified huh?" Tee's voice sounded muffled under her grasp and releases her body. The loss of contact weighed heavily on Porter and looked across. The first reaction was tears; in the midst of each and every knife and blade Tina ever used to harm her body. Those pictures of swim-suit models caused a droplet of a tear to fall beneath her neck-line; adsorbing the truths. Legs arose and slowly made the walk alongside the secrets and never once looked at Tina's face. Those lines from that letter came back crashing and glared at the distorted images; of how she cut up pieces of the pictures and marked what she wanted on herself.

Tee frightful; fidgets on the floor and tried to up-rise as Bette halted her movements. Her breaths were shallow and looked across at the letter. Tina whimpered on the floor and watched the woman she adores stare directly at her life. The life she had up-held for so long and it was all out there. This all overwhelms Elizabeth and yet couldn't find a reason to be terrified at the woman who has claimed her heart. The once heart that didn't seem to work anymore looked at the woman that dared to dream of a better day.

Sickened about her own behavior arose and looked around at how disgusted she was at herself. "I know; what you're going to say to me Bette, and I understand honestly. This is all a little too much for me too; and I am the one that has done it to me and I'll fix it alone somehow." Tee finished lastly. Elizabeth batted her eyelashes ten times before she gasps out tears.

The apparent pain and anguish the woman she was in love had to endure all of this time alone. Completely and utterly alone and now feared she'd flee too. In all rationalities; it was perhaps the smart thing to do; and yet her heart outweighed any logic left. Elizabeth walked over and grabbed a hold of the sobbing beauty now.

Convinced years ago; she was ugly and disgusting; unworthy of true love somehow. It all didn't make sense to her and grabbed a hold of that vanilla face she loved to kiss so much. Tee grapples to the Jill Sander suit jacket and achingly cries at the closeness and welcomed it. The sweetest confirmation to Christina was to envelop such a kiss; and allowed Bette to convince her once again of a brighter day ahead. Tears began to swim across their faces as Bette ogled those green gem eyes. Tina looked across from the window and noticed a bit of sun creep into the room.

Normally; it would scare her and yet as much as it did terrify her of Bette really looking at her imperfections. It slowly started to sink in all of her imperfections seemed to make one brunette swoon for her and her alone. While another woman convinced herself of hope; another woman glared at the letter and wondered. "I need to know more about Helena Peabody; and why Tina cared about that evil bitch so much." Protective eyelids closed and adsorbed the beauty and knew so much had yet to be learned and soon she'd figure it all out indeed. While secrets of the pasts threaten their future; if she only knew not even dark pasts could taint such a love that was truly meant to be in-fact.

CHAPTER 21

KENNARD RESIDENCE – SHE CAME INTO MY WORLD LIKE A WRECKING BALL

Lines of unforseen objects she never thought in a million years; her blonde one would ever use. Blades; steel and sharp laced in her own blood and it slowly turned her stomach in grief. Years; seven years in-fact living out a terrible and horrific painful life; and how it weighed on young-Christina Kennard. Sophmore year; was tough enough that year; then a brunette made things really complicated. Gay life-style and coming to terms with her sexuality; were things that were completely new to Tina Kennard at the age of 15. Things; little things that began innocently started to trouble this blonde one. It was no secret in school Christina had two-moms and that alone caused hell on earth. Yet; Tina hid the fact gay-bashing and bullying because of her mothers was even an issue.

Elizabeth swallows and adsorbed the cold hard truths. Letters; blades and shards of glass; all lay scattered. Incoherent writings; were plastered in marker-and some paints. At first; the red-colors threw Bette off and mistook it for blood. Her finger-tips cringed to reach out and touch ANYTHING in sight. A germphobic at heart and unsure on how to approach such a scene; as it unfolded right in-front of her brown-eyes. Shocked and unaware on how off putting this all was to one Ms. Kennard. The aspiring executive scoffed a bit. Barriers had been broken; though as much as she would have liked Bette to not stand there mouth agaped in complete disarray. It was expected and knew better than to think she'd be a little more fourth-coming; about her pasts and how she has let Elizabeth in. Jill Sander suit Porter swallows hard; once again adsorbed all of the information that was shown in-front her sights.

The antique armor appeared battered over the years; while the hidden objects still were in-tact somehow. In several ways; it was like Tina kept it all restored for a reason. Whatever those were; scared the hell out of Bette. Dr. Porter; appeared disoriented; unglued; and disheveled all at once. Eyes closed while they grasped the reality of Tee's past and how the mysterious brunette fit into it. Tee stood back and relived that time in hell and reveals; how hard it was to be gay in that time. A time where she thought she had to live a lie to be accepted.

JEFFERSON HIGH – HOW I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH; WHY DID I HAVE TO BE GAY?

AUGUST 13TH, 1998

Summer is over; and the sad thing is I wish it hadn't yet. I have zero friends; and the only two people I've EVER held a conversation for longer than two-seconds is with my mothers or the mail-man. Christina stood back and allows Porter to envelop her emotions in those letters. The letters she never addressed to anyone in particular and yet that was half true in-fact to say the least. Porter's nostrils wiggled at the chosen words of despair. Today; Mama Mary asked me why I never bring anyone home from school anymore. Tee looked away; while Bette slowly read those painful reminders. The warmth of sunlight that creeps in crawls on her skin and tried to get lost in the moment. Peace was very rare and now more than ever wanted to revel in it. I wanted to break down in laughter; but in the midst of depression; I just turned my back to her and silently scoffed at her own misguidance; because I hadn't brought ANYONE home since I was like six years old. Though; that doesn't count because that was PLAY GROUP; MAMA MARY. Dr. Porter allowed one drop to finally fall beneath her cheek-bone while she treads on further. The letter filled with little hope; more sadness than anything else.

I guess it's quite amusing though; she thinks I ACTUALLY HAVE FRIENDS. HA! WHAT A CROCK THAT IS RIGHT? I wouldn't be caught alive with friends; let alone one in-fact especially one Helena Peabody. Porter's eyebrows curled upwards and felt curiosity strike once again. I am terrified; about it though because I guess a friend; isn't exactly what I'm aiming towards either if you catch my drift here. Dr. Porter felt her nostrils flare in heat of jealousy. Those long legs; that brown curly hair and of course that perfect face of hers; no make-up needed. Elizabeth seethed while Tee scrunches her nose in confusion and then recalled that time in high school.

Hallways; seas and rows of kids passed you by; and it all felt so tight and cramped to her. It all closes in while one particular brunette made it feel like it was possible to see light at the end of the tunnel. Her long hair tresses in the wind; and concentrated hard on that teenager; the one that always seemed to have gotten away. Her nostrils flared; quickly back to reality. Dr. Porter reads out-loud that last and final line that always destroys her soul.

I cannot be gay though; I just cannot be universe because if I were; then what kind of future does that leave for a freak like me then? Elizabeth twisted the letter and glared at the blades that somehow repressed Tina's condition. These self delusions; to hurt her-self to make it all go away; it killed Bette apart. How many of those scars still remained; and not the ones on her vanilla skin concerned this brunette beauty. Instead of questioning about one Helena Peabody; her heart trimmers in fears Tee had reverted backwards and wondered if this was the reason she needed to see this dark reality.

Vanilla finger-tips trembled in fear; so many fears and yet felt the tenderness in Bette's approach. Calm; collected and totally engaged in needing Tee to feel safe around her. Dr. Porter reached out one hand to her and felt that vanilla hand gravitate towards her grasp. In one swift move they ended up in one tight embrace. Seconds; tiny seconds was all it took to slowly relax and allow those tears to saunter out. Porter clinched her fists and held onto this blonde tighter and tighter. In all of those years; so many people tried to break her apart.

Give or take; put the blame on whomever you wanted. Her mother's; were probably aware of a darker path and yet never wanted to see it. Society; those stupid teenagers kept on and on and layered and layered the disease that would rob Tee of those precious years of youth and care-freeness. Tee grasped at her backside harder and smelled that lavender scent in Bette's hair.

In a spell of innocence; it was undeniable; whatever she had ever felt in the past about anyone else didn't compare to the way she feels about one brunette in particular. Bette closes her eyes; and just thought in deep thought. It slowly churns and realized if they were going to make any progress; they'd need to inform the moms of this path. It might have been completely in the past and yet it wouldn't be fair to keep such a secret from Mama M and J.

"If I'll ever gain their trust…especially one tough Mama M; then I need to let them in on Tina's approval and only hers alone." A tired and cautionary Bette Porter sighs in thought. In a jitter-fit Tee snuggled in closer and felt the safety-net Bette had laid- all out there in not turning away scared. Porter opened her eyes; rejuvenated and looked into the pair of green eyes and said sincerely.

"I am not scared okay? None of this scares me and we'll get it through it together alright?" Bette reaffirmed in a simplistic manner as Tina enveloped her. It was the kind of silent thank you; Elizabeth Porter welcomed. While her thoughts were filled of one brunette in particular in this blonde's past; yet another woman had completely fallen for one brunette doctor that was here to stay; indeed.

CHAPTER 22

KENNARD RESIDENCE – I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP MY BALANCE HERE –

Dangerously a pair of eyes quietly settled upon terrified orbs filled with tears. Their hands built a bond; while one vanilla hand left jittery and out of control. Elizabeth Porter focuses on her patient that unraveled such a life; her life in-fact. The birds chirped from outside the windowsill and all Christina could do was smile sincerely. Many moments Bette pictured what a future would be like with one woman and it still terrifies her body and soul. I always used to put up a fight. I'd see other couples; and they'd tell me they were together for eighteen years; and wanted to solidify that commitment forever. I on the other hand always saw it as a trap and wasn't so sure. Then I look at you; and you make my heart spin dangerously in circles; and I can't stop myself from falling anymore. Fifty years; and beyond she could settle on the simplistic fact Christina Kennard was it and needed her to get it all under control. This illness wouldn't rob her of anymore precious time with life; and a life she had hoped Bette would be a part of someday. Tears fell beneath and lower that neck-line and knew this was as real as it got and reverted back to darker times.

SEPTERMBER 16TH 1998 – THE DAY SHE MADE ME BELIEVE

Fall approaches; while everything began to die on the outside it seemed it all died on the inside of Christina Kennard. A once vibrant child had no visibility around these four corners. Lockers slammed abruptly; while her balance hinges on success and endless pressures from a perfectionist mother Mama Mary. Those journals in English class; were deathly too close to home; at risk of being revealed as a freak. No; no could see behind the shards of glass steel eyes she tried so hard to keep dark and hidden away from others. Then there was her; a light at the end of the tunnel that appeared from afar the hallway. If I could describe to you how perfect she is in words. Peabody giggles past Christina. Those glasses fix at the bridge of her nose and glares down at the dingy; old tile floor. The dirt on the floor was better than her she believed and revels in the mere thought of her and Helena together and shudders in total fear.

Helena gasps while Paul and Erin tried to lift her up over their shoulders. Paul Williamson; 16 yrs old and captain of the football team was the king in Hel's eyes. His strong arms whisked her away; to the corner to make out. Green orbs mystified at the scene; more at her reaction than anything else. Helena was straight and whatever she felt towards her; gay or straight wouldn't have any affect what so ever on Peabody. The richest girl in West Hollywood; millions of miles away from Tina's grasp knew better than to dream such fairytales.

That locker shut louder than ever while her vanilla hand shook in pain. The pain of slamming it shut and the fact Helena would never be hers to have and hold settles into her self-truths. The Peabody's come from money and knew Helena would marry wealthy while the common folks like her already had their futures planned out. Cheeks turned red from a slew of rare emotions of pain; frustrated with her feelings of the same sex attraction more than anything else. It's a breakdown; is what it is right? I can't even think about this anymore. If I'm so gay; why can't I picture myself with anyone else but her? I am just trying to focus on something other than my imperfections; and besides. The overhead lighting bothers her while she walked to class; while the final bell sounded outwards.

"She's out of my league. I could never get a girl like that…besides; this whole gay stuff has to be a phase." Tee thought while her eyelids batted back to reality. Bette held her closer and shook away all of those memories. Helena Peabody; probably married into wealth and just as shallow as ever before; it causes a frown to appear upon her forehead. "How did I ever convince myself I ever loved her?" Tina whispered softly. Her bottom lip bit while Porter furrowed a brow in question. After their conversations; were there still doubts and looked at Christina quizzically.

Tee chastised herself defeated and knew it had to be laid out there on the line finally. Helena was a part of her dark past and if she were to ever get her-self back again. She'd need to rid all of it and reveal it all to the one person that seemed worth it finally to do just that with. Porter waits while silence took over. Painful and slow Tee paces back and forth before she softly utters in not so many words.

"Helena Peabody; the girl I used to think I loved back in High School Bette." The breath Bette had been holding onto slightly exhales; unable to grasp the information. Tee stepped in closer and closed the gap between them. Further and further; Porter's heart sank and darted both eyes and really looked at Tina sincerely.

"Am I not your first then?" Bette asked truthfully. Kennard quizzically glances and then realizes; what Porter meant and shook her face. Porter tries to grasp at straws here and felt pins and needles into her heart. Those daggers quickly faded while Tee simply stated with a tearful smile. "You are my first. I just mean…Helena was a mistake. I didn't mean to make you think I ever cared about her like that. I mean...I did at one time and then I meet you; and I now realize what love is all about and what I thought I felt for Helena was a complete lie and I'm rambling and you just spin me around in circles…I feel like such a fool sometimes around you and I love you so much; Bette." Tee collapses over her words and felt a pair of hands upon her face on both sides.

Gravitated towards each other tenderly; Bette took a hold of the one she cannot live without and kisses those pair of lips; and didn't feel Tina put up a fight. Surrendering finally to the feelings of love and unbridled emotions they've both been feeling; finally allowing their emotions to let them feel what their hearts desired all along. Helena Peabody might have been a part of Tina's past but it was evident who was a part of her future.

"I love you, too Tina." The kiss resumed while it seemed like they had no cares in the world. If one woman only knew; pasts would come back but only solidify who her heart always belonged too indeed.

CHAPTER 23

KENNARD RESIDENCE – I'LL CARY YOUR HEAVYWEIGHT – THE TIDE APPEARS TO HAVE SETTLED OR HAS IT?

Precipitation appears from afar; candle lit picnic table's glow towards those taller than life pepper trees. Angelic hands dangle up and down in tender unison alongside Tina Kennard. This 29 nine year old has had many doses; many doses of reality and prescriptions in her lifetime and yet; nothing quite measured up to this woman beside her stance. Elizabeth stepped forward and proceeded to walk with the blonde that has changed her life's work and perspective on cosmetic surgery. No one is perfect so I realize no matter how I feel about a certain circumstance; or personal preference; I can't change everyone's mind. Images flooded in and out of that mind-set which was completely clear-headed for one in her whole life. Shattered and clumsy Christina Kennard once upon a time ago; nearer and closer to the brink of no return in-fact. Tina's golden curls shined so heavenly to one Dr. Elizabeth Porter; underneath barely there sunlight as a smile of pride etched upon Bette's elated face. A shy grin immaculate as it can be showed this once skeptical doctor that miracles can and will happen. In the presence of one blonde woman there was hope again in her life. If a God does exist; and I say this on a big 'if' then I'd like to shake his hand and tell him thank you; because I can say without a doubt…I am standing next to a miracle in the works here. The winds sway; while a loud roar swishes throughout those larger than life trees.

Memories invaded one woman's heart lands; while the pair approached closer and closer. Hazel glows while her innocence was tested in the present time periods; while one mother protectively wanted to hold on tighter. Flashes; a slew of images reverted her back to it all and nearly felt those tears swim further down her neck-line. Christina Judith Kennard wasn't a little girl anymore and yet as afraid as Mary was at that simple fast. The truth of the matter was; it didn't mean her job was ever over as another-mother to this golden angel. The green eyes that cried out to her brown eyes; the very first time she stared into Tee's reddened face after birth. Judith had collapsed after exhaustion and worried that whole night until early sunrise; when she had awoken to meet their angel.

I know at some point I need to cut the cord again; and let go of her. Judith squeezes her jittery hands tenderly; while Bette walked up to the picnic table alongside Tee-Tee. Those orbs full of wisdom smiled warmly; at the newest couple. This was new to a pair of mothers; while Judith arose in welcoming this newest member to their extended family so to speak. Porter cautions herself and breaths; while Mama M sat completely still and eyed this once lothario in question. The silence was too much to bear on Bette Porter's stance and it made Mary very proud of herself.

"Hello girls; your ice-tea is on the table honey-bunny; just the way your Mama J knows you love it." Mama M pauses in deep thought while Judith waits on pins in needles of nervous jitters. Tee purses her lips; in innocence while Bette pumped her chest in fearlessness. This causes a few giggles to resound out of Tina's mouth in utter and complete laughter. Mama M appreciates Bette's strong suits on full display and simply titled her head. This look of not complete seriousness causes Elizabeth to ease up a bit on her broad shoulders and relax a tad bit. Those familiar emotions came rushing back into Mama M; and now saw reflections of a younger Kennard.

GIVE UP YOUR HEAVY PRIDE; I'M RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE – 1997

Purple streaks stains caressed against those pages; and pages of that mysterious; illusive journal. It sways side to side; in misery as rain settles in all around her. Darken clouds clamper and hover all around Tina Kennard's vicinity and yet didn't run away from dangerous shocks of lightening. Temperatures; reached a humid one hundred and one degrees and still that heart of hers felt cold. Those pages; like her fragile heart felt like they were on life-support and nothing seemed to revive Tina out this trance of stillness sadness.

Turmoil over freshman year over with and isolated once again to the small-confinements of her bedroom. While she desired to be alone; it was a secret of hers that she didn't exactly love it either. Droplets scatter and marked those stained marker lettered words; still powerful while streaks were left on paper.

WHAT IS THE POINT IF MY HOPE KEEPS GETTING SHATTERED? MAY 19TH; 1997

Okay! I admit it alright? I Christina Judith Kennard; a sad; pathetic excuse for a human-being admit I do not wish to end up alone. Those rain droplets hid away her pain while Mary looks out from the window; in utter misery over their daughters continuing struggles with silent treatments and obvious depression. Tee buried her face inside of her hooded-sweatshirt and began to cry her anguish at the last words of her journal confession.

I know right? It's so stupid and yet I do want it alright? I wish to no longer be alone. Those rain droplets falter; against those wordings in painful reminders of Tee's silent anguish. I've learned in my short; short life that the most unanswerable questions; are the ones that seem easier to answer to some people. Pepper trees; sway side to side violently while the words didn't seem to erase against that loose and very damp paper. My mother's for instance; tell me what would make me happiest and bless them. I know they love me and all but they don't really know me. So; I always pause when Mama M asks me about that and life and honestly how can I even compare it right? I can't seem to get over myself or this ache and so; how can I ever love someone enough so they can love little old me?

Mama M was zapped out of the trance when Tee-Tee's smile eloquently shined through; the memory towards the very lovely present. "Mrs. Kennard; I and Tina would like to talk to you two; if that's alright?" Bette scooted into the picnic table; and clasped tightly to Tina's hands.

Those vanilla hands that once shook in terror seemed to have found a home in Bette's embrace. Nearly a few years ago; Tina's illness could have robbed them of these precious moments. It was evident there was a lot of progress made; and wondered if this was a good sign or the sign of terrible things to come. Bette smiles fearful of Mama M still and had hoped she would finally come around and help Tina out in any way shape or form. If she only knew; she would come around eventually; all Mama M needed was time indeed.

CHAPTER 24

KENNARD RESIDENCE – REVELATIONS &amp; MEMORIES RATTLE THOSE INVOLVED

Glorious green orbs drifted off to the object of all of her affections and senses. Bette Porter sat proudly; in great pride and strength to take whatever Mama M dished out. Those vanilla hands fit so perfectly; and smiled at this warmth and affection Tee provided so effortlessly. I wasn't quite sure what to expect from you. I mean; the mere image of you frightened and alone; it scares me to ever think anyone could be capable of harm to you. The images swam quickly back to Elizabeth while reality snapped her back to the present rather quickly. Mary arose and paced around a bit in quizzicalness; at this well put together doctor at times. This woman she brought into Tina's life to help her; and somehow managed to fall in love with her innocent daughter. Green eyes glittered in their perfectionist gaze; while a great deal of pain still remained deep underneath the surface; this still overwhelms Mama M to extreme protectiveness mode. The roars from howling wind gush throughout the picnic table setting and observed the pairs behavior suspiciously.

Dr. Elizabeth Porter hunched over in great remorse of their situation. Christina wasn't like most girls; women in-fact and that's one of the reasons she fell in love with her in the very first place. "Girls; I am delighted you're here with us tonight. I hope we can have a conversation about a few matters." Judith admired her wife's stance in their daughters' world. This life-partner took great pride in raising their daughter with values; and most of all respect. Their little girl might not be like the rest of us; and yet Judith didn't see this as such a terrible thing either. Our little girl; and I know she's a woman now. I know; I know; it's hard to let go sometimes. Though; as parents do you ever really let go; and stop caring for them? The greatest question to be asked over and over again and yet it seemed impossible to turn off such a bond. It was a lifetime of love and unconditional love Tee would always know she could rely on whenever she needed them in-fact. Judy looked at her proud wife and smiled adoringly at her adorable stance of power and strength.

"Ms. Porter; I hope you understand when I tell you this…" Judith groans a bit in suspense. Mary quite flabbergasted suddenly chuckled at her wife's apprehension written upon her face. This laughter is lost on Judy and crosses both arms in total exasperation while Mama M sat down next to this beautiful blonde creature. The similarities; in Judy and Tee blew one Dr. Elizabeth Porter away and sat there in amazement. I am sure this woman is going to rip me a new one; though I just saw that little hand squeeze. I do that all of the time; with this one over here. Unsure of what Mama M might articulate into words; it was hard to grasp such a family would welcome her into their lives completely. Tree's tresses; while rose-pedals scattered all around Tee's colorful blonde hair. So many thoughts swam freely; all the while silence threatens to put doubt into her mind-set; which left Bette helpless. I adore her innocence sometimes; and honestly that scares the shit out of me completely. Tee squeezes that hand to take Elizabeth out of her doubtful thoughts. The constant reminders of Tee-Tee's past anguish suddenly brought back those dozens; upon dozen of promises all wrapped up into a neat-bow. This package wasn't perfect and surely this 29 year old came with a lot of baggage some could not take in fully. I am not a dreamer; I am not some naïve person that dreams she'll wake up from all of this cured one day. I realize now; what Tina's suffering with will take years; if even to erase all of the torment of what High School did to her. Those nostrils flare at the mere image of another in Tee's heart and mind-set.

Helena Peabody robbed this angelic creature of so many years; of flourishment and happiness. It rattles her insides to envision a meet and greet with Ms. Peabody with a fistful of anger. Elizabeth shook away thoughts immediately. Mama M grapples to speak while it needed to be said finally. "First off; our daughter is our whole world Ms. Porter. I love; respect and happily devote myself to Tina's happiness and you seem to make her happy. Neither I nor Judith will stand in the way of you two; though I need you to understand something very clearly." Mama M pauses while Bette swallowed hard. Judith sighs in relief her wife had changed her tune from earlier this afternoon.

"I understand." Bette licks her dry lips and awaits Mary's final statement on their relationship. The mere thought of her and Tee in a relationship. Those familiar feelings she'd come to realize was undeniable love and adoration for one woman in-fact. It still blew her away completely. Tears began to envelop Mama M and broke down. "I just want our little girl to not hurt anymore; and if you could somehow see what we do; in her. Then you could just tell her so; then you'll finally live the way you were always meant to sweetheart. I love you; Tee-Tee and I just want you to have all you've ever wanted and if this woman can make that happen. Then…who the hell am I to stand in the way then." Mary dried her eyes; while Porter adsorbed the proclamation and sighed in elation.

A single tear-droplet had fallen while Tee felt for the first time free. In the longest time; she felt freer to be just herself without the definition of BDD lingering over like some stigma she'd carry for so long. Finally; those closest to her life had allowed her finally to make a decision for her and all the while.

This lion heart of hers in a lot of ways; roared one single word; one single emotion and it was all relevant. This feeling; called love was finally coming to the surface; and wasn't afraid to feel it no longer; just afraid to lose it. If she only knew; all she had to do; was face the one memory she had suppressed; to finally finding out all of the reasons she carried so much self hatred in herself for so long.

CHAPTER 25

KENNARD RESIDENCE – DO YOU LIKE THE REAL ME? – CONVERSATION WITH MOTHER'S CONTINUED

Yellow scattered leaves pile up; candle lit radiated one woman that had stolen her entire heart. Full on teary eyed; this display overwhelms one Tina Judith Kennard to slither closer to this gallant woman of hers. Those strong arms embrace such a shivering blonde now. The wind gusts had collapsed while temperatures seem to plummet tonight to a chilly fifty five degrees; crescent moonlight appeared in the bluest skies this late afternoon. This day was filled with so much pain; revelations; and above all else; love still seemed to shine throughout it. Tea candles flicker on the picnic tables while hands interlaced together; a lot stronger than ever before. Mary Kenneth Kennard sniffles after such a tearful proclamation. It took all of her strength not to bury herself in her wife's lovely curly cues. I am not quite sure I did the right thing there; I mean…she is after all the illusive Bette Porter. The woman that has slept her way around West Hollywood; and I know there are names for it. I will not for one judge her; because it seems our Tee-Tee sees something I clearly don't. Eyes with a lot of wisdom still left in them looked at her life-partner in pride and most of all love. Adoration seemed to be catchable while Elizabeth felt finger-tips interlace all around her fingers. Those chocolate orbs swam in tears of overwhelmed natures; senses were clear and yet a lot of doubt still lingered if this was the right thing to do. Quiet; has taken me over and I am not quite sure I want to stay here. The words of this over protective parent still shocked the hell out of Elizabeth. Images of Tee swim inside of her cluttered mindset and their journey together.

Mary sniffled against her wife while Judith spoke up. "Girls; I hope you'll stay for a late dinner?" Bette purses her lips still engrossed in silence as Tee spoke up. "Yes; of course we'll stay right Bette?" Christina rattled Elizabeth a little with her silent and still appearance. Perhaps Mary's words had put the fright in her while the pair of mothers watched her like if she was in some sort of trance. Tee scrunches her forehead in quizzicalness; alarmed by what could keep this potential love so pre-occupied with other thoughts.

DR. PORTER'S OFFICE – 2 YEARS INTO THE FUTURE – I AM JUST TRYING TO KEEP MY SENSES CLEAR OR AM I JUST AFRAID?

Mrs. Kennard-Porter: to Mrs. Elizabeth Porter-Kennard:

Hi! I love you; sunshine eyes; your beautiful creamy complexion and most of all our-darling children. Porter pauses; echoes of Jamie's giggles tickles her heart and it felt like a stripe had been interlaced all around her soul. The mere fact; they had finally come so far from Tina's illness to make Alexander and Jamie Kenneth Kennard; their one year old twins. Those tears sprinkled while she finishes the text message of love and adoration.

Every day I want to tell you; how much you inspire me; how our daughter looks like the spinning image of you. I am amazed; blown away and incredibly honored you chose me to see all of you. The darkest parts; the brighter spots; and most of all; all of the parts in between and yeah; I was terrified at one point. I wasn't quite sure if I was woman enough to tackle all of this on and yet I look at our family together; and realize now…it all happened for a reason. The purposes in which you bestowed upon me; a friendship; love and laughter; I now realize why it all occurred. Dr. Porter pauses and looked around at her empty office; boxes all stacked up. A smile was plastered and realized on the other side of this door; was her destiny and was no longer afraid to chase it. Her face lit up at the mere image of that once clumsy; frightened; shell of herself blonde. Those green eyes hidden in mass curls of hair; and once shifted to their respected sides; she saw finally who Tina Kennard was indeed. The woman of her dreams and now it was time to leave her past behind as well.

And I am sure; you're reading this and looking at me with two-heads because Bette can't text properly. Though; you need to know these things darling. I admire you; honor you and adore you. I found you; because you needed me and I was just as lost and needed someone to pick me up. I needed that strong woman in my life; and baby…you're it. You make me feel like this magnificent creature and I just needed you to know…I am home now; I love you baby. I'll see you; real soon. Love always; your wife Mrs. Elizabeth Porter-Kennard.

The trance disappeared as present time had reappeared. Tee still was bewildered at Bette's silence. Tears began to stream and looked at the two older women in solace. Today; was not the day to talk about Tee's past and yet all she wanted to do was talk; and express in so many emotions how all of these words made her elated. Elizabeth arose and extended a hand. The once still hand jittered a bit and looked at Mary in peace.

"I am honored you'd think that much of me Mrs. Kennard. I promise you; I do love your daughter and I'll not hurt her ever. I want a life with her." Bette turned around to Tee. The woman in her dreams; she was a reality and knew sooner or later it'll happen eventually. All good things do come to those that wait and if she only knew; what she had waited for would be with one blonde one.

Hands met with Bette's and took a tight grip at the brunette.

The brunette overwhelmed and succumbed to tears; so many tears while Mary held onto her tightly. "I love her. I really do love your daughter." Bette whispered while Mary smiles and looked at the sky. "Lord; help them to weather all of this together; they'll need each other now." She closes her eyes and enjoyed the warm embrace of a mother; a mother that finally had come to face her little girl was no longer a girl anymore. While the tides changed; if one woman only knew a lesson would arise; and two women will be forced to face their pasts once and for all.

CHAPTER 26

Open roads ahead it seemed; just like her heart was finally free at last from no more reservations in life. Quite shocked at herself and proclamations of utter-love and devotion to one woman only. This day marked a new era in Elizabeth Porter's life indeed. Oceans appeared across the cliff-road while the Saab drove a bit faster than before. Eyelids of a once shy gal seated quite closely to her passenger side seat neared her proximity. Shoulder to shoulder; this simplistic touch brought back all of those familiar feelings of adoration and most of all love. Affections of the heart were still foreign to this plastic surgeon and tried hard to fight it once upon a time ago. Failure was not a part of Bette Louise Porter's vocabulary; and yet welcomed it in this case. Her specialty didn't seem to matter anymore; while thoughts drifted back and forth if her profession was really her hearts desires; or just a way to keep a lifestyle. This engine purrs delightfully to Ms. Porter; while the cliff side wall exposes more of that crystal clear water she enjoyed to dip-into. Brown orbs adsorbed these surroundings; while a pair of green-gems observed her perfect passenger. This magnetic pull she felt towards a special-driver that had switched the gears up; and swept Ms. Christina Judith Kennard right up off her feet it seemed. It seemed quite impossible she had no hidden agenda; no ploys; no plot-twists to break her apart; or shatter her whole. Millions of thoughts swam through Tina deeply; while a pair of eyes darted back and forth between this passenger and their sanctuary.

"That was something else huh?" Bette brought them back to reality; silence had taken over too long. Tee didn't need voices to clutter this beautiful day of triumphant. Tina scrunches her cute-nose at the brunette who had professed love in-front of her protective mothers. This still blew her away completely; unsure of how to react to it at first. Mary had assumed Bette was about to seduce her; and while the thought appealed to her; still it was too soon to go there. The mere image of the two; still overwhelms Christina to nervous fits of jitters. Fingers slither on over to the middle of the car; as Bette's hand rested on the arm rest. It felt a familiar touch and welcomed this new sensation of Tina's warmth and comforting touch. Mama M and J had reacted positively to her announcement and yet felt guilty she didn't dispel Tee's secrets of despair. The shocking discoveries in her beloved's room still frighten her to a point.

"I know. Mama M almost went from killing you; to over-hugging you to bits. It was sweet of her; baby." Tina allowed a simplistic word slip outwards. Those affectionate words were heaven to Bette's ears. They wiggle at the mere sound of that voice; a voice so rich she'd melt at the sound again. Tee's cheek-bones went all shades of redden-pink before Porter spoke up. "It was indeed a trip; that is for certain. And Tee…did you just call me baby?" Elizabeth turned her attention on over to a crimson red beauty, orange clouds floated onwards; while whatever was left of sun-set appeared on that creamy completion. Hazel gallantly smiled while hair flew freely against this gentle breeze this early evening. The Saab purred once again much to Bette's delightfulness; and neared their destination back to the beach house.

The once fidgety woman inched closer; clasping a hold of that mocha hand in a strong-grip hold. Tears submerged; overflowing downwards that vanilla chin. Her sniffles were soft and evoked from her heart of hearts in truth and strength. "I am sorry. I know I do this a lot. I just…cannot help it you know?" Tee broken from today; a lot had occurred; one moment she was ripped to shreds and anxiety had riddled her to believe the very worst of herself and their situation. Bette's explanations made total and complete sense and yet the BDD made it hard to truly believe it. Hazel's mind-set was wary at best and tried so hard to carry this burden and appear as normal as possible when around Bette. Elizabeth on the other hand didn't seem to care either way; she didn't want the stable her; only the truest form of herself and it left Tina Kennard dumbfounded.

"I'm not following you sweetheart. I love you; if you need to do that a lot; cry it out. Then so be it. I can take it. I am here to be your shoulder you know. I am here to help you through this and I said it earlier; but if you need me to be your personal-punching bag then so be it." Tee's forehead scrunched in worriment and shook her face dismissively. "I wouldn't ever do that to you; you know that right baby? I love you; too and I don't know why you put up with me sometimes. My drama is now yours; then my secrets are now apparently yours too. I feel so awful Bette. Mama M &amp; J deserve to know the whole truth about how far I've gone from hell and back. The cuts; the blades; the scars I still have and the urges I get to return to it all. I am so messed up Bette." Christina's voice broke apart in pieces it seemed. These scars; the utter-torment she went through in HS must have been hell to endure. The last straw to try and cut it all away; to break those voices and people that repeated things that weren't of valid truth. It made Elizabeth sick to her stomach Helena Peabody; could live with herself through that entire wrath. The fact she still was able to go on; and leave this helpless soul to rot in lies.

"I am not sure about that baby. I see you; you know? I see you've made a real commitment to working this all out for yourself. I know it was painful to relieve that and show me your dark-past. I can only imagine how lonely that must have been for you to face all alone. Though; you don't have to anymore. I am here and you've got the love and devotion of two people that love you more than themselves. Mama M &amp; J would give their last breath for you darling; I'm here to tell you the truth finally. I see you; you're not hideous to look at. I love you; just the way you are." Tee wiggled her nose while Bette sighed. The tears flowed freely; while those images flooded back to her.

"I hate what they did to you." Bette broke apart. She stopped the car and broke down. "I hate them all. I hate they made you feel so alienated; so unworthy of love; friendship they'd force you to do that to yourself." Elizabeth finally let it all go; while Tee looked at her painfully. The scars still evident and feared her greatest love wouldn't be able to handle it. Her heart broke apart while Bette continues to sob. "I didn't think it was the right time you know? I respect and adore your family sweetie. I am sure of it they'd not place any of the blame on you. It was all on those idiots that made you feel so hopeless; and I swear to God; if I could get my hands on any of them." Porter paused while Tee closes her eyes; times were bleak at best back then. She did her best with the constant bullying.

Helena Elaine Peabody seemed harmless on the outside; yet was the devil reincarnated on the inside. The hallways were small; so small whenever she passed by her locker. Shortness of breath always seemed to plague one Christina Kennard while Candace; Jodi &amp; Brenda all sashayed in a row to greet their lead cheerleader. The year was 2001; it was barely spring; and the upcoming dance was a formal event for students only with 4.0 GPA's to congratulate them on a job well done in the year. Her senior year was less than stellar; a bookworm at heart and yet a wild-side inside of her dared to come out.

I CAN'T TAKE IT; IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU; WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? – 2001 – TINA'S REVERTING BACK INTO TIME TRANCE

Peabody always had a naturalistic charisma about herself; wits and charms did get you far ahead in the social realms. The locker-door bopped her nose; as a trickle of blood splattered onto the floor silently. Principle Lerner; Jodi's father proceeded to survey the hallways; while his orbs noticed the one always in distress. His eyes squinted in utter-pain while his migraine seemed to take over his senses. He grimaces in pain and walked on over to Tina's locker. Her nose bleed while he appeared out of the blue to the now dizzy hazel eyed one. Glasses were taken off and observed the damage. "That nose might be broken again Kennard. What did I tell you about daydreaming in-front of your locker? Do you not care about your physical appearance or impression on people? I swear you children will never be ready for the real-world if you keep these antics up." He scoffs; his tie was fixed and walked on by.

"Go to the nurse's office; she'll call your mothers." He groans and finished the last part softly. "I feel sorry for that one. She never had a chance with dykes for parents." His voice disappears while Tee shook her face in displeasure. The physical appearances he was referring too; could it have been her shoes? They were new; her sweater-vest was also in high style fashion; and yet felt so last year it seemed since she had it on. Giggles drift off to the side while Jodi pointed and heckled it up to Helena.

"Did Daddy just refer to her mother as a dyke? Ewe; so she has two of them then?" Tina appeared disheveled while Brenda cackles it up. "That's a shame. That's not how it's supposed to go right Helena?" Peabody grimaces; in displeasure and yet needed to follow the pact. "Yeah it's pretty unnatural if you ask me. The thought of it alone makes me want to vomit girls; so I'll head off to class." The last bell sounded out while Tee proceeded to hold her nose up.

Jodi and Brenda in toe blew right back her. Tee felt winded and plopped forward. Her glasses shattered across the floor; began to sob loudly. No one in sight; it felt like those familiar hallway-walls closed up again in anguish. No one in sight to even point and laugh at her complete and utter misery. Helena fidgets to go and help the young gal in distress and heard hollers; from Amanda from afar. The sniffles were the last sound she heard before Tee arose; eyes closed and looked out far ahead at the beach house. The trance was over; once alone in that hallway to compile a great enough excuse to her mother's as to why; her glasses had broken and no one to help her. Back then she was a joke; unsure of how her future would end up; and yet years later still so unsure about a lot of things. The one truest thing still remained in-tact; those two women might have been over-protective today over Bette and her. Though; she couldn't have gone through all of this without them by her side; every step of the way without judgment.

"I am so thankful Bette." Tina eloquently stated. There was so much to share; so much to say; so many emotions that ran wild through her veins. Porter stood still and watched as this woman once so lost was finally letting go; and returning to the once vibrant being she was meant to be. "Me too; me too; Tina." Bette retorted while the two stranded bare-foot on the sand and soaked in the atmosphere of peace and tranquility fit for two souls only. If Tina only knew; no matter what she shared with Elizabeth; it wouldn't matter. She'd always be standing beside her through it all; like always as they go through this journey no longer alone at last.

CHAPTER 27

PORTER - BEACH HOUSE – LETTING GO AIN'T EASY AT ALL; IT'S JUST EXCEEDINGLY HURTFUL EACH AND EVERY TIME

Hisses of fifty miles per hour winds; flew right past one woman at peace with nature. White waves landed upon those simplistic finger-nails. Eyelids sparkle against faint light while fires sparked in a loud roar. The sudden noise startles her senses; as a talented Doctor placed log; after log; on their impending bonfire. These simpler times seemed so welcomed to one woman; so far from her fast-paced life as a surgeon. Green starlet gems stare out at sea and appeared at one with nature's gifts; if she only knew she was one too; to this sometimes well put together alpha female. Those waves suddenly crashed against the far-away cliff-side and took a strong-whiff of the ocean mist-air. It all felt good to Tina's nostrils; taking another bigger whiff; collecting the cleanest air; meanwhile that once cluttered mind-set sailed away into freedom it seemed. Clumps of sand tickle against her vanilla-palms and dug in deeper; and deeper. Eyes squint while gushes of wind causes the fire to roar louder than ever before; as a spark imploded into the night's sky.

Green orbs magically awaken at the sights before her. Elizabeth placed the last of the logs onto the fire; heading back to the seated position of her favorite blonde-patient. Observations were made by a once timid and unapproachable Tina Kennard as feet trotted back her direction. These moments; sights; she had always dreamt of sharing with a significant other; unsure of how to define her growing-relationship with Ms. Elizabeth Porter. Break-downs had always been a part of her life it seemed and worried if Bette decided this was all too much to bear. Vanilla cheeks turned crimson red at the subtle wink given; as a gush of wind brushed upon her skin just as Bette sat next to her. That familiar tipper-tapper heart beat seemed to recite the same love-song in Elizabeth's honor it seemed so often. In circles her insides swam freely; just like those waves tumble after one another in sweet-unison. Nature isn't silent like her heart while Ms. Dr. Porter cleared her nervous clinched-throat. Those cob-webs that once laced around her heart over the years in protective-mode; it all disappeared with just one glance; one sweet kiss to the lips of this fine creature named Tina Kennard. Christina allowed silence to freely take over while finger did a dance her way; and softly clasped one.

This fire inside of Bette slowly bursts into a wild-fire as Tee spoke up. "I feel like I am back in High School in a lot of ways; Bette." An eyebrow arched while Tee scrunches her nose cutely. The statement was a bit bizarre to Tina and yet it made a lot of sense to her in-fact. Porter's eyes darted back and forth between each green gem stone. Those green souls of eyes that stared deeper into her chocolate orbs were a magical experience. "I am so sorry; and I feel just so completely awful for it all. Tina; I know it was hell back then and I didn't exactly make today any less pain free for you." Dr. Porter pursed her lips; a breath had been held while Tee's nostrils flared in confusion. These simplistic gestures of warmth are what she referred too and needed to make that clear to this doctor quickly. Dr. Elizabeth Porter gasps while tears splatter onto her cheeks. Mama M's proclamation came back with a sense of relief she had accepted their relationship. "I am no one special Tee. I fucked up; I will probably most likely always be a screw up; let's face that fact alright? Though; I realize that awful time in your life was particularly hell on earth and I messed it all up and reminded you of those days. I caused your voices to win and for that I am so sorry. I cannot promise you I will not mess up again. And; I can't promise you; I'll always know what to do or make it all perfect baby." Bette professes as ocean-waves roared off into the distance. The tidal waves crashed against their toes; as their legs were drenched in a deep-clear sea of water. Light flickers from this fire as lips pursed in deeper thoughts. Tina groans to eloquently state her heart of hearts to this woman. Eyes stared right back at her with sincerity and knew this was indeed not high school in that dark-sense at all.

"No! You're right." Tina states while Bette's breaths were labored. Her throat clinches while a tight grasp was given and squeezed that mocha hand harder than ever. The balance between how many times to look at this fragile woman was hard to keep up with. "I am sorry. I do not mean to stare at you. I know the rules; and yet I cannot look away. I can't keep my promises about that lovely. I try and try to look away and all I see is your perfect face staring right back at me." Elizabeth eloquently stated with a heart-beat that beats rapidly in-love. Tears escaped those tear-ducts and collapsed onto those vanilla cheek-bones slower. Softer than ever; their bodies pull themselves closer to proximity. "How did I ever get through one day without you in my life? I ask myself that every day you know." Tina batted away tears and continued. "I used to sit alone in the cafeteria room at school and just glance at the popular- kids suddenly; and looked away." Elizabeth felt moistness upon her eyelids as a single finger dried it away. Tina stared at her without fears and stated quite truthfully with those heavenly lips.

"I admired those popular ones; and yet hated their idolization in a lot of ways you know? I was full proof rendered a loser; while they were the stars for the moment. I hid myself away; no existence really so why would it matter to any of them? I didn't care either way at that point. I needed to disappear and I almost listened. I almost listened." Tina whispers. A single tear fell as Bette caught it and grabbed a hold of the distraught woman. Her face was exhausted while memories invaded her. Helena &amp; Jodi always sat with Brenda at the far-end table just by the vending-machines.

This year was somber after the attacks in New York; the school held a fundraiser to help raise funds for the Twin-Towers. A shove was given from Peter Olsen while he trotted off to the jocks table. Orbs squinted for ten seconds while her glasses were fixed again before she realized where she stood in-front of. Brown eyes dart feverously at the direction of the clumsy at times blonde while Tee smiled worryingly. "Hi! Did I bump into you Helena?" Tee stared into those chocolate eyes of wondrous powers. Brenda meanwhile; interjected and gave a little sweet nudge in the wrong direction. Helena gasps in horror as Tina lunged and landed on her lunch-tray. Soon the chatter of every-day teenager lingo; turned into a big round of laughter for the girl that always had the bad luck it seemed.

Jodi cackles louder while Helena tries to edge a bit closer to the blonde. Brenda curls an eyebrow; and grabbed a jello-cup and places it in-front of the entitled brunette at times. "Aren't we forgetting she's beneath us Peabody?" Jodi clapped in laughter and yelped loudly. "Do it! Throw it at her Peabody; if you're one of us truly at this table that is?" Tee attempted to get up and failed miserably; macaroni and cheese was all over her knees. Tears began to well up as a prick threw pudding at her hair. "Ha! Do you believe this loser? I swear. She's such a waste of space." Andy Powers exclaimed while Helena saw the jello-cup and resisted to dabble into this child's play. "No! Don't you see she's had enough?" Helena tried to arise as Brenda grabbed the jello-cup and placed it into Helena's hands. "I suggest you do it or else it'll be you on that floor too with her. Now; you wouldn't want that now right?"

Those tears splatter while jello was the last memory of her on that floor; utterly alone. Helena's chair squeaked onto the floor and walked out of the cafeteria enraged. Bette's fists were in a ball as Tina moves her face side to side. "I was such a loser back then." Elizabeth's eyes wince in tears and grabbed a hold of this lost soul.

"No; no you weren't sweet-heart. Those idiots; like Helena Peabody were the losers." Tina gasps while Bette pulled her in closer and whispered to her softly. "I am more worried about if the tables were turned and we had met in High School. Do you still suppose little old me would be enough for you-sweetie?" Dr. Porter asked with a tearful smile. Tina gasps in tears and pulled those lips against hers.

"You're my very first and I'd like it to stay that way. I love you; Bette." Tina retorts as their lips sealed the deal. Porter growls as their lips did a dance with tongues. "And Helena Peabody; how does she fit into the picture;" Tee allows the tears to fall so effortlessly and expressed the truths from her heart. "Helena Peabody doesn't even exist to me anymore; Elizabeth. And in a lot of ways; to me she was simply incomparable to the perfection that is your heart and strength. I love you; my heart belongs to you and always will." If Tee only knew a certain brunette would come barreling back into her life; and a final choice would have to be made once and for all indeed.

CHAPTER 28

PORTER – BEACH HOUSE ESCAPE – A NEW DAY BRINGS NEW CHALLENGES TO OVERCOME

Day peaks at five o' clock in the early arising; of sunrise; as deliriously happily eyelids awoke to such a sight. Those immaculate gem-stones of eyes bask in this very present daylight. This naturalistic glow topples over the bridge of her nose and fell beneath her jaw-line and seeped below her arms. The majestic and wondrous golden haired one stares quietly at no object in particular while little faint-breaths were beautifully exiting such a woman. Elizabeth Louise Porter appeared so calm in her dream state and often wondered if she was a part of her dreams as well. Sea Gulls roared far off in the distance; picking apart a few fish as they flew away into the skies to never been seen or heard of again. These loud waves gush and flourish against such heavenly rainbows; rainbows made up of pure water while Tee's eyelids mist up. In such turmoil over Bette's many reactions to her confessions over her continued abuse over the years and; physical torment by her own hands. It was all too much to bear sometimes and needed breaks in between each and every self loathing self-truth in-fact.

The crystal clear water washed up the left over brush of their bon-fire; it was whisked away at sea. Tears began to spill over upon such a face. Dr. Elizabeth Porter began to stir in her sleepy state of mind while Tina bent up her knees. The familiar pull me or break me apart tries to rear its ugly-head again in Tee's present state. This constant struggle of tug and war between her sanity and what was logical still would be her biggest battle to win over. Their conversations over Helena's role in all of this upset one brunette doctor and yet understood Tina's seclusion much more. It was never just about her getting to notice me and see this lonely girl that really just needed one friend in High School. Eyelids closed themselves off to the world at this present time and went back to the night. The very night she had finally allowed herself to believe in a second chance at friendship and perhaps more with Ms. Peabody.

WARRIOR'S HIGH SCHOOL – NOTHING CAN HAUNT ME NOW OR CAN IT? – IT'S MY TIME (2001)

Black silk draped her body; while a little of the top of her cleavage was left exposed. Those gem-stone eyes shined across the room it seemed if you glanced at her deeply. Her golden hair shined underneath the simplistic disco-ball overhead; while snickers could be heard in the distance. Pinned up into a bun that naturalistic beauty of a blonde allowed her hair to drape off and curls swam all around. Chocolate orbs ogled for just a glance while Candace caught a glimpse in jealousy. "Fuck! I cannot believe she had the nerve to even show her face here. Do you realize all of the makeovers in the world can't save you now bitch? I can't even fathom why you are even still here anymore. Do you all see this or what? This girl is asking for it and I say do it already Helena." Brenda nodded while Helena's two-way ignored her messages; and stood there shit-faced at such an immaculate figure. Those years had been kind to one Tina Kennard and it showed in her heavenly skin. "I am such an idiot! I am such an idiot for listening to them. Look at her! I am such a loser. I look at her in wonder and ask myself how do I keep myself at arm's length not to grab a hold of this creature and kiss her right there where she stands?" Helena basks in this natural beauty that in return turned around. Those Hazel eyes shined in Peabody's sights; daring to stare deeper into those eyes she only wish to stare into deeper and deeper into the night. Insightful orbs pressed Tee to glance a little further and began to make the walk to her destination.

The path she's only dreamt of standing near for the past four years; in-fact. All of her voices managed to shut up; all of the doubts this was somehow a game had vanished. Candace screamed angrily through the ear-piece and eyed Brenda to go ahead without Peabody's signal. Her feet stepped closer and closer this wondrous; magnificent young woman who had stolen her heart from first glance.

Chocolate eyes swam in near tears; how could she have been so blind four years ago. "I should have stuck up for you. I am so sorry; Tina. If there was any way to make it up to you somehow; I'd do it in a heartbeat." Tina's lips pursed in elation and gasps while orbs looked up. Brenda's echoes of the plan came back to her. "You're supposed to get her to the middle of the dance floor. I rigged the disco ball to move; so I'll move it underneath her. So; when she thinks she has won the title of queen of your homo-heart then I'll bam get her. Do you understand me?" Helena's orbs turned into saucers while Tee appeared puzzled.

The smile soon disappeared as those familiar voices came back again. Laughter swam all around her swirling mind of thoughts while Helena began to panic. "Tina! What on earth are you doing here? Go home alright! I think this dance is a little too overdone at the moment." Peabody shook while Brenda was ready to release fury. Tee squinted her eyes while tears began to well-up in pain and anguish once again. "I am sorry." Helena gulps in sheer peer-pressure mode while she shoved Tina down the floor. That disco ball froze dead-center underneath her while the teenagers began to cackle it up. "What is happening over here?" Principle Lerner asked quite irate.

Kennard began to sniffle while she looked at Helena. Echoes of giggles sounded out all around her while she felt like she was on some misery ride and wanted off from. The room spun all around her senses and felt faint. Helena tried to go near her direction and froze dead center. The disco ball moved with her as Principle Lerner looked above. "What is the meaning of all of this Peabody? Did you lure Kennard here tonight to pull some prank? I told you how I felt about this nonsense." He retorted while laughter echoes again. Helena saw evidence of tears upon Tina's face. The stupidity she felt in ever believing this girl and betrayed her voices that protected her.

"HA! WHAT DID I TELL YOU SILLY GIRL? DREAMS ARE FOR LOSERS; AND APPARENTLY YOU'RE JUST THAT TO THESE IDIOTS. I TOLD YOU ALL OF THIS AND TRIED TO SPARE YOU THIS HUMILATION BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME? NOOO! NO; YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE THE LAST SAY; AND WHAT DID I TELL YOU? I TOLD YOU THE GIRL WOULD HURT YOU BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT SWEETIE-PIE. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU LIKE THAT BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE IN THIS WORLD. NO ONE WANTS TO DATE THE LOSER IN TOWN AND YOU'RE JUST THAT. A STUPID LOSER; SO LET'S JUST GO HOME." Tina screamed irate with anger and looked at Helena feverishly. Brenda arose while Candace's eyes pierced with fears. "I knew it! I knew it! I sensed this was all a stupid and elaborate joke." Helena felt a slap to the face. It was hard and harsh. Tina's reddened eyes spoke it all and the light had disappeared it seemed.

"I hate you; stay the hell away from me." Tina muttered while Brenda accidentally; let go of the release button. The colored dye had spilled all over Helena's dress. The blonde held in tears and glance on over to the direction of the girls. Candace slapped her forehead in disapproval as Tee says rather angrily. "I guess you two are as stupid as you look. Stupid and stupider as friends; some life you've got going for you eh Peabody? Fuck off!" Tina scurries off into the dark-night skies. The tears poured out of her and cried out.

"Why? Why did I let myself believe? I am the stupid one." Tina allowed the tears to fall as Bette looked at her damsel in distress in a lot of ways and whispered. "I am right here. I am not her. I'll never be her." Tee allowed the single tear-droplet to fall and uttered in solace. "Is that a promise?" A smile appeared on Bette's face and grabbed a hold of her favorite blonde. In the midst of the painful memories; today would be an eventful day of lessons and how two-women would show they've learned from their mistakes indeed.

CHAPTER 29

PORTER BEACH HOUSE RESIDENCE – YOU CAN EITHER BE AN OUTKAST OR BRAVE

Humiliation always seemed to follow her; and honestly wishes it could disappear alongside her past. It drifted over those years and still that fragile mind-set reminded Tina at any given moment. Eyes stared down at Christina in curiosity; while it was purely innocent on Dr. Porter's part it still causes her to be weary. Those green-gem stone eyes shielded from light as little rays sank lower and lower upon such golden-hair. It causes a quick smile to glimmer upon Bette's illuminated face. I am still not used to her getting a full-glimpse of myself. I tried so hard so many years in-fact; I'd hide in darkness literally to spare myself of judgment and resentment from others. I always assumed I did everyone a favor by doing so. Tee looks down at her toes covered in fresh-sand and giggles at the absurdly; of it all. Dr. Porter scrunches her nose cutely in complete-puzzled demeanor as Tina sighed out loud. "It's eight in the morning; and I honestly have no idea how I got here with you." Her voice was low-and raspy. Once stared down by those enemies of darkness and fury; perhaps the cage of her past would set her free. Finally; maybe there was a chance at peace on earth for Chrissie Kennard. Elizabeth curls an eyebrow and really thought of the words so eloquently stated just now. This 29 year old hadn't explored the world through another's eyes and realize she was just seeing an ocean at daylight.

In all of her entire life; she hadn't cared so much for another human-being. The well-being of her friends and family; was expected but to fall in-love and care for a stranger practically. This new adventure in a lot of aspects; perhaps the blinders she had on for so many years finally came off today. The night before; her true-promises about how she'd stick this out through it all thick and thin. It was all so foreign and yet didn't scare the crap out of Dr. Bette Louise Porter anymore. "Its crazy how life can work that way eh? One minute you'll be on the wrong-track going towards nowhere. Then the next you meet someone and they completely change your view-points. The way you used to see yourself and life just doesn't matter anymore." Susan's potential law-suit could put her practice in jeopardy still it had no effect on her thoughts. This lack of passion in her profession weighs heavily on her brain. These logistics of what it all meant and if this was fate's way of stepping in; and telling Dr. Porter to change her life choices in her career as well. Tee squinted her eyelids as Bette looked directly at this heavenly creature that had swooped in and taken a part every choice she'd ever had made; questioning everything.

Fingers trailed their destination-path and stole one vanilla-finger into her tight clasp. "Do you ever question why we were the people we were before we see the light Tee? I've seen a lot of things in my life. The coldness this world has to offer and the reality of it all is baby; I do not want to be that reason anymore." Tee scrunches her forehead in confusion; while uttering totally at a loss for words. "Huh?" Tee felt fingers trace a line above her lips; tenderly. "I know! It makes total sense right? I am sorry. I just mean that whole moment you came into my office. Those reasons you chose me to alter yourself; you're beautiful and perfect Tina. I needed you to reawaken me and learn that isn't me. I cannot keep on like this. It isn't me simply; who gave me the right to play God with people's imperfections? I am not right for it. I am so sorry." Bette misted up in sheer-mercy meanwhile a shell-shocked Christina sat there bewildered at what to say or do. That familiar roar of ocean leaps against rocks dazzled by this naturalistic wonder of nature. Little faint sobs could be heard and realized why Bette was declaring all of these heart-felt confessions. A smile appeared and inches closer to the surgeon in distress. This alpha woman in a lot of ways; was no longer in control of her future and it scared the hell out of her. "I swear baby; I didn't mean anything by my words. I really am just blown away by the ocean at daylight. I am so very sorry; you thought I meant anything deeper than that. I just needed this you know?" Tina took in the air while Bette purses her lips in confusion.

"So; you have no thoughts on what I just declared to you? Alright then; do you want breakfast?" Bette sniffled while Kennard pulled the silly surgeon into her grasp. Porter sighs against Tina's body and felt those familiar aches. "I love the way you touch me." Dr. Porter confesses as Tee felt heat rise to her cheeks. "I am sorry." Christina looked down and tried to muster up enough words to compare to this angelic creature. Her hero in a lot of ways; and she knew Elizabeth was sincere; it just would take some getting used to in her mind.

"No; I am sorry. I was out of line as usual." Elizabeth scoffs at her bone-headed choice of words. Christina smiled in realization Bette needed to know all of the facts. If there were to ever be a chance in hell they'd get there together in between the sheets of love and passion. It needed to come straight out of her mouth entirely. "I want you. I think you're aware of that little-fact Dr. Porter." Tee pauses while Bette gulped at the choice of words. Secretly; she had images of Tee in the throes of passion yelp out she was her only love doctor. Her eyelids flickered and shook those images of seduction away; while Christina giggled at this unglued display.

Tina holds her tongue for just a second and continued. "I happen to believe you're the first person in my life; I've ever met that is worthy of me." Elizabeth looked at the woman that had stolen her heart. "I disagree. I am not worthy of such a beautiful; eloquent; refined; desirable woman like yourself." Porter pauses and places her hands inside of Tina's grasp. "I do hope to earn it baby. I love you so much. I am no Helena Peabody; I have no wealth; no real powers to make people like that vanish off this world that hurt you. Though; I'll fight like hell for you; because you're worth it. Every single day; each and every day will fight those demons. The voices can be scared now because I am here to stay. I love you." Bette stated while Tina gasps. Those words were all the proof she needed.

The lips of a perfect kisser; grabbed a hold of her chin; and kisses her neck-line. "I love you; so much." Bette whispered while Tina allowed their bodies to fall onto the sand. Ocean water breaks before Porter's cell-phone started to blare. It was loud and needed her attention quickly.

"Fuck!"

Elizabeth exhaled while Tee giggles wildly; as ocean water threatens to sweep away two women away. It was clear though; one woman was swept away by Bette Porter. The woman that swooped in and saved her in many ways; as Bette squinted her eyelids and read the text message to herself.

BETTY SAMUELS TO: BETTE PORTER: 9:30AM VIA IPHONE

JESUS! WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU DECIDE TO JUST UP AND RUN OFF TOO? NADIA HAS LEFT COUNTLESS MESSAGES HERE FOR YOU. SUSAN DROPPED OFF LEGAL DOCUMENTS YESTERDAY; YOU'VE BEEN SERVED. APPARENTLY; I COULDN'T STALL IT ANY LONGER AND HAD TO SIGN ON YOUR BEHALF. FUCK YOU; PORTER YOU SURELY PICKED THE WRONG TIME TO GO OFF RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR ADULT RESPONSIBLITIES. SO, I JUST SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK IN THE OFFICE AND DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT YOURSELF. OOH; AND ALSO SHANE AND ALICE CALLED YOU TO GO AND MEET THEM AT THE CAFÉ; FOR LUNCH LATER. I TOLD THEM NOT TO BET ON IT BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO. SO PLEASE JUST GET HERE ASAP!

P.S. I am sorry for all of the caps; but you need to seriously get your ass here. Do you even care anymore?

The last sentence was pretty much confirmation for her while Tee looked at her with a smile. "What's up? Do you need to go into work today?" Bette looked at her with a smile of sincerity and placed the phone back in.

"I do. Though; it won't take too long. Do you want to meet the ladies for some lunch and then I'll pick you up? I just need to take care of a few things." Bette flashed a million dollar grin while Tee smiled with fear written all over it. Porter senses this and looked downwards. "Shit! Of course you don't want to go back there. It's just Kitty makes some great breakfast and you can listen to Alice ramble nervously; for hours. I am sorry; it was a bad idea. If you want; I can drop you off with your mothers and then just pick you up." Porter looked outwards at the ocean while Tee looked at the woman. The surgeon that saved her from a life-alerting decision and knew all too well she had to make the first step to healing. "Sure;" Elizabeth looked at Tee while the blonde interjected with a smile.

"I'd love to meet the girls again. Is Shane going to be there? I liked her." Christina says sincerely while Bette smiled widely; and took a hold of the woman of all of her dreams.

"Yes; yes; she'll be there too. I promise you today; will be nothing like yesterday at all. It'll be carefree." If she only knew; it would be far from it as the past would come barreling back. Into a form of a test for one woman unsure if Helena Peabody wasn't a part of her future plans after all. One woman would have to deal with it and make a final choice with which she'd spend an eternity with or not is the question.

CHAPTER 30

SUNSHINE CAFÉ' – BACK TO REALITY; BACK TO LIFE; - DAY OF EVENTFUL MOMENTS CONTINUES

Eleven o' clock in the middle of rush-hour lunch time; it all seemed so surreal to her starlet eyes. Green specks of gems stared down at the once enemy. These strangers that walk in and out of the establishment while Elaine and Kitty greeted partons upon entrance. It was all honestly new to her and knew she needed to do this on her own to make it to the other side. The many years of silence; in seclusion from the rest of the world. It was all history to her green gem stone orbs; dazzled by sunlight as it shined a light upon Bette's marvelous chocolate eyes.

Those dark mocha eyes swam with tears of appreciation for this gentle creature beside her. "You're going to be okay? I can go in with you and find the girls with you." Dr. Porter places her shades above her softened brown hair. Those curls effortlessly; flowed out of the driver-side window. This glorious sight took Christina's breath away. It had taken all of her strength to deny such a request. If she was going to let herself out of this cage of fear and darkness; she needed to do it all alone. Porter scrunches her forehead in worriment. Precautions was only naturalistic when it came to one Christina Kennard; while those vanilla finger-tips slither on over to the steering-wheel. Purplish nail-polish was on Dr. Porter's nails as it shun against faint-sunlight into the saab. The sweet southern voice dropped an octave before she spoke in response. "In all honesty; if I am going to do this and really try here with you Bette. I need to do this step alone and see if I can be around people without freaking out you know? I can't always let constant fears dictate how my daily plans will turn out; you know?" Tee bite her bottom lip in quizzicalness.

The sea of people that entered in and out causes a mini-panic attack to occur. Forms of tears started to absorb all around those rosy cheeks. Heart spasms in the forms of overwhelming pangs began to throttle against her chest. That heartland between rational and inability to control such rocky emotions at times. Laughter threatens Chrissy's stride in progression to previal against her tortorous at times BDD. These voices threatened such strength to triumphant over such evilness; while that mind of hers proceeded to play malicious tricks upon the golden haired one.

HONESTLY; I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU BE BRAVE TINA KENNARD. I LOVE YOU; TOO BETTE PORTER. OOH; PLEASE WHERE IS MY BARF BAG WHEN A GIRL VOICE NEEDS IT? I SWEAR SOMETIMES; YOU'RE STUPIDIER THAN YOU APPEAR. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO LET THIS ALL HAPPEN AGAIN TO YOU? DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HELENA DID TO YOU? THIS IS ALL SO IRRESPONSIBLE OF THIS WOMAN IN-FACT. WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR HOOKS UP WITH HER MENTAL PATIENTS ANYWAYS? THERE HAS TO BE SOME KIND LAW AGAINST THIS SORT OF THING. ANYWAYS; YOU NEED TO RUN FAST GIRL AND SOON BECAUSE YOU'LL GET BURNED.

Tee shook away those terrible thoughts while Bette looked at her worryingly. "What's wrong baby?" Them hands of a warrior grabbed a hold of the jittery-vanilla hands. They met against cheek to cheek as Tina whispered in tears. "Every damn time I think I've banished those voices to another realm." Christina pauses while Porter arches an eyebrow upwards. Voices could be heard at the front entrance.

"Yeah. I believe that's Bette &amp; Tina over there. That looks a lot like Porter's ride." Alice shouted at the top of her lungs. Porter rolled her eyes exasperated. This caused a giggle-fit to escape Tina's golden face. The laughter was welcomed graciously while uttering with a soft tone of voice. "Thank you! I seriously have no idea why you even put up with all of this crap you know? I hear voices and you do not flinch a single-bit. I appear nuts to everyone and yet you still see something in me that is worth it to stick around? I am quite in awe of you; and I just needed you to know…I honestly wouldn't have gone through with any of this if it hadn't been for you. I love you; Elizabeth Porter. I really do love you; you know? I admire your patience with me and how you do not stare down at me like some alien. I am grateful and perhaps there is a way out for me to let the light back in again and let myself finally be happy."

The tears slither downwards Bette's face. Her mouth purses while Tee began to giggle. Shane had her elbow on the window-sill while AL peeked inside. "I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU; YODA. I TOLD YOU SHE BORROWED MY SWEATER AND NEVER RETURNED IT TO ME. YOU DAMN BITCH! I'D LIKE THAT BACK SOMETIME SOON." The blonde whacky woman yelps. Yoda rolled her eyes and walked on over to Tina's passenger side seat.

"Hey!" Yoda smiled at Tina adorably; while Tee looked down. The coolness factor of Shane and how she owned it. It amazes her while Porter smiled. Her nose scrunches while AL still peeked inside. "Is that my cd too?" The brunette bopped her forehead and exited the saab and walked on over to the power-lock passenger side door. Tee still giggled it up while Yoda winked at Porter and flickered her fingers in the air.

"AND IT'S LOVE; LOVE IS IN THE AIRRRRR; IT'S IN THE AIRRRR RIGHT AL?" Shane did a little heart lasso into the air as Bette gave the finger to her jokingly. "I'll see you later; these two clowns will take super good care of you or else." Porter whispered while Tina leaned inwards.

"I'll miss you. I love you; Bette." Bette instinctively pulled her in closer and whispered. "How am I supposed to get any work done today? I am going to miss you all day." Her pout appeared while Tee giggled. "I am sure you'll manage just fine. You always did before I ever came around." Those green gems saw her heart desires kiss her softly. Their tongues did a little dance before Porter pulled away.

"You do realize before you ever came around; I never knew this could exist right?" Bette evokes while AL moved her hands like a violin. Shane laughed it up and looked at the pair. "I think it's super-sweet. Right AL? AL? Where the fuck did AL go now?" The brunette asked while Alice stole the sweater out of the car. Bette meanwhile dazed; only foucsed on one woman in-fact appeared to her like an angelic creature. Tee crinkles her nose cutely before a peck of a kiss was felt upon the very top of her vanilla nose.

"I'll see you later alright?" Bette whispered while Tina just nodded. "I'll be fine. I have Shane &amp; Alice here to keep me company." AL came up from behind and grabbed a hold of Tina protectively. "No worries; you go and work. Bring home the bacon and we'll take care of your woman." Shane shoves Alice out of the way jokingly and sincerely said from her heart of hearts fully in understament of Tina's constant struggle in social situations.

"Go; she's in good hands." Yoda eyed the brunette whom curled an eyebrow. "I hope that was a platonic thing you just said Shane or else I'd hate break your legs." Bette winked at her girl with a bigger grin than ever before and entered her car. Alice &amp; Shane watched while Tee waved goodbye to the brunette. The car disappeared into the parking-lot and looked from afar the establisment while Alice knew this was a tough road ahead.

"Take your time hon. We're here for you." Alice said seriously. Shane looked at the establishment and felt hands meet with hers. "Can you two hold my hands as I walk in? Please? I know it's stupid…" The girls interjected immediately. "Nonsense; Alice's sweater is stupid! This is merely a tiny-baby step. So; will go at your pace lovely." Shane winked at the blonde that blushes and exclaims in a whisper.

"How did you get to be so cool?" Shane smiled at her while Alice interjected. "And what am I? Am I chopped liver?" The blonde exclaims while Tee shook her face.

"No! You're both the coolest! You're the greatest friends. I mean…" "Yeah I like that. We're friends; best friends forever Kennard." The new friends walked a slow path to the entrance of the establishment. If they only knew; an unexpected patron would force Tina to resurface these old wounds once and for all.

CHAPTER 31

PORTER –PRACTICE – WHO ARE YOU ANYMORE? – A DAY OF CHALLENGES FOR TWO WOMEN

Hallow &amp; distinctive about what used to define Elizabeth Louise Porter once upon a time ago. Those once solid eyes; never appeared to show one ounce of emotion. I was taught at a very early age to never appear weak. My opponents would use it against me he said. Dr. Porter observed Los Angeles while warm coffee slid inside of her dry-throat. It needed some nourishment while quietness settles in all around her office. Bright lights clouded her judgment once upon a time ago; in realization Elizabeth caught her mistakes. Imperfections; we all have them; whether or not we care to; in admitting them to ourselves is another story in itself. I myself; I realize I am a hypocrite. I asked her to not go through with it. I dared myself to care enough to ask her not to alter ANY of hers. Christina's face appeared inside of her mind-set while ocean waves could still be heard.

"I wish; I wish; I was with you right now; Tina." Bette whispered to herself softly. The front door swung open. Betty Williamson &amp; Samuels entered the room while the front-door to the office slammed in irate fashion. Elizabeth turned around while some hot coffee spilt on her white dress-shirt. In a fit of annoyance Dr. Porter sashays on over to the table alongside the wall and tried to get the coffee-stain out of her three-hundred dollar dress-shirt. Eyes glared while there was no club-soda in sight and glared at the two-women in question. Mrs. Samuels's assistant for six and half years appeared puzzled by the good surgeons upset demeanor. Fourteen hours on the phone with Mrs. Betty Williamson to take on a sexual harassment law-suit was not how she wanted to spend her days at work. Dr. Porter appeared suddenly calm &amp; collected while she extended a hand to greet the well-tailored guest in quizzicalness.

"Oh! Shit! Where are my manners? I am Elizabeth Porter; and you are Mrs.?" Bette felt a pair of orbs look at her; if Betty could only seethe a little more brutally; she'd foam at the mouth in angerious-intentions. Susan's law-suit had carried some weight and this would prove to be one hard case to swing in full dismissal mode. Mr. Fredrick Johnson would be the judge in the preliminary-hearing. Mrs. Betty Williamson extended a firm-handshake to the doctor in question in the question of ethics in this suit of sexual harassment. Of course she appeared to be sharp on the outside but what made this woman tick? Did she exude the professionalism she seemed to display or was this all an act? Did Bette Porter intentionally fire Susan Caruthers after she was through with her? Or was there a deeper reason in which she needed to have some one on one time with the complex surgeon often.

Those eyes darted back and forth between both women as Betty spoke up. "Hello! Ms. Porter; I am Betty Williamson and I agreed to take your case in the lawsuit between yourself &amp; Ms. Susan Caruthers. I am assume; all charges are false correct before we proceed further. I will need to set up an interview with you so we can video-tape in court." Bette swallowed while Mrs. Williamson read body-language pretty well. Those muscles seemed to tighten up a tad while Porter sighed in flabbergasted mode. "Wow!" Mrs. Samuels had a stern look that could kill Elizabeth. Dr. Porter sighs in defeated mode while she looked down at her heels.

"I am so sorry; Mrs. Williamson. I'd like to take a look at your resume before we proceed. I mean if Susan is going forth with this silly law-suit. I would like to make sure you're indeed qualified." Bette felt Mrs. Samuels her assistant red-seething orbs glare into her like a hot summer's day through thin-paper. It all felt as tense at this exact moment as Mrs. Williamson simply smiled while her direction turned to Betty. "No; I am sorry; I am sorry I've wasted your time. I'll show myself out." Williamson tried to make a bee-line for the exit while Mrs. Samuels yelped angrily.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR DAMN MESSAGES ONCE AND WHILE. I MEAN IF YOU CANNOT TRUST ME; THEN WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN HERE?" Mrs. Samuels tried to bolt out of the room as Bette ran after both women. "Fuck! I am sorry; I am. It's just…been a stressful week." Betty Williamson smiled politely; while she gathered up her brief case and shut up.

"No; no need to apologize. After all this is your firm and if you wish to see it be demolished with the accusations Ms. Caruthers is attempting to state on written paper in a court of law. I am sure the papers; media will eat this stuff up." Porter's forehead crinkled in confusion and pulled onto Williamson's fine tailored sleeve. "What? What the hell are you talking about? That woman can't touch my firm. I've built this business up from the ground. I've overseen all examinations; all of our work is conducted professional and with the utmost respect of human decency. I would never cross the line. Ms. Caruthers was a bad flame in a bunch. I made a mistake with her and I am so deeply sorry. I'll apologize to my firm and staff but to her I have no more words to utter."

Mrs. Williamson was impressed and still Bette was clueless to the severity of the matter. "Are you sure you're so professional? I mean are you that sure?" Elizabeth once again wrinkled her forehead lost in thought.

"Okay! Do you or Betty #1 care to tell me what the hell is going on here?" Bette felt her heart trimmer with each second of silence as Mrs. Williamson clearly spoke up. "Ms. Susan Caruthers claims you're inappropriately involved with someone." A quizzical stare is given while Betty Samuels rubbed her temples.

"She said in her written statement that you were involved…" Mrs. Williamson walked back inside of the office and took out a few items.

The pictures were placed onto the desk as Bette glossed over.

Dr. Porter looked on in total and complete shock over what her eyes are seeing displayed. "Are you involved with this woman? Is she still your patient?" Mrs. Samuels asked while Bette grabbed a hold of the pictures.

"No!"

Mrs. Williamson took a hold of the pictures and said dismissively. "Ms. Porter; they are a part of evidence now." Bette felt the tears swim near her neckline and echoed in irate fashion. "No! Hurt me Susan; go after me all you want. Though; you leave Tee out of this."

The brunette tore up the pictures; while they showed a smiling face Tina on the beach with Bette. Those familiar tears sank below her suit-shirt as Tee's smile was forever engraved in her brain.

"Please? I move to settle." Dr. Porter pleaded while Mrs. Williamson sighed in defeated mode herself. "Are you sure about this Dr. Porter?"

The pictures of Tina and her were scattered all around torn up as Mrs. Samuels picked up piece after piece. "Do you realize Susan made copies? These are just copies Bette. What are you doing with this woman?" Porter paced back and forth and yelped in angerious fits of rage.

"THAT BETTY #1 IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS ALRIGHT? WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN ME AND TEE IS BETWEEN US; AND NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW." Bette allowed silence to take over. "I love you; too Bette." Tina's voice echoed while she rose up to the occasion. She knew all too well this was her mess to clean up and wouldn't involve one Christina Kennard.

"I won't allow her to destroy Tina. If she wants to go after me; fine! I'll give her all she wants. Though; she won't do it by going through the one person I care a lot about." Bette stated quite boldly.

Mrs. Williamson sighed at Dr. Porter and dropped the law-suit settlement paper-work. "She wants your firm; she wants what you've worked so hard to build. Do you honestly care so much about this woman? Do you honestly want to give up the only part of yourself left?" The brunette swallowed and knew if she didn't fold. It would mean her and Tina's relationship would be fair-game for Susan.

Funnily enough; just this morning I needed to have some sort of direction in my life. The purpose that makes us rises up; again to a brand new day in-fact. Those pictures of Tee scattered all over her desk enraged her. "How on earth did she find us?" Bette questions and knew she needed answers. In one confrontation that would prove this life was no longer hers and needed to choose between true-happiness and emptiness. While another woman; would have to face her darkest demons once and for all indeed.

CHAPTER 32

Portions of sunlight slowly cascaded over her Saab. It had been three-whole seconds to absorb all that transpired in her office just now. Susan Parker Caruthers was even an ex-scorned. Hands gripped tightly at the steering-wheel a bit harsher than intended. Twelve o' clock noon would soon strike and knew she needed to this done before she met up with Tina again for a non-stressful lunch hopefully. I am no martyr; no goodie-two shoes; no savior sent down from the heavens. I knew what I was when I met her. I knew my past would soon bite my ass back. Elizabeth Porter looked distraught while Beverly Hills approached sooner rather than later. Her already mystified orbs looked around for her apartment complex. Three times; was the magic number she left Ms. Susan Caruthers undone here; causing her feel a pit at the bottom of a stomach literally. No words were needed to be stated at this moment. Destiny had brought Elizabeth Porter here to right so many wrongs; perhaps to prove once and for all not only to so many naysayers but herself she too had changed. A lot of emotions traveled throughout her fragile soul and one of those feelings was pure-anger. Christina Judith Kennard had suffered enough at the hands of merciless folks in her life throughout. This was careless on her part and knew deep down she was at fault. Several trees passed by; while she spotted the little modest apartment. Her nostrils flared while a good portion of her resolve was at a breaking-point Bette knew she had no other choice but to play this at Susan's wishes. Even if at the mercy of her vulnerable wallet &amp; firm to save one blonde from anymore acts of cruelty upon her.

No more; Tina did nothing to deserve this and I'll not be the one to humiliate her. There is nothing wrong with her relationship and I'll be dammed if that woman thinks she can shame her way into breaking us apart. Her orbs misted up a bit. "After all we've gone through to gain the trust and support needed for our love to be. Mama Mary &amp; Judith both agreed to me still treating their still fragile daughter. If Mary Kennard had any idea of this law-suit; I might as well-kiss goodbye to any sort of relationship with Tina at this point. It took a lot for that woman to back off and if she knew Susan was up to her tricks with Tina caught up in her crosshairs. I'd surely lose Tina and her family's support in us being together. No; I'll not let this happen to us. I love her. I love you; and I'll make this right." Bette pulled up a bit closer and studied from afar.

"I hate you; I hate myself. I hate ever stepping foot here. If I had known I would meet such a wonderful girl like Tina Kennard. I wouldn't have ever bothered with such incomparable women to begin with. I look at her; and I look myself in the mirror and I see someone I can finally respect. I like myself again and it's all because of her. I've changed so much with her help and love; so no one will break us apart." Porter stepped out and made a fist. Her knuckles turned a bit white while she relaxes her hands and walked to the stairs.

"How do you even reason with someone like Susan? This woman has always been self-entitled; self adsorbed. I need a miracle to pull this off at all and talk her into destroying her photos of me and Tina. If she wants my money &amp; firm then so be it. I do not want it at the risk of losing the only woman I've ever loved in my entire life." Bette inched closer. Soon she'd have to face what she had been running from and own up to her past. Meanwhile at the Sunshine Café; a woman comes to grips with reality and wonders if she's capable of being around Bette's 'world' of reality.

SUNSHINE CAFÉ' – RUNNING FROM YOUR PAST WON'T WORK TOO LONG INDEED – A DAY OF EVENTFUL EVENTS CONTINUED;

Forks &amp; Knives had been dropped and picked up at least fifteen times upon her entrance. Thirty minutes later; and her orbs finally had returned the gaze of two folks in particular. Shane McCutheon clutched an espresso drink while Alice had a simple mocha latte in her grasp. Forty patrons appeared to flood the small-café; while Tee stirred her hot-chocolate repeatedly; as if it were the most interesting-object she had ever seen. Hazel appeared distant while Shane cleared her throat. AL coughed and kicked Yoda's shins a roughly. The sturdy table didn't budge an inch while a paper-napkin was discreetly; slid over onto Yoda's side of the table. Chocolate orbs looked suspiciously at her dear old pal while AL made huge-eye contact and basically silently begged Yoda to read it.

Shane pursed her lips and grabbed the napkin discreetly; and read it underneath the table.

ALICE TO: SHANE:

LISTEN UP FATTY! THIS IS NOT WORKING AT ALL. SHE'S JUST SITTING THERE MISERABLE. I KNOW BETTE SAID TO TAKE IT SLOW AND ALL. THOUGH; I THINK THIS PLACE MIGHT BE A BIT TOO CROWDED TO DO THIS TODAY; SO GO TO THE BACK AND ASK KIT TO WHIP US UP SOME STUFF AND WE CAN TAKE HER BACK TO BETTE'S BEACH HOUSE AND JUST HANG OUT THERE UNTIL SHE GETS HOME FROM WORK. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Before Shane could utter a reply; Tee arose and looked at the front entrance. Her eyes blinked five times; was it the color of the hair? The magnificent attire or the simplistic fact it could be her? Her orbs misted up while Alice furrowed a brow. Yoda turned her attention towards the curious eyes direction at the front-entrance.

"No way; it can't be her. It just cannot be her." Tina whispered to herself softly. Alice's lip pursed in question. "It cannot be who Tee?" Shane muttered while Tee looked at the direction of new friends and uttered. "Helena Peabody;" Her mouth fell agape and plopped back downwards. The two-friends had no idea who Helena was to Tina in her past life. If they only knew; one brunette surely knew and wouldn't like her role in Tee's life now.

CHAPTER 33

SUNSHINE CAFÉ' – RUNNING INTO YOUR PAST; DARING MYSELF TO FACE IT ALL

Of all places; she had to come into this café; at this point in time. I am completely at a stalling-trance. Alice &amp; Shane avert their eyes so they're not staring directly at me. Tee looked down at her napkin. Her finger-tips jitter while her spoon began to rattle a bit in her cup of hot-chocolate. Those green gems of orbs looked straight ahead across the room. There she was in all of her elegance &amp; glory. Twelve years; it was certainly a long time and it all felt so eerie to one woman in-fact. I sit here baffled; it was just the other day; I opened myself up to Bette about this person. The potential person I was so ready to change and be 'normal' for in so many ways. Christina dropped her spoon in a nervous frenzy. "What are you doing? You've got to get out of here before she recognizes you." Shane pursed those lips quizzically while Alice spoke up. "What is it honey?" Yoda observes those orbs choosing; her direction quite carefully. It wasn't so much what happened to me at the dance. I could have forgotten that part immediately. Helena's laughter resounded while she was on her phone. "I know right? L. A. Is looking very promising; and glad to be back here again Mummy; listen I got to go; my order should be up soon." Peabody exclaimed. Tee squints her eyelids and hid her face a bit.

Christina slid a little further into her chair while a gush of gardenia-scent engulfed her nostrils. Her nose wiggled while Shane curled an eyebrow. I believed her. I Christina Judith Kennard; a loser believed she liked me back. And that's what I find unforgivable and yet…I am sitting here and… Tee closed her eyelids while Alice tried to reach out to her. Yoda put an end to that and whispered. "No; remember Bette told us no contact unless it's okay." The muffled voices in whisper mode didn't seem to bother one Kennard. In her world she was pretty-much used to folks walking on egg-shells around her. Tina felt a slew of emotions and one person came to mind.

"I love and adore Bette." Tina whispered to herself. Alice heard the proclamation while Shane smiled. "We know; we see it in the ways she looks at you too. Anyone would be crazy not to see you're both adorably in-love with each other." The wise friend looked at Tee's many expressions. Many of them expressed utter and complete-confusion over Helena's sudden sighting back in West Hollywood. Do I even believe in purposes anymore? Are we all here for one grand-purpose or one person in-fact? I thought she was off married &amp; in New York. The model type; a mogul surely; shaking up the biggest city on the radar and yet she's right over there. A few seconds; if I ever get the nerve to confront her and yet I am stuck. I am stuck and I cannot seem to get up.

A spoon fell in the off-distance as it startled Tina. She arose; quickly as Yoda pursed her lips and arose. Tee accidently; flung her arms and spilt coffee all over one woman in particular. The white suit was a complete-loss while Hazel eyes felt tears near that beautiful face of hers. Ms. Helena Eleanor Peabody huffed irate with sunglasses on. "What on earth? Are you FUCKING BLIND YOU STUPID TWIT? I paid a lot. I overstayed; to wait for our order. Now; I have to wait another fifteen minutes for another order to be ready." Helena yelped in a heated huff of angerious emotions. Tee stood still &amp; silent. Alice on the other hand was not about to let anyone call Tina stupid.

"HEY! I SUGGEST YOU CALM THE FUCK DOWN NOW BITCH!" Shane stepped in front of Tee protectively. "Kitty; can you make sure this woman gets her order to GO fast. I wouldn't want any trouble if I were you." Helena laughed it up and took off her shades and glared at the woman for a few moments. Tears began to stream down Tina's face and repeated. "I am sorry; I am sorry." "You bitch! I hope you go before we call Bette over here. I'll call her now." Shane rubbed her temples while Christina felt the walls-close in on her. "I am so very sorry. I am so very sorry." Helena furrowed an eyebrow. "Is your friend here alright? I mean is she 'special' if you know what I mean?" Yoda grabbed a chair and slammed it hard.

"LISTEN! NO ONE COMES IN AND STARTS INSULTING MY FRIENDS. I THINK IT'S BEST YOU LEAVE." Kitty came out from the kitchen area and looked at a distraught blonde. "What the hell just happened?" Tee plopped back down and protectively placed her hands on her face. "It's scary here." Alice glared at Helena and sat next to Tina. "Honey; let's get out of here. I'll call Bette alright? Do you want to see Bette huh Tina?" Helena's eyes did a double take and really looked at the disheveled woman.

"Yes. I need my Bette. I need to see my Bette." Tina repeated while Helena exclaimed shocked. "Tina Kennard?" Shane gawked at the woman angrily for a few moments.

"YEAH? AND WHAT THE FUCK IS IT TO YOU? KITTY; PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE LEAVES AFTER SHE GETS HER ORDER." Shane proceeded to help Alice out with Tina. Tee sniffled into Alice's arms. "It's alright! Shane you call Bette and we'll go to their special place."

"On it; let's get the hell out of here." Shane looked back at the woman while Helena stood there shell-shocked. "Tina?" The Hazel eyed one had a hard time trying not to faint from shock of this day. All of her better judgment told her to run in the opposite direction as she turned around. Helena swallowed hard as she realized it was in-fact that blonde one. Her green orbs replaced with tears.

"Why? Why do you keep hurting me?" Tina uttered while Shane looked at Tina for a second as Alice exclaimed. "Let's go." Yoda nodded and helped walked Tee out of the doorway. Kitty stood there completely baffled. "Here is your order; leave bitch and never come back." Helena swallowed hard and realized the Tina she knew in High School had changed dramatically; or was it all a mask.

"What did she mean by that? How do I keep hurting her?" Helena asked while she walked out. Intrigued to get in touch with the one that got away; completely unsure of how she'd fit into her life now. If she only knew; she already belonged to another and would do anything to help and keep Tina with her forever.

CHAPTER 34

THE CARUTHERS RESIDENCE – REGRETS &amp; PROCLAMATIONS; A TEST FOR TWO WOMEN CONTINUED; FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER

Three inches from the reach of the door-bell those finger-tips jitter calmly; side to side of her hips. That familiar face she placed onwards to cover up any sudden panic that washed over her. Those expressions of a fake-smile and calm-demeanor were all apart of Elizabeth's routine once upon a time ago. A puppet she felt to some of these women that would assume she loved to be all alone and just a play thing. The mocha hand extended to the door-bell and buzzed once. Five seconds; and it was all it took for her heart-rate to excel at a faster pace. Those pulse-points of nervousness washed over the surgeon while foot-steps neared closer and closer.

It wasn't necessary to buzz twice. Elizabeth closed her eyelids in deep thought. Ms. Susan Caruthers wasn't a monster by any means. A misunderstood gal at times; yes she fancied sexual liaisons with one Dr. Porter in particular; it didn't make her a horrible person. Bette shook her face; pacing back and forth between slow-and steady-breaths in between. Those heels tapped the pavement loudly. I am a lot of things; to a lot of people. I am the coward that ran away a lot of the times. I've never really owned up for any of my shit I pulled on women. Ms. Elizabeth Porter sighs softly. The front-door opened. Ms. Caruthers could smell the lavender perfume right away and knew it was her immediately. "Well! I'll be dammed. I didn't think you'd show up here of all places. Didn't your lawyer advise you it's stupid to confront the person that is suing you?" Bette swallowed hard while Susan batted her eyelashes a few times. Once so cool and carefree; this power-suit wearing lothario looked quite disheveled rather than confidant. It amuses Susan sweet-lips; a pet-name the brunette once gave her in the heat of the night of passion and drunkenness.

Ms. Porter absorbs the moment of silence and looked at Susan apologetically. "What is it you want Dr. Porter? Didn't your lawyer get our demands? I am not in the mood to fiddle around with the likes of you anymore. So; if you'll excuse me. I was preparing my morning routine of Yoga." Ms. Caruthers tried to shut the door. The left heel was caught in the middle while Bette stopped her mid-way. An irate red-head tried to yelp in angerious intentions as Bette silenced her. "I'm sorry; alright? I could care less about your little lawsuit Susie." An eyebrow arched disgustingly at the woman she used to fawn all over for. "I do not wish for you to refer me to that. I am Ms. Susan Caruthers; and if you have any questions. My lawyer can deal with yours; and will settle out of court if you'd like. Now; if you'll excuse me. Since; I am no longer employed after I was fired wrongly; I need to relax the tense muscles I now suffer from no thanks to the likes of you." Bette scoffed and refrained from removing her foot caught in the doorway.

"No;" Susan jiggled the door back and forth. It caused Bette to grimace in a bit of pain but kept it there. "Fuck! Susie; will you cut your shit. I came on my own because of what you're planning to do." Bette grasped the door-knob and stopped the sudden movements. Her heel was scratched up a bit and didn't care they cost her four hundred dollars. Susie looked at Bette pitifully; not ready to give into her just yet. "If you're willing to negotiate; I am willing to talk ground rules; only if you've brought your lawyer to consult numbers with me." Bette laughed loudly in astonishment.

"Wow!" "What?" Susan angrily retorted. Elizabeth glared at her; shaking her face side to side in disgust now. "Wow; you really are that selfish huh?" Ms. Caruthers tried to slam the door onto the heel to get Bette to back off.

"Bitch! I hate you; you leave here at once or I'll…" Susan yelped as Bette pulled her onto the front of the apartment door. "No; you're the bitch Susan; taking pictures of me and Tina in a private moment." Ms. Caruthers wrinkled her forehead in confusion as Porter failed her arms in the air in irate fashion. "What on earth are you on about? I never…" "You did too; I saw the pictures and don't you dare deny it either."

Dr. Porter got really close to Ms. Caruthers while Susie backed off slowly. "And; so what if I did take those pictures? It's all relevant to the case Dr. Porter." Lips pursed in flabbergasted mode while eyes seethed with rage. "Are you fucking kidding me right now Susie?" Susan's eyebrow went cross-side with shock. "No; and who the fuck are you to play martyr huh? Are you kidding me right now Bette Porter? You fuck women for sport and then leave. We'll forever wonder why we were never good enough and you suppose you're all pure and good now eh?" Porter swallowed at the proclamation. "I do not claim or pretend I'm innocent at all. And for the record; it's not a crime to have a little fun. I had my fun; all of you knew the deal when we got involved." Susie was exasperated by this whole conversation trying to flee-back inside. "What's the matter Susie? Are you not able to handle the truth there?"

Bette asked and was slapped hard onto the cheek.

At a loss for patience she grabbed a hold of the arm and brought her back to the doorway. Her left cheek was stung; it hurt like a mother-fucker to her and still found the strength to resist resorting to bitch-slapping a grown-woman. "I lied; yes. I am a cheat. I am a coward; I asked you and a lot of women if you wanted to have a little fun on the weekends. I am cold and calculated if I want to be that way. I have no remorse for those that try to hurt people that are close to me." Bette paused and remembered Tina's face earlier this morning. "I had a graceless heart once upon a time ago; I didn't care about no one. I tried too; I really did. I pegged myself a winner; because I'd see everyone fall in love and lose and I vowed that wouldn't be me. I hated the idea of another in my bed at the crack of dawn. The idea was pointless; growing old together seemed stupid and like some kind of disneyfied film that didn't seem to exist for me." Susan swallowed hard while Bette stated in tears.

"It was when I met that woman. The woman in your photos; the woman I so deeply care for and love. I started to realize I had to be different. I no longer liked me. I am sorry that I was so horrible and you're right. I am no martyr; I am no saint; I am though just a woman; a human that is struggling to rebuild again and am falling in-love for the first time. I love her and if you want to sue me until I'm penniless; fine. If you want my practice and demolish it fine; I'll make sure I'll be there to see it turned into rubble. I do care if you hurt Tee to get through me and I'll not allow it."

Susan swallowed again and looked at Bette directly. "You…" "I love her. I am in-love yes. I love her Susie; and I am going to beg you. I will beg you; eat dirt; walk on glass; run around naked; wear a sign on my forehead that states I'm a vagina wig if you really want to torture me. Though; I'll do it to spare her. This woman you're so hell-bent on hurting. I cannot or will not in-fact let you do it. I'd rather die than anyone ever hurt her again."

Bette sighed outwards and heard her cell-phone go off. It was quite sudden; while Susie tried to process all of this while Porter's forehead crinkled in worriment.

SHANE TO: BETTE 1:40PM

URGENT! THERE HAS BEEN A CHANGE OF PLANS; WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH-HOUSE RIGHT NOW; AND NEED YOU THERE ASAP. SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO TINA; AND MAYBE YOU CAN FILL US IN ON THIS HELENA PEABODY BITCH. BETTE! IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD; SO JUST GET YOUR ASS HOME TO YOUR GIRL. WE'LL MAKE SURE SHE'S FINE AND CALM HER DOWN.

LOVE YODA; P.S. BRING SOME BEER IF YOU CAN; LOVE YOU!

Bette's face went pale and scurried off in a panic-rush. "Bette!" "No; I have to go." Susie looked at her confused. "Why? What is it?"

"It's Tina. She's in trouble. We'll continue this soon; but please consider what I just told you." Bette raced off to her Saab to go and retrieve the love of her life. If she only knew; when darkness comes; the dawn will break out again soon' and sunlight will appear again.

CHAPTER 35

Heaviness; weighed all over her broad shoulders at times; that seemed to carry so much weight. Her orbs of chocolate stared blankly at the road up-ahead. Roads; upon roads had been travled to get Tee to a better place it seemed. Though; as her shattered tears dwelled upon her own miserable short-comings; she knew this was not about her at all. I pretend to have it all together. I am supposed to be the glue-that keeps her and I together; and I leave her alone for not even two-hours; and it all breaks apart. Hands slammed against the wheel roughly. The leather strap made a mark; it was red and it stung at her like a bad-paper-cut. Those chocolate orbs looked outwards; at nothing in particular as traffic-light had her at a dead-end. The cars; were at a dead-lock. Nervously; she awaited another update from McCutheon on Tee. Those mocha-cheeks were striken with tears; falling in drips; upon drips.

"As much as I'd like to believe we can make it through anything; are we right? Am I the right fit?" Bette winced at the harsh-sunlight. Reflections of an earlier Tee; her glow so beautiful. At the very beginning; she had hid away from bear-sunlight as it hits her marvelous vanilla-skin. All she had years ago; were blades to tell her she was adored and cared about. As much as to a sane person that was her reality. I am never going to tell her to her face I could ever understand it. The harm she inflicted upon herself was so twisted. The words people used against her; to make themselves feel so grand and great. Elizabeth felt so much angerious intentions towards one person in particular. Orbs swam in tears while her mind wrapped itself around Shane's texts and realized if it were true-in-fact. If she had somehow came barreling back into Tina's world to only shatter it apart like a tornado. The scars were always there and its only natural she'd be the trigger-point to Tee's pain. Do I even have a right to feel a little jealousy? Tears shed in droplets all over that shiny-mocha nose. Sunlight cascaded all over that mocha colored face; while those dark-orbs exuded so much vulnerbility. It's so fucked up; it's so fucked up right? I'm a twisted monster myself; because she's hurt and in pain. And I'm sitting here in traffic; and fixated on the simplistic-fact. Porter looked at the passenger side seat. It was unoccupied while her tears continued to falter. "Am I the replacement? Do you still care what she thinks of you? I want to know; I need to hear it from you." Bette slammed her hand harshly upon the steering-wheel. Completely; helpless to this cruel-wanting of facts and logic.

Those familiar sounds shook her out of such cluttered thoughts that threaten to rattle her mind-set.

SHANE MCCUTHEON TO: BETTE PORTER 2:40PM

OKAY! I AM REALLY SCARED BETTE; AND I DO NOT WANT TO ALARM YOU OR ANYTHING. THOUGH; I HAD TO CALM ALICE DOWN FROM CALLING AN AMBULANCE. TINA IS REALLY FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW; OVER THIS HELENA CHICK AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO KEEP HER CALM. BETTE! I REALLY NEED YOU HERE LIKE THREE-MINUTES AGO; ALRIGHT? SO; IF YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY THEN JUST TEXT ME BACK OR JUST CALL ME BACK OKAY? I NEED TO KNOW IF SHE TAKES ANY MEDICATIONS FOR THIS BECAUSE ALICE; IS SERIOUSLY PANICING AND QUITE FRANKLY BETTE; I AM STARTING TO THINK MAYBE THIS IS A PROBLEM TOO BIG FOR YOU TO EVEN HANDLE ALL BY YOUR LONESOME.

P.S. IF YOU CAN PLEASE FILL US IN ON THIS HELENA PEABODY; WHY DOES TINA REPEAT 'YOU'RE THE REASON I HAVE NOTHING LEFT AND ALL I FEEL IS THIS CRUEL NOTHING.' I AM SCARED BETTE; I MEAN THIS ISN'T LIKE BEFORE. SHE'S NOT SNAPPING OUT OF IT. SO; GET YOUR ASS HERE. LOVE; SHANE AND P.S. FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING BEER AND GET HERE.

Bette slammed her hand roughly onto the wheel again and honked her horn. "CAN YOU ALL FUCKING MOVE ALREADY? I NEED TO GET HOME TO THE WOMAN I LOVE ALREADY." Elizabeth yelped. The traffic didn't budge while one man gave her the finger; while his wife; slapped the back of his neck harshly.

"YEAH LADY; THIS AIN'T NO MOVIE; YOU SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND WAIT YOUR TURN TO GET HOME. WOMEN; I SWEAR THEY WANT EVERYTHING HANDED TO THEM. FUCK OFF!" Rudy Samson stated while Porter huffed irate. Elizabeth heard horns blare loudly; while there was an accident up ahead and needed to get a lot off of her chest.

"FIRST OFF; NOTHING IN THIS FUCKING WORLD IS HANDED TO A WOMAN; WE EARN OURKEEP IN THIS FUCKING WORLD BECAUSE MEN THINK THEY OWN US; OR RUN IT. SECONDLY; MY GIRLFRIEND IS SICK AND I NEED TO GET HOME TO HER; SO NO I KNOW THIS FUCKING PATHETIC WORLD ISN'T ANY FAIRYTALE. I GET THAT OKAY MISTER? AND LASTLY; YOU CAN TAKE YOUR BALD HEAD AND RUB IT AGAINST MY ASS; YOU SON OF A BITCH BECAUSE I AIN'T GOT TO SIT MY ASS DOWN FOR ANYONE IN THIS WORLD. I'M BETTE FUCKING PORTER; AND I WAIT FOR NO ONE." Bette huffed as Officer Williamson glared her; and took off her shades.

"While I agree with you ma'am; you'll have to sit down and wait like the rest of us. Alright? I am so sorry; your girlfriend is sick but you'll have to wait." Tasha Williamson stated while Bette looked up ahead. The traffic was miles long; and wondered if Tee had any time left to even co-exist in this cruel-world anymore. Porter's nostrils flare while tears-shed softly down her cheek; draping it like a curtain did on a windowsil.

"Is she a keeper?" Officer Williamson stated while Bette swallowed and looked at the sky; she needed to exhale a breath she had been holding in entirely. "Yeah; she's quite extordinary actually; I just hope she can wait for me. I'll be home soon sweetheart." Porter inhaled another breath; in anticipation she'd be in traffic for a while. If she only knew; someone was lost in paradise; a paradise that was so empty; it would only be a matter of time to race home and save the woman she adores more than life itself. In a story where you feel you don't belong; while someone shows you; you finally do belong in this cynical world made up of shallowness; one woman would express natural beauty was better than any manufactured beauty indeed.

CHAPTER 36

PORTER – BEACH HOUSE RESIDENCE – LOST IN PARADISE OF MY NIGHTMARES &amp; HOPES

Ocean's are a part of existence and yet mines seem to baffle me still. I scare myself with my incoherent thoughts; how I chase after sorrow; as if we're best-friends. Knees bent upwards; in a protective nature while McCutheon looked towards Pieszecki while tidal-waves roared out in the seas. Cruelty &amp; emptiness; are my best-friends I suppose. It's all I had ever known before I ever met these people. Shane McCutheon looked at Alice defeated; as if the demons were all too powerful to break Tee from permanently. Feelings &amp; hopelessness; were a powerful force while Ms. Kennard sat there in silence. Her mind yet still wary; voices it opinions of her quite loudly; and ever so boldly.

Orbs squint while a reflection of her appeared in the tidal-wave. Hazel felt a cruel-feeling resurface while scars abusively; scarred her up head-to toe. Eyes glisten at the scene while McCutheon heard those familiar muffled mutterings; of an incoherent woman and yet Tee made total and exact sense to herself. I used to cut myself to shut the voices up; and sometimes it would work. The laughter would stop; all of the voices in my head wouldn't swim around me. I'd feel freer; free like I was in that ocean. Her feet kicked sand while Alice tried to grab a hold of her. "No!" Tina pushed her off immediately. Those visible tears formed while Shane pursed her lips. Tee tried to arise and was pushed downwards by her own body. Her hands gripped grains of sand as it slipped through her fingers.

"LOOK AT YOU; LOOK AT YOU; YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN. YOU'RE A SHELL OF A PERSON I USED TO RESPECT. YOU LET THESE WOMEN CRAWL ALL OVER YOU. YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF ONCE TO GET HURT AND YOU PROMISED ME IT'D NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN." Tee's reflection screamed in merciless pain. The scars visible; while she shook her face side to side in disarray. The guilt weighed heavily upon her. The weakness of shards of glass; the glass she felt she was; broken apart like a million of pieces of herself all scattered. "I didn't let her walk all over me." Tina cried out. Her reflection disappeared. Those voices silenced momentarily.

Feet were crawling through the sand while hands shovel through it to get passed; and further to her destination. Ocean roared even louder while it wrestled against cliff-sides. McCutheon grabbed a hold of her and was kicked away. As much as I want to believe her; believe all of them. I know I do not belong here; I am not a normal human. I am hideous; I was hideous from the moment I gazed into Helena's perfect brown eyes. Helena's laughter resounded while she shook her face. Tidal waves crashed the shore-line while her eyelids felt water hit her face. Alice quickly ran to her aide and felt the tidal wave push her back roughly to Shane's side. "ALICE! WE NEED TO GET HER. WE NEED TO GET HER." Shane arose; stumbling to the ground as water rushes through the shore. Tina's body was limp; tired; in need of relaxation from life finally knew it was time. I cannot go on like this. I cannot face; or couldn't face the day Ms. Porter finally looks at what I am. What I've always been; promises to be a better woman were all a lie. A lie to tell for the greater good; tell my mother's I tried. Tee chased the reflection while she was nowhere to be seen. "I am no one. I am no one. I am just a girl. A girl to you; and I know now my destiny; and it's not to be here anymore." Tee collapsed into the ocean while it tried to swallow her whole.

"TINA? TINA? ALICE I NEED YOU TO HELP ME!" Shane yelped frantically. Pieszecki fought the waves; while a woman ran past them disheveled and in tears. I have nothing left; if she cannot see me like she dreamt of me being one day. I know it and I think Bette Porter knew it too. I am just a lost cause; I am alone forever; in my paradise of sorrow. Tee drowned in the raging seas while a body; a body raced to her aide. The tears wouldn't succumb to her face; all she knew she had to do was run from her car; and get to her lady-love.

"TINA? CAN YOU HEAR ME? TINA? I NEED YOU TO SWIM. TINA! I NEED YOU TO LIVE. I NEED YOU. I DO NEED YOU; I BELIEVED IN YOU SO DAMMIT! I NEED YOU TO NOT GIVE UP ON ME." Bette screamed relentlessly; unaware of how painful this would feel if the outcome didn't turn out in her favor. Tina's lifeless body; as she had hoped it would be surfaced to the brunette. The water would quickly fill up in her lungs and needed her out of the water.

"I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU GO. THE VOICES CANNOT HAVE YOU. YOU BELONG TO ME; AND I BELONG TO YOU." Porter felt the cruel and harshness of reality hit her. Tina's eyelids; were closed while she grabbed a hold of her. "SHANE! ALICE! I NEED YOU!" Bette engulfs water while Shane grabbed a hold of Tina as they both collapsed onto the sand.

Vanilla eyelids were still closed as Alice was in tears. "SHUT UP! WE WILL NOT CRY; SHE'S NOT GONE. I'LL NOT LET HER DIE ON ME NOW. NOT WHEN I JUST FOUND YOU." Bette grabbed a hold of the nose and began CPR. The blonde didn't respond while images floated inside of her unconscious mind-set. "I need you; I need you to breathe. I need you to want to live; not just for me or your mothers; but for yourself. Love yourself enough to want it." Bette began the chest pumps while she breathed inside of Tina's mouth once more.

Shane began to cry softly; while Bette looked at Tina in tears. "I CANNOT LOSE YOU; I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" The brunette uttered and breathed in once more; as a sharp gasp was heard. The water seeped out of Tina's mouth while she coughed violently. Bette cried in tears; while Alice shook and looked at Shane while she leaped up in elation and dialed 911; immediately; to get her to a hospital.

"TINA? TINA CAN YOU HEAR ME? TINA? BABY? CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Bette questioned the dazed blonde. Tee looked up at the skies; the bluest skies while her vision landed upon one woman. "I knew it would be you…" Porter felt the tears while she heard the blonde confess in tears. "I knew it would be you to come to my rescue." Her eyelids; closed while Bette checked for a pulse; it was weak but she was still with her. Torn up inside; Bette finally allowed the sorrow to take over.

"I don't think she can handle all of this anymore without real help." Bette cried while the ambulance pulled up; running to their aide. Shane grabbed a hold of Porter. "It's okay; she has us now. You both don't have to go at this alone anymore." Shane held her sobbing friend while Alice held Tina's hand.

"You need to be okay; Tee. Bette loves you; we all do." She caressed the strands away; while the hand moved slightly; giving indication she was still around. The only question remained; how much can one woman handle. While fears &amp; love would come into play as one woman from the past seeks an opportunity out. To finally; tell the one that got away; how she really felt about her all of those years ago; in-fact. Though; if she only knew; it would be too little; too late while she had definitely moved from high school and onwards to a life she never expected with one brunette in particular.

CHAPTER 37

WEST COAST – EMERGENCY CENTRAL – ARE THESE PIECES TOO SMALL TO PUT BACK TOGETHER? – DAY CONTINUED;

Voices; loud rambunctious noises settle in all around her. Blue &amp; Redden lights flashed all over; it was close to three o' clock and waves crashed in the off distance. Dampened; a cool-chill surpassed her watered down hair; unaware of how distant she was from the current events in-front of her. Alice &amp; Shane observed their dear-friend while Tee was ready to exit transport and into an emergency-wing promptly. McCutheon appeared visibly shaken up by the day's events. Suicide was indeed not on the table of scheduled events while Bette shook her face side to side. I did this to her; all of it. I pushed her; I asked her to give life a chance and look what I've done to her. I might as well have been one of those blades; that used to harm her. I am no better than Helena Peabody. Lights flashed while Shane tried to zap her out of the guilt-trance. It was unnecessary; and wouldn't help Tina's current situation at all. "I asked her; I asked her if all of it was too much. I should have just taken her back sooner to the Beach House." McCutheon bite her bottom lip. Bette continued to blame herself while Alice spoke up. "Bette! You need to stop that alright?"

Porter scoffed in tears; while the blonde's body lied sprawled out onto the stretcher. "I need a LOT of warm blankets on this one pronto. Her temperature and heart-rate are dropping; make sure she didn't swallow any infectious water; alright boys? I need to get another check on vitals once we get her into a room." Mr. Peter Jefferson sated; fifth year medical-expert. He instructed fellow first year resident to wheel the blonde through the double-doors. Peter looked at the women off to the side of the medical-vehicle. Shattered &amp; unraveled over the events of today; she wondered if she even belonged here by Tina's side anymore.

"Ma'am; um; ladies are you all going to come inside?" Mr. Jefferson addressed the brunette and friends. Silence took over while Porter turned away. "I am not sure if that's such a good idea anymore." Bette's eyelids closed off to the cruelness of this moment while Shane shook her face. "You cannot be serious now can you Elizabeth Porter?" Dr. Porter allowed the water-works to falter against those redden cheeks. The cheeks that felt so warm; while her whole body ached at the mere image of Tina lying there lifeless. It came back to her in flashbacks; horrific flashes of the whitest ocean swallowing up whole the woman she adored and so very much loved completely. Humanity; I saw a woman give up on that today; and I am scared of how hopeless Tina really feels about everyone and everything in her life. Promises; hands meeting before they parted ways today; it all felt like one big lie. I was so ready; so willingly to stand up against Susan and everyone else in our way. I willed to kick ass; lift her up from the sand and save her. The real question is; am I enough for her? Porter turned around and looked at the two-dear friends.

"I need a favor." Bette pulled out her cell phone. Her eyes were red; so scratchy red; while Shane felt a pair of hands handing her the cellular-phone. "Do you think you ladies can call Mama J and Mama M for me?" Porter looked dejected. Lost &amp; Dazed in a state of utter-confusion she stood there unsure of where they stood anymore. I gave her hope; I could be the one to save her from all of this crap. The BDD; the voices; and even Helena Peabody; are all unstoppable forces it seems. I am unsure of myself and if I am the right person to tackle this at all. McCutheon looked at her; grimacing at the brunette in utter-confusion. "I don't know what you mean? Bette; you need to be with Tee right now. I know what happened is really fucked up and all…" Yoda was silenced by Pieszecki.

"I can't." Bette swallowed and looked away. "Mama J &amp; M are her mother's; they'll be informed of her mishap and I'll make sure she gets the best care here possible. Though; I do not think it's in her best-interest anymore that I stay in contact with her anymore." Porter felt her sorrow succumb and sobbed.

Shane tried to go over to her and was pushed aside. "No, no; I need to go; just call her mother's alright? I need to get out of here and see about her getting a new doctor. I am no longer good for her." Porter tried to walk away; and was pushed against the nearest wall.

"ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH? HUH?" Bette irately yelped while Alice was shoved. Pieszecki slapped the sense back into Porter literally. "I AM NOT SURE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. I LOVE YOU; BUT YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOURSELF RIGHT NOW AND GO INTO THAT ROOM AND SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND." Brown eyes scoffed. "I am her doctor; and she's my patient. I was wrong to make it into more. I shouldn't have crossed the line and look at us now." Porter saw McCutheon shaking her head dismissively. "Helena Peabody; whomever that woman was at the café' caused' all of this and you're not telling us something and you need to fill us in it." Yoda fumed while Dr. Richard Jacobs walked outside as Jefferson shook his head.

"Is anyone going to be by Ms. Kennard's side?" Jefferson asked while he walked inside. The double doors were open while Shane shoved Bette towards the front. "WHAT THE HELL? I TOLD YOU BOTH; I NEED TO ASSIGN HER TO A NEW DOCTOR. I AM OBVIOUSLY BAD NEWS FOR HER." Porter cried while Alice took a hold of her.

"If that were true; she couldn't or wouldn't have came back to the sound of your voice. Tina came back because she's in love with you." Bette closed her eyes. "And what about Helena; what if I'm a replacement for what she couldn't get years ago; in High School?" Porter sniffled. McCutheon curled an eyebrow while Alice decided now wasn't the time. "Stop it. Tina adores you. She only has eyes for you Porter."

Porter sniffed while Jefferson grew impatient while Bette looked at Shane. "I still need to call her mother's; oh dear." Alice curls an eyebrow while the brunette just shook her head pensively. "Let's just say; they're very protective of their little girl. I mean; not that I blame them. I am starting to see why; and I will do everything in my power to protect her now. Especially from the likes of Helena Peabody, besides you both caught a glimpse of her right?"

Elizabeth was curious about the girl that got away in HS; wondering if she could measure up to the competition. If she only knew; it was hopeless. She had something Helena could never possess and that was the devotion &amp; love of one Kennard in particular.

"She looked horrible." Shane said with a simple smile. Alice interjected. "Yeah; she smelled…really bad." The women laughed while Bette walked into the hospital.

"That's good to know; it appears she has got nothing on me then?" Porter asked as the doors closed slowly. "Nope; you've got something she could never have Porter." "Yeah; and what the heck would that be?" Bette asked with a smile as they all walked in a row.

"Tina's heart; you've got that without even trying; either." The doors closed while they walked onwards to see the blonde; to help aide her back from the brink of despair. If one brunette only knew; Helena Peabody would try her hardest to get that one thing she had indeed; a heart so fragile; would Tee finally give in or choose the one brunette she never saw coming into her life once and for all? The question would remain in a story of complicated love; a love that would be worth it in the end of this tail indeed.

CHAPTER 38

WEST COAST EMERGENCY CENTRAL – I'M DROWNING; REACHING THE BOTTOM

Medical equipment sounded outwards; in small-echoes those beeps hauntingly; felt like those shards of glass to Bette's heart. A little stay-tear falters; uncontrollably; unable to contain the pain of that terrifying moment. Stranded there in a deep-sea of ocean while the white-waves covered up her body; very fastly. It overwhelmed the brunette how much so; this illness had taken over Tina's life. I didn't ever once faslely convince myself this disease would ever have a quick fix. I surely have no idea; on how to even start mending those broken fences. Bette pitifully; stood from afar while Dr. Allen Jefferson and Jacobson discussed Christina's case with head mental health expert Fiona Williams; a top medical therapist and specialist in the matter of BDD. Once Bette had relinquished any reservations; answering a series of questions about Tina's accident. The episode was recorded as an apparent suicide attempt. I hate psychology; and all of these medical-experts that think they know; what's going on inside of her head at this exact moment. Porter sighed outwardly; utterly confused. "I have no idea how to help her; you know? I mean; I thought I did Shane but I just don't know anymore." McCutheon looked onwards; giving a nudge to the bottom of the backside. Ms. Elizabeth Porter stifles a few tears; to succumb while Pieszecki handed her a letter. "I forgot to give this to you. Tina was writing something before all this crap happened with Helena." The name Helena Peabody; causes sharp daggers to slither their way deeper inside of the brunette's lion heart. Once so confident she possessed the one thing; no one else ever had the right have as hers. The heart of a delicate flower to some and yet Bette knew better and the difference from fragile and delicate indeed.

All of this is so confusing; I love her. I do; I am in love; utterly &amp; transparently in-love with this woman. I'd die for her; I'd give my last breath if it meant she'd live on. Porter looked on at Alice in tears. The crumbled up paper; expressed a lot of raw-emotions while it tore the brunette up inside whether or not she should be reading it or not. I asked her to trust me; with her inner-most thoughts that are very painful. I do not pretend to wonder why she chose Helena to be the first to steal her heart away. I mean; yeah do I believe Tee when she honestly told me she loves me and honestly feels like I am her first. I do; I believe her with all of my heart and yet…the other part of my brain knows there is more that lies within this story I have no idea about. I just worry with this bitch back; she'll cause more harm than good? It obviously shows; with Tee's actions. The little pieces of whatever was left of the brunette's heart pulled it together to grab the letter.

Tear-stricken cheeks absorbed the blistering words; while she swallowed hard.

DEAR SELF; ALL OF THIS WILL MAKE SENSE WHEN I GET BETTER OR WILL I EVER?

Dear myself; I didn't hate my reflection as much today; only because I am not allowed to look at it directly. Funnily enough; through someone else's orbs; I am starting to see what a pair of eyes that truly loves you sees. I breathe differently; soak up things differently; and even think differently; and it's all because of one woman. Porter wiggled her nostrils; while eyelids fluttered opened.

The greenest eyes looked at the ceiling; searching all around the room; silence took over. Bette gulped back emotions while the last of the letter was read out-loud.

Elizabeth Porter; or better known as Dr. Porter; the only person that never made me feel small to matter at all. I asked myself once upon a time ago; if I touched her; would she dare to tell me which one of us she truly loves? Porter absorbed the information and knew what these words really meant. Tee searched around and made eye-contact with one woman from afar; a tear-droplet fell from the vanilla-cheeks. Caught up in what my mind tells me and what I truly believe she tells me. I know she loves me; and not the manipulative part of my brain or self. Porter swallowed. "I do not think any part of you; is manipulative; you're just lost right now. I will always find you; we'll find our way back together." Bette gulped. Tee lied there silent and still while the room felt empty in a lot of ways. McCutheon cleared her throat and grabbed an arm and nudged her along; to go to the aide of the woman she adore &amp; loved. "I'll go and see if one of the nurses is around; now that she's awake and all alright? AL let's give them the room eh?" Alice just complied without a fight.

Bette stood there; hand-clutching the letter; while tears formed in Tina's orbs. "I'm sorry; I let you down." A tear rolled down the vanilla-cheeks.

Porter stood there mouth-agape utterly-shell-shocked.

"No; you didn't. I let you down. And I am the one that is truly-sorry." Bette whispered. Apparent; she'd break-down at any given moment the brunette wobbled to the foot-of the bed. Tee looked onwards; bravely ready to accept the consequences of her actions. While a gentle hand pulled one of her vanilla hands further into the clasp. In full on suspense; surprise; Hazel looked onwards; expecting her to flee; for the hills. Instead she realized; it's the people we least expect to surprise us the most in life that actually stick around through the darkest times of our lives indeed.

CHAPTER 39

WEST COAST CENTRAL – EMERGENCY SUICIDE WING – DON'T LET ME FALL FOREVER; I NEED A BREAKTHROUGH

Yield and completely void of all comprehension over what could have sparked such a tirade of sadness today; 9 o'clock struck against the wall-clock. Those exhausted orbs flicker; tears dried upon those mocha-cheeks while hours; and hours had flown by and darkness had settled in all around the room. That fist of hers clutched on tighter to one of the vanilla-hands while eyelids steadily jiggle; in such a peaceful sleep. The ghosts of the blonde's past had gained some weight upon the woman now relaxed after such a horrific nightmare had passed or did it? I feel the separation already; her heart wants to part from this world; perhaps I was the reason she pulled herself apart? I cannot ignore it anymore though; and I know she can't run any longer either. Elizabeth shut her eyelids while voices were heard outside of the room. Heartbeats rattle and heighten in its speed while the trimmers were felt a lot stronger now; more so than ever before. Mama M's voice trailed up an extra-octave while Judith remained calm; though the words were hard to swallow and absorb. Their little girl still in their eyes; in understandability; they wanted to find a solution to make it all better for her.

The blonde sleepily at peace; after much dismay from the curly cued one; medication had to be administered through an IV line; restraints evident on her redden wrists. The knife is twisting up inside of my heart; each and every time I fail her. Elizabeth swallowed in defeat. The evident truth was; she couldn't endure much more of this and knew they needed an outlet. The outside world had caused all of this and it was up to the good surgeon to change the wrongs done to Ms. Kennard. I guess; I guess I tried to be the one to help save her from herself. The truth is; if Tina doesn't want to be saved; there isn't much I can do but I will refuse to watch her go on this downward spiral if I love her that much. Mama Mary &amp; Judith entered into the room in full on panic-mode. This scene was too much to bear for one mother; while eyes seethed enraged. If looks could kill me; she'd pry me apart; bit by bit; piece by piece while I'm pulled apart right where I stood. The trouble I have with Mary Kennard; I am not at fault here. Mental Illness had plagued Tina's life far too long; and no story or fairytale or lullaby could make it better anymore and Elizabeth understood the hard-truth now more than ever.

Judith sobbed while Mary walked to the direction of the brunette. "I have no excuses; but before you speak there is so much you need to know about your girl." Bette looked into the dark eyes; eyes that could rattle anyone's cage. In this moment she understood the lengths in which any mother would go to; to protect those she loved and cared about indeed. Judy uncontrollably sobbed right at the head-rest of Tina's bedside. The tears; those powerful yelps broke apart one doctor while she swallowed hard. Bette neared tears of her own while Mama M took her left hand and slapped Ms. Dr. Porter harshly. Those redden mark left a bitter-sting upon that mocha face.

Dr. Elizabeth Porter felt her trembles in her hands while another slap was felt. Mary huffed irate while Judith arose; and ran around the other side of the corner of the bed. The women were huddled up; while Bette backed up a bit. "What the actual fuck? Mary; you've got it all wrong entirely." Elizabeth bent over; knees wobbly while Mary tried to grab a hold of her and was pushed up against the wall.

"No!" Judith yelped in mercy. The other mother felt like she could hurl onto the floor. The paleness in Tina's face said it all and knew this is the only way; their daughter could get the help she needed. "No? We put our trust in this stranger; asked her to look out for Tina and look where it all ended up." Judith gulped. Tears of sorrow draped her stricken face of grief and regret most of all. "The ghosts of her past are too strong for Tina to handle alone Mrs. Kennard's." McCutheon arose from her sleep deprived stupor while AL had gone to the cafeteria to grab a few bites of snacks from the vendor. The brown orbs were drowning in saturation of despair.

That letter clutched her hand tighter; while Mama M gasps in full on flabbergasted state of mind. "The ghost of our daughter's past eh? What ghosts? The last I checked you were the ghost that sparked all of this self hatred." Bette curled an eyebrow and knew this was a perfect time than any to reveal all of the truth. "If that were true; then why did your daughter confide in me that she used to cut herself? The pain she's endured over through the years had been so morbid; you have no clue. I think you couldn't handle it if you knew all of it to be honest Mrs. Kennard." Bette scoffed at the notion. She hardly knew Tina that long to have been the very reason. Yet when other people tried to place blame upon her; the logical part of her brain knew it wasn't at all her fault and needed to hear it.

"YOU SELFISH CUNT; I ALWAYS SAID THAT ONE; ELIZABETH PORTER IS A PUSSY CHASER; DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYONE BUT HERSELF. HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? I AM SURE; SURELY BETTER THAN OUR DAUGHTER EVER DID BEFORE SHE MET THE LIKES OF YOU." Alice dropped her coffee onto the floor in full on anger.

"How dare you; you little twat. Bette here loves this woman and I surely have no idea who you are; but you can turn right around and go back to wherever you came from bitch!" Al puffed out her chest in pride while Bette paced the floor back and forth in utter terror. "Alice!" Shane tried to grab a hold of the dirty-blonde as she stated lastly; "Step off; bitch!" Alice smiled while Mama M gasps in complete and utter confusion.

"Honey;" Judith tried to put an arm around Mary while she backed away. "Fine; you all seem to know what's good for OUR daughter. I'll be in the cafeteria then if anyone decides they need my OPINION; after all I am her other-mother." The woman scurried off while McCutheon bopped her own-head. AL pursed her lips; in total confusion. "Shut up; that woman was Tina's other Mama?"

Bette sighed while Judith covered her mouth. She began to laugh it up. Porter curls an eyebrow. "What the hell is so darn hilarious Mama J?" Porter asked onwards.

Tee squinted her eyelids open and shut and replied for her mother. "No one has ever gotten away with ever telling my other Mama back. And you lived; Alice you're pretty much safe to say; a brave woman." The dirty-blonde sighed outwards while Bette began to laugh.

"She's right! I just got bitch-slapped by her." Bette laughed it up. McCutheon checked Bette's left cheek and laughed it up too; while Alice looked on alarmed.

"Is she going to wait for me by a dark-alley? I am afraid now." Alice looked on in terror while this welcomed laughter made one blonde smile.

The brunette sighed outwardly. The blonde shut her eyelids; while Bette turned around to look at the once disheveled woman in the ocean. "I can't let her ghosts win."

Elizabeth felt a pair of hands grapple onto hers. "And we won't. And you were right Bette." Judith whispered while the brunette swallowed hard in defeat. Defeated the darkness had stolen whatever light was left in those Hazel orbs. The woman that had reached in and lit up her heart like no one else could.

"What? What was I right about? I couldn't save her." Bette gasped.

The eyelids shudder in sleep while Judith looked onwards in tears. The young-woman she had raised from a little girl was no longer a little girl. The love she had instilled in her would make her fight this battle with the woman she was indeed in-love with after all.

"I couldn't handle any of this; but with you by our daughter's side; Mama M and I have to face it. Our daughter is sick and we need help to mend her back together again." "And I am somehow her magical cure?" Bette swallowed hard. Judith looked onwards and shook her head.

"I am not naive; it'll take time but with a little love; willingness; she'll want to recover; each and every day you'll help her have the strength to choose to recover and want to get better. If not for anyone else; but her alone is all I ask her; and Bette I trust you still to help our daughter."

Elizabeth looked at the twinkle of lights and back at the gorgeous blonde still; even in a hospital bed she still lit up the room. "I promise; and I will never break this promise to you or her. I'll do whatever I can to help her; because I do love her." Bette exclaimed while she heard a faint voice mumble. "And I love you; too."

The words alone made a slow tear drizzle down the mocha-cheeks; vowing to help one blonde in distress; to find the light again. If the couple only knew; a woman would come back into the picture. The question would remain; if given a shot to choose; would she'd still choose the path she's on now or another path named Helena Peabody would remain to be seen indeed.

CHAPTER 40

WEST COAST CENTRAL – EMERGENCY WING – IS IT ALL IN THE PAST OR IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF HELL?

Protectively; like a barbed-wire fence to a fancy home; this woman sat in stillness; unsure of a lot of prospects. The blonde one lost that battle to fight sleep once again. That medication Dr. Robert Addison Jacobson had prescribed seemed to do the trick to calm those nervous-jitters. Though; naïve as it was to believe all of this pain could be evaporated like water; on a very cold day; Elizabeth Porter knew better in-fact. Oh Tina; my Tina; how did we get here? I thought I could manage your pain. I thought I could carry the brunt of it all. Place it all upon my shoulders; allow you to finally breathe. Her vanilla nostrils exhaled; inhaled slowly while in a deep sleep. Mocha eyelids fluttered shut for a mere-moment; while a voice took that beautiful surgeon out of her lonesome-worried thoughts. "Dear; you look terrible." Judith observed. Elizabeth scrunched her nose quizzically; her hair was in-tact and so were all of her clothes. The Armani suit in particular complimented her body; simplistic heels to match were her cluttered mind-set backtracked.

"Business;" Bette trailed off. Susan Caruthers was the large task to tackle; unsuccessfully sure she hadn't gotten through to the once flame in her life. This day's events roared back like a lion on a prowl; surely the consequences of her old behavior would have bitten Bette Porter in the ass. Eyelids flutter in a deep sleep; that image of her still; at peace finally. I hate all of this. Tina; wanted to try other avenues; medication would be a last resort. Elizabeth sighed while Judith instinctively; reached out and rubbed the lower-back of the disheveled woman. So distraught with pain and remorse over this whole-ordeal; unsure of how one woman could have such an impact on her beloved.

"I'm sorry; Bette." Judith took a seat next to the troubled surgeon. In deep thought; Elizabeth replayed the beautiful beginning they had together this day. "No; I am." Porter paused. Her stare was blank; withdrawn from pain while the monitors indicated the woman asleep was indeed in dreamland. Judith curled an eyebrow; stretched to move back into the cushion seat. Once relaxed enough a hand was felt inside of the mocha-hand in comfort. "No; you don't understand sweetheart." Her green-orbs twinkle while faint light cascaded into the room. This older image of a woman; a wiser; a much stronger Kennard woman; she had hoped the 29 yr old would become to be someday. In hopes; a smile appeared and accepted the kind gesture; a squeeze to the hand was felt. Gentle to the touch; their orbs connected again before Judith could speak once again. "I admire you; you know that Elizabeth?" Dr. Porter wanted to cackle at the notion of anyone admiring her. There was nothing; no quality or trait to admire from her perspective.

Mrs. Kennard sighed deeply; while Tee silently slept away. The quietness of the room surrounded them both; while Judith let out a light-chuckle. Dr. Porter arched an eyebrow quizzically for a rare moment. This made her utterly confused by the older-Kennard; while a chipper-smile smeared that wiser complexion. "I'm sorry; but why are you laughing? I seriously have nothing admirable about myself to boost about. I promised your daughter a better life and failed her. I swore to you and Mama Mary; I'd get her better and basically lied to myself. I have nothing to be admired about; unless you mean failure because that seems to be all I'm good at these days." Bette responded quite saddened.

Judith stopped her laughter; her expression turned from joyous to serious in a matter of seconds. "No; you don't understand. I am glad you finally stood up to Mama Mary." The woman retorted. Porter pursed her lips in deep thought. This amuses the wife; of an alpha female and continued onwards with her declaration of words. "When we got here; I tried a million times to calm her down. Alleviate her temperament behavior towards you. I don't think you need to tell me from the get-go she never trusted you around our Tee-Tee; but Bette honey…I do not believe that at all. You're not the enemy here. If anyone should be angry; or upset it's you." Judith concluded while Bette felt floored. No one in her life; it seemed held her to a high degree of prestige like this woman honestly did just now.

"Huh?" Bette asked flabbergasted. Judith smiled at her politely. "It's true. You put all of this energy; all of this time; and the BDD…" Porter interjected. "I do not think it's that simple." Judith frowned in response. Dr. Porter contemplated in whether or not she should dispel the truth about how all of this started out.

"Mrs. Kennard; I think there is something you need to be advised of…" Bette was silenced when she heard a voice; mumble out words. Words; that would make one brunette shudder in anger; pain and terror over what all of this meant indeed. "Helena! Helena! Why do you always hurt me so?" Tee asked in her dreams.

Dr. Porter arose; a tear smeared her face. If she only knew the woman she feared about entering a life again; would return. Though; in this case cause more chaos rather than recovery; for one woman barely hanging on by a thread.

CHAPTER 41

WEST COAST CENTRAL – EMERGENCY SUICIDE WARD WING – WE'VE BEEN FALLING FOR ALL OF THIS TIME HAVEN'T WE?

Pulsations of nervousness slowly took its effect upon her. Hurt feelings; such hopelessness took over one Dr. Porter and all the while this ache was still foreign. These dwindling dreams she had built up inside of her once elated heart; a heart that seemed to beat for only one woman in particular. Daylight appeared while it scattered upon a tear-stricken face. Those familiar echoes roared back like a thunderous cloud-of monsoon filled storms. It trashed inside of her soul like it would to any piece of sacred area to anyone else. These feelings she harbored for one woman seemed to be one sided; whenever she heard the mumblings of one Helena Peabody mention. Frozen &amp; still in her hospital chair; finger-tips wiped away saturation of sorrow; while a few familiar faces were asleep across the room from where she sat. Mama J curled up against Mary; lovingly on the long couch provided for overnight visitors. It felt like weeks; and yet it had only been day 2; of her torment over finding Tee in such a predicament to end her whole entire life. Jealousy; I am fully aware of how wrong all of this entirely. Teeth seemed to seethe at the mere image of Tina even thinking; let alone still dreamt of the woman that brought her to the demise she's in today. I carried her like rubble; from a fire. My Tina; so human; so life-like; so fragile-like a piece of broken glass; and if you cut her open she'll bleed. Tears sprinkled outwards; from her tear-ducts while she was reminded of how far Tee has gone to suppress such pain from the outside world.

"I promised you better and look at us? I failed you. I broke you apart too. I pressured you; asked you to be with the girls while I tried to get back to my life." Bette sobbed silently. "You believed in me and how do I repay you? I question you; question all of this and as much as I'd like to bury this Helena Peabody; we can't; can we?" Tears kept on pouring out of her while a woman looked from afar in pain at the sights. "I've lost you; haven't I?" Bette cried outwards while Mama Mary walked over and lightly stroked those strong-muscular arms. Elizabeth shook from pain while her body succumb to feel all she had hid away; hid away all of the grief she felt for one blonde. "I can't." Bette exclaimed while Mary sighed. "Help us all; you really do care about our daughter?" Porter's eyelids fluttered open and shut. Impossible to open anymore; the sunlight made it sting like knives; she had barely slept while Mary crouched downwards.

"I'm very surprised." Mary confessed. Bette remained silent. The monitors appeared to sound out a little while Mary looked up at their little girl still asleep. "I guess not that surprised you're still here. I'm just in awe; awe you haven't judged our daughter yet." Mama M tried to arise while a hand was gripped tightly to hers. "I love her; Mary. Please; don't ever mistake this for what it is. I Elizabeth Porter; feel no pity or sympathy; only love. I will help her; and never judge her…" Bette paused while she looked downwards and shook her head.

"I just…" Bette sobbed while Mama J stirred from her sleep. "Honey; where are you? Where did my heater go?" She joked while Mary frowned. "What is it dear?" She asked Elizabeth who continued to sob profusely. "All I feel is this cruel reawakening; like…I am the reason she's supposed to get better; and yet she's still fixated on this lost-dream of hers. If I am not in hers; why am I still here? I cannot separate myself from this chair. I care about what happens to her more so than Helena Peabody ever will." Judith had glazed orbs while she huffed at the notion. "Helena Peabody? As in that rich little wannabe; that used our daughter for laughs &amp; jokes? I never liked her. I once told her mother off at a PTA meeting;" Mary interjected with pursed lips; and shook her fingers dismissively.

"No; I believe that was her maid honey; the woman never showed up to a school function to save her life." Bette had a flabbergasted expression upon her face. "You know about her then?" Shocked &amp; scared over why Tee never told her about this and more frightened about her future together.

Judith was about to speak up with Dr. Jones entered the room. "Ladies; do you have a moment? I'd like to speak with you two outside." He exclaimed while Bette arose. Mama M was about to interject to allow Bette to hear the conversation. The brunette stammered for words and uttered. "I'd like to continue this discussion about you know who later; if you both don't mind of course?"

Tee groggily awakens and asked curiously. "Ask about whom? What is going on? I keep falling in and out of coconscious." Bette gulped while she responded to the mothers with kindness.

"Ladies; do you mind if you gave us the room for a little privacy?" "Of course; not at all Bette; baby; let's go talk with the doctor outside." Judith exclaimed while Tee had a confused expression. Dr. Porter tried to recollect herself but couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Helena;" Tina flickered her eyelashes twice before she could respond with a confused expression. "Huh?" "You heard me; we were talking about you and Helena Peabody; you ran into her 2 days ago." The blonde swallowed hard; while the voices reared their ugly appearances again inside of that cluttered mind.

"HERE WE GO; GET READY FOR IT. SHE'S HAD ENOUGH OF YOU ALREADY." While Tina awaited the evitable inside of her thoughts; another woman across town had been thinking about her encounter with her too. Too much surprise; if she only knew; it wouldn't be the last time they'd run into each other.

CHAPTER 42*

PEGGY ILLUSIONS GALLERY – THAT'S NOT FAIR; HOW DO I CHANGE THE PAST AND PRESENT?

Disorted images appeared from afar; a damaged home. It was wrecked; the oil-painting appeared so life-like; the shreads of the sort of like pages coming off; like 3D. It blew Helena away; imaginations were fueled up; by the upcoming showcase of : Pride; show us yourself; all of it. The house in the particular house; was a place the artist grew up in. Abuse &amp; alcoholism had plauged his childhood while he rose up; and decided not to become just like his alcoholic mother. Helena read the discriptions and felt so compelled to make a difference.

"Hello!" Peggy announced herself unsuspectingly; unaware of the other woman that stood mere inches from her mother. Peg; was harsh with Hel; disappointed since she was fifteen her daughter didn't take the similar interest in art. I tried. I really did; but you try being the daughter of this woman; look at her. Pitiful; lacks emotions; all she sees is dollar-signs. Ms. Peabody turned around while Peabody glared for a few seconds. Hel looked down miserably; this was the last place she wanted to be on earth and yet knew there was no other choice. NYC: had failed her; lawschool was tough and quit. Bloody hell; I see it in your eyes Mummy; I failed you miserably. I took your money and wasted it carelessly. The once shallow teenager looked at her Mum; while she frailed her arms in defeated mode. "Well! I see you're back; that didn't take too long." She said sarcastically; while Helena had sighed deeply. "I figuered you missed me? I guess we can't always assume though in this family right?" "I do not miss family; Helena. What have I always told you?" The brunette swallowed hard while Peggy decided to remind her anyways.

"Family always comes back." She paused and continued. "Granted; it's not always welcomed; or always for the right reasons; but family is like a bad rash you cannot get rid of." Helena gasped inside. I am not compared to a bad rash? Wow; why did I come back to this? I do not need this; Hel paused and knew the reason. "Did that paralegal you shacked up with for a temporarily bases dump you already Hel? Do you need more money? Is your bank-account already drained out?" "That's not fair Mummy; what if I just came to see you." Peg arched an eyebrow. "Did you?" Helena looked down defeated. "Yes; well that and I need a job; and New York was a little too much." The sharp as a knife mum laughed evily.

"What did I ever tell you?" "Mummy; please? I need a job; not your grief." "I always said…what?" "That L.A. girls shouldn't bother with the East Coast. The sun damages our perspective on life. There; are you happy? You're so evil sometimes; like why are you like this to me?" Peggy again arched an eyebrow. "I do not nothing to you; dear. You came here and are asking me for a job; and if you're willing to belittle yourself to work at my sham of a gallery. I mean; I am quoting you right?" Helena felt exhausted and didn't want to fight with her mother. It would be an endless battle. "Yes; Mummy; I did say that and I am sorry okay?"

Peg laughed it off. "I thought you had back-bone. I could have respected you a lot more if you had stuck with your opinion of me and our gallery."

The brunette arched an eyebrow while Peggy; walked past her. "I suggest you get to work on the lastest showcase; Jenny will fill you in on the rest. Go; with Jenny and she'll show you to your office." The woman disappeared while Helena had sighed a big sigh of relief. A small victory; while she searched around. Immediately; she knew her mother was right. A lot had happened in NYC and it had made her see the light. The recent run-in with the past only confirmed it and wanted to re-connect with it. The only question was; was Tina ready to forgive and forget?

"I wonder where she is right now? Does she love someone else? Do we even have a chance? Am I too late to even rectify it all? I wonder if you still care about us and what we almost had." Helena sighed. Jenny walked over with a smile. "Hello; I'm Jenny Schecter; and I'll show you to your office Ms. Peabody."

The brunette followed the assistant while she wondered if this would be just the start of good things to come. If she only knew; there was already someone occupying Tina's time. It would take a lot to brush off one Bette Porter from one Tina Kennard's life indeed.

CHAPTER 43*

WEST COAST CENTRAL – EMERGENCY WING – WHY? – DAY CONTINUED;

Broken &amp; bewildered beyond belief over such a turmoil of two-days. It exactly took Ms. Helena Peabody; a practical stranger to her to destory all progress ever made. Those trembles returned while Mr. Hollison paced side to side; while Dr. Jones had given him his studies; results on one Christina Judith Kennard. His orbs appeared puzzled while Mr. Peter Thorton offered to take a look at the 'special case' in which the men refferred to her great-love. Quietness; her quiet &amp; always delicate demeanor; I should have taken it more seriously; now that I think about it. Bette looked downwards. Indeed carrying the brunt of the pain for the pair. Her dark-chocolate eyes were covered in tear-stains. Judy clutched onto Mama M's hands for support while she admired this quite beautiful display of affection. In realization she had dreamt for so long to have a partner; and had believed trully; in finding that in one Christina. Small in hindsight; this wasn't at all about her and yet it was about them. If Tina couldn't trust Bette with the darkest parts of her soul. Then how could they mend those bridges and somehow hope to move on from it eventually? It would be her greatest torment &amp; greatest horror if this was at all the very breaking-point to no return for the newest couple; yet to define their relationship to each other; let alone to themselves.

Footsteps from their position all in a huddle Dr. Jones reflected quite nonchalantly. "The subject of suicide is quite fresh. I do not believe we need to institutionalize her. The brain-waves appear healthy and not at all schizophrenic. I believe this is a mild case we can handle with medication." Bette swallowed while her attention reverted back towards the room. Empty; while Tee batted her eyelashes back and forth. Like a child; ready to be scolded by Elizabeth she dwelled on whatever could have spurred on such a violent attack on herself. I will not pretend to believe any of this is easy on her. I know better than that. I just wish she'd confide in me and not run away scared. Judith clings to Mary. "I heard the word schizophrenic. Are they trying to place a label on our Tee-Tee? She's a good girl. Our girl is a good girl." Her cries were painful to watch. More so than ever; Dr. Porter felt really offended at the lack of respect these doctors had in their use of words at this very point. "Really; gentlemen; you are not very good at what you do huh?" Elizabeth passed by quite disgusted by Dr. Jones. His results in Mr. Holliston's hands; while he practiced in psychology studies; curious about this case in particular. In anger she called out Mr. Jacobson that decided to join the conversation finally.

"I'm sorry; so the BDD case;" He was interjected. "The BDD case; you mean Christina Kennard; her name is Christina Kennard; she has a FUCKING name alright?!" Bette irate than ever glossed over the paper-work; her eyes fumed with rage on the inside while on the outside expressed seriousness. "Subject A: appeared disheveled in her suicide attempt; unable to understand her actions fully; still carrying out the act. Unknowingly; causing herself harm; unsure of mental-health history in family; appears lucid in dreams; brain-waves appear normally-functional while distress over BDD diagnosis twelve and half years ago." Porter looked at Dr. Jones.

"I believe; your friend doesn't realize this but BDD sometimes just manifests over time. I think with a good therapist; she'll do well and forget all about this." Dr. Porter gasped in disbelief. "It's quite unbelievable right?" Mr. Holliston asked while Bette slammed the results hard onto the floor. "Are you FUCKING kidding me here? You all act as if it's all in her fucking mind or something. No one convinced her she was sick alright?! All of this crap; you're all full of shit. Tina has a serious problem; why else would she go off and try to end her own life? It's not as simple as you all make it out to be." Bette flailed her arms in defeat while Judith &amp; Mary rushed on over.

"Bette; lower your damn voice eh?" Mary demanded while Porter gasped. Quite tired of everyone telling her what to do; and how everyone knew what was best for the woman she adored and loved with all of her heart. "No; I will not. This guy is a quack!" Dr. Jones laughed it off. "Excuse me? I am trying to help you and your family out. Though; hey I am just an expert on these cases. Hers is a bit rare but with a little therapy she'll do well in the world." Bette was about ready to choke the life out him while a head-popped out of the room.

"Hi! Is everything alright out here?" Tina asked. The woman walked with the IV line; while Bette stood there for just a few-seconds before she'd rush over in aide of the blonde-one. "Hi; you're not allowed to walk around. Come on; let's go back to your room." Bette offered her help while Judith interjected.

"Honey;" Judith stroked Tina's hair. Mary looked onwards; and back towards Dr. Jones. "All she'd need is a little medication you say; and she'll be normal?" The voices laughed while they made Tee hear what she wanted to hear. Normal; normalcy; what the hell is that anyways? I convinced myself I could get better. Then one look at her; and it all shattered like that glass I used to cut myself up with. I hate myself; everyone does. I can see Bette getting sick of me. "Honey; what is it?" Bette asked her while Tee heard the voices.

"She just asked the doctors; if the more medication the better. They all hate you. You're hated." Tina screamed while Bette flabbergasted felt a shove. Her gut was punched. "Let go of me. Let go of meeeee." Tee screamed irate while Porter looked upwards at her.

"Tina?" The blonde heard the laughter. "You all hate me. You all want to get rid of me." Tina screeched while Bette swallowed hard. "Oh god; our baby;" Mary cried while Judith looked onwards at nurses; that had to restrain her. "Go; go away; you'll just go like she did. Gooo; go I tell you; you're like a Peabody; all of you are."

"What?" Judith cried while Bette swallowed hard. "I'll go." Elizabeth wanted to turn around. Though she knew; what was best for the blonde. "Maybe; you two should think of a long-term solution; I know of some great after-care places; they'll take good care of your girl."

"No!" Bette yelped. Mary &amp; Judith both looked at Elizabeth dejected. "No one puts Tee in a facility; not until I can find a way; to bring the Tina we love back to us." Elizabeth exclaimed while she knew the painful answer. "If I want my Tina back; I need to find this Helena bitch; and make all of this right once and for all. I'm coming for you; bitch!" While one woman tried to mend a broke apart woman. If she only knew; that same woman was already on the search for a blonde-one. Just how this will affect Tina's recovery; would be up to Christina herself.

CHAPTER 44*

WEST COAST CENTRAL – WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? – DAY CONTINUED;

Patient: Christina Judith Kennard; Age; 29 years old; Height: 5' 7"; Eye-Color- Hazel

Yellow colors sprayed all around the simplistic-curtains; with little-roses upon them. Tears scattered all over her disheveled face &amp; demeanor at this point. The time was 12:34pm; nearly all gone with her hope the day; seemed to press on slower than ever while cold-mashed potatoes were left upon that white-plastic-plate. Voices cluttered all around the cafeteria-lounge while orbs scanned the files once more. Those familiar emotions of cruel-desires to bail Tina out of all of this mess she had created. Unsure of how it all got to chaotic in seconds.

Dr. Jones: Notes on Patient's abnormal behaviors &amp; rants;

Localized sedation &amp; anti-anxiety medications were administered to subject case 8903 # suicide; case. Her BDD syndrome; seems to be of a mystery; not inherited; seems to have manifested in mental-illness. Mothers Judith Kennard &amp; Mary Kennard; agreed facilities at this time is an option; no possible indication on when they'd release their daughter from care at this time. It seems to be by the parent's choice; to keep her here for her own 'safety' Bette paused; while she allowed those devastated droplets to slither beneath her neck-line at this point in time. A loud sigh escaped her lips; meanwhile a tap at the shoulder was felt while her eyes caught a glimpse at the next sentences.

Previously on record; January; 17th on 2003;

Ms. Mary Kenneth Kennard; addressed a failed attempted suicide; slitting of the wrists. Scars; evident on both but used some sort of cream; to mask most of the scarring. When I asked her about why; she didn't advice Tina to seek treatment then: "I was so scared; you know? I begged her to talk to me; open up to me. She swore she'd never do it again. It was college pressure; or so I assumed. I always assumed she'd be fine; but I realize now; I was just as bad as her mental-illness. I'm an enabler; I was better off placing her in that facility; now I am so sure it might help her." Bette gasped while Yoda pursed her lips in question while Porter slammed the file-hard onto the table. Mrs. Kennard had given the 'okay' for the good doctor to look over the medical records; unknowingly; she'd discover she &amp; mama m had a lot in common indeed. McCutheon overlooked the beautiful day and found it all so bitter-sweet in the end. Tee caged up in a hospital room in the mental-ward section while Bette looked like she'd fall apart at any given moment.

"Hey!" Shane shuffled her boots against the already scuffled floor. The woman looked onwards; blank in the face. Dr. Porter was utterly in turmoil over all of these truths; staring her right in the face to only mock-her. "I caused all of this to occur. How the hell do you suppose I am Shane?" Bette slammed the files hard onto the cafeteria table again. AL and Dana had gotten a few pears &amp; cob-salads while Yoda furrowed a brow.

"Wait! It was you that cause Bitch Helena Peabody to resurface and cause Tee; to nearly kill herself in the ocean-water? And you were all across town too. It's unbelievable. It's quite astonishing you managed all of that." Yoda sighed while Bette laughed at herself. Her hair swayed side to side. "I did though; I caused her to open up this Pandora's Box. I asked her to open up to me about stuff she had kept so far below; buried inside of her Shane. It's unforgivable I wasn't there to save her from this cruel bitch. I promised her and I failed her. I and everyone around her failed her." Bette slumped to the bottom of the chair while AL sat by the brunette in distress.

"Tina's parents wanted to talk with you again; Bette. I think maybe you should reconsider it. I mean you'd visit her and then she'd get better right?" Dane asked hopeful. Though in reality; this was no fictional fairy-tale; indeed. The harshness of the realities was; BDD isn't curable; there is no cure for your thoughts. All she could do was try to temporary silence these voices &amp; unimaginable thoughts that threatened to swallow up Tina whole forever.

"You're saying; something or someone can save her? I realize now; no one can 'save' her from herself. All we can do is be supportive; and just be there for Tina." Bette exclaimed. "Then do right by her; help her with the care she needs; help us convince her to enter this facility Bette."

Mary asked in a plea nearly; Porter swallowed while the mothers had returned from her room. Bette's eyes felt tired and knew; there needed to be another solution and yet felt like she had run out of many left.

"Alice?" The blonde dug into her cob-salad while Bette looked to her to help out in any way possible. "I need you to find Helena Peabody; she's the key to all of this crap. I need you; what do you say? Will you help me; help Tina finally?" AL looked at those eyes so exhausted from tears and extended a hand.

"Let's find the bitch that put Tina through hell." AL and the girls all agreed; if anyone would help bring Tina back from the brink; it would be confronting; the evil past that put her there in the very first place.

CHAPTER 45*

PEGGY ILLUSIONS GALLERY – WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING? – DAY CONTINUED;

Three &amp; half hours floated right on by; yet inside of her heart &amp; mind-set it all felt so unreal. This surrealness; it couldn't be shaken at this very point in time. Jarred &amp; succumbed to this life; a life she tried so hard to run away from. Years; upon years and yet failed miserably; to shake away the one name that caused Helena more grief than solace. Polished nails grim while she typed away; unsure of what she was indeed looking up; on Google. Her visions; images kept reverting backwards to that moment she saw 'her' again. Scribbles on pieces of paper said it all to her though: Ms. Tina Kennard-Peabody; are you even available? Why; why do you hate me so? I feel so much pent up tension there. It was all in fun wasn't it? High School; was such a bore at times. I was a stupid kid; but a stupid kid; in love with you. And I should have said it then but I fought it because that's what I was 'told' to do. Now; if Mummy &amp; Daddy; even tried to keep us apart. I don't know; I'd shout it out to the roof tops; if you'd give me the time of day that is. Helena sighed while no search came back in return underneath that given name. Her eyes felt tired while those vague words came back to haunt her.

"Why; why do you keep on hurting me?" Tina's voice echoed. It tore her up inside and swallowed. "I didn't mean too." Hel whispered while Jenny sauntered in with a cup of Coffee &amp; lunch. The chicken burger; and homemade French-Fries from The Hangout smelled delicious to her nostrils.

"Here you are; Ms. Peabody. Ms. Peabody; advises you to meet up with her in the staff-room later on; at 3pm. I'd also like to go over the newest showcase plans. I think industrial structures; made up of bodies is going to be the theme this time. I just need to get some mock-up plans for you and your mother." Hel just heard her; proceeding to go to a search again.

"Right!" Helena smiled; while she tried again and failed. "Fuck!" Jen curled an eyebrow. "What are you trying to do anyways on the computer?" Hel raised her head and nonchalantly stated without so many words. "This woman…" She paused while she bites her bottom lip. "I am just doing research and cannot find this person in a simple Google search." Jen nodded and walked on over.

"Did you try " ? It's a great tool to find people that have fallen off the radar in quite sometimes. It has addresses; phone numbers sometimes. Everyone; almost everyone is reachable there with a known address or phone-number Ms. Peabody."

The woman delightfully; smiled while it felt as though she had hit the jack-pot. "You mean to tell me; if I just put in her name: Tina Kennard in the search engine here; it'll give me all of that info right away? Without any verification of whom I am and what I want to do with that information?" Helena asked quizzically. Jen curled an eyebrow. "Well; you just want some research right? I mean you don't want to stalk the woman right?" She laughed while Helena laughed awkwardly.

"No; of course not; why would I want to stalk a woman like her for?" Helena bites her bottom lip. It was comments like these she could see why; the blonde was resistant towards her at all. "Then go for it. Good luck on your search Ms. Peabody; I am heading out for an hour." Jenny disappeared while Helena looked at the search engine.

"Do I dare myself or not?" The British brunette exclaimed. This search-engine stared her right in the face; while she proceeded to type in the name of the woman. The woman that had consumed her mind once again; unable to process why Tina had broken down the way she had. It tore her apart; like to rectify it once and for all. "If I find you; do I dare tell you I even cared back then? Do I even matter now? Am I still inside of your heart? I tried to tell you; but you ran away from me when I saw something; something that still terrified me; but I want to understand it."

Helena exclaimed while she shook away thoughts of the past. A past where she tried to be with Tina; a Christina Kennard not even Tee wanted to know at the time. The brunette waited for three long minutes before; a search had turned up and read the residence.

"Three residences: Christina Kennard; Mary Kenneth Kennard; Judith Kennard; in oak-wood drive; 5678 E. West Hollywood; Los Angeles; California. The brunette sighed while her heart fluttered out of control. "She still lives at home? Wow; I wonder why that is?" Helena gasped and knew she needed to re-connect with her again. "What is it about you; I cannot forget about Christina? I need to see you again." Helena closed her laptop as Peggy tapped onto the door.

"What are you up to now; little daughter of mines?" Peggy asked while Helena sat there with a wide eyed grin. "Ooh; just realizing I found 'something' I definitely have missed in this city. It's good to be home Mummy." "Oh dear; don't get yourself into any trouble now dear."

The older woman walked away; while Helena laughed it off. "No; not this time; this time I'll make sure Tina and I work out indefinitely."

If she only knew; over Bette's dead body; would that ever occur indeed.

CHAPTER 46*

WEST COAST CENTRAL – I'VE GOT TO BREAKTHROUGH; WILL YOU STILL BE AROUND WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE?

Pressure points were at a maximum at this point in time. Screams &amp; shutters echoed far down the hallways; tears smeared a face; a face so tired. In awake state and yet defeated by life and its torture. Christina wishes sleep would drown away all sorrow she felt deeply inside of her cluttered mind &amp; heart. Lands of the unknown was Elizabeth; yet her head blurred the truth and lies; confused with herself; unable to trust if her thoughts were even valid anymore. Orbs flickered while Nurse Angelica &amp; Rosaline sauntered into the room. Evelyn Park; thirty two years young; head nurse wheeled in what appeared to be a stack of books on a crate. In turmoil if and when her mother's would cart Chrissie off to the nearest nut-house. In a fit of nervousness; a jittery leg sprung into action. Evelyn &amp; Angelica surveyed which choices would be great for Christina when; she decided to take matters into her hands.

Angelica's tone of voice didn't seem to be a threat at all. It appeared Eve; as Angie called her affectionately; didn't seem at all ready to strap Tina down to a bed for life. Her Hazel eyes winced while lights blinded her. The medication seemed to kick in rather quickly.

"YOU'RE STILL SO HELL-BENT ON GETTING ALL OF US BEING LOCKED UP HUH?" Those familiar voices resounded. Broken apart over how she and Bette had left things. Truth didn't seem to matter at the moment while little-white lies slithered in and out of that already cluttered mind-set of hers. I am going six feet under; it seems. Bette; Shane; &amp; even Alice; at this point have all placed dirt onto my empty coffin already; I might as well take the plunge right? Tears smeared a face; a face so grim while Angie turned around. A leg had been stuck out. Tee shivered a little cold while Eve; walked over with a pair of spiral-notebooks. "I and your doctor Mr. Jacobson had discussed if you'd feel comfortable with a little writing?" Orbs saw sunshine appeared while her imperfections were on full-display. Eyeballs saucer immediately; while green orbs mist up a bit in utter-horror. A sharp gasp exited that woman's mouth. Jittery hands immediately shake to uncontrollable measures. "What is honey? Are you cold? Do we put her back to bed?" Angie asked while Eve dismissed it entirely.

"Honey; your doctor and I think its best; if you try to write about all your feelings; this way we can help you; help yourself alright?" Evelyn smiled. Though; torment took over as she was confused by earlier. Eve; seemed sweet and now seemed a little too demanding of Chrissie. Confused utterly; while voices slithered in again to twist the truth once more.

"ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT? THEY WANT YOU TO WRITE DOWN YOUR 'FEELINGS' SO THEY CAN TWIST EVERYTHING AROUND. I MEAN LOOK AT YOUR PRECIOUS BETTE PORTER. DID SHE EVER RETURN TO CHECK UP ON YOU? NO; SHE LEFT AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY…" Suddenly; a clatter could be heard at the front-door. She dropped her juice; and immediately; switched off the main-light in the room. The switch thankfully; hid away her face while a few gasps were heard from the entrance. "Are you a visitor here Ma'am? What is the meaning of turning off the lights?" Eve tried to walk back to the switch.

Elizabeth gasped while her spilled juice; was all over her pant-leg. "Fuck; are you stupid or something?" Bette griped while she looked across the room from Tee. "Are you alright? I'm right here." The brunette uttered. Nine o' Clock was imminent while Judith &amp; Mary now came into the room in a fit of annoyance.

"What is the meaning of all of this? I wanted your daughter to write about her 'feelings' and this woman just blazes through the room like she owns the place." Eve irate while Bette laughed; Mary furrowed a brow; while Porter interjected. "The lights were on. I guess the staff here isn't that bright or brought up the speed on Tina at all." The titan of surgery exclaims while a gasp of exasperated natures was huffed. Angie opened her mouth but was silenced. "I am on doctor orders; to treat this patient just like anyone else. BDD is all a mind-game. If you want your friend to get any better; I suggest you just do as we say around here alright?"

The brunette curled an eyebrow; walking over and took the spiral notebook and threw it across the room. "No one treats my Tina like ANYONE else alright? She's special and for your information we're going to transfer her to another facility today; anyways." The brunette huffed. Tee's mouth pursed while Elizabeth looked at her. "It's all going to be alright. I'm going to be right by your side." Chrissie's voice cracked as she allowed the words to come out with love.

"I thought you left after I asked you to go?" Bette shook her face; smiling at her 'friend' she was falling madly in love with; without any regrets. "I'd never leave." "Though; you have too if I'm being shipped off to some nut-case house?" A brow furrowed as the mothers wanted to explain. Bette on the other hand took a vanilla-hand into hers and exclaimed with love and adoration.

"What? A nut-house; you silly-Billy woman; I'd never nor would your mother's ever do such a thing. It's all been taken care of; alright? I am going to be with you; every step of the way." Bette explains while Tee misted up. "How?" Judith walked over to her; while Bette looked at Mary gratefully. While she was on the trail for one Helena Peabody; it was all worked out she'd oversee the care of one blonde.

The only exception was; she'd pick the facility; and where Tina and she would heal together; to figure out what was happening with them as people.

"It's all going to work out right Bette?" The brunette swallowed while she replied teary-eyed. "I have a feeling; you're going to like this facility baby; it has a beach nearby. Maybe; sometime you and I can go the beach again." Tee allowed the tears; to falter while the voices had left her alone for once. Unsure of the truth of it all; it appeared the real truth was; no matter how many times she'd try to push away this woman. Elizabeth Porter; was here to stay indefinitely; while another woman was on her trail. A show-down would occur; and Tee would need to rehash the past and finally choose where she wanted to be; and it would be an unexpected road for two souls meant to be indeed.

CHAPTER 47*

PEABODY ILLUSIONS GALLERY – YOU THINK I'M A MONSTER; WELL THAT'S NOT FAIR OR IS IT? – FOUR DAYS LATER;

Inflated &amp; in silence while her ego; took a massive hit when she turned away; away from her. Eyelids of purple-eye shadow looked away; at the sea of pictures. Pictures of a shy gal; a gal that kept to herself a lot. The once poetic girl; her poems hung in pride in English Lit class. In curiosity; worriment what had happened to this girl. This woman now; twenty nine years young; still every-bit the shy gal; covered away in the darkness it seemed. Hallways; friends; social standings; money and most of all popularity were all obstacles at one point in time. Helena leaned back into her office-chair. Tina wasn't much to look at from a stand-point on Jodi and Candace's view-points. Brenda would always mock those glasses; though when she reverted backwards in time.

It all started way before her and her ever crossed paths. Innocent orbs; still so robbed with a lot of pain instead of sunshine filled in those beatific green-gems. It's not I sought out to treat her so shitty; all of the time I came in close contact with her; I tried to do better. The sounds of broken glass still made her shudder. Astray tear fell while she draped it away. "I didn't mean to stare the way I did." In remembrance; it all flooded back to her like a terrible reoccurrence of a nightmare. Those nightmares she knew; she had laid there all for Tina to feel. The wrath of ever knowing her; made Peabody sick to that downright once cruel core of hers. I can't help but wonder; what made her do that to her-self? It couldn't have been all about me; could it have? Is that what she meant by me; hurting her still? The brunette swallowed hard. The online-yearbook showed a half-smiling Kennard and on the inside a lot of torment lived inside of her still it appeared.

The rain poured hard on this half-dark Los Angeles day; partly-cloudy; while no one in sight. The pictures were on her laptop; admiring the once Hazel eyed one. A captivating sight to her orbs still and dared her-self to make a phone-call. A potential phone-call; that could make or break her entire days; years; universe.

Echoes came back in the sounds of cries. It tore her up to bits; while her eyelids shut tightly in pain. "I am so sorry; Chrissie. I never meant to hurt you. I'll make it up to you." Convinced; she needed to see a certain blonde; if she only knew; she was better off without her presence indeed.

BLUE MOON CAFÉ &amp; DINER DIVE – LOS ANGELES; CALIFORNIA

Pieszecki confidently; held a collection of articles in one hand while she awaited a certain doctor; to enter that doorway. It had been three days; since Tina's transfer; to Oakwood Facility; just outside of Los Angeles. Elizabeth had been getting everything all settled when an unexpected phone-call could change it all. If this was the break they had been waiting for; soon Tee could confront all of her demons once and for all.

A smile crept that vanilla face; while mocha-eyes searched the café; from afar. The hustle and bustle was quite light. AL shouted from her lungs while Bette searched again and found Alice. The familiar friend &amp; sister in a lot of ways; while she thought to herself confidently: "We finally got her; let's nail the bitch that hurt Tee so long ago." If she only knew; when you play with fire; someone always ends up getting burned or do they in this case?

CHAPTER 48*

Circumstances; no matter how you want a situation or life to turn out; there are always going to be certain circumstances; that change the course of how it all plays out in the very end. Direct sunlight bared down on her Gucci-sunglasses; while brown orbs exposed those dark chocolate orbs; a lot of frustrastion was expressed in this moment. Her eyes scanned the passenger side; to see no one there at all. Silence took over while she could now finally understand Tina's torment. When you're all alone it's easy to allow the thoughts in your mind to unravel you &amp; toy with you ultimately. Alice's wise words came flooding back; in the reflection of the rear-view mirror cars; upon cars flooded traffic. It was busy; while she waits to move again; a lot of unforeseen circumstances came roaring back to her again.

Perhaps; perhaps is used a lot in the medical profession; I am seeing these days. Perhaps: She'll recover from all of this; and go back to a somewhat semi-normal lifestyle. Perhaps: Your Tina; will strive &amp; no longer think of fucking Helena Peabody; incessantly; like she needs the woman like a drug. Adrenalin rushes through her pumped up veins; confusion still washed over her entire being. "How; how; do you think of someone so much constantly; that only caused' you so much pain &amp; grief? I mean; am I the crazy one? Is there something I am barely missing or just jealous this woman is the key to helping her and I am not at all? Perhaps; perhaps it's all of the above and I'm more afraid of the outcome if Helena is successful in getting through to her; what does that say about our relationship?" Her ego; felt deflated at the thought of this woman helping someone; she was hopelessly; endlessly; falling-in love with and couldn't help it. Ms. Peabody; scared Bette more than Tina's BDD; because if she could be the missing link; it means that connection is very much alive &amp; well. Tears falter; while she looked at the address; contemplating; just turning around this parked car; at this point in the middle of dead-traffic; retrieving back to the love of her life.

"I want to be the one to save her." Bette sighed. Alice's wise words came back again. "It's fair to her; to let this fester on and on. Helena can be the key; very well. We can deal with that. If Tina still has some sort of feelings; you need to let her be an adult Bette. Everyone; including her own Mommies' have continued to treat her like a child. And; I am not telling you that isn't sweet or ill-will on their part. Chrissie is after all their only daughter and of course with her BDD; this isn't exactly easy to deal with on any circumstance. Though; if she'll ever recover and live a normal life ever again; you all need to back off and just let her decide. I think that's the problem."

Bette sighed while she remembered her response. It drove her to tears. "The voices make her lose sleep; I am not helping matters either with my attempts to save her. Judith &amp; Mary mean well but you're right. If we want her to act like a woman; we have to allow her to make these choices. I am just afraid…she'll act on impulse; I mean we don't know the type of power this woman has over her Alice. I mean; it can't be healthy; if it makes her react suicidal Pieszecki." Alice shrugged her shoulders and only could add the cold-harsh truth.

"I realize all of that and I agree with you wholeheartedly; but something happened between those two; and the only key to the missing puzzle; to Tee's recovery is her. So you have to ask yourself; do you love Tina enough to let go a little of the control; and trust her to make the right decision this time around? Sometimes; we have to let go; even if it hurts us in the long run Porter; and it's just not fair to her; to have her hang on; to you like you're her life-support. Sometimes; people need to grow on their own and this is her one and only shot to living a normal life finally…" "I know; but what if she chose her back then and decides; what if that bitch; said she changed and picked her again?"

Porter gasps out tears; while her car moved again as Alice's voice resounded. "You need to let this play out Bette. You can't let her hide because you're afraid of the outcome. Trust Tina and your love; to know she'll choose you." Her eyes scanned the area and saw the Illusions gallery; a deep heavy sigh was released.

"This is it. I either go in there or go back to Tina which; would mean I'm selfish and scared; and those are traits I do not want Tina to love about me." Bette unbuckled her seat; while her tires slowed down; and found a close-parking meter; ready to confront one woman. The only woman that could help Tina or make everything worse; would be the questions one brunette would have to risk; in this journey of self discovery &amp; finally loving yourself first before you can ever love someone else.

CHAPTER 49*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – WRITING IN MY 'OWN' WORDS; LAKESIDE FACILITY JUST TEN HOURS AWAY FROM LOS ANGELES

Vividly those eyelids enclosed &amp; entranced; pictured that face; a face so beautiful &amp; natrualistic at best. "I need you to describe what you believe is beautiful. This is not a test Tina alright?" Dr. Elaine Stevens stated; stepping in for Elizabeth while she ran an errand not to alarm Ms. Kennard. Stress &amp; complications over how Helena fit into her world now; it broke her up inside they had to even question any of it. In her mind-set it was quite clear and an obvious choice. Blurred between reality &amp; what she still believed about Ms. Peabody; Tee still believed there is good in all people; even someone so cruel to her at one point. Eyes drenched in deep pain.

"I guess; I could just get over it already right? I mean; it was all back in High School." Christina paused. The notebook taunted her; unsure of what to write or say at this point. In those days; it came naturally to write down all of her pain and yet it still didn't prevent these scars from developing; into the real-forms. Tears smeared that rosy-cheeked face while sunlight barely peeked through the tallest tree-40 feet tall up in the bluest skies. Magnicifent as a sight as this was; it still wasn't comparable to one tall Bette Porter. Her nose wiggled and missed her favorite surgeon; slash-doctor friend; slash so much more perhaps? It made her tingle to believe if she and her could ever be more than just 'kissing' friends at this point. Rattled by a pack of birds that flew; right past her up above. Her notebook fell and unvieled the unwritten pages. Fingers flicker while her pen was undone and brought the pieces of paper closer to her seated-position. Echoes of that voice returned while a smile graces that naturalistic complexion; in no need of make-up at all.

"I love you; darling Tina. Even if you cannot see it or believe me when I tell you this and I know it's so much more now; but all looks and super-ficial crap aside. I do; I Elizabeth Porter; will love you until the end of time. I just need you to trust me when I say all I do is for you; to help you and make sure you know I'm here no matter what happens. I and you made a pact and I intend on seeing it through until the end alright?" Convinced for years; years her voices were right; it a lot of strength to believe another voice. Though; through those angelic-brown eyes she started to believe a little more and more each and every day it seemed.

Tenderness; was her last memory; before she woke up this morning to find her favorite surgeon gone. "I love you; Bette. I wish I could be all of the things you see in me." Her tears spilled over. The laughter returned and turned her face away. "I mean; does she even remember me? I guess not. Does anyone remember that day?" Her voice laughed again more horribly than ever before while those tears released.

"Of course; I still remember." Too small to matter back then it all came flooding back to her. The horrible night she &amp; Helena had an 'encounter' as she lightly put it the next-morning; at the café; hangout where Tee was left to sulk. The most horrific night of her life; was just another joke to everyone else; especially one gal' she didn't think could get anymore cruel; but looks can be very decieving indeed.

MANNER HOUSE OF AMUSEMENT &amp; PARK RIDES; SENIOR CLASS LAST BIG BLOW OUT PARTY; CLASS OF 01'

Eyelids drowned; while that pen wrote; and wrote. "I should have turned around. I was so stupid &amp; niave back then; and desperate for Helena's attention at this point." Peabody; stepped out from the kitchen where Brenda &amp; Jodi had been; while her eyes set their sights on one particular blonde. I feel like those animals on the discovery channel; thrust into the wild and unsure of what I'm supposed to do at this point? I mean; do I dare to mingle or just shut up and keep to myself? Self-concious already about the over-head lighting; a football player ran into her. "Hey! What were you're going." He blurted outwards. His football knocked over a lamp-shade. Her glasses were fixed while Jimmy Wilkins asked confused. "Hey; who invited this geek to the last party of the year eh? I'll have you thrown out of here so fast…" He groans when he felt a nail at his neck. "Ouch! Alright! I get it bitch!" He shrieked while the nail stopped it's pinching.

"The girl is with me." Helena stated while that mouth was left agape. The cleavage was a bit exposed and felt a little bit of drool at the side of her lip.

"Tina? Are you alright love? Did you want a beer?" She asked the disheleved girl out of place already. Mama M and J said specifically; no alcohol and yet her better judgment was left at the front of the door-entrance. "I WOULD LOVE A BEER HONEY; AND CHIPS." Jekins yelped while Helena rolled her eyes. "Get it yourself; like you do with your hand on other aspects too. Bye; assholes." Helena stormed off with Tina in toe; upstairs. The roars from downstairs; over two girls kissing; while Jodi and Brendna were unware of where their friend just left off too.

Seconds later; laughter rung out of those exhausted lips; while Tee huffed and puffed. "This is insane; the way you talked to those guys. I would have been clobbered if I had spoken that way to anyone…" Christina couldn't finish her sentences. Helena lunged at her; in a feverish need.

"I want you; you have no idea how much the whole glasses; and a blonde turns me on so much; Chrissie." Helena exclaimed while Tee felt uncomfortable. Those hands found themselves; ready to unclasp the bra. While her eyes felt watery; and tried to walk away. "No; Helena! I just wanted to talk to you." She exclaimed while Helena shook her face. "We can talk when we're both dead. I want you; Tina. I mean; you do realize what this all means right?" Chrissie; just shook her face and walked to the edge of the bed.

"My Mama M &amp; J said to have fun; but I doubt they had this in mind…" Tina felt Helena push her down on the bed. "Alright! I didn't get it before. Though; this whole innocent act works for me too…" "It's not an act…get off." Tina shrieked while Helena tore a bit at the shirt and found something. The faint light that peered through the room just now; shed light on a darker secret. A secret she tried to hide for so long; while Jodi covered her mouth. "Gross; she has an ugly scar." Brenda gasped in laughter while Helena sat up; shaking her head side to side.

"Did you do that to yourself?" Tina had tears welling up; as she fled. Helena sat there bewildered; unaware of the two jerks that would interrupt them.

"What a freak." "You wanted that? She's like Frankenstein." Jodi commented while Helena arose; angered. "Shut the fuck up; you two. I swear you're both such assholes. I need to catch up to her…" "Do you really? I guess you're just like her then? A cutter lover?" Jodi angered stated while she felt a slap.

"Never talk to me again." Helena exclaimed.

Out of the trance; totally unaware of Helena's anger over Jodi and Brenda's sudden interruption; she wondered what her presence in Los Angeles still meant for the two. "I love Bette; I do." A tear rolled down her face; while she continued to write; and awaited the brunette's return. If she only knew; she'd get to see someone; she still longed to see; and needed to realize the difference between love and idolization.

CHAPTER 50*

Hardened &amp; still like this pavement side-walk; still as fragile at times as pieces broke off to the sides. Her eyes squint at daylight while she searched and searched. No resolution would come to a great point she believed while fear; fear drove her on this conquest to search for her loves 'past' once and for all. Convinced years ago; she was this ugly duckling by the awful and evil hands of one Helena Peabody; I just can't help but to wonder why she'd go through all of that trouble? Why belittle someone; if you didn't even remotely care at all about them? Unable to grasp Chrissie's past with bullying &amp; torturous hell; that torment left her crippled to society; to hide away the rest of her years alone it appeared. Darkened and locked in a shell inside of herself; that room zapped back into her mind-set. Flashbacks; harsh memories made her fidget. "I'd bleed; I bleed for you; to feel something and I cried because all I could think was how much of a disappointment I was to you." Elizabeth pivoted her head while a tear went astray.

"I'll either regret this next move or it'll finally free her of all of this crap; once and for all." Lizzie; took one giant step towards the front-entrance. Quietness surrounded the modest &amp; yet very larger than life gallery; naked flesh water-paintings were displayed in the front while abstract art was off to the distance. Her heels were the only sounds against the newest hard oak floors; very well maintained and polished. Angelic Hazel orbs sauntered back into her mind-set while wind freely tresses into those golden-locks of strands. Mainly; their reasons for the outside venue was for the ocean-view from afar; but also because of the fact wind &amp; ocean seemed to keep her calmer than anything else. The dark reminded her of horrific times and started to see it had to do with one Peabody; in particular. An eyebrow arched; while a picture was proudly; displayed. Her face shook side to side dismissively; while she read on in pitiful fashion.

"Once I learned our eyes carry us; guide us; they are the beholders and help us understand everything clearly. Our minds are enriched when we see art. Art isn't just a fancy painting; it isn't just a piece of collectables you stack away into a room; to later sell off. No; art is a part of all of us; we share it every day; with people we desire; are friends with and want to reacquaint ourselves with down the road from here in our journey called life." Bette laughed. The brunette turned around and stared at the art-work and shook her face unimpressed.

"Please; tell all of this to my Tina." Bette scoffed and finished the last bit of the gibberish. "It's a never ending thing; this so called fad; artwork; we always have to re-see the things we once threw away; perhaps that person you threw away; a piece of art? I don't know; I just know I seize the artwork in my life; it's not just something you hang up on a wall to make things pretty; artwork is all around us; all around us; indeed." Helena Peabody

The brunette rolled those chocolate orbs exasperated by this whole ordeal and wanted to leave.

"Hello?"

A voice called out to the brunette.

Heels clicked closer; and closer while Elizabeth knew it was now or never to flee; and leave her secret to where the blonde was now; and if she wanted this scoundrel to help her at all.

"Can I help you? Do you like what you see?" The voice appeared to sound very close; while eyelids closed turning around to come face to face; to whom it would hopefully be Ms. Helena Peabody.

If she only knew; sometimes you have to face demons from the past to help those you love move on to a healthier way of life; while one woman vowed to do all she could to help the love of her life; recover from her past's truths once and for all.

CHAPTER 50- Part 2

PEABODY ILLUSIONS GALLERY – SHOWDOWN FINALLY &amp; ONE WOMAN AWAITS A SURPRISE REUNION

Rendered quite speechless; four seconds had flown right by before two-words were even spoken again. Eyelids flicker once more as Ms. Peabody; opened her mouth to speak once again. This gallerist in complete disarray; not quite sure on how to sell-art or why she was still in this woman's vincinity; she needed to make her Mummy proud indeed. "I have quite an exstensive collection of Mr. Allenwoods work in my home. I think this piece is quite powerful don't you agree Ma'am?" Helena swallowed hard while Bette cringed at the word 'Ma'am chosen. Those chosen words made her immediately hate this woman with much more fiery intentions. Hair shook side to side while Porter seemed little impressed with the art-pieces in the gallery. "It's all rather pedestrian if you ask me." Ms. Sassy Doc; surgeon Porter paces around the room while a naked woman stood in the middle of the showroom. It peeked some interests; and realized a man had made the sculpture. It appeared distasteful and glared at this piece objectively; eyebrows curled upwards. A pair of eyes peeked at the sudden observations of her gallery while a voice echoed.

"It's rather pedestrian? Are you kidding me right now?" Helena scoffed outright insulted. Bette laughed it off. "Yes; do you need a hearing aid?" A smirk appeared while Hel had an agape expression. Peggy; quite pleased with this exchange kept on lingering; excited her daughter was challenged by someone else for once. "You think you can cut it in the art world; you'll need to learn how to tackle early on harsh criticism even from a potential buyer oh dearest daughter of mines." Porter glosses around the showroom while Helena was exasperated. The suit and tie of this brunette while hands indicated she wasn't married and assumed she was anal; because she was still singer and bitter about it. A smile smeared across her face; soon she'd find the blonde one and too fight the long and lonely nights of insomnia. Dark eyes glanced on over that direction of a failed art-titan while she shook her head dismissively.

"I have no idea what she ever saw in you." Bette muttered quite boldly. Hel raises an eyebrow; while Bette looked around. "I am sorry; do I know you or something?" A questionable stare was given while Porter shook her face. Her bottom lip frowned a little at the notion she'd know someone so self-centered upon their first-encounter together. Eyes glared at the buyer; and looked at her quite angrily. "If you do not wish to buy a thing; then I need to ask you to leave then." Helena turned her heel while Bette touches the sculpture.

"Really; you don't even want to guess why I am here Helena?" Bette guessed while the brunette turned around. An eyebrow rose while Peggy was intrigued by the minute. Face to face; Bette feathery touched the piece of art-work and walked up to this once shallow teenager; that had caused so much demise for one woman in her life now. Eyes squared off. "Do you dare to ask me why I am here again; Helena?" Bette scoffed while arms crossed. "Excuse me; who the hell are you? Huh? You just waltz into my gallery and ask me questions? I want to know who the hell you are lady; huh? Who the hell are you to come in here and badger me?"

Helena questions while Bette shook her face; her mouth went agape to reply; as Peggy spoke up. "Child; please go and take a chill-pill. This is MY gallery; but you must have been mistaken since you barely arrived like a second ago; after you failed like you always do in every endeavor you try to do." Bette gasps; suppressing laughter while Helena shrieked.

"GOD; DAMMIT MUMMY; I AM TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION HERE; I DO NOT NEED YOU TO SPY ON ME LIKE I'M SOME UNTRAINED LAPDOG ALRIGHT?" Peggy laughed while amused at this sudden turn of events. Bette glared at Helena and looked at Peggy quite warmly.

"Hi! I'm Bette Porter; and you are Ms?" Peggy extended a hand to Porter. "Hello; Ms. Porter; I am Helena's mother unfortunately;" The brunette giggled it up while Helena got into Bette's face quite annoyed.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? DID SOMEONE SEND YOU HERE FROM NEW YORK? IS THAT IT HUH?" Helena yelped in an angerious fit while Bette crossed both arms.

Quite pleased she glared at this scoundrel up and down in utter-disbelief. "I'm Bette Porter;" "Yeah; you said that already; who are you though; besides your name…" Eyes smiled while she revealed the truth simplistically; so the brunette could absorb it all quite boldly in-fact.

"Fair enough; if had allowed me to finish; I would have stated I'm Tina Kennard's girlfriend;" The brunette smirked quite defiantly while Helena swallowed hard in return. It took five seconds to absorb the words; those words chosen while it felt so cruel. The alpha titan surgeon glared at Helena once again and looked at the art-pieces surrounding them both. "It's quite ironic if you think about it."

British eyes glared at her; quite in shock still while all she could muster up; was a rather dry reply. "Huh?" Hel; still dumbfounded at this revelation; while Bette had no remorse for the woman that had hurt Tina all those years ago in-fact. "Oh; I mean someone as shallow as yourself; into the art-world. I didn't think someone of your prestige &amp; confidence could appreciate just really looking at things; I mean after the way you treated the love of my life in High School in-fact. I didn't think a small brain like yours could appreciate true-beauty when it walks right passed you. Though; then again I benefited from your shallow; distastefulness eh? I mean; I got the girl and you're all alone; reduced to Mummy's punching bag eh? Oh girl; you sure have quite made a lot for yourself eh?" Bette finished while Helena had fists made up.

Peggy stepped in. "Alright! Settle down girls." "You have some nerve; Tina is with no one. I didn't see her with no one when I bumped into her recently." Helena stated while Bette knew; deep down inside Tee wouldn't like 'her' to define their relationship; no it was up to the both of them now; and she needed to rectify this once and for all. "If Tina is so happy &amp; and in love with you then; why the hell are you here then? Go and be happy with her; and stop chasing the past." Helena tried to walk away; while an arm was grabbed.

"Oh no; not so fast;" "Excuse me; you unhand me at once or else…" "I guess that means you don't want to see your old pal Tina then?" Eyes darted back and forth while Helena right out came out with it. "Alright; what is the real reason you're here Ms. Porter? What have you done with Tina?"

Bette swallowed her pride and tried to let that slide. "I didn't do a thing;" "Bullshit; did you hurt her; if you so as touched her or treated her awful…I'll cut your tits off…" The brunette sarcastically laughed and replied quite angrily.

"I didn't hurt Tina; no you did that all by yourself." Bette declared while Helena took a step back. A step back to reflect; did she know about their whole past; did something spur Tina's outburst in the café; was she so in trouble she needed her to get out of this dark pit of despair. A lot of thoughts swam inside of her mind while one woman thought. "Ugh; what have I done? I hope to not regret this and lose Tina forever." If she only knew; a choice would be made; while one woman would go through a self discovery journey; to finally love herself before she could love anyone else in the process indeed.

CHAPTER 51

PEABODY ILLUSIONS GALLERY – I'VE BEEN LOSING SLEEP; DREAMING OF THE THINGS WE COULD BE – DAY CONTINUED

Jig-sawed and pulled apart at the seams it seemed; appearing quite disheveled over such revelations about one mysterious blonde in a lot of ways; back in the day. Helena tapped danced in circles while Mrs. Peabody arched an eyebrow at her daughter quizzically. Arms crossed angrily; while Ms. Elizabeth Porter stifles to angrily spout off from the mouth. Instead she decided to use her intelligence to win this battle against pure-evil. "I hate you; all you did for just kicks in high school Helena; it was plain and downright cruel. You humiliated her at every turn and chance you had." Bette paused while Helena scoffed while memories crept backwards; backwards as the scars were left exposed.

"Did you do that to yourself?" Tina shaken; light had appeared. The scars tried to immediately cover up but the laughter &amp; exposure had been done. Helena sat there in silence as Brenda &amp; Jodi had mocked the Kennard to tears; running away to never see her up-close again. I had heard rumors; rumors from other kids about her cutting herself. I didn't want to believe that about such a seemingly normal looking gal' like Tina. Helena shook her face as Bette angrily; yelped now.

"DID YOU HEAR ME AT ALL? YOU MOCKED HER; AND KEPT ON TAUNTING HER UNTIL SHE HAD NO MORE CHOICES. YOU CALLOUS BITCH TO STAND THERE AND JUST IGNORE ME." Bette stepped up to the plate; while Peggy stepped in. "Is that the way of it Helena? Did you personally seek out this 'Tina' to taunt and humiliate as sport? Eh; I thought I raised you better than this dear girl." "Raised me; you're so quick to act like mother of the year all of sudden; just because you want to suck up to this little 'Miss' perfect over here." Helena scoffed. Her arms were crossed while memories zapped back like a haunting reminder of her part in it all.

Candace; was chewing gum; while there was no sign of the Kennard girl; at graduation. It had been two-weeks; she had passed by her house in the car and no sign of her outside or whatsoever. "Is it really true? Scary scars and shit all over her arms; and legs; is it true she tried to give herself plastic surgery?" Ignorance could really be Candace's paradise; while Helena just stood there bewildered. Her name was called up; while one girl that deservingly; deserved to stand with her class; chose to miss out and have her diploma mailed to her; instead. Judith and Mary; never understood why; never had any concrete proof; or facts about the horror their little baby girl had gone through. Helena zapped out of it and muttered. "It is my entire fault; I never meant to see them. I just wanted to be with her; all of them kept on with their 'rants' about how mundane; modern my life would have been with Tina." A tear went astray as Bette looked at her utterly; unsure of how to feel at this moment. Anger and jealous were two emotions she felt strongly at this point in time.

"I mean; you think you know someone but you never really know their pain. I really thought she knew I cared about her enough not to resort to such tactics." Helena says without really thinking about her wordings. Porter's eyebrows arched while Helena shook her face.

"Tactics; are you FUCKING kidding me right now? You call a blade to the flesh tactics; you call your cruelty to her love? Is this some sick and twisted joke you all had pegged onto her? All because she wasn't in the 'in' crowd; well let me tell you something bitches. If Tina and I were in the same high school or college; I wouldn't have EVER dreamt of some of the 'tactics' you and all of the other heifers played on her. I love that woman and see to make all of this right with or without your help." Peggy looked at Helena while Bette turned to leave.

An arm was pulled on. "I never intended on her to get hurt. I wasn't the one that ever played tricks on her; it was always Brenda; Jodi or Candace; they were the ones that caused' this entire ruckus to occur." Flabbergasted &amp; appalled she took no blame in it all while a throat swallowed hard.

"I surely didn't help matters to point out the scars; it's just…it took me by surprise. She's such a beautiful girl;" Helena paused while a tear fell. "A beautiful woman now; more so than ever and I could have been the reason she'd do that to herself. I never wanted to her to hurt her Bette. I loved her and still do very much. I still love her and want to make her understand I never hated her back then. I need her to understand that."

Elizabeth swallowed hard while Helena replied quite sincerely. "I know she's with you now; but don't you owe it to her since you love her so much for me to just tell her all of this? Doesn't she deserve the chance to choose and make up a final decision; obviously whatever you've been trying to do to help Chrissie; really hasn't been helping?" Bette made a fist while Peggy stepped in and grabbed a hold of the fistful hand.

The brunette felt the tender hand while Peggy loosened her up. "Dear girl; it's about time this girl made her own choices; as much as you want to protect her now; it's up to Tina now right?" Helena watched Bette become unglued and cried; while Peggy grabbed a hold of her. Helena saw the evident love there and knew; for Tina's sake to step aside; but she still needed to see her to see if there was still a shot. A shot at rekindling something that never quite got off the ground. The only question remained how would Tina feel about a final choice? Or was the choice obvious all along; but it just took someone new to show her the beauty within; stay tuned to a decision that will definitely make you rock back and forth in your chair indeed.

CHAPTER 52*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – I WON'T LET YOU DOWN ANYMORE; A FINAL CHOICE? – DAY TURNED INTO NIGHT

Curious orbs darted back and forth; silent and stillness surrounded all corners of these walls. No gates; no locks; no guards; no one to tell her it wasn't okay to flee from here. Eyelids flicker while in the longest time it seemed there was no clock or voices to tell her what to do with herself. Finally; alone outside with her thoughts; a reawakance happened all over again. Tears welled up; suddenly in realization this had only occurred once more in her entire lifetime. Powerfulness; gentleness to it all; lips; so soft to the touch like a magentic pillow in-fact. Denial &amp; hopelessness; I had been swept adrift for so long; so long just trying to gain a life-raft it seemed. I had always wanted someone to save me a little. And I always assumed that other person; standing across from me; or just on the other side of the life-raft would be a different person. A tear fell astray while Helena used to be that person; and as much as she liked to believe that were still true on some level. It just didn't feel that way anymore; where it counted inside of her soul &amp; heart. Little shivers crept in and out of her; slithering down her spine as a weird and ominous feeling gave her chills. It brought back some of those same fears; fears she couldn't even explain anymore in-fact. Saturation of pain and grief came to shore again; upon that face. Distance had been removed; whenever she thought of Helena; unsure of why she needed to see her again still. "I don't still care about her; do I? I mean; I love Bette. Bette has been the one by my side through all of this hell. The truth about my cutting; my horrible BDD and of course my way of dealing with it all was to end my life; but she was at the other side. Her hands; her body; her mouth; everything about her is my life raft and I spat on that. I kicked her to the curve nearly; nearly blew it all because I was selfish. I wanted to die at that point upon seeing Helena again; and I didn't know how to handle it." Her nose wiggled; while she looked out of the window. Her roommates Debra &amp; Joanne; both patients for nearly three months; suffering from anorexia &amp; BDD as well; it put a lot of her own pain into perspective when she heard the horror stories; of how family &amp; friends had turned their backs on them. A tear fell knowing; realizing she had someone on her corner; someone to love and care for her after all.

"I'm not lost in the sense I know; I know; there is someone there for me that loves me as much as I love them." Tee thought while she released a deep &amp; heavy sigh.

Tear droplets fell while her notebook fell onto the bed. "I'm so exhausted; but I find myself unable to sleep without you." A tear fell upon her nose. A shadow; appeared in the doorway. Tears continued to fall as her whole body shook and trembled; she felt cold all of a sudden. Tee felt so much pain &amp; grief over how she talked to Bette and how she could repair it. She knew; she knew Bette loved her and of course didn't want Helena. "I need her to know it though; I could say it until I'm blue in the face and I still need to reassure her I no longer need Helena. I love you; Bette. I love you. I do not want Helena. I just…wish I had some closure; closure is all. I swear it." Tee clasped to her pillow; looking at the moonlit night.

Fingertips dangle at the sides of hips; unsure of whether to enter in the dim-lit room. A tongue slithered over her dry lips at this point; thirsty and in need of a taste of Tina Kennard. "I can do this." The voice evoked inside of their mind-set. So much jitters took over one dishevled &amp; nervous woman.

"I do love you; I love Bette. I just need you to believe in me; us. Believe me; believe me when I tell you all of this; even though you can't hear me." A tear fell astray; wondering if the brunette would return by tonight. "I'll make this alright for us; especially for you Tina. My dearest and sweetest Tina; you deserve all of the happiness in the world; even if it's not with me." "Why would she even say; not even if it's with me? Who else; who else could I ever find happiness with? I love Bette. I love her and only will love Bette. Helena is in the past."

"Tina;" A voice trembled in the near distance while a tear fell astray. Her knees felt wobbily; while the shadow off in the distance clutched at her heartstrings; unsure of what to do next. All she could do was mutter the truth; all of the truth she could say at this moment.

"I love you; too Tina." The voice said moving in closer; as Tina turned around. Her pillow fell while the person walked closer and closer to her; the only question remains; would there even need to be a choice; or was it clear after all?

CHAPTER 53*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – AM I TOO LOST TO BE SAVED? – NIGHTFALL

The moonlight; focuses all of its energy; and light into one particular room; at this moment in time. Eyelids batted at least fourteen times; those jittery hands swung at her hips. Eyelashes; moisten at the mere image; an image she had been hopeful to catch a glimpse of; uncertainly started to weigh heavily on one woman in particular. Curly cues; Kennard stood there frozen for a momentarily second; while words softly vocalized out of the woman. "I am sure; you're probably wondering how in the hell did I find you; eh?" Helena shuffled her feet against the tiled floor; in the hallway. Eyes moisten from afar; scared of how Tee would react to this sudden surprise in suspenseful events. Kindred spirits; I often wondered; and I kept on thinking on the way up here; if there is a possible way; for the heart to mistake human emotions? Kennard gasped; sharply; quite loudly; while Helena stood back. "I'm sorry; if you'd like me to leave; I'll show myself out alright? I just came in good faith; I do love and care so much about you; Tina." Hel paused while Tee stood there. Her mouth fell agape; while her voices helped her get the words out Tina so desperately; wanted to tell the girl years ago; that broke her all up inside.

Ms. Peabody; felt on pins and needles; while Bette motioned for her to take it slow. "ARE YOU KIDDING; BITCH? YOU MADE A FOOL OF US; TELL HER TINA." Kennard felt chest-pains of anxiety while Bette shook her face. "This isn't a good idea. I shouldn't have done this to her. I need to go in there." Bette tried to retreat to the front entrance of Tina's room but felt motionless; when Helena saw Tee step forward to her; stalled position. Tears fell astray; while Kennard walked in baby-steps; while she repeated; repeatedly; time and again; after time; in sheer strength.

"I can do this. It's called baby steps; Bette said." Tina yammered to herself softly; while Helena saw those feet firmly planted in-front of her path. Green gem stone eyes; stared at her like she was an enemy to her; no longer having her hearts desires. Helena gasped; quite sharply; while Bette swallowed hard. "Here it comes; my funeral of losing Tee forever; or her telling Helena Peabody; off…" Bette paused while Tee gathered enough; strength and slapped Helena hard.

"HOW FUCKING; DARE YOU; YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOWING UP HERE; WHEN YOU'RE THE REASON I'M SUFFERING AT ALL. I HATE YOU; HELENA." Helena shrieked in tears. Tina stood there while the tears succumbed. "I felt so hopeless; you let those girls belittle me. I did NOTHING to you all. I was a human and you all spat all over me; and you looked at me like I was a monster; when you saw my scars; you laughed at me didn't you behind my back?" Tina slapped her again while Helena looked in the direction of Porter. Tee's eyelids moisten while Bette stood there. Her hands dangle at her hips; while Christina glared at Helena.

"Why; why are you here? Did they send you; to finish the job? Are you not satisfied anymore? Do you want my blood written with your name on it too?" Tina shrieked while Bette raced on over.

"Tina; settle down now; alright?" Elizabeth tried to grab a hold of the blonde while Helena stepped aside. "I didn't come here to be slapped about; I wanted to help Tina but I see I am only making it all worse." The brunette tried to flee; while Elizabeth failed in trying to grab a hold of the blonde.

"Ooh; I no longer matter to you; am I too damaged; fucked up for you? You're all that eh? You're too good for us little; small time folks right? I am no worth to you; because you've seen me already right? I am this hideous monster because of you and you're to blame for it." Tina gasps exasperated. Bette looked at her and shook her face. Helena stepped forward; while a tear drizzled against her cheeks. "I am so sorry; if I ever made you feel like you're not worth it Tina. I was a stupid; heartless; teenager; that cared only about myself at the time. I really did care for you; I will always care for you; I will always carry a piece of you in my heart because I do; still very much love you." Helena gasps; while the tears fall even faster. Bette tried to recollect herself while she closed her eyes.

"I'll leave you both alone." Bette tried to flee; while Tee grabbed a hold of her arm. It felt like a reflex; at this point. Their souls were joined and there was no way; no way Helena would weasel her way back into her life; yet again. "You're so beautiful; you really are." Helena pleaded while Tee shook her face.

"I never felt beautiful with you; though. I just felt not good enough; and besides;" Tina paused while a tear fell while she looked straight into the most beautiful brown eyes she could ever adore; and love. "I already have someone; on my corner; someone I'll forever be grateful for; because she doesn't try to change me; she just tries to make me better." Tina swallowed while Helena only nodded.

"Is that it then? Did you call me here to get my clock cleaned?" Helena asked Bette while Porter swallowed and looked at Tina.

A tear fell from Chrissie's face as Porter tried to explain. "Listen; sweetie; I know what you're going to say;" Elizabeth gasped while Tee grappled onto her; for a tighter grip.

Those salty; warm tears fell against their cheeks while Tee leaned in a bit further. "You did all of this? So; I could get closure; even if…" "Even if;" Bette interjected; gasping in elation and overwhelming; tears; while Helena gasps; heartbroken. "I should leave you two girls to it." Helena turned around while she felt a tug at the sleeves.

"Helena;"

The voice still brought her to Helena's knees; turning around. "Thank you." Tina simply; stated. In a long road ahead; for one woman; it would take a lot more; for her to see herself in the way others do. Though; as anyone else; that suffers from these distorted images of themselves; a little closure came a long way; indeed.

"No; I do not deserve your thank you; Tina. If there is anyone; that you should be thanking; it should be that one right there; goodbye and good luck to you both." Helena exited while she hit her head against the wall.

"I fucked that up. I shouldn't have let her believe all of these things about herself. I should have done something; if only; if only I hadn't listened to those stupid girls. Tina and I could be together; and instead it's with someone else." She exited; the facility; while Bette stood still. The quietness took over the room; while one woman said goodbye to her past; if she only knew a brighter future would be ahead for two women after all; very soon.

CHAPTER 54*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – NO ONE COMES CLOSE TO YOU &amp; I; NIGHT FALL CONTINUED FOR TWO HEARTS

Caution &amp; so many thoughts swam through one woman's heart &amp; mind at this present moment. Night had cascaded throughout the dim-lit room. Little moments of light had appeared to her; while those green gem stones appeared so heavenly; to one Elizabeth Porter. Feet shuffle against the rug floors; while cautionary measures needed to be taken. Helena might have been gone for the hills but this didn't mean it was all figured out either. Little sprinkles; those tear droplets moisten such a face; a face that had seen her fair share of ugly; but it wasn't on Tina's reflection staring back at her at times. No; it was those people back in High School; that were ugly to her; all of those kids in Jefferson High; that were ugly scoundrels; out to get her and now she knew that. Porter grapples with her messed up thoughts while she proceeded the last twenty four hours; in the order it all happened while her confrontation with Helena wasn't a fist fight. It appeared Tee was strong enough to let go; let go and move on from this painful chain of events. Cycles; whether or not it was a good idea to bring Helena here; I see it now in her; she needed to hear all of those things; Helena had to say to her. And I; as much as it was hard for me to hear her confess her undying feelings &amp; love to my Tina; I realize; Tee needed to hear it from her too. Elizabeth swallowed hard while her voice cracked up a bit. "I can explain if you; needed an explanation baby?" Those beautiful chocolate orbs; shined against the naturalistic light so heavenly. Bette Porter; appeared so tall and strong; in her power suit while it made one woman swoon at the mere thought of her; this woman really in reality; all hers in-fact. Helena's words were a shock to hear and yet it all didn't seem to shake her beliefs or self truths. The simple fact of the matter was; her heart had been stolen away from another and no longer needed Helena Peabody; in her life. "I would; but Bette;" Tee curls an eyebrow while she stepped forward. The space between them was too much to bear.

Yearning &amp; love illuminated one woman's undeniable radiate face; so exquisite to the touch. Those chocolate orbs looked at Tee's and barely felt that breath on hers. "Today;" A grumble was heard while Bette giggled a little. Tee curled an eyebrow while Porter quietly tried to apologize; "I'm sorry; what did you want to tell me baby?" A finger-tip was placed over those reddened ruby lips; while trembles could be felt all over Christina's body. The magnetic pull these two women had over the other was quite extraordinary to say the least. Eyes; green eyes; the greenest she's ever seen stare right back at her reflection shined in Tina's orbs. Her reflection could be seen in those chocolate covered orbs and she didn't mind it at all. It's all quite extraordinary; how when lovers say; in your reflection I feel 'beautiful' it isn't just a myth is it? Tee cleared her throat while she softly vocalized with all of her heart. "I used to tell myself; to get the 'girl' I had to be someone else; or look like someone else; completely different from me." Tee looked down. Porter shook her face while that chin was lifted up. "You never made me feel like I had to be someone else; like she did. You accepted me; you brought me into your entire world without a second thought or question. The whole fact I suffered from BDD; didn't even scare you away; it made you a lot stronger &amp; appealing to put up with me and my antics. I mean; what woman would want to put up with me in public? You never once ever looked annoyed or angered by my mental illness; all you ever tried to do was just love me as I am. And Bette; you'll never know or realize it but I'm going to tell you anyways; you are…" "I love you." Porter swallowed while she interjected into a sea of tears.

Those Hazel tear-ducts filled up; swimming in a deep sea of elation while in the first time since she arrived here; she had smiled in the longest. That familiar grasp was felt while she evoked. "You were there; you put up with me and stuck around. I wasn't spat about or chewed up; and released like unwanted food. You always wanted me; you always showed me you gave a damn about me." Bette gasps while Tee replied lastly; "I love you; too Bette." Tee darted both eyes back and forth while the reaction from Elizabeth was illicit.

Immediately; a pair of arms swam across that lithe body; and pulled Tina closely. "Is this alright?" Bette gulped back tears while Tee began to cry. Porter shook her face and thought she needed to release her great love while she pulled her in for a kiss. A mouth attached to hers feverishly; unable to control herself any longer. Tears drizzled down the nape of that mocha body while bodies pressed in closer.

"I love you; there is no exception. I love you; I love you Bette. I want you; you've waited and been patient with me. I need you; I need you." Tina buried herself in those brown curls. Her lips; her lips pursed and felt a kiss upon the neck. Porter reacted to it and took the blonde by the face.

"Tina? Are you sure? Are you really sure; you're ready? I can wait forever; you know that right?" Bette asked her for some clarifications while the trembles; those trembles were still there. Though; as Helena's proclamations of truth had been revealed; a lot had to be figured out and yet. In this moment she wanted to no longer waste time like that scared little teenager did; and show the one she loved how much she did adore &amp; love her in return.

"I want you; I want this; all of it." Tina whispered while Bette shook. In fear; in fear it wasn't at all the right time and yet it all felt so right. The moment Helena had been given the exit it all felt so right in the moment. "I am scared." Elizabeth shocked Christina whom simply replied. "I'm more afraid of never loving you; and I cannot live another day without you and I need you tonight. Please; say you'll love me tonight &amp; forever; because you're the only person I want to make that leap for." Tina confesses to her while Dr. Porter lifted up the blonde. The soft mattress was felt against her knee; and whispered to her greatest love of her life.

"We'll go slow; together; alright my love?" She asked while Tee inched closer and kisses her. They both landed onto the bed; to take things slow; on a night the two would never forget indeed.

CHAPTER 55*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – AN ADULT STEP OR AM I STILL ON BABY STEPS? – NIGHT CONTINUED;

Rekindled hearts &amp; sparks flew; so bright and hard for one lion heart in particular. Chrissie; little Christina Kennard; no longer the shy gal she encountered once in her office; seemingly lost. In a lot of ways; both of us were alike; very similar in the sense I chased after skirts to get my kicks. Tina's numbness &amp; pain was an easier way for her to not deal with the realities around her; while she wallowed away; in that darkness; and I; I somehow am getting through to her after all? Porter's libido's and mind-set fight a never ending battle; and as much as she wanted to take it there. The making love part; would be easy for her to comply with; it was Tina's state of frame; and if she was indeed ready to take on such an act of inticmacy. Vanilla eyelids; shutter at the mere touches. Bette focuses all of her attention on a simplistic touch. "Tell me; tell me what really spurred all of this on? I know you; you know?" Helena's presence here; it had to have had some kind of effect. Whether or not it was a postive one; would be up to the good surgeon to determine in-fact. Tears scattered and slithered beyond that smooth neckline. An eyelid; closed while Tee looked away. Porter's stare was intense but kept her gaze upon one woman; nothing like a prey; no tactfulness; or agendas when it came to one Kennard in particular. Ready or not; it needed to be vocalized before anything further were to occur and new this huge responsibility; when it came to Christina. Those greener; than green gem stone eyes; stared at her like some kind of starlet.

"I love you; isn't that enough for you either? Or are you really like her too?" Tina questions. A second glance was given while she looked away. The once cage she locked herself up in. The lonliness; it was cold and wondered if she could ever return to it if the real-world didn't work out for her either. Bette's eyes watered; like a flower on a spring day; while she shook away all of her fears and went for it all. The core; the very cores of Tina's heart and wanted to know it all. The very ugly pasts and very present thoughts of one vanilla gem of a woman; the woman she very much loved. "How; how could you ever dare to question it?" A tear droplet fell. Greener than those trees outdoors; Tee scooted away; while Bette nodded in response and scotted inwards and placed both hands at the sides of Tina's bedside. "If you'd like me to go; if you change your mind. I just need you to know; it'll be alright. I love you." "I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU; TEEENAH! PLEASE GIVE ME MY BARF BAG ALREADY. ARE YOU REALLY FALLING FOR ALL OF THIS CRAP TINA? SHE JUST WANTS TO GET INSIDE OF YOUR PANTS. HELENA TRIED TOO; BUT YOU ARE SO WILLING TO LET THIS ONE IN WHY?" The voices returned momentarily. Tee shook her face while Bette looked down in utter pain and angrily; took a hold of the blonde's hand.

"Tell your voices; if they're trying to convince you otherwise; to fuck off! I love you; do you hear it voices; I LOVE HER. I HATE YOU BUT I LOVE HER." Bette honestly evoked. The farther; the voices left the sooner this goregous blonde returned to a sense of solace once again. Those tears succumbed while emptiness; seemed to disappear with each and every waking day in this brunette's presence. "How; how do you even put up with me? I am crazy; I am sure of it and you're still here. You put up with my verbal abuse and I still am not worthy of such a creature."

Tina sobbed while Bette shook her face. "What are you speaking about Tee? What verbal abuse? You've been nothing short of incredible &amp; lovely; I adore you. I do; and if you've changed your mind…" Those Hazel orbs darted back and forth. This familiarity; in recongizing; Tina's uncomfortableness but willingness to go through this. It spoke volumes; and Tee knew it just didn't 'feel' right just yet. Eyes moisten while a kiss was felt at her cheeks. "Maybe; maybe we just lie in bed?" Bette asked her while Tee sniffled.

"I am pathetic; aren't I? I am a twenty nine year old virgin and you're probably; no I know; I know you're regretful of EVER falling in love with the likes of me. I am a pathetic excuse for a woman." Tee exclaimed. Bette shook her face and grabbed that vanilla hand. Tee didn't flinch at the contact and felt that heart beat for only one heart in particular. Tears streamed down the nape of the mocha-neck-line.

"Love; love is supposed to be patient right? Well; I am a patient woman Tina Kennard. I see you; I see you alright and I DO NOT BELIEVE FOR A SECOND YOU WERE OR EVER WILL BE PATHETIC. IF ANYONE IS THE PATHETIC ONE; IT WAS THE WOMAN THAT LEFT HERE ALONE BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T STAND UP FOR YOU ALL OF THOSE YEARS AGO. I LOVE YOU; I KNEW IT THE MOMENT OUR EYES FIXATED ON EACH OTHERS. I KNEW IT THE MOMENT LIGHT SHINED UPON YOU. I KNEW IT THE MOMENT OUR LIPS MET FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. I JUST KNEW IT." Tee swallowed heart. "I love all of you." Bette whispered while Tee looked down and swallowed hard.

"I don't know if you will after what I have to tell you." Tina looked away; while Bette allowed a single tear to fall astray. "What? There isn't a thing in the world you couldn't tell me." Bette paused while the blonde took a deep breath and decided to let it all out there. "I have scars; Bette." "I know; we all do; it's what makes us human sweetie…" "No; you don't understand; Bette. I have real…scars." Tee looked away; in pain. The shame in herself when Helena looked at her like a hideous creature; she couldn't bear it if Bette did the same.

The brunette took the words in while Tina looked at her seriously. "They were the ones; the ones I cut so deep in myself; to numb all of the pain. I used to write these words and then cut myself. I cut myself to bleed; to show I was human to them but it didn't matter."

Bette shook the tears away while Tina looked away. Porter swallowed hard and looked Tina straight in the eyes. "I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN TO ME GOOD." Her voice cracked while she echoed it out loud. "I LOVE YOU; WITH SCARS OR WITHOUT SCARS ALRIGHT?" "I HAVE THEM BETTE…THEY DON'T GO AWAY OVER TIME…" "I realize that honey; I am just telling you; I love you with the physical scars or emotional ones. I love you to the exclusion of anyone or ANYTHING else. I love you; I think you are beautiful."

A tear fell astray while Tina shook while she exposed part of her upper chest. "Do you still find me beautiful? Do you find this hideous scar beautiful and desirable? Am I still worth all of this trouble?"

The surgeon took a moment to take in what she was seeing while the tears scattered. "I knew it." Tina tried to cover herself up while Bette places her hand onto those scars. The same scars; that she used to use to numb her heart. "Why; why did you cut there?" Bette swallowed hard while Tina said truthfully.

"I wanted to cup my heart open; to make me stop feeling." Tina cried while Bette took a hold of her. "I love you." "I don't need…." "I LOVE YOU; DAMMIT TINA; HELENA WAS NOT LOVE; IT WAS JUST AN EMPTY AND ONE SIDED WAY; OF HER NEVER STANDING UP FOR HERSELF OR YOU. SHE WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE WAS IF IT HIT HER IN THE FUCKING FACE. I HATE HER FOR DOING ALL OF THIS TO YOU. I HATE HER. AND; IT TOOK ALL OF ME; ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU; NOT TO GET A HOLD OF HER AND SMACK HER SILLY." Bette yelped while Tina hisses out breath.

"You hate her that much and still managed to not kill her on the way up here?" "For you; I did that." Bette swallowed hard and caresses the scars. "I think you're the most beautiful woman in all of the los angeles area; Ms. Kennard and if you'd let me. I can love you forever." Bette whispered while Tina kisses her. The two lost themselves; unsure if they could hold it in any longer; while passions ignites. In a special tale about finding yourself through the eyes of a woman that just loves you for you.

CHAPTER 56*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND; - PASSIONS IGNITE FINALLY!

Love; it makes the world make sense in a lot of ways; in ways a lot of people still cannot fathom at times. Elizabeth held her closer; so closely against her body. Sheets; they writhe while bodies closely merged into one. Tina's body had succumbed to the loving powers of one surgeon in particular. Helena Peabody; no longer a factor in their lives; she felt freer in a sense to let go; of all of the hatred; she had for her but also for herself. One omission; just one confession; was all it took for me to gain some type of control in my once shattered life again. Pain &amp; grief seemed to chase her around; like a flowing wind out of control. The tornado named one Helena Peabody; had vanished and the sun risen from the storms; those million storms she had to endure all alone; all along; she was the driving force to get to a better place. "I love you. There are no longer just words. I do love you; Tina Kennard." Bette softly evoked. Her nose pressed the nape of that vanilla flesh. It tickles underneath her soft feathery touches at times. It brought a sense of 'feelings' and 'alive' all at once to one woman that used to feel so dead inside and ungrateful to be here in a lot of ways. Nostrils flared while eyes; dialated but also showed a lot of warmth and passion behind them amongst her biggests fears underneath the very surface of Christina Kennard. The shy gal that entered Bette's practice; a simplistic procedure or encounter to some. In that instance it became anything BUT an ordinary day in both of their lives forever; changing two women's hearts &amp; mind-sets about plastic surgery; and change. Hazel looked straight into those deep brown orbs of chocolate. Caramel skin reflected off of the moonlit night. "I hated change." Tee crinkled her nose while hands massaged that hair into her tight grasp.

"Bette; what are you on about?" Tina asked a little confused. One minute she shared a sensusal kiss. Their tongues did a dance; while that talented surgeon flicked that love-organ right over hers so effortlessly. No beats or misteps between the two lovers; lovers ready to embark on something quite grand tonight. Bette Porter knew what the symbolism in tonight meant. They met in her office and now had come so far from that very beginning. The light shined in a little while Porter's smile widens. "I really didn't welcome it you know? Though; there you were; coming into my office and changed me; and my views on all of it. All it took was a real woman to show me what beauty; real beauty was; and it's all in you Ms. Kennard." Bette paused while Tee leaned in forward. Their hot breaths were closer to ever while nostrils flared. Elizabeth needed Christina more than ever tonight while a hand slipped in between her grasp.

"I hated change too; before you. I did but then I started to realize; if I am ever going to learn to ever love myself. I needed to fall in love with someone else to see myself through their eyes." Porter's eyelids flicker in quizzicalness. Tee licked her lips; nervously while Bette shook her face. An array of strands were moved away from that heavenly face; a face made of perfection and needed no surgery in those mocha orbs. In Elizabeth's mind-set she knew this woman was incredible; from the very entrance. "I asked myself; that whole day though." Bette paused while Tee felt a kiss upon the nose. "How does one person despise themselves so much to hide away like that?" Tee felt a little embarrassed; while Porter shook her face and leaned in a lot closer. "I didn't know it back then but you see. I am so very lucky Helena didn't get it either or was a coward. I wouldn't have ever treated you that way." Her partner's nose wiggled. "I know. I know you; Ms. Porter." "Bette;" "The love of my life; is that a lot better?" Tina whispered to her greatest confidant while lips attached.

Eyelids closed while Tina's body; responded to Bette's talented tongue. "I love you; Helena was an idiot." Bette responded to the breathless woman. Tee didn't mutter a word while finger; dabble onto the lithe backside of one Ms. Kennard. "You're such a gem. I am glad you're mines and I am all yours; if you'll take me?" Bette asked her while Hazel sparked like a forrest fire while eyes seized the moment. Porter lowered her head while finger-tips clasped onto her suit-shirt.

"I want to undress you. You can undress me?" Tina asked while Bette nodded. "I will take it slow; if I hurt you…you need to tell me alright?" Bette pleaded while Tee looked at her with the upmost honestly.

"Oh; you couldn't ever hurt me…" "Tina…" "Because you love me and I know you; and now you'll know all parts of me." Tina arose a bit and undid a little of her blouse. Her beautiful shapely breasts made Bette instantly wet. The shadows of the night while those nipples were lit up. Porter's mouth was lathered with her tongue while a hand was taken and brought onto the breasts.

"I am all yours tonight; if you'll take me?" Tina asked while Bette took a hold of her and brought her down. Her center responded while she moaned. "Are you alright?" Bette asked her while her same hands was brought down the valley; she only dreamt of entering. "Are you?" A smile was released while Porter kisses her passionately. The smell of arousal was new to Tina while her nose pressed onto Bette's neck. Her nostrils flared while fingers dragged against her vagina. "I am going to cum any second if you keep on that way." Porter grasped while Tina's slender hands massaged those breasts of hers. It arouses Bette and she liked it. She adored this brought the tiger out of her partner. "I have this effect on you?" Tina gasps while Bette lunged at her.

"You do; and so much more." Bette slowly brought her hands to her core. Tina gasps while a grin was expressed. The dark lit up night would shine while one woman would see for herself how her body and love unraveled one woman Elizabeth Porter to her core indeed.

CHAPTER 57*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – SKIN TO SKIN; NO MORE SADNESS; NIGHTFALL TURNED INTO A PASSIONATE ONE INDEED;

Entangled &amp; desirable all at once; all at the same time it frightened one Kennard; how simplistic and beautiful all of this could be. Though; a firery woman at heart down to her toes; Elizabeth was also gentle at times with her. "I love you;" Porter whispers with a husky tone; breathy feel to her demeanor. The sweat drenched her; from her forehead down the spine; that lithe chocolate flavored caramel skin; Tina swore on the inside. Heat rushes upon cheeks; just the mere thought of her orgasms; and pleasurable juices all the cause' for one surgeon over zealous with passion fueled intentions. It spurred a once shy gal onwards while vanilla hands reveled on that flesh. This shiny; immaculate flesh; all dressed up like a beautiful sculpture to one Tina Kennard. Chrissie paces herself while another shudder could be felt all throughout her body. That vanilla back arched upwards; hands slithered below the pelvic bone while one finger; slender and in true lesbianonic forms; dabbled into the pools of one woman; a woman so ready to embark on this special adult relationship; of hers. I dreamt of this sometimes; sometimes in my room in High School; of someone in particular; to love me in such a way; a way no one ever could. Kennard bursts all over that succulent and masterful tongue of her partners. This surgeon wiped her mouth quite proud and in victory; over Tina's release of lust &amp; passion.

"I came." Tina's mind swirls. Bette felt turned on by those words. The southern gal; looked quite delicious; like a dessert ready to be sucked &amp; devoured vigirously; throughout the night until morning' light arrives. Arises; are heat flushed cheeks while orbs searched the room. Dim lit while moonlight shed some light on those pair of breasts. Their shapes intrigued Tina's heart &amp; mind while a finger; instinctively; went for the prize so to speak. Bette sat up; quite exhausted and yet not at all ready to call it a night indeed. Those Hazel eyes darted back and forth between each round figure in complete and utter erotic intentions. Inspired; oceans roared outside while the window was slightly opened. The air tickeled their wet flesh while the scent of their sex could be whiffed between the pair.

Hair meshed up against that tearful face. A face; so unsuspecting to break down in such a passionate moment. It took one Christina by surprise; while Bette leaned in forward. "Are you absolutely sure you were ready for all of this? I mean; I never; ever; wanted to make you feel like you had to do this with me." Elizabeth gasps. Her heart and mind unraveled. The breasts met while Tina felt so turned on. Her eyes swam in the pools of desire while Bette really saw her. Since day one; she had instilled so much countless confidence in Tina to thread forward and never look back. "A wise woman once told me to take baby steps; make a chart of all of my goals and list them for her. Then; once I found the ultimate goal and completed it. I would find what would make me ultimately happy in the end of the day; and you know what Elizabeth Porter? I have found the very reasons; the very reasons I am here today; and you want to know why I'm still here baby?" A finger trailed down the path of Bette's backside. Elizabeth closed her eyes; while glasses fogged up. "I was so hidden away; like this lost treasure chest and I just needed someone to treasure me like a lost gem-stone." "You are; and so much more than that to me." Bette interjected while Tina just simply smiled up at her.

"I know; and this is why I gave myself to you;" Bette scrunches her nose while Tina whispered. Her legs wrapped up against the wet and sweaty abdomen. "I gave myself to you for the very first time and I am not upset or regretful of it. I just wish I had met you a lot sooner. Perhaps; perhaps I wouldn't have these." The scars were evident while Bette shook her face. "I do not care about the scars. I mean; you're so much more. I kiss you and see a woman that has been from hell and I want to bring you back with me to heaven if you let me? I think it's time it's angel came back home with me." Elizabeth replied while Tina flipped her over.

"See; that right there." Tina shook her face and smiled down at Bette in pride. "I am so lucky; to have you." Her head leaned downwards and proceeded to kiss the neck. "I am grateful to kiss you here." Tee whispered while Porter's groans became labored by the second. Tears formed in B &amp; T's eyes while both knew it was here to stay; their love. A love not quite like any other in-fact. Hearts emerged into one tonight while Tina slithered her way down.

"And kiss you here." Her head felt legs wrapped around the back of her head. "Ooh." Bette moaned softly to herself while Tina finally; finally got the girl. The girl she least expected while they finally make love; in a story about really finding yourself &amp; ending up with so much more in the process.

CHAPTER 58*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – I'M GOING TO LOVE YOU TILL THE END OF TIME; MORNING LIGHT APPEARS FINALLY;

In a sea of darkness once upon a time ago; shadows of the woman used to haunt her. Her body &amp; mind-set was withering away in pain so long ago. Helena had tried so desperately to reconnect and spout out lie after lie. It all seemed to disappear; once she realized; truly knew whom was by her side through thick and thin. Helena Peabody; what can I tell you about her? I used to care; I used to obsess about her; incessantly; irrationally; tried to change myself for her. I never cared about what was good for me; not when it came to her; no. Yellow illumination appears; it shimmers all over the exposed bosom. The chest heaves up and down. The sheer and shine of the sweat was a beautiful glistening piece of art-work to Tina's green gems; of orbs. Those gateways to her soul devoured up the sights. These sights that had treasured her sights since the very beginning; when they first met in her office. This once lothario; lonely; surgeon that used to change people; didn't want or care to change a piece of her at all.

"I know you loved me; I felt it the first time we laid eyes on each other." Tina confesses; quite heart-warming. It was evoked with so much heart &amp; warmth behind it. Tears splatter while eyelids awaken. The yellow light glittered; shimmered upon such a delightful sight for eyes. The chocolate orbs soaked up every inch of the vanilla body. Once upon a time ago; her face would have been hidden in a hoodie; or in her hands. Collectively; it was all a sheer victory; to get to where they were in this point in time. Christina lied naked; no sheets or barriers between them. The breasts lie against the soft mattress while the ass-cheeks glow; against naturalistic light.

Their scents of sex still lingered inside of their love nest while Bette Porter didn't want to leave. Even though; last night was passionate; illicit and beautiful; it all felt so unreal and unsure if they made the right decision. Her eyes dwelled while Tina felt this energy; and asked curiously. "Are we feeling sorry; already? I need to know you'll stick around baby. I need you; and you need to know something." Tee bit her bottom lip while Elizabeth felt tears.

The confidence in Tina's voice said it all and tried to grab a hold of her hands. Tina scooted a little; while her warmth glosses all over that face. "Every night I used to pray; Helena would come and rescue me. I realize now; that was all a mistake Bette. I realize; I realize now no one can save me but me. Though; I love you; and I know you love me. I just need you to never treat me like I'm fragile piece of glass alright? I am a human with feelings and you need…" "I am sorry." Bette scooted inwards and grabbed a strand of blonde hair into her grasp.

"You don't need to apologize to me…" "I do." Bette repeated while Tina quickly shook her head. She quietly observes while Tina darted both eyes side to side; in disbelief a woman of Porter's caliber could or ever would be this close to her ever. In reality; she knew this was real but still it was a lot to take in; in-fact.

Mocha hands instinctively; like magic; clock work glossed over that vanilla face while Tee closed her eyes. "My God; you are so beautiful; you know that?" Elizabeth began to cry. The tears melted against her face while a pair of lips attached themselves to hers quickly.

"I used to dream of a woman like you; and then you came true. I love you." "And I love you; and you never had to dream. I was the one that is lucky; lucky you came into my world; and you saved me." Tee shook her face while Bette grabbed a hold of her right hand and brought it closer to her heart sincerely; evoking from her heart of hearts.

"I am telling you the God Honest's truth here woman; I used to live my life like a lost soul; a lost puppy; never sure where I'd end up next. I just knew; I knew I was need and you saved me. I was broken up apart and you fixed me up; took my heart and mended it back together again and you showed me; you really did Tina. I know how to love because you taught me for the very first time it's okay to be myself; and vulnerable and only with you. It's all reserved for you; till the end of time will I only love one woman. I love you. I love you; Tina." Bette evokes while their tongues met. Tina's soft; feathery skin against Bette's bare chested heaving chests. They both climaxed at the feeling of their breasts massaging together so rapidly.

"I love you." Tina moaned into the kiss. Meanwhile two hearts linger in the bed; a doorknob; proceeded to move a little; while a pair of hearts explore one another again. Reality; would soon call them back but soon enough; they'd never be inseperable again; because love was here to stay; for two women that grown up; and learned what life was all truly about indeed.

CHAPTER 59*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – I JUST WANT TO FLY AWAY WITH YOU; MORNING LIGHT REVEALS REAL TRUTH FINALLY!

Heavenly orbs; dazzled her like a fine piece of artwork; perfectly painted or designed; shaped; molded into one. It all seemed to make so much sense. Helena's words had settled in her mind while a pair of arms were wrapped up around her. This creature; this once disheleved soul had found peace &amp; a home; a love to call her own finally. I see it all clearly; so clearly; I deluded myself into believing all of those naysayers. Jodi; Brenda &amp; Candace; all were just insecure themselves. I was not or never was an ugly duckling and I am starting to realize it now more than ever. Incredible illumination sparkled in and out of the room while eyelids fluttered open. This goregous woman was still inside of her embrace. Tina's warm body lied against her nakedness; it all felt like a dream-state still. Chrissie sighed against the bare-chested woman. Her breathing was steadily paced while Elizabeth gathered up all of her thoughts collectively. Christina lied there still &amp; quiet while she absorbed the moment they had shared together of intimacy.

"Tina?" Bette bit her bottom lip. All she wanted to do was relive this day; and night together with the woman she had helplessly fallen in love with. The feelings had grown expotentinally; over time and it all collided and made total sense last night. Helena's declarations &amp; self truths were a gift to them in a way. Freer than ever; there was no hestiation on Chrisse's part to make love finally. This twenty nine year old had risen up from adversity; and took her life back. Candace; Jodi and Brenda could no longer hold the torch that kept Tina so dim-lit all of these years later.

"Yes?" The blonde replied. Bette instinctively wrapped herself up into this woman a bit more tightly. Elizabeth wasn't quite sure what to say at first. Her nervousness; no matter how small could be felt from Tina. The future executive and all she could be felt it while she closed her eyes. Nervous herself if Bette had felt sorry; she felt a kiss instead. "I am so proud of you. All you've accomplished to get this far. I am really in awe of you." Elizabeth remarked. Her compliments made Tina's heart swell in so much joy &amp; happiness. These were the parts of the woman she adored the most. The simplistic natures of their relationship; and just how easy it felt to be with Porter in ways; in ways she had always dreamt to be with someone.

"You are? I sometimes pinch myself you know?" Tee wiggled her nose. This immaculate gem of a woman sparkled against faint sunlight while Bette felt a tear-droplet slither down her face. It landed upon the nape of her neckline. "And what do you need to pinch yourself over eh? I should be the one to pinch myself." Christina curled an eyebrow. Bette sneaked a peek at this adorable natured woman. A woman that come so far; so far from darkness &amp; despair; only to rise up from it all. The self harm would be left behind her. No more shards of glass would ever touch her beautiful skin ever again. Elizabeth draped the little scars with her finger-tips and kisses them.

"I used to believe I needed to be healed; so someone could see me the way you do." Tina replied. Bette continued to kiss her; kiss her scars and skin tenderly. "I'd imagine it all you know? Helena would be that person but you see…" Porter lifted up her face to see the woman turn around and unveil a slew of tears &amp; smile. This took Bette by surprise while Chrissie shook that face of hers.

"I was wrong. I was so wrong about a lot back then. I didn't realize it then though;" "You couldn't have known. Honey; her friends were like snakes in the grass. Helena could have stood up to them. I need you to know it wasn't or ever will be your fault." Eyes darted back and forth while she simply nodded.

"I owe you so much." Tears falter while the surgeon; so modest in her convictions shook her face in full dismissal mode. "No; now what do I owe the pleasure of that eh? I owe you. I will always owe you Tina." Bette replied. Tina curled an eyebrow; while her forehead crinkled. "What?" The doorknob proceeded to turn a little while eyes sparkled back at the reflection of sunlight barely; barely there upon that golden hair. The hair she loved to have all around her while they made love. So in-sync together; she moved inwards and whispered.

"I'm grateful you opened up yourself to me." Bette simply replied while a pair of eyes; got a first glimpse. A glimpse of a couple ready; ready to embark on all of these 'new' adventures together at last. Yoda thought she heard Bette's voice; while Alice &amp; Shane stayed quiet and shut the door; to give them further privacy.

"It happened; it finally happened; Al. Our dear friend; is in-love; and with the right woman." Shane smiled; while AL held flowers; while she looked at a friend &amp; sister in a lot of ways. "This calls for a celebration; once Tee is out of here; and in the arms of her one true love; Bette." Yoda only nodded while they both stood by the doorway. Meanwhile; Dr. Lewis &amp; Peterson; came a little early; to talk with Tina; about a progress report soon. If they only knew; the progress Tina would make; wouldn't be shown on any paperwork; no it would be shown through the eyes of the woman that holds her soul. In a story; where love can really heal; and make you see yourself in ways you never believed before; more than ever.

CHAPTER 60*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – PLEASE TELL ME I CAN STAY IN YOUR ARMS FOREVER? – MORNING LIGHT CONTINUED;

Weathering storms; vibrant colors appeared; that lithe brown mess of curls; shined so elegantly. Such a gallant sight for eyes; eyes that have endured &amp; seen her fair share of pain &amp; anguish. Christina slowly stirred in her peaceful slumber; while eyelids flutter open and shut. The realities of this moment; 'their' moment to put it quite boldly; for her was a delight to share; a triumphant in a lot of ways. "I am proud of you;" Bette remarks. Tee heard that faint breath escape those lips. Such a sweet sound after a night of bliss &amp; passion. This combination was lethal while her swore &amp; aching muscles had felt it but the aftermath was worth it to one Tina Kennard. Bette Louise Porter was indeed worth the twenty nine years; she had waited patiently to share herself; all of herself too one woman in particular. "You are? What did I do?" Tee asked. Absentmindly; over her own progress; this progression to get 'well' and she knew 'well' for others meant a different definition and to her; it just meant being able to look at herself in the mirror without the urge to break the glass into a million pieces. Those thoughts swam while her thoughts were momentarily interrupted. Hands fitted perfectly; quite too perfectly while her smile returned to that beautiful face of hers.

"I used to believe; believe a future with love in it was impossible." Bette trails off. Tina quietly heard her out. In admiration over such a woman. This woman that offered her heart &amp; love so freely to her; without any reservations. "AL &amp; Shaney; used to tell me it was because I was afraid of letting anyone else in this." Bette pointed to her lion heart. That beating organ that loved only one woman. In her whole entire life; she had too waited to give herself away to only one person. "I'd run and run away; and I asked myself sometimes; why am I alone? Then I realized; you were always it. I just hadn't met you yet." Elizabeth finished. Tee absorbed the words while Bette looked at her with tears. "If you're not the one; then I do not want to be right; you make me feel whole. And that is something I only ever dreamt about feeling; and you make me dream about a future. I love you; Tina Kennard; and I hope you're the only one I share my life with." Tee swallowed while voices could be heard. She took a moment to recollect herself while Shane's voice could be heard in protective mode.

"I am sure; Elizabeth Porter; will be right inside of Tee's room." Shaney remarked. Tee's eyebrows curled upwards. Elizabeth gasped while her chest heaved up and down. This sight was all too much for Ms. Kennard to bear. "Ladies; ladies; I realize this is a very sensitive situation. And I do not mean to startle Ms. Kennard. Though; Elizabeth did say; we could oversee her care; while she was out and about. Now; I am sure Dr. Porter; will not mind at all if I evualate Ms. Kennard myself; and assis the situation we're dealing with; right Mr. Peterson?" Martha Lewish asked Partrick Peterson; while he frowned at his notes and looked at his colleague. "I am not sure; I mean what if we set back her progression? Tina; has been writing in her room; let's just wait and see if Elizabeth will be back today; and we'll go from there." He asked while she shook her face dismissively. A scowl face was given at the doctors while AL stepped in.

"I am sorry; if you cannot understand English." Dr. Lewis furrowed a brow. Martha glared at Alice quite annoyingly; while she took off her dark-rhimmed glasses. "What on earth are you babbling on about? I can understand English quite well; Ms?" The blonde growled while she evoked quite angrily.

"Ms. Pieszecki; and you seriously cannot understand simplistic English can you? Do you have trouble with comprehension as well?" Martha huffed. "Are you quite finished?" "I have no idea; are you done with your annoyance &amp; ignorance. Tina is a special patient here and Bette is the only one allowed to oversea her care." Shane interjected. "Yeah. So; why don't you go; and take care of someone else." Dr. Patrick grim expression said it all. "Perhaps; this is a bad time?" He asked while Martha huffed and grabbed for the locked door-knob.

"HEY!" Alice shrieked. Meanwhile inside a pair of slacks were placed onwards while a bare breast was kissed. "Are you alright? I need to make sure you're okay with what happened here last night." Bette asked. In hopes it was all okay still; while Tina's insecurities seem to have withered a bit with each and every touch this woman gave to her. The adoration was strong enough to break any darkness that threatened to drown her again so to speak. "I am. I am because I have you with me by my side; to protect me always." Tee confesses.

Elizabeth's heart swelled up; even though it was a romantic moment. She knew; she couldn't always be there to protect her one true one. No more false sense of hope; while she knew Tee needed to trust herself. "I love you." Bette vocalized. She reached for the doorknob and silently thought to herself.

"I can do this. I can help her; not depend on me so much and show her; what a strong woman she is on her own too; I'll show you baby. I'll show you; you give me strength." Bette thought.

Dr. Peterson fixed his glasses while AL shrieked freaked out. "YOU CANNOT GO IN THERE. I MEAN WHAT IF TINA IS STILL SLEEPY; NAPPY; YOU KNOW? WHAT IF SHE HAS BAD MORNING BREATH. STINKY; MORNING BREATH. I MEAN WE ALL HAVE IT RIGHT YODA?" Shane curled an eyebrow upwards.

"Fuck off; how would you even know that?" Shane replied while Bette smirked. Her giggle resounded quite amused by her friends antics at this present moment in time. "Oh; because we all do; we all do;" Dr. Lewis pursed her lips in confusion. "Um; hi Ms. Porter;" Dr. Peterson curled an eyebrow and sneaked a peek inside.

"Hello! Tina is just fine; we had a little progress last night. I think things are progressing quite rapidly; at a pace that is good for Tina &amp; I." Bette remarked with a smile. An evident smile Yoda couldn't contain her glee about. "Is that so; is that what they call it these days?" She smirked while AL chimed in. "Great therapy session; eh there Bette?" AL winked while Porter shook her face while Tee came out of the room. Instinctively; she wrapped her arms around the woman she adored &amp; loved with all of her heart and soul.

"It was a great time AL. I recommend it. Though; just not with Bette." She winked while AL smiled. Shane smiled while she looked at the two and thought. "So fucking cute; so cute." If they only knew; a bright road was definitely in the cards for two women indeed.

CHAPTER 61*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – BETTER TIMES TO COME – MORNING CONTINUES;

THE TREES ARE KIND OF LIKE ME; BY TINA KENNARD – PRESENT TIME; MORNING AFTER SUCH AN INTENSE TURN OF EVENTS

Realizations; an ephinany happened to me last night; I see it all so clearly now. And I see myself; so truthfully; like these tree's, some fall; some die; but they always come back to life; once again. I am like these trees; a tree that was once broken; now watered up; given some feeder; and now stronger than ever. Though; unlike these tree's, I have scars; like the dried up bark some may have; these scars will always linger; but it's the one I trusted to see them; that means more to me. Tina crinkled her nose while Elizabeth read onwards. "It's in this realization; I realize even though my mental illness has no 'cure' I can go on; and be like these vibrant trees and still live. I can deal with the scars and mend them up. I can be one with society and not let someone's views influence mines. I am stronger and better than I was before I got her. I am a better woman because of someone too." Elizabeth choked up. Danielle arose and clapped in elation. "This is quite splendid. Group; aren't we all proud of Tina's progress? I certaintly am." Bette turned to look at the once shy gal. Shane &amp; Alice were outside by the courtyard with lunch for the pair once group therapy was over. Socalization classes would begin at 5pm and Bette really wanted to focus on Tina's dependency; but seeing her just now. It would take a lightening strike to separate them ever again. "I realize she has to do better on her own too; concerning social situations. I mean all of this began with Helena's stupid arrogance and I need to be better than her. Let Tina make decisions and see being out &amp; about isn't always so ugly or confrontational." Bette sighed while Tee took a deep breath.

"Thank you; everyone. I am trying; and with Bette by my side. I feel like I can do anything." Tina remarks. Bette felt a squeeze to the hand while Dr. Porter arose.

"I believe it's lunch time Danny;" Bette called Danielle by her nickname. The fellow Doctor smiled while she agreed. "My stomach is growling and my wife is probably outside already. So; let's all go out to the courtyard and see our family &amp; friends and chow down okay?" She knew it would always be struggle; for those that suffered from anoxeria to eat. It was in these times; to take baby-steps. Tina looked at Joanna who appeared alone while she nudged Bette. "Do you think we can invite Jo; to our little lunch with AL &amp; Shaney? I think she's lonely." Tee observed. On the peak of tears; Dr. Porter saw the growth in her partner immediately; while a smile graced her beautiful face.

"I love you; you know that?" Bette said so freely; while Tina smiled absorbing the moment. "Um; Jo;" Tina crinkled her nose; while Jo looked to the blonde. She tucked her hair back. "Oh; hi Tina. That was a lovely poem you shared." She remarked while Tina just smiled shyly. "Do you want to have lunch with me and my girlfriends friends?"

Tee asked totally oblivious to what this meant while Bette's heart skipped a beat. "She's your girlfriend? Wow!" Jo; smiled shyly while Bette scrunched her nose at Tina. "I am." The subtle cuteness to Bette's demeanor made Tina swoon while she shook her face side to side.

"Yeah; I mean if you want too…" Tina felt a strong clasp to the hand. "Jo; please have lunch with us?" Bette asked. Jo smiled while she simply nodded.

"Thank you; I feel like such a loser sometimes because my family; doesn't bother to visit me here." Jo said quite saddened. Tina shook her face and just said with warmth. "Well; I don't know much about your family; Jo. Though; we're all family here and I would greatly appreciate it; be honored to share your company." Tina stated while Jo smiled. Bette &amp; Tina walked with Jo back to the courtyyard.

Meanwhile in the courtyard. Two goobers; make plans for a very special couple; once they are out of the facility. The sun was gleeful while Shane remarked with a chipper-smie.

"It's time AL." AL agreed while Shane smiled. "I hope B &amp; T like this; I mean…they deserve to be happy;" "Hell yes; and with that stupid Helena bitch out of the way. B &amp; T can finally move forward." If the two only knew how true that sentitment was indeed.

CHAPTER 62*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – FAMILY HOUR – LUNC TIME; I CAN BE THE GIRL TO HEAL YOU; YOU'RE WORTH IT

Evergreen terrist was filled up; dressed up with pretty white lilies; purple and some yellow flowers. Darkness didn't appear around here while a woman stepped out slowly. Her eyes closed while she smiled and revealed a wide eyed smile. McCtcheon stood proudly from the other end; and extended a hand to her. "Wow; you look ravishing; where is your lady?" AL asked while Shane just looked at her friend in pride. "Wow; love works for you; Tina. I see it all over your face; you're truly happy aren't you?" No assumptions; it was the utmost truth &amp; sincerely knew; this would be a journey; to get to a better place in her life; no more reservations; or holding back from her end. "It's not such a bad thing to fall in love with Bette." Tina said to herself while a heart felt like it could leap out of it's chest. Tears impend to spill out of another woman while she quietly observed from afar with Jo. "You really do love her huh?" Jo asked shyly; so sure herself she was gay; afraid to come out of the closest while there was so much at stake; if her family could ever accept her. Her hatred for herself went far beyond her sexuality. Bette saw this deep pain &amp; anger. "What is it sweetie?" Bette asked her; not as a surgeon or a doctor; but as someone she could depend on as a friend; perhaps Jo; never felt that before.

"I'm fine." Jo fixed her hair while this all sounded too familiar. "Right; you sure?" Bette knew it was better not to press the matter; but wanted to help Jo; along the way if she wanted it. The first step to recovery is to want help; and not have it forced upon you; and it seemed genuine she wanted it from the start or else; she could have checked out at any point. A pair of friends waved them over. Elizabeth extended a hand. "I am not the enemy; Jo. Whatever it is; you can fight it and be a better person; I have faith in you. And I know it's not my place; but you must believe in yourself; before anyone else can but I do. I &amp; Tina do; and we can help you." Elizabeth stated. Jo walked slowly with Bette. "I think I'm gay." Jo said softly; while Bette just smiled and looked at her sincerely.

"When I first came out. My father went blaslistic." Bette recalled. Her eyes welled up; while Jo looked down at the colored titled pavement. "How did he ever come to accept you &amp; Ms. Kennard as a couple then? If you don't mind me asking that is Ms. Porter." Bette looked at her while a tear smeared her face. "He didn't get to meet her." Bette softly replied. Her face frowned at the response while Jo proceeded it. "He died; a long time ago;" Bette replied while Tina's voice broke them out of the memory lane discussion. Jo felt terribly; while Bette puts on a smile. "Hi baby; Shaney brought us some Thai food; Alice got us some chocolates; they're imported from France." Tina licked her lips. Bette giggled; while Jo saw this protective nature; Bette held up; like armor; nothing would touch her so she could remain in control.

"She's really the rock in their relationship; so strong &amp; steady; let's Tina cry on her shoulder. I wonder; if she'd let someone comfort her. She needs to let Tina do that for her; too." Jo observed while she was very insecure herself; back home there was someone she could see herself allowing inside. Though; sometimes love isn't enough; but fairytales can exist. "I am so happy; are you?" Tina asked. Bette thought about her father; and how he always said she'd never find a partner; she'd end up like him; sad and alone; and full of regret. Her smile widened when she came to realize; realizing falling in love wasn't such a bad thing at all. "I am; I really am; come here." Bette grabbed a hold of her Tina; and kisses her passionately. The doctors; from afar saw the kissing two-some and clapped; cheering them onwards.

Sunshine; brought upon two women; that had faced so much darkness; had come so far; this was definitely the beginning of something wonderful &amp; beautiful; in realization she wasn't a beautiful disaster; just a beautiful girl; finally realizing there is so much more to life; than just the past &amp; pain.

CHAPTER 63*

OAKWOOD FACILITY – I AM STARTING TO BELIEVE YOU; THAT I AM WORTH IT ALL

Free By Tina Judith Kennard;

Seasons change; lovers come and go; people exit your life; and some new faces appear. All of these constant changes; used to terrify me. I am not a simple woman. I am flawed; and yet in her eyes; through her soul &amp; heart she tells me things; "All I want from you; is you. Tomorrow; is not another expectation from you; no promises that will be broken. I will not be the one that breaks you up; cuts your heart apart. I'll be the one to show you; I am worth it." She says; in my dreams I used to imagine a woman like this; and how could she even be real? Life like in her tall stacher; her stance was gallant while she stood from afar; Dr. Jacobson &amp; Peterson drove down to make a progress report. Bette smiled effortlessly; her heart tipper-tappers at the mere image of her girlfriend. I can't believe you're mine truly. I am yours; I gave my all to you; my body and heart and you didn't resake it or hurt me. In return you stole my love and now I am so proud to call you my lover. I am proud to have shared my all with you and you showed me you deserved me from the very start. Elizabeth; I love you. Tee wiggled her nose while Dr. Porter giggles while she made a bee-line for the hallway back to Chrissie's room. Tear-droplets fell while those voices didn't seem to return while it dawned on her.

"I was my own worst enemy; I allowed myself to manifest these voices. I allowed them to dictate my world for so long. I will no longer hold myself hostage anymore. I am a free woman. Jo; will see with my example it's all possible. I can and will be a better woman from here on out." Tina puffs out her chest in pride. Bette smirked while she eyed this delicious woman. "My; my; what do I owe such a lovely greeting Ms. Kennard?" Porter teases. Worried Tee wasn't ready for a little playful banter. The socialization classes would take time to ease into. She'd hope Chrstina would soon figure out real life wasn't at all terrible &amp; Helena and company wouldn't ever be a bothersome to her life anymore. "I am sorry; is it too soon for me to be a total goober Tee?" Bette asked. Her crimson red cheeks amused one woman. Those stary eyes; those eyelashes batted twice before she re-saw what she always knew to be true. "I love you." Effortlessly; Tee said it again. "I love your patience and how much you've strided to get me to a better place. People make promises &amp; sometimes break them but you're a different woman and you truly believe I am worth it." Tee paused. Bette replied with the simplistic truth. "You are. You're worth it. I love you; it's free and there is no need to reassure me you're going to get there. Mental Illness isn't something you get a cure for. It's something we both live with and I am there to tell you I get it. I'll fight your bad days with you. If the voices want to start their shit. I'll tell them to fuck off for the both of us. If you struggle once to look at a mirror; let me know. If you need the lights turned off; I can do that for you. All of this will be a challenege; but it's not a bad thing because we all have obstacles in life. Yours are just unqiue but I wouldn't trade you in for all of the mundane women in all of Los Angeles. I'd rather have you then some twink that doesn't know the value of REAL beauty. A woman that doesn't know; or realize her own beauty is way more attractive than one that does because I can tell you. I can be the voice you need to tell you; you are that woman for me. I love you; too." Bette vocalizes.

Chrissies gasps were louder than expected and grabbed a hold of the woman. "Tina." Bette groaned. "I think it's time for our special therapy sessions don't you agree Dr. Porter?" Tina bites the earlobe gently. Elizabeth curled an eyebrow. Arms swung across her neck and held her lover closer. "Do you agree? I need a more hands on experience." Tee eyed those melons she longed to see in the flesh again.

Bette giggled wildly; "Wow;" Bette giggled while Tee blushed. "What?" A flustered Tee was cute while Bette stepped inside of the dorm-like room.

"Oh." Bette paused while Tina lightly tickled her with a tongue flick to the lips. "Are you going to laugh again? I find this not so funny; it's serious business; a lot of business to take of." Tina hinted to such a sexual inneudo. Porter lifted an eyebrow while Tina cackles it up. "What?" Bette giggled it up also while Tee just smiled at her. "I am happy." Tina replied to her while Bette nodded and closes the door behind them.

"I am glad; I am so glad." Bette responded and lifted up the woman she called home. "I am glad;" Tina replied sweetly; while Bette took them both to the bed and fell on top of each other giggling. "I am glad I unhinged such a sex-fiend." Bette winked while Tina toppled her. "Ooh; you surely believe that eh?" "Ooh; but I do." Bette feasted onto those lips; while passions ignite; as a pair of women enjoy their new journey towards a little thing called 'happiness.'

I love your patience you've had with me. The way you and the girls move heaven and earth to help me. This place is wonderful &amp; the fact Mama M &amp; J love and adore you makes all of this ten times easier to go through. The hell I've put them through also has been one to endure and I can only hope to be the daughter they someday deserve." If she only knew; she always was; and would slowly but surely figure this out all on her own indeed.

CHAPTER 64*

DREAMS COMING TRUE – HER LOVE WAS FREE FROM THE START – NO HESTIATION BY TINA JUDITH KENNARD;

An abyss; a deep sea; swimming freer than ever before. I spread my arms across the shorlines; vigirously fighting oceans; upon oceans of heavy water; wanting to swallow me up whole. Once upon a time ago; I nearly drowned in that dark sea; those dark seas that threatened to take my own life. I feared; I feared a lot; but I realize now; I can't be afraid to live. Hurt happens; but I realize she won't cut my heart open and make me bleed. I just need to believe I am worth it. I need to love myself as much as I love her. The glorious doctor; this surgeon that wouldn't cut me or change me. I am freer; I am so in love and I realize now; it wasn't such a bad idea to fall in love; with you Elizabeth. Tears stained her pillow. Tina's heart of hearts stared down at her nakedness. "Do you like it? I wasn't too poetic was I? I hate to illustrate; use to many words. I hate to pepper stuff but I really needed to convey it you know? This impact your love and life has put on mines. I am happier with you but I realize to gain true happiness; I need to earn it on my own. I do realize; I realize now; I can happy; but I need you too. I love you; I love you for just sticking with me through it all. Through the attempted suicide; Helena mostly and just you not running away from us and standing up for me against it all. All odds; all the demons; those voices too; and I need you to know and realize; no matter what happens. I'll never ever; forget what you've done for me. I love you; Elizabeth Porter; you make me want to be a better woman and I'd like it to be us; just us together to fight it all together." This woman lied there fully exposed. Her heart was laying it all out there on the line.

The future was scary to one Elizabeth but a future without Ms. Kennard was no option indeed. "I wouldn't dream; dare let you go. I just found you Chrissie. You are worth it. I saw it the moment our eyes laid sights on each other. You've spent so much of your time on a woman not even worth your thoughts. Though; you stood up to them bullies; like Helena. I am so grateful; so elated; so blissfully happy you chose me to love back. I am honored to have your heart and you have mines; I need you to know that. You've always had from the very first moment you let me see your face. The light hit it so effortlessly; your eyes sparkled for me and I believe you allowed them to shine for only me right?" Bette scooted closer. Christina gasps while a breath was felt upon her neck-line.

"I wanted you. I wanted you then; like I do again right now." Elizabeth spoke truthfully. "No one; absolutely no one has ever made me feel as wanted as you do. I love you; Bette. The broken promises ended the moment you entered my arms; my life; it became ours; you made me dream and I didn't need too anymore. You were the lost treasure I sought out for and I fell so hard. I had no chance did I? In your eyes; in your presence. I am completely unraveled." "I love you." Bette vocalizes; while arms wrapped around her bare back. Her muscluar muscles; flexed; twitched; trembled while hands found themsleves on a certain pelvic-line bone.

"Fuck!" Surgeon Porter groaned. Tee slightly blushed. "I did this? I made you this wet?" Tina admired. A whiff was taken while her fingers dabbled onto the moist center. "Teenah." "I want you." Tee dominance was only the natural occurance while Bette looked at the woman once so shy; she had grown up into a woman before her very eyes. "I want you. I want it all. I want you and I to take ourselves to places only you &amp; I can fulfill; for each others eyes &amp; bodies only. Do you want too with me Elizabeth? I need you to reply with a yes answer because a no; is not a solution." Bette smiled while she brought that vanilla hand down to her center that ached in anticipation.

"Do not stop; go slow; do not make me cum." Bette spoke seductively. Crimson red spurred on Porter's actions. "Do I make you flustered? Do I Tina? Do I make you hot &amp; bothered?" A gasp was heard while fingers teased the clit. "You make me very hot &amp; bothered. Very; you horny doctor of mines." Tina brought one of the mocha hands down to her center while Bette cried out and jumped onto the blonde.

Their bodies merged while Tee felt legs pried to their respective sides. "AH! Bette; you're going to…" "No; I told you. You don't make me cum; and I won't make you cum…yet." Porter devoured those lips while Tina's firm nipples rubbed against Bette's hard chest.

"Fuck me." Tina purred while Bette smiled in between passionate kisses. "Oh Teenah; this can be arranged; just make sure not to write about this in your progress reports." A smirk appeared while Tee thought to herself. "Not even how much of a great lover you areeeee." Tina groaned while two lovers merged; stronger than ever. If the pair only knew; this was only the beginning; to a healing process; one woman would soon never forget &amp; be grateful for indeed.

CHAPTER 65*

DARING MYSELF TO MOVE FORWARD – BY TINA KENNARD – NO LONGER ALLOWING MY SCARS; TO CONTROL ME

I used to believe; believe I deserved my type of fate. The flesh; this flesh I cut up; was somehow telling me to kill all of the naysayers; thoughts about me. Dr. Porter wiggled her nose. It was quite incredible to not feel anything; and you ask yourselves; but how Tina? How can you not feel nothing; when you're basically cutting yourself? I bled; yes; but only to show those I am actually a human being; behind this hideous person I once thought myself to be.

Christina's eyelids moisten while Dr, Porter read onwards. Their hands clasped tighter to one another. I get it all now; the voices; it was me protecting myself from real life; and a potential monster trying to hurt me again; like those people once did. Brenda; Jodi and Candace; all laughing at her self harm scars. It was childish; and harmful; while she knew on the inside they were all self righteous; assholes. On the inside they didn't deserve her second thought. "I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again." The surgeon states quite boldly. A tear fell astray from that vanilla face. Moments; seconds of silence between two hearts while the class saw the evident love in their eyes. Dan &amp; Denise; specialists in socialzation classes were in awe of the progression of this young woman so fast. Though; they both knew there was never going to be a 'cure' and Bette Porter didn't care. If it meant to have Tina in any compacity; love makes you move mountains and she'd move heaven and earth to remind her everyday; how spectacular she was. "I am not afraid anymore because of you. All of the reasons why I let the voices control my life before you are gone. It's like they quieted down or I allowed them too. I am not on pins and needles; while I await the next shoe to drop."

Bette swallowed hard. "I love you so much. I don't think you know understand how much I love you; so. Though; I can show you forever. If you allow me the great honor of doing so?" Their lips were so close to one another. "Ms. Porter; I'd like nothing more than to share the rest of my life with you." A smile broke out while the two lightly kissed one another. Their tongues massaged one anothers as Denise blushed and began to cough a bit.

"Ladies!" She smiled while a blush appeared on both of their faces. "Oops; sorry Denise; I forgot we were even here. I just see her; in a room is all. It's all about you." Tina's face lit up while Daniel arose; with objects. "Alright! Tina; Bette; and everyone; we're so happy about your progression and because of that. We want to make sure; when you do finally leave here. I and Denise can help you with some of your anxietys about going out in public alone. Does anyone want to practice with me? We've got a real life cash register here; some grocery items; who wants to 'pretend' persay; how they would normally go to a grocery store?"

He awaited an answer while Tee blushed profusely.

"I've never been to one."

Bette looked at the woman and squeezed her hand.

"I can help;" Porter squeezes her hand and whispered.

"Let's be grocery store non virgins together?" Christina crinkled her nose and began to giggle.

"Oh Bette!" "I love you." She leaned in while Tina smiled and yelped a little ecstatic to finally get out of here and start her new life with one Bette Porter. If the two only knew; an unexpected visitor; would finally bring some closure to Bette's past.

While two women finally; finally have a future that is appearing a lot brighter than ever before indeed in a superficial place but not in their hearts.


End file.
